0003. Nothin' To Say
I don't think life could get any much worse than it already is! Everything is going wrong and I have no reason to stay in this stupid town. If I was asked to move over living here with all these problems one on top of the other I would skip out of town in a heartbeat. I was taking to my mom and told her that I was all for movin. There will never be anything in this town and it will never amount to anything. I guess I should be "happy" again. I miss bein' the alway friend loving person but that's all changed. I'm in highschool now and I should finally grow up and face realities and boy are they smacking me in the face right now.
I've learned that no matter how hard you try no one will ever 110% be a "true" honest friend. I don't even know why I tell my friends anything. I always manage to get screwed over or made fun of behind my back. This year I have grown up alot and I've realized alot. No one has walked all over me this year like they have before and I've finally stopped following the crowd. I'm tryin to be my own indiviual, for once I'm not pleasin or tryin' to please everyone else. I'm actually helping myself.
It's so weird writing all of this because I am not even like this when I'm a school. I consider myself a very fake and lonely person. I'm all happy go lucky at school but when I stopp and look at it I'm not. I haven't been for a while and everything is continually building up. I admit that I'm scared of what will happen. I know it will be another chapter in my life and I don't know whether to consider that a good or bad thing. Who knows right? I've heard God has a reason for everything he does. I guess I'll see...
I hate walkin down the halls and seein couples. It's not that I'm jealous or anything but I guess you could say I want what they have. I want the feeling of bein loved by people other than my friends and family. Just experience it and that person love me for me and not want me to change little perks about me. I won't change for anyone other than myself. Your probably thinkin I'm a depressed lunatic who feels sorry for herself and that completly not it. I don't sit around and mope I try to find things to take my mind off of it. I love reading, and just completly random things. I am depressed but I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job coverin all that up. I have a problem openin up to people and letting them know the "real" me. I guess there are a couple such a Megan considering that we hung out alot over the summer. By sayin that I miss all my friends. I hardly ever have a friend that calls to just be like "hey what's up?" I don't know maybe its just me or maybe I'm just not good enough. I guess everything will change once I start driving and I don't have to borther anyone about runnin errans for me...I can do them myself.
19 days
I've learned that no matter how hard you try no one will ever 110% be a "true" honest friend. I don't even know why I tell my friends anything. I always manage to get screwed over or made fun of behind my back. This year I have grown up alot and I've realized alot. No one has walked all over me this year like they have before and I've finally stopped following the crowd. I'm tryin to be my own indiviual, for once I'm not pleasin or tryin' to please everyone else. I'm actually helping myself.
It's so weird writing all of this because I am not even like this when I'm a school. I consider myself a very fake and lonely person. I'm all happy go lucky at school but when I stopp and look at it I'm not. I haven't been for a while and everything is continually building up. I admit that I'm scared of what will happen. I know it will be another chapter in my life and I don't know whether to consider that a good or bad thing. Who knows right? I've heard God has a reason for everything he does. I guess I'll see...
I hate walkin down the halls and seein couples. It's not that I'm jealous or anything but I guess you could say I want what they have. I want the feeling of bein loved by people other than my friends and family. Just experience it and that person love me for me and not want me to change little perks about me. I won't change for anyone other than myself. Your probably thinkin I'm a depressed lunatic who feels sorry for herself and that completly not it. I don't sit around and mope I try to find things to take my mind off of it. I love reading, and just completly random things. I am depressed but I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job coverin all that up. I have a problem openin up to people and letting them know the "real" me. I guess there are a couple such a Megan considering that we hung out alot over the summer. By sayin that I miss all my friends. I hardly ever have a friend that calls to just be like "hey what's up?" I don't know maybe its just me or maybe I'm just not good enough. I guess everything will change once I start driving and I don't have to borther anyone about runnin errans for me...I can do them myself.
19 days