Another Internal Dialogue
I thought you weren’t coming.
I actually surprised myself showing up here.
Thank you for coming.
Curiosity always gets the better of me. I’m curious on what you have to say.
I actually don’t know what to say. I practiced this in my head a thousand times but I still don’t know what to say. I guess some things never change.
Yeah. Some.
---- I heard you’re taking your MA?----
Yeah. Planning. -Congrats on placing 8th.
Huh? Um, thanks. -- how did you know?
Therese. She told me.
I see. - You know it didn’t really make me jump with joy the way I pictured it would.
Some things turn out to be far from what we picture them to be.
Yeah, you’re right. As always. You’ve always been right on things and I was just too stubborn not to listen. And for that I suffer.
Suffer? For what exactly? You don’t look like someone who’s suffering to me.
Have you forgotten I have a talent for hiding?
Some talent you have.
----
If you think I never thought of you since that day. You were wrong. You were always on my thoughts. You and Ron.
There it was at last --said out loud-his downfall, her pride.
I sent you pictures. You never reacted.
I didn’t know how. But I tried. God knows I tried to reach out. But every time I did, fear gripped me. I’m scared of you.
Oh yeah? Why?
Because your sense of self make me rethink of who I really am. Because I know that seeing you will remind me of how inadequate I am, how coward I’d been. That’s how I feel now. And I don’t like it.
Well-I don’t like how you made me feel three years back either.
I know. I’m sorry. I really am.
It’s all over now. There’s no use in talking about it.
But there is. We have Ron.
Funny how you’re the one who points that out now…
Like I said it never left my mind.
So what do you want now?
I want to do anything that would make you forgive me. I want to be a father to Ron.
I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. You don’t have to do anything. But I’m not yet ready to welcome you in his life. Not yet.
And with that she gathered herself and walked away. The wheel has turned.
I actually surprised myself showing up here.
Thank you for coming.
Curiosity always gets the better of me. I’m curious on what you have to say.
I actually don’t know what to say. I practiced this in my head a thousand times but I still don’t know what to say. I guess some things never change.
Yeah. Some.
---- I heard you’re taking your MA?----
Yeah. Planning. -Congrats on placing 8th.
Huh? Um, thanks. -- how did you know?
Therese. She told me.
I see. - You know it didn’t really make me jump with joy the way I pictured it would.
Some things turn out to be far from what we picture them to be.
Yeah, you’re right. As always. You’ve always been right on things and I was just too stubborn not to listen. And for that I suffer.
Suffer? For what exactly? You don’t look like someone who’s suffering to me.
Have you forgotten I have a talent for hiding?
Some talent you have.
----
If you think I never thought of you since that day. You were wrong. You were always on my thoughts. You and Ron.
There it was at last --said out loud-his downfall, her pride.
I sent you pictures. You never reacted.
I didn’t know how. But I tried. God knows I tried to reach out. But every time I did, fear gripped me. I’m scared of you.
Oh yeah? Why?
Because your sense of self make me rethink of who I really am. Because I know that seeing you will remind me of how inadequate I am, how coward I’d been. That’s how I feel now. And I don’t like it.
Well-I don’t like how you made me feel three years back either.
I know. I’m sorry. I really am.
It’s all over now. There’s no use in talking about it.
But there is. We have Ron.
Funny how you’re the one who points that out now…
Like I said it never left my mind.
So what do you want now?
I want to do anything that would make you forgive me. I want to be a father to Ron.
I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. You don’t have to do anything. But I’m not yet ready to welcome you in his life. Not yet.
And with that she gathered herself and walked away. The wheel has turned.