Procrastination...
I hate this week before it's even started. I have waaaay too much work to do and I keep on putting it off. I'm trying to stick to a plan but I just cannot stay focused. Normally if I don't do what I set out to I punish myself by cutting. But I can't do that now. The boyfriend would find out and I promised I'd stop. Last time I said I'd stop and he found out he wanted me to go get help. I begged him to let me just try again. I don't want to go talk to someone about this. People would find out stuff about me that I don't want them to and all they'd do to me anyway is just drug me up probably. I can't deal with all of that just now. I don't need to talk to anyone about this, I'm fine on my own. Sometimes I just wish I could be left to my own devices. I hate having to keep up appearances for other people. So what if I'm not always the most cheerful person? I don't care anymore. Just let me be, leave me to mope on my own. I don't want you trying to make me happy. It just irritates me. I'm fed up of being fake to make everyone else feel better. It just leaves me feeling worse.
Another reason to hate having this much work...it always leads me to binge mode. I just want to constantly snack the whole time. And then I use eating as an excuse to take a break from work. Plus I have no time to exercise. So hello fatty. I guess I just have to get through this one week and then it'll be ok again. I've already had 500 calories today. And yesterday was a massive fail. Why would I say yes to pizza?? I disgust myself. I'm giving up bread and cheese. It's all I've been eating at the minute. And it's about time they just fucked off. So goodbye cheese, goodbye bread. I am not going to eat you anymore and I am not going to get fat because of my lack of will power.
I might make timetables for all the days until I've finished my work, just to keep me on track. I've made outlines of what I need to do each day but it might help if I have times to stick to. We'll see. I just really have to sort myself out. I won't fail my degree.
Too much ranting going on now, not enough work. Got to get on with so TTFN xxx
Another reason to hate having this much work...it always leads me to binge mode. I just want to constantly snack the whole time. And then I use eating as an excuse to take a break from work. Plus I have no time to exercise. So hello fatty. I guess I just have to get through this one week and then it'll be ok again. I've already had 500 calories today. And yesterday was a massive fail. Why would I say yes to pizza?? I disgust myself. I'm giving up bread and cheese. It's all I've been eating at the minute. And it's about time they just fucked off. So goodbye cheese, goodbye bread. I am not going to eat you anymore and I am not going to get fat because of my lack of will power.
I might make timetables for all the days until I've finished my work, just to keep me on track. I've made outlines of what I need to do each day but it might help if I have times to stick to. We'll see. I just really have to sort myself out. I won't fail my degree.
Too much ranting going on now, not enough work. Got to get on with so TTFN xxx