CM recap for "Sense Memory"
Yeah, I know. I'm skipping about 7 episodes here. I do plan on getting around to the ones that I've missed, but I wanted to recap this episode first, because it's a bit more recent (i.e. easier for my puny brain to recall), and because it was an interesting one.
So we have another case in LA. Something tells me that budget cuts at CBS might be responsible for this.
Knowing from the promo that this episode is about "the scent of a woman", the choice of opening song seems a bit heavy-handed. Still, how can I hear the words "can you smell the funk" and not smile?
Hello there, soon-to-be-victim-lady. You sure are pushy when it comes to getting inside that cab. This wouldn't really concern me so much if you hadn't just witnessed your potential chauffeur holding a small glass tube up close to his face and inhaling deeply. Just so you know, this isn't the type of activity that the average cabdriver typically engages in. Y'know... unless he's a crack addict. It's okay, though; you won't really require any of this information for future reference, as the concept of "future" is something you needn't worry yourself over.
Another piece of advice: When the cabdriver appears to have an immediate orgasmic epiphany upon sniffing your B.O., and then violently barks at you to "get in," the normal-person reaction is: "Hmm... THAT was weird. Maybe I SHOULDN'T get in." But hey, like I said... no worries. At least you'll know for your next life.
-Victim #1: "It must be my lucky night!" *giggles*
Ugghhh... *facepalm*
I have nothing more to say to this woman. Nothing.
Oh, hey... the cabdriver-unsub is another former peripheral character from Lost. That brings our Lost-alum Grand Total to... I think eight?
1)Libby
2)Mr. Friendly
3)Lapidus
4)Ethan
5)Bernard
6)Jacob
7)Young Ben
8)Bram
Am I missing any? If anyone finds more, I'll give them a virtual lollipop.
Now on to what we've been waiting for... EMILY FUCKING PRENTISS!
Prentiss is returning to her apartment. As she climbs the stairs, her neighbour, Cheryl sticks her head out the door and then wordlessly retreats back into her apartment as soon as she's acknowledged. Is there an excuse for such un-neighbourly behavoiur? Is Cheryl some sort of international spy whose job it is to keep tabs on Prentiss's hallway activities? If so, she's not exactly doing the best job of remaining inconspicuous.
Prentiss has a very nice apartment, complete with super-secret safe! She also has three passports, a USB memory stick, and a big ol' blacked-out document with her picture on it. She likes to take these things out every now and then and stare at them for a bit. As one would.
She's Belgian? Of course! How did I not realize this before?
It all makes sense now. :P
Sergio!
Someone phones and leaves a 10-second voicemail of SILENCE on Prentiss's machine. Clearly this means more to Emily than it does to me, because she gets all wide-eyed and goes into mega-paranoid mode as soon as the mystery caller hangs up. I get these kinds of voicemails all the time, only mine are usually 4 minutes long and sometimes feature my dad singing along to the radio in his truck.
Maybe Prentiss needs to call her father and tell him to lock the keys on his fucking blackberry.
I love that Emily keeps the passports, usb stick, and photos of her old Interpol buddies in the safe, but she keeps her gun in an unlocked drawer.
What follows is the most intense & creepy "searching my house for hidden badguys" scene since "100". She puts the table in front of the door, puts the vase on the edge of the table, sets herself up at the end of the hallway, turns off all the lights, and WAITS. What is she waiting for!??!?!?!? Emily, you are so fucking badass, and I love it so much. Does she even SLEEP? Probably not. Emily Prentiss laughs in the face of something as pointless as sleep.
Openingggg Credittttsssssssssssssssssss.....
Prentiss, you know I love you, but you're not being very smart about keeping your little secret. Telling people to "mind their own business" is essentially the most effective way of letting them know that something is wrong.
Morgan points out that they keep getting assigned to cases in LA. Hmmm.... I wonder why that is? /sarcasm.
Reid. I... *buries face in hands* You're so fucking cute sometimes. It's not even fair to the others.
Rossi should know by now that you never (even jokingly) use the words "Explain to me..." within 20 feet of Reid unless you're looking for a legit encyclopedic answer. Reid actually pauses and has to ask whether or not Rossi's question is rhetorical... and no one answers him!!!! :D And now the writers have me imagining a hypothetical "meeting" that might've taken place a few days prior in which the Team takes Reid aside and attempts to explain the concept once and for all:
-Hotch: "Reid, do you know what a rhetorical question is?"
-Reid: "A question asked in order to produce an effect or to make a statement rather than to elicit information."
