(no subject)
Looking back, a year ago my life was perfect.
i was so happy. a year ago last week i was in ireland. a year ago yesterday i was at jess's house with my bestfriends. a year ago last month meghan jess and i were making a spaghetti dinner for valentines day. a year ago i was in robin hood, probably one of the best experiences of my life. i was with all of my closest friends every day. i was so happy and i took it all for granted. i miss everything so much. my teachers, the school, how fun everything was, and my friends. i'm never guna be anywhere with all of my friends again. i would give anything to be back at msoa with everyone, even just for a day. rehearsing for a play in some ugly heralds outfit, spying on officer bob, painting portable six, breaking into the cafeteria for ice, watching the guys break the benchs at lunch, lying on each other in the middle of the courtyard in the mornings trying to get warm, even dissecting sharks with lip gloss under our noses. i miss forming ameabas with outlaws, cooks, fellow heralds, and people with 'flappy vaginas'.
i miss hanging out with jess meghan suz and mckenzie. i miss getting all dressed up for dances or for just standing outside of jess's neighborhodd while brie waved to people in a wedding dress and a wig. i miss jess's mom taking us to concerts and trying to sing the songs even if she didn't know the words and how ron ALWAYS had a joke to tell. i miss going out on the boat and being an 'extreme tuber'. i miss everyone staying up all night at mccalls house sitting out on the roof and fighting over who got to sleep in the boys beds. i miss playing stupid games and fighting over who got to be the dvd master. i miss going to school with kyle. i miss getting nervous for some stupid monolouge i had to recite. spazzing out over a pocket that was falling off during a performance. messing around on the floor in spanish with tony kt and whitney. i even miss tony pulling my skirt up right in whitneys face and getting holes in my pj's during the beauty and the beast in spanish. i miss abbey jenn and amanda 'the boca girls'. i miss convincing people i had diabetes. i miss kicking abbey during performances and carrying that stupid target around. i miss mr. pinkney and his laugh that you could hear across campus, and mrs. roberts always yelling at someone for something, mr. baxley and his nazi mustash, mr. v's bald head and chicken passes, mr. y's bald head and doing powerpoint presentations in his class, senor and his guitar playing, mr. felts kickass 7th hour where we could do whatever we wanted and listen to cd players during fcat and do coloring books and being called pumpkin everyday. i miss mrs. amedee and her fish keychain, mrs. von and her high heels, mr. franklin and his costumes, mrs. smith's sarcasm, how coach always raped everyone with his nipple piercings, and how if we were late to class we weren't sent to iss, we just got a tardy. i miss our gay dresscode that said we couldn't wear flipflops. i miss stabbing my thumb every 5 seconds trying to sew some ugly costume.
i miss how close everyone was. how on the last day of school everyone cryed together. how i could openly bawl in the theatre i'd done so many stupid monolouges and plays in with the people i had become so close with in those 3 years. i miss the doney awards and how drew and kyle won for best couple over alex and every girl in the school. i miss having all the guys from robin hood on the stage showing off their legs. i miss mr. pinkneys singing and the speeches we got on the last day that touched every person in that room. how it made people like drew, who i'd known since kindergarden and never seen once shed a single tear, cry. i miss feeling at home and loved. i could go on forever about that school and all of my friends.
its amazing that i still see some of them from last year but its not them they've changed so much. i wish i could just go back and forget everything from highschool. i wish i could hang out with my old friends more often. i wish i could do stupid things with jess and go home with meghan after school. but i can't because everything's changed. i hate now. not so much hate as strongly dislike.
i hate how now i'm amazed if someone's a virgin but how a year ago i was shocked if someone wasn't. and how all of my friends do drugs and get wasted and have sex because its 'cool' and its 'fun'. my best friends last year had good grades and traded books with me and we could stay up late talking about boys. now the people i spend every day with have bad grades, skip school, do drugs, and when i buy a book they don't say 'omg i wanted to read that! let me borrow it when you're done!' their like 'why the fuck are you buying a book?' boy do i hang out with a great crowd compared to last year or what?