(no subject)
In the past few weeks I've wanted to cry a lot but I could never actually do it. Tonight I cried and I didn't even want to. My parents were driving me crazy. I just wanted some space and they wouldn't leave me alone. I felt like they were poking and poking me. They purposely tried to wind me up (obviously it worked) and I was so angry that I just wanted to scream and swear. But I can't do that around my parents so instead I burst into tears. Stupid period. I can't stand crying in front of people. Yeah, sometimes I want to cry but only if I'm on my own. I hate to let my emotions show, to let people in. I guess at least my parents stopped winding me up after that so something good did come out of it. Although now I think they're just gonna worry and fuss over me for the next few days. Which will drive me equally crazy. It's not they're fault, they just can't win with me anymore. To them I'm still their little girl, I always will be, so they'll continue to mollycoddle me and fuss and protect and unintentionally prevent me from doing everything I want to. I just need space.
I've never wanted to be on my own more.
Still crying. Which is getting me more frustrated. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh!!!!!!
As predicted I ate a lot today. I've snacked on the things we baked and had dinner on top of that. Although I did manage to miss breakfast and lunch without anyone questioning it and convinced my mum that having a jacket potato with lasagne was ridiculous. I'm gonna end up eating too much tomorrow as well. I'll probably miss breakfast again. I fall asleep so late now that I end up missing most of the morning. I should be able to get out of lunch as well. I just have to avoid eating more of the baking (we made A LOT). Then there's dinner. Which I definitely can't miss. We're having a roast, the first one we've had in ages because when we don't really bother over summer. They're my favourite meals. Or they used to be before I cared how many calories and grams of fat were in things. They used to make sundays perfect. When you spend rainy days inside, fire on, cup of coffee, watching films. And then you have dinner with the family. Now they just make me worry. Which makes me sad.I wish I could go back to when I thought like that.
I'm trying to decide whether to do a workout. I haven't today because my parents are home. I feel I should do one because I've been lazy today and eaten too much. But I don't want my parents to hear and I'll need a shower afterwards and my parents would think it weird if I got in the shower at like 1am. I don't know. I think I've given up this weekend because there's so much I can't do and so much I can't avoid. This weekend seems impossible when it comes to sticking to my plan. But even if tomorrow is as rubbish with regards to calories/exercise/etc as today was I'll just do the best I can with putting it to the back of my mind and start fresh on Monday.
I'm giving myself a headache. But I always have headaches so I'll get over it.
TTFN
xxx
I've never wanted to be on my own more.
Still crying. Which is getting me more frustrated. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh!!!!!!
As predicted I ate a lot today. I've snacked on the things we baked and had dinner on top of that. Although I did manage to miss breakfast and lunch without anyone questioning it and convinced my mum that having a jacket potato with lasagne was ridiculous. I'm gonna end up eating too much tomorrow as well. I'll probably miss breakfast again. I fall asleep so late now that I end up missing most of the morning. I should be able to get out of lunch as well. I just have to avoid eating more of the baking (we made A LOT). Then there's dinner. Which I definitely can't miss. We're having a roast, the first one we've had in ages because when we don't really bother over summer. They're my favourite meals. Or they used to be before I cared how many calories and grams of fat were in things. They used to make sundays perfect. When you spend rainy days inside, fire on, cup of coffee, watching films. And then you have dinner with the family. Now they just make me worry. Which makes me sad.I wish I could go back to when I thought like that.
I'm trying to decide whether to do a workout. I haven't today because my parents are home. I feel I should do one because I've been lazy today and eaten too much. But I don't want my parents to hear and I'll need a shower afterwards and my parents would think it weird if I got in the shower at like 1am. I don't know. I think I've given up this weekend because there's so much I can't do and so much I can't avoid. This weekend seems impossible when it comes to sticking to my plan. But even if tomorrow is as rubbish with regards to calories/exercise/etc as today was I'll just do the best I can with putting it to the back of my mind and start fresh on Monday.
I'm giving myself a headache. But I always have headaches so I'll get over it.
TTFN
xxx