-Rossi: "Riiiight... but do you know what it means?"
-Reid: "I just... told you..."
-Morgan: "Yeah, but we weren't exactly looking for the Wikipedia answer."
-Reid: "Actually, that particular definition comes from the concise Oxford English Dictionary, whereas Wikipedia defines the term "rhetorical question" as a figure of speech in the form of a question posed for its persuasive effect without the expectation of a reply. Hey, guys? Is this a test? Did I pass? Why are you all looking at me like that?"
And another thing. Someone needs to do a picspam of Morgan making this face (I'm sure there'd be enough screencaps from various episodes to justify the need for full-on spammage):
It's his "we must be patient with the genius because we love him" look.
Moving on...
Our unsub has a pretty wicked chemistry set. It even has a glass ball that's attached to a funnel that's attached to a really long spirally tube thing that's attached to a hose that's attached to a teeny tiny vial of liquid. I'm jealous.
Oh, please tell me he isn't going drink that. He's looking at it like he wants to drink it. I don't even know exactly what it is, but according to Hotch there was a dead body floating in it at one point. It can't possibly taste good, even to a psychopath.
Okay, he just sniffs it. That's... less weird, I guess.
And on the jet, Reid eliminates the Team's need for Google. This begs the question: Why is the BAU wasting money on iPads? Just so they can enjoy their gruesome crime scene photos in HD? Well, I suppose Reid doesn't exactly come in handy when you want to play Angry Birds. I'll give them that.
Reid then goes on to pwn Morgan with unnecessary geographical trivia. No one likes a show-off, Reid... especially Morgan (but don't worry. He's patient with you because he loves you):
Woman gets rewarded for smelling like onions, cigarettes, and bad perfume. Her reward: not drowning to death in methanol.
Excuse me while I go snack on some raw garlic.
For whatever reason, the foot/skin thing squicks me. Not as much as the toe-cutting thing in "Reflection of Desire", but enough to make me keep rubbing my feet against each other every few minutes and shuddering.
-Reid: "There's only one area on this map that the unsub hasn't hit. That means we can either eliminate it, or it's the one place left."
I'm gonna be brutally honest for a sec, Reid. You're supposed to be the map expert here. The mapster. The map-daddy. The topographical top dog. Is this REALLY the best you can do? Either he will or won't abduct his next victim from East LA??? I'm just saying... my friends didn't call ME a genius yesterday when I told them, "Guys, it's either going to rain tomorrow, or NOT."
Hotch guesses right away that the unsub is a taxi driver. Because he's Hotch. Your argument is invalid, cop-of-the-week.
Here comes Victim #3...
If Criminal Minds were a realistic microcosm of the world as a whole, the human race would essentially be doomed, because the ratio of females to males would be... like... 100:7. To further illustrate, here's a helpful bar graph I made using MS Paint:
And so another young woman enters the deathcab. Let's hope for her sake that she smells like wet dog and tuna sandwiches.
Nope. The cabdriver has another orgasmic epiphany, complete with visual hallucinations of meadows and bedsheets.
Why does his hallucination include fluffy dandelions? Those things don't smell good. They don't smell like anything. If you try to smell them, the fluffs just go up your nose and make you sneeze. And I know they definitely taste disgusting (just ask my 3-year-old self).
Piece of advice for Victim #3: Once you realize that some random guy clearly wants you to die, it's perfectly acceptable to forgo etiquette and stop calling him "sir".
It seems like Garcia's self-intros keep getting longer and longer. In the time it just took her to say hello to Morgan, Victim #3 might very well be dead.
Morgan doesn't really seem interested in flirting today. Am I imagining this? Maybe he's annoyed by Garcia's long-windedness. But that's okay...
He loves her. :3
LOL! It's like poor Reid already knows he's going to be left behind at the police station again, so he's gone ahead and conveniently placed himself out of everyone's way... on a countertop next to the coffee pot. Like he's just another kitchen appliance.
Ewwwwwww... the noise that the unsub just made after sniffing unconscious Victim#3 is unbelievably dirty and wrong. I'd say it's almost impossible to transcribe... but I'm gonna try anyway: "HHHUUUUUUUUUUNNNNGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGNNHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhuhhhhh!!!!!11"
Reid doesn't know who Lady Gaga is. It's also quite possible that he doesn't know what Twitter is. And I'm even further convinced that his home is located somewhere underneath the biggest rock in Virginia. Or maybe he lives here:
...in a basement suite. Or a bomb shelter. Or a cave.
-Morgan: "This guy could be anywhere."
