(Untitled)

[midnight_fae24]

Title: A Lesson in Fashion
Fandom: FFVII & Sailor Moon
Pairing: Sephiroth/Hotaru developed by usagivindaloo
Rating: NC-17
Content: Sephiroth picks at Hotaru's senshi uniform and gets his ass kicked. A rematch of course follows, which Sephiroth manages to win. Of course by the end of it, neither are interested in the fight anymore...
Disclaimer: FFVII and Sailor

Comments

Re: pt 2

[midnight_fae24]

Okay TOTALLY need to FIX that then. It was meant to be playful, but obviously it didn't come across that way. It starts out, he's trying to egg her on and kinda make her forget the whole idea that they could get caught and tempt her. She has that moment of temptation, and I probably should've given her more moments like that. I didn't mean for her to be angry just mildly irritated, but then the kiss sort of makes her forget everything, by that point she's willing to give in to his game. I probably should've developed Hotaru's excitement/arousal more when she gets her skirt ripped off.

I really wanted it to initially start playful, and then become sensual. Like he knocks off a bow here and there, and then gently unfastening her choker. I think I got caught up in all the details; I wanted work on focusing in on little moments. I think I lost sight of the big picture.

Back to when Hotaru walks away, it's like you said, more to escape her own arousal; I thought it was clear, but I guess not. I thought about working in something like suggestion two before, but I was thinking eh....they've sparred enough...and maybe...I don't want my excuse for that was...that was a lame thought. Obviously, that would've been a good idea. Oh wait, I remember my original thought now, I was thinking this is getting too damn long and complicated and no one's gonna end up buying it. I have to finish and get to the smut! Lesson learned: too many details better than lack of.

You've created a dissonance in my self-perception now--oh noes! Joking. Sociology on the brain. Dissonance creates increased self-awareness which is a good thing. Your criticism was very constructive, and I'll take it to heart. I'm grateful for it, especially as one English major to another. I'll do some substantial revising and post it again.

Re: pt 2

[usagivindaloo]

OMG, now I feel so totally horrible, especially since you posted such kind praise of my fic! ;_; I figured that the idea was for it to be playful and sensual, it's just that it didn't quite... come across that way, for some reason (ie I guessed what you were going for, but the feelings didn't QUITE come through). But now I'm worried that I was "interrogating the text from the wrong perspective" (thank you, Anne Rice XD) and that *I* am the one who's not getting it. XD

To be honest, the only parts that felt a little uncomfortable were these:

Hotaru felt the motion and turned around. “What are you doing?” she demanded.

Sephiroth was disappointed to see that the entire skirt didn’t fall off with the bow. Apparently, it had been there for purely decorative purposes. He made a few more quick slashes with his sword, and the front of her skirt lay on the floor, a small pile of dark purple and light lavender silk in.

Hotaru stood in shock for a moment. She wasn’t one to be particular about the state of her uniform. Keeping it clean and whole was the last thing on her mind when she was fighting. However, she was not currently engaged in combat. She couldn’t believe that one moment she was standing there, and the next, her uniform was being willfully despoiled by her sparring partner and lover.

Angrily she took her glaive and neatly sliced off one of the sleeves of his coat. Unfazed, he again used his sword, this time taking off the bow on the front of her uniform. At that moment, Hotaru realized where the situation was going. She took off his other coat sleeve before throwing down her glaive. She turned again to leave, but Sephiroth grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her back to him.

Everything else was spot on (LOVED the description of him holding her and touching her and her sighing with pleasure). The bits I wasn't quite comfortable with were, A) rather than answering her question (potential for comedy right there: "I'm stripping you naked and ravishing you, what does it look like I'm doing?"), Sephiroth just rips up more of her dress, B) Hotaru is obviously in shock about this (the language is pretty strong), C) she's angry (although that I can let slide, if it's just mild irritation), and D) she tosses down her glaive (more on that later) and stalks out. It doesn't seem as playful as the REST of the fic, if that makes sense. Playful is good, sensual is good... I dunno, perhaps I'm just weird and not getting it. ;_;

Anyway, I feel really bad now, so please don't think you're a bad writer or that this "ruined" the fic or anything, cause it totally didn't. And please feel free to pick at my fics too. ;D