...utterly amazed...
"I just want you to know, when it comes to the feeling of helplessness, and the rage that feeling inspires, I understand.
Except you are not ever helpless.
You are Jodie. You are my Juniper. You are strong, and you are loved and you are cherished. And if you cannot be strong right now, then we will be for you. And we will help you be strong again.
And one day, sooner than you think, you won't need us to do it for you. You'll have gotten it back all by yourself.
And it will be all the sweeter for that.
No feeling, nor fear, nor squick nor even hilarity you find in your experience ( You may think me crazy to say it but you will find things oddly funny - not funny, as in fun, but perhaps a gallows sense of humor) is in any way invalid or wrong or inappropriate.
Ever." -Jayde, do you remember saying that to me?
At the time, I didn't believe a word you said. I knew it somewhere inside of me, but I didn't believe it. Earlier today, I went through my own archives, and was reading through the entries, and when I finally passed out not too long ago I had the same terrible nightmare of being attacked again. And I haven't had one, in months. And it started off the same way it always does, with that nearly paralyzing fear that just grips ahold of me, and I can't do anything. Everything continued the way it always progresses, and I'm completely terrified, and then it's over. I'm in the middle of the street, and I can feel people grabbing at my arms, lifting me up, holding me up, 'cause apparently I couldn't do it on my own. Then there was austin again. standing right in front of me. Instead of running away like I usually do when I see him in dreams, I stared at him. Just stared. and he vanished. on the spot. Then you were there, in his place. just standing there. arms wide open. and then I woke up. for the first time, after that nightmare, not in tears, and not feeling like I'd just run a marathon.
I don't need you to be strong for me anymore. I'm okay now.
Except you are not ever helpless.
You are Jodie. You are my Juniper. You are strong, and you are loved and you are cherished. And if you cannot be strong right now, then we will be for you. And we will help you be strong again.
And one day, sooner than you think, you won't need us to do it for you. You'll have gotten it back all by yourself.
And it will be all the sweeter for that.
No feeling, nor fear, nor squick nor even hilarity you find in your experience ( You may think me crazy to say it but you will find things oddly funny - not funny, as in fun, but perhaps a gallows sense of humor) is in any way invalid or wrong or inappropriate.
Ever." -Jayde, do you remember saying that to me?
At the time, I didn't believe a word you said. I knew it somewhere inside of me, but I didn't believe it. Earlier today, I went through my own archives, and was reading through the entries, and when I finally passed out not too long ago I had the same terrible nightmare of being attacked again. And I haven't had one, in months. And it started off the same way it always does, with that nearly paralyzing fear that just grips ahold of me, and I can't do anything. Everything continued the way it always progresses, and I'm completely terrified, and then it's over. I'm in the middle of the street, and I can feel people grabbing at my arms, lifting me up, holding me up, 'cause apparently I couldn't do it on my own. Then there was austin again. standing right in front of me. Instead of running away like I usually do when I see him in dreams, I stared at him. Just stared. and he vanished. on the spot. Then you were there, in his place. just standing there. arms wide open. and then I woke up. for the first time, after that nightmare, not in tears, and not feeling like I'd just run a marathon.
I don't need you to be strong for me anymore. I'm okay now.