Thanks, Morgan... but Reid and his Map already told us that.
Speaking of Reid, he's just had an epiphany (though sadly not an orgasmic one). He starts frantically flipping through papers on the table. Hotch notices this sudden change in his colleague's demeanour, and asks "What is it, Lassie Reid?"
The unsub is a scientist! And he's crazy. OMG he's a MAD SCIENTIST. This just keeps getting better. But hang on a sec... I thought mad scientists were supposed to look like this:
Why isn't the unsub wearing heavy duty gloves and safety goggles? Why do both of his (insipidly normal) pupils point in the same direction? Where is his lab coat? And his crazy hair? And his test tube of bubbles? Granted, we did see him holding an Erlenmeyer flask earlier, but I'm positive that no bubbles were to be found therein. Well, it's no wonder those girls had no idea he was dangerous. He's extremely well disguised.
He's making dip-candles! I used to make those in Girl Guides! But we used beeswax, not rendered human fat. This guy is like Girl Guides meets Tyler Durden.
Unsub tells Victim #3, "You're going to live forever," but she doesn't seem happy about it.
Profile time! And apparently it's opposite day in profile-land. The unsub is conspicuous, he won't insert himself into the investigation, and Hotch wants the story sent out to the media right away. I don't think this combination has ever occurred before on CM.
Haaah!! Reid pronounces the word "la-BOR-atory" almost as nerdishly as he pronounces "thee-AY-ter".
Morgan and Prentiss talk to Perfume-Onion-Cigarette lady (henceforth referred to as POC). She says she doesn't remember any specifics, but she DID manage to write down the last two digits of his cab number.
This woman is like the anti-Reid. You honestly have to write two 3s down on your hand so you won't forget them? I guess she was probably flustered and traumatized and all that jazz, but still, the writers could've made this number a bit more... plausibly forgettable (especially considering that the full cab number turns out to be... 8833). :/
POC is a bit of a bitch. Morgan tells her she could help save a woman's life by looking at some photos and she acts as if he just asked her to jog 20 laps of the block for no reason. Still, she eventually acquiesces. Gawd... being a freaking hero is such a CHORE.
-Cop of the Week: "A young girl was just reported missing. He probably has her, right?"
-Hocth: "Probably."
Cop of the Week wants Hotch, in all his Infinite Wisdom, to validate his theory. And who wouldn't, really? Cop of the Week also knows that when Hotch says "probably", this actually means "most definitely." Because Hotch just KNOWS.
Morgan suspects that something is up with Prentiss, but she's trying to protect him by keeping him out of the loop. Still, she just basically confirmed to one of her teammates that Something Serious (not to be confused with Something Terrible) is up.
Derek and Emily pull off an impressive Tandem Epiphany moment in the taxi cab.
I like that they have Garcia say "this is wonderful and totally uncommon" when she gives Reid the address of the unsub. Sometimes it seems like the writers rely too heavily on Garcia to provide the team with their crucial Next Step towards solving the case. It's good to hear them acknowledge that this information isn't supposed to come as easily as it seems.
At the unsub's house, Hotch and Rossi run towards the front door, and Hotch orders, "Morgan and Prentiss, you take the back!" I find it funny that Reid's there too, but Hotch doesn't give him any instructions, so he just sorta follows behind Morgan and Prentiss. Well... this actually explains a lot.
-Reid: "Hey guys... can I come with you? Guys?"
-Morgan: "Did you hear something, Prentiss?"
-Reid: "It's me, you idiot! I was sitting right next to you in the SUV."
-Emily: "It sounds like Reid, but I'm pretty sure he's back at the police station. You know... next to the coffee pot."
-Morgan: "Oh yeah, that's right. Well then, let's do this." *kicks down door and barges inside house*
-Reid: "Oh. Okay. Um, hey... naw that's cool. It's all good. I'm just gonna take off my kevlar vest and go find a cornfield to wander around in for a bit. I'll catch up with you guys later."
The unsub manages to escape in his taxi, and at this point, the episode turns into what goddessdster aptly dubbed, "BAU: Tokyo Drift".
I love how, even in a swervy car chase across a bridge at top speed, Hotch drives with his hands at 10 and 2:
LOL! Look at their faces! If they could shoot laser beams from their eyes, this criminal would be dead in seconds. I think Hotch and Rossi need someone to show them how to react believably in a high-speed chase scenario:
Too bad he's off in that cornfield.
Hotch and Rossi track the unsub down and force him to plow straight into the side of a semi-truck. He calmly accepts his inevitable decapitation:
I have no idea what this says about me, but I can NOT look at this screencap without laughing.
