(no subject)
After a few ridiculously awful weeks, it took making myself physical ill last night to realize things aren't as bad as I make them out to be. This job, while being crappy pay and crappy work? It's in a good office, with great people and it's a stepping stone to where I want my life to go. I just have to stick it out until the right time and I've been promised the job of my dreams. It's coming; I just need to be patient. Some people spend ten years working their guts out to climb the ladder, where I just have to sit around being bored out of my skull until the job I'm aiming for comes up. So this fucking town, as much as I hate it? This is where I'll cut my teeth and learn by doing and then I'll get to move away a better and wiser person than I arrived being.
On another note? My cold feet? They're now nice and warm and toasty. I think when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you just know, deep down you're so sure. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard, because it is. And it doesn't mean there isn't work, because my god there is. But I'm no peach, I'm stubborn, bitchy and sometimes totally irrational just because. I’m totally neurotic, paranoid and psycho on at least a daily basis. I’m not easy to live with, but we just work.
I think when you’re in a relationship and you decide you want to stay in that same relationship forever, you go through a period of almost romanticizing being single, well I know I did. I thought about the ‘ones that got away’ and the things I might be missing out on. I worried that my guy wasn’t the guy I wanted to kiss forever. But I suddenly remembered what a shallow, hurtful, disappointing and fucked up world being single was for me. It was fun at times, but mostly it was lonely. I remember just wanting someone to understand me, to look past what was skin deep and fall in love with my heart and soul. Someone who made me want to write heartwarming love stories. Someone who wanted to travel the world with me and have adventures. Someone who likes it when I don’t do my hair and don’t wear makeup. Someone who understands I need ‘me’ time and that I’m a big dorky nerd at heart and not only accepts it, but enjoys it. Well I have that and I know that makes me lucky beyond belief.
The thing I'd forgotten, that I learned so long ago, is that no one is ever going to be exactly who you want them to be. People that you want to care about you can be selfish and self centered, hypocritical and naive. People come and go and they hurt you so badly and never even notice. I forgot this and I forgot I'm lucky, I have a partner who would do anything and go anywhere to make me happy. I have friends who I made my family a long time ago. Then a real family who while aren't perfect, always did their best. I have remembered how shallow the world is and I think I prefer mine.
It took a good mental shake for me to realize: Everything I need, I already have and everything I want will come to me when I’m ready to receive it.
On another note? My cold feet? They're now nice and warm and toasty. I think when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you just know, deep down you're so sure. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard, because it is. And it doesn't mean there isn't work, because my god there is. But I'm no peach, I'm stubborn, bitchy and sometimes totally irrational just because. I’m totally neurotic, paranoid and psycho on at least a daily basis. I’m not easy to live with, but we just work.
I think when you’re in a relationship and you decide you want to stay in that same relationship forever, you go through a period of almost romanticizing being single, well I know I did. I thought about the ‘ones that got away’ and the things I might be missing out on. I worried that my guy wasn’t the guy I wanted to kiss forever. But I suddenly remembered what a shallow, hurtful, disappointing and fucked up world being single was for me. It was fun at times, but mostly it was lonely. I remember just wanting someone to understand me, to look past what was skin deep and fall in love with my heart and soul. Someone who made me want to write heartwarming love stories. Someone who wanted to travel the world with me and have adventures. Someone who likes it when I don’t do my hair and don’t wear makeup. Someone who understands I need ‘me’ time and that I’m a big dorky nerd at heart and not only accepts it, but enjoys it. Well I have that and I know that makes me lucky beyond belief.
The thing I'd forgotten, that I learned so long ago, is that no one is ever going to be exactly who you want them to be. People that you want to care about you can be selfish and self centered, hypocritical and naive. People come and go and they hurt you so badly and never even notice. I forgot this and I forgot I'm lucky, I have a partner who would do anything and go anywhere to make me happy. I have friends who I made my family a long time ago. Then a real family who while aren't perfect, always did their best. I have remembered how shallow the world is and I think I prefer mine.
It took a good mental shake for me to realize: Everything I need, I already have and everything I want will come to me when I’m ready to receive it.