Instead of braking, he should've just slammed his foot down on the gas and ducked. If he spent less time making fat-candles and more time watching Mythbusters, he might've actually had the last laugh, here.
Doesn't really seem fair that he dies so quickly when his victims had to slowly drown in methanol, but I suppose it is what it is. Case closed.
After returning to DC, Prentiss comes home to find a gift box wrapped with a bow on her doorstep. She immediately knows that this is related to Something Serious, and that the gift is Pure Evil. Maybe it's from Cheryl. That lady gives me the creeps.
Prentiss begins to search her house for hidden badguys again - gun in hand.
Just as she's about to enter the kitchen, Reid calls to ask if she wants to go see Solaris with him at the thee-AY-ter. It's only five hours long, and he has no idea why it's featured so infrequently on the big screen.
Prentiss asks, "Did Morgan put you up to this?"
-Normal Person reaction: Why would Prentiss think that Morgan asked me to take her to the movies? Does Morgan know something that I don't? Is he worried about her? OMG is something wrong???
-Reid's reaction: "No, Morgan doesn't even know what Solaris is."
Genius fail.
Reid speaks Russian? So why was he holding out on us during "Honor Among Thieves?" Maybe he only understands Russian enough to enjoy the movie. I once watched March of the Penguins in French (with Korean subtitles) and was able to essentially understand the whole thing, even though I'm crap at speaking French (and only slightly worse at reading Korean). Still, I'm guessing that "the best sci-fi meditation film of all time" is a bit more complex than March of the Penguins.
Emily politely declines Reid's invitation despite his infectious enthusiasm. I'll admit that Prentiss has a good reason for opting out, but I wonder if the writers realize how sad it is that no one ever seems keen on even indulging Spencer a little bit (whether he's inviting them along on Nerd Night, or enlightening them with random sci-fi trivia). And yet he never seems to take it personally... and he never gives up. He's like the social equivalent of this thing:
Which is why I was completely overjoyed when...
Prentiss thanks Reid for being himself.
-Normal Person reaction: She's acting a bit weird. I wonder if everything's okay?
-Reid's reaction: "Thanks, I don't know how to be anyone else."
Reid. Seriously. You're oblivious as fuck sometimes. And stop being so cute. For the love of god, think of the others.
I'm kidding. Never stop.
Prentiss ends her call with Reid and returns to the foyer to open her gift. Inside is a purple flower. I think it's an iris. She smells it, and it brings back a memory (oic what u did thar, writers).
Flashback-Emily is dressed entirely in white whilst gardening (which means... either she used to live a carefree, elegant lifestyle, or she used to star in laundry detergent commercials), and her hair is curly (meaning... either she used to have a perm, or she now owns a straightening iron? Damn, I should be a profiler).
She turns to the old man behind her (whom I can only assume is one of her many servants) and tells him something in French. No subtitles are provided, but as my understanding of spoken French is rather impressive, I'm almost 100% certain she says, "The emperor penguin is technically a bird, although one that makes its home in the sea."
Several men with black suits and large guns show up. I guess they strongly disagree with her; they think that all birds must possess the ability to fly. They probably also think tomatoes are vegetables. Those bastards. They shove Emily in a car and drive off.
Ian Doyle has a (somewhat ambiguous) lilting accent and a tattoo of a shamrock on his wrist. Hmmm... I think he might be Irish. #duh #yaystereotypes #theyreaftermeluckycharms #nottwitter
We still don't know what Ian's deal is, but we do know that Emily has betrayed him somehow, and that he's clearly WITHOUT FEAR... which is bad news for her.
Present-day-Emily throws the iris in the trash, grabs Sergio, and high-tails it out of her apartment. Seeing as how she was ready to fight at the beginning of the episode, and now she's afraid to even stay at home, I'm guessing that things just got much, much worse for Emily with the delivery of that flower.
I'm really enjoying this Prentiss back story. Of course she was an international spy / undercover agent and is now being hunted by Interpol's most wanted. She's secretive enough (not to mention enough of a BAMF) that this seems completely plausible. I'm curious to find out exactly HOW she's connected to Doyle, and why he seems so hell-bent on finding her.
Aaaand it's over. :D
Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on at least some of the episodes I've missed in the near future. I'm not usually the best at getting caught up on things after falling so far behind, but I do find the process of writing these amusing, so I'll take them one at a time... probably not in any particular order. If anyone wants me to try tackling a specific episode next, let me know!!!
And just in case anyone's interested, here are the links to my previous play-by-play recaps:
JJ
Safe Haven
Devil's Night
Middle Man
Reflection of Desire
Into The Woods
So we have another case in LA. Something tells me that budget cuts at CBS might be responsible for this.
Knowing from the promo that this episode is about "the scent of a woman", the choice of opening song seems a bit heavy-handed. Still, how can I hear the words "can you smell the funk" and not smile?
Hello there, soon-to-be-victim-lady. You sure are pushy when it comes to getting inside that cab. This wouldn't really concern me so much if you hadn't just witnessed your potential chauffeur holding a small glass tube up close to his face and inhaling deeply. Just so you know, this isn't the type of activity that the average cabdriver typically engages in. Y'know... unless he's a crack addict. It's okay, though; you won't really require any of this information for future reference, as the concept of "future" is something you needn't worry yourself over.
Another piece of advice: When the cabdriver appears to have an immediate orgasmic epiphany upon sniffing your B.O., and then violently barks at you to "get in," the normal-person reaction is: "Hmm... THAT was weird. Maybe I SHOULDN'T get in." But hey, like I said... no worries. At least you'll know for your next life.
-Victim #1: "It must be my lucky night!" *giggles*
Ugghhh... *facepalm*
I have nothing more to say to this woman. Nothing.
Oh, hey... the cabdriver-unsub is another former peripheral character from Lost. That brings our Lost-alum Grand Total to... I think eight?
1)Libby
2)Mr. Friendly
3)Lapidus
4)Ethan
5)Bernard
6)Jacob
7)Young Ben
8)Bram
Am I missing any? If anyone finds more, I'll give them a virtual lollipop.
Now on to what we've been waiting for... EMILY FUCKING PRENTISS!
Prentiss is returning to her apartment. As she climbs the stairs, her neighbour, Cheryl sticks her head out the door and then wordlessly retreats back into her apartment as soon as she's acknowledged. Is there an excuse for such un-neighbourly behavoiur? Is Cheryl some sort of international spy whose job it is to keep tabs on Prentiss's hallway activities? If so, she's not exactly doing the best job of remaining inconspicuous.
Prentiss has a very nice apartment, complete with super-secret safe! She also has three passports, a USB memory stick, and a big ol' blacked-out document with her picture on it. She likes to take these things out every now and then and stare at them for a bit. As one would.
She's Belgian? Of course! How did I not realize this before?
It all makes sense now. :P
Sergio!
Someone phones and leaves a 10-second voicemail of SILENCE on Prentiss's machine. Clearly this means more to Emily than it does to me, because she gets all wide-eyed and goes into mega-paranoid mode as soon as the mystery caller hangs up. I get these kinds of voicemails all the time, only mine are usually 4 minutes long and sometimes feature my dad singing along to the radio in his truck.
Maybe Prentiss needs to call her father and tell him to lock the keys on his fucking blackberry.
I love that Emily keeps the passports, usb stick, and photos of her old Interpol buddies in the safe, but she keeps her gun in an unlocked drawer.
What follows is the most intense & creepy "searching my house for hidden badguys" scene since "100". She puts the table in front of the door, puts the vase on the edge of the table, sets herself up at the end of the hallway, turns off all the lights, and WAITS. What is she waiting for!??!?!?!? Emily, you are so fucking badass, and I love it so much. Does she even SLEEP? Probably not. Emily Prentiss laughs in the face of something as pointless as sleep.
Openingggg Credittttsssssssssssssssssss.....
Prentiss, you know I love you, but you're not being very smart about keeping your little secret. Telling people to "mind their own business" is essentially the most effective way of letting them know that something is wrong.
Morgan points out that they keep getting assigned to cases in LA. Hmmm.... I wonder why that is? /sarcasm.
Reid. I... *buries face in hands* You're so fucking cute sometimes. It's not even fair to the others.
Rossi should know by now that you never (even jokingly) use the words "Explain to me..." within 20 feet of Reid unless you're looking for a legit encyclopedic answer. Reid actually pauses and has to ask whether or not Rossi's question is rhetorical... and no one answers him!!!! :D And now the writers have me imagining a hypothetical "meeting" that might've taken place a few days prior in which the Team takes Reid aside and attempts to explain the concept once and for all:
-Hotch: "Reid, do you know what a rhetorical question is?"
-Reid: "A question asked in order to produce an effect or to make a statement rather than to elicit information."
-Rossi: "Riiiight... but do you know what it means?"
-Reid: "I just... told you..."
-Morgan: "Yeah, but we weren't exactly looking for the Wikipedia answer."
-Reid: "Actually, that particular definition comes from the concise Oxford English Dictionary, whereas Wikipedia defines the term "rhetorical question" as a figure of speech in the form of a question posed for its persuasive effect without the expectation of a reply. Hey, guys? Is this a test? Did I pass? Why are you all looking at me like that?"
And another thing. Someone needs to do a picspam of Morgan making this face (I'm sure there'd be enough screencaps from various episodes to justify the need for full-on spammage):
It's his "we must be patient with the genius because we love him" look.
Moving on...
Our unsub has a pretty wicked chemistry set. It even has a glass ball that's attached to a funnel that's attached to a really long spirally tube thing that's attached to a hose that's attached to a teeny tiny vial of liquid. I'm jealous.
Oh, please tell me he isn't going drink that. He's looking at it like he wants to drink it. I don't even know exactly what it is, but according to Hotch there was a dead body floating in it at one point. It can't possibly taste good, even to a psychopath.
Okay, he just sniffs it. That's... less weird, I guess.
And on the jet, Reid eliminates the Team's need for Google. This begs the question: Why is the BAU wasting money on iPads? Just so they can enjoy their gruesome crime scene photos in HD? Well, I suppose Reid doesn't exactly come in handy when you want to play Angry Birds. I'll give them that.
Reid then goes on to pwn Morgan with unnecessary geographical trivia. No one likes a show-off, Reid... especially Morgan (but don't worry. He's patient with you because he loves you):
Woman gets rewarded for smelling like onions, cigarettes, and bad perfume. Her reward: not drowning to death in methanol.
Excuse me while I go snack on some raw garlic.
For whatever reason, the foot/skin thing squicks me. Not as much as the toe-cutting thing in "Reflection of Desire", but enough to make me keep rubbing my feet against each other every few minutes and shuddering.
-Reid: "There's only one area on this map that the unsub hasn't hit. That means we can either eliminate it, or it's the one place left."
I'm gonna be brutally honest for a sec, Reid. You're supposed to be the map expert here. The mapster. The map-daddy. The topographical top dog. Is this REALLY the best you can do? Either he will or won't abduct his next victim from East LA??? I'm just saying... my friends didn't call ME a genius yesterday when I told them, "Guys, it's either going to rain tomorrow, or NOT."
Hotch guesses right away that the unsub is a taxi driver. Because he's Hotch. Your argument is invalid, cop-of-the-week.
Here comes Victim #3...
If Criminal Minds were a realistic microcosm of the world as a whole, the human race would essentially be doomed, because the ratio of females to males would be... like... 100:7. To further illustrate, here's a helpful bar graph I made using MS Paint:
And so another young woman enters the deathcab. Let's hope for her sake that she smells like wet dog and tuna sandwiches.
Nope. The cabdriver has another orgasmic epiphany, complete with visual hallucinations of meadows and bedsheets.
Why does his hallucination include fluffy dandelions? Those things don't smell good. They don't smell like anything. If you try to smell them, the fluffs just go up your nose and make you sneeze. And I know they definitely taste disgusting (just ask my 3-year-old self).
Piece of advice for Victim #3: Once you realize that some random guy clearly wants you to die, it's perfectly acceptable to forgo etiquette and stop calling him "sir".
It seems like Garcia's self-intros keep getting longer and longer. In the time it just took her to say hello to Morgan, Victim #3 might very well be dead.
Morgan doesn't really seem interested in flirting today. Am I imagining this? Maybe he's annoyed by Garcia's long-windedness. But that's okay...
He loves her. :3
LOL! It's like poor Reid already knows he's going to be left behind at the police station again, so he's gone ahead and conveniently placed himself out of everyone's way... on a countertop next to the coffee pot. Like he's just another kitchen appliance.
Ewwwwwww... the noise that the unsub just made after sniffing unconscious Victim#3 is unbelievably dirty and wrong. I'd say it's almost impossible to transcribe... but I'm gonna try anyway: "HHHUUUUUUUUUUNNNNGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGNNHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhuhhhhh!!!!!11"
Reid doesn't know who Lady Gaga is. It's also quite possible that he doesn't know what Twitter is. And I'm even further convinced that his home is located somewhere underneath the biggest rock in Virginia. Or maybe he lives here:
...in a basement suite. Or a bomb shelter. Or a cave.
-Morgan: "This guy could be anywhere."
Thanks, Morgan... but Reid and his Map already told us that.
Speaking of Reid, he's just had an epiphany (though sadly not an orgasmic one). He starts frantically flipping through papers on the table. Hotch notices this sudden change in his colleague's demeanour, and asks "What is it, Lassie Reid?"
The unsub is a scientist! And he's crazy. OMG he's a MAD SCIENTIST. This just keeps getting better. But hang on a sec... I thought mad scientists were supposed to look like this:
Why isn't the unsub wearing heavy duty gloves and safety goggles? Why do both of his (insipidly normal) pupils point in the same direction? Where is his lab coat? And his crazy hair? And his test tube of bubbles? Granted, we did see him holding an Erlenmeyer flask earlier, but I'm positive that no bubbles were to be found therein. Well, it's no wonder those girls had no idea he was dangerous. He's extremely well disguised.
He's making dip-candles! I used to make those in Girl Guides! But we used beeswax, not rendered human fat. This guy is like Girl Guides meets Tyler Durden.
Unsub tells Victim #3, "You're going to live forever," but she doesn't seem happy about it.
Profile time! And apparently it's opposite day in profile-land. The unsub is conspicuous, he won't insert himself into the investigation, and Hotch wants the story sent out to the media right away. I don't think this combination has ever occurred before on CM.
Haaah!! Reid pronounces the word "la-BOR-atory" almost as nerdishly as he pronounces "thee-AY-ter".
Morgan and Prentiss talk to Perfume-Onion-Cigarette lady (henceforth referred to as POC). She says she doesn't remember any specifics, but she DID manage to write down the last two digits of his cab number.
This woman is like the anti-Reid. You honestly have to write two 3s down on your hand so you won't forget them? I guess she was probably flustered and traumatized and all that jazz, but still, the writers could've made this number a bit more... plausibly forgettable (especially considering that the full cab number turns out to be... 8833). :/
POC is a bit of a bitch. Morgan tells her she could help save a woman's life by looking at some photos and she acts as if he just asked her to jog 20 laps of the block for no reason. Still, she eventually acquiesces. Gawd... being a freaking hero is such a CHORE.
-Cop of the Week: "A young girl was just reported missing. He probably has her, right?"
-Hocth: "Probably."
Cop of the Week wants Hotch, in all his Infinite Wisdom, to validate his theory. And who wouldn't, really? Cop of the Week also knows that when Hotch says "probably", this actually means "most definitely." Because Hotch just KNOWS.
Morgan suspects that something is up with Prentiss, but she's trying to protect him by keeping him out of the loop. Still, she just basically confirmed to one of her teammates that Something Serious (not to be confused with Something Terrible) is up.
Derek and Emily pull off an impressive Tandem Epiphany moment in the taxi cab.
I like that they have Garcia say "this is wonderful and totally uncommon" when she gives Reid the address of the unsub. Sometimes it seems like the writers rely too heavily on Garcia to provide the team with their crucial Next Step towards solving the case. It's good to hear them acknowledge that this information isn't supposed to come as easily as it seems.
At the unsub's house, Hotch and Rossi run towards the front door, and Hotch orders, "Morgan and Prentiss, you take the back!" I find it funny that Reid's there too, but Hotch doesn't give him any instructions, so he just sorta follows behind Morgan and Prentiss. Well... this actually explains a lot.
-Reid: "Hey guys... can I come with you? Guys?"
-Morgan: "Did you hear something, Prentiss?"
-Reid: "It's me, you idiot! I was sitting right next to you in the SUV."
-Emily: "It sounds like Reid, but I'm pretty sure he's back at the police station. You know... next to the coffee pot."
-Morgan: "Oh yeah, that's right. Well then, let's do this." *kicks down door and barges inside house*
-Reid: "Oh. Okay. Um, hey... naw that's cool. It's all good. I'm just gonna take off my kevlar vest and go find a cornfield to wander around in for a bit. I'll catch up with you guys later."
The unsub manages to escape in his taxi, and at this point, the episode turns into what goddessdster aptly dubbed, "BAU: Tokyo Drift".
I love how, even in a swervy car chase across a bridge at top speed, Hotch drives with his hands at 10 and 2:
LOL! Look at their faces! If they could shoot laser beams from their eyes, this criminal would be dead in seconds. I think Hotch and Rossi need someone to show them how to react believably in a high-speed chase scenario:
Too bad he's off in that cornfield.
Hotch and Rossi track the unsub down and force him to plow straight into the side of a semi-truck. He calmly accepts his inevitable decapitation:
I have no idea what this says about me, but I can NOT look at this screencap without laughing.
Instead of braking, he should've just slammed his foot down on the gas and ducked. If he spent less time making fat-candles and more time watching Mythbusters, he might've actually had the last laugh, here.
Click to viewDoesn't really seem fair that he dies so quickly when his victims had to slowly drown in methanol, but I suppose it is what it is. Case closed.
After returning to DC, Prentiss comes home to find a gift box wrapped with a bow on her doorstep. She immediately knows that this is related to Something Serious, and that the gift is Pure Evil. Maybe it's from Cheryl. That lady gives me the creeps.
Prentiss begins to search her house for hidden badguys again - gun in hand.
Just as she's about to enter the kitchen, Reid calls to ask if she wants to go see Solaris with him at the thee-AY-ter. It's only five hours long, and he has no idea why it's featured so infrequently on the big screen.
Prentiss asks, "Did Morgan put you up to this?"
-Normal Person reaction: Why would Prentiss think that Morgan asked me to take her to the movies? Does Morgan know something that I don't? Is he worried about her? OMG is something wrong???
-Reid's reaction: "No, Morgan doesn't even know what Solaris is."
Genius fail.
Reid speaks Russian? So why was he holding out on us during "Honor Among Thieves?" Maybe he only understands Russian enough to enjoy the movie. I once watched March of the Penguins in French (with Korean subtitles) and was able to essentially understand the whole thing, even though I'm crap at speaking French (and only slightly worse at reading Korean). Still, I'm guessing that "the best sci-fi meditation film of all time" is a bit more complex than March of the Penguins.
Emily politely declines Reid's invitation despite his infectious enthusiasm. I'll admit that Prentiss has a good reason for opting out, but I wonder if the writers realize how sad it is that no one ever seems keen on even indulging Spencer a little bit (whether he's inviting them along on Nerd Night, or enlightening them with random sci-fi trivia). And yet he never seems to take it personally... and he never gives up. He's like the social equivalent of this thing:
Which is why I was completely overjoyed when...
Prentiss thanks Reid for being himself.
-Normal Person reaction: She's acting a bit weird. I wonder if everything's okay?
-Reid's reaction: "Thanks, I don't know how to be anyone else."
Reid. Seriously. You're oblivious as fuck sometimes. And stop being so cute. For the love of god, think of the others.
I'm kidding. Never stop.
Prentiss ends her call with Reid and returns to the foyer to open her gift. Inside is a purple flower. I think it's an iris. She smells it, and it brings back a memory (oic what u did thar, writers).
Flashback-Emily is dressed entirely in white whilst gardening (which means... either she used to live a carefree, elegant lifestyle, or she used to star in laundry detergent commercials), and her hair is curly (meaning... either she used to have a perm, or she now owns a straightening iron? Damn, I should be a profiler).
She turns to the old man behind her (whom I can only assume is one of her many servants) and tells him something in French. No subtitles are provided, but as my understanding of spoken French is rather impressive, I'm almost 100% certain she says, "The emperor penguin is technically a bird, although one that makes its home in the sea."
Several men with black suits and large guns show up. I guess they strongly disagree with her; they think that all birds must possess the ability to fly. They probably also think tomatoes are vegetables. Those bastards. They shove Emily in a car and drive off.
Ian Doyle has a (somewhat ambiguous) lilting accent and a tattoo of a shamrock on his wrist. Hmmm... I think he might be Irish. #duh #yaystereotypes #theyreaftermeluckycharms #nottwitter
We still don't know what Ian's deal is, but we do know that Emily has betrayed him somehow, and that he's clearly WITHOUT FEAR... which is bad news for her.
Present-day-Emily throws the iris in the trash, grabs Sergio, and high-tails it out of her apartment. Seeing as how she was ready to fight at the beginning of the episode, and now she's afraid to even stay at home, I'm guessing that things just got much, much worse for Emily with the delivery of that flower.
I'm really enjoying this Prentiss back story. Of course she was an international spy / undercover agent and is now being hunted by Interpol's most wanted. She's secretive enough (not to mention enough of a BAMF) that this seems completely plausible. I'm curious to find out exactly HOW she's connected to Doyle, and why he seems so hell-bent on finding her.
Aaaand it's over. :D
Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on at least some of the episodes I've missed in the near future. I'm not usually the best at getting caught up on things after falling so far behind, but I do find the process of writing these amusing, so I'll take them one at a time... probably not in any particular order. If anyone wants me to try tackling a specific episode next, let me know!!!
And just in case anyone's interested, here are the links to my previous play-by-play recaps:
JJ
Safe Haven
Devil's Night
Middle Man
Reflection of Desire
Into The Woods