i now only have 33 titanium bolts instead of 36.
Friday:
I had to have an ice pack strapped to my face. The way I was wrapped up, I looked like I had the mumps, and the nurse had used extra gauze for the cab ride to Chris’ place. When I first sat up in the recovery room, blood spurted out my nose. It was very dramatic. So the nurse had also taped what she called “a gauze mustouche” on the bottom of my nose to stop any more blood from leaking out my nose. This nose part made me think of Laura, because it almost looked like I’d had cosmetic surgery except the bandages were all in slightly the wrong places.
I have to hand it to the people of New York, I was wandering around outside like that because we wanted to go to the pharmacy first thing, and though I got a few looks, no one was making a big deal of it to my face. Normally, I would be mortified to appear in public like that, but I was so groggy from the anesthesia still, I just didn’t give a fuck. I also think the white hospital bracelet and that we were a block away from St. Vincent’s Hospital helped a bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if I were not the first mummy seen prancing around that neighborhood. Plus, it’s the West Village. They’re pretty blasé there. Chris thought it looked kind of cool because he’s weird like that. He wanted to take Polaroids but thought better of it later. Thank god for small mercies.
Speaking of god, the full name is St. Vincent’s Catholic Medical Centers. Chris and I were (pretend) worried that they were trying to convert patients to Catholicism when they were at their most vulnerable. They should have started in the criminally boring waiting room with priests speaking on mounted TV monitors because they sure didn’t have any friggin’ magazines or anything. One girl waiting was watching the Chappelle Show on her video iPod. I have never been so jealous of someone’s gadget as I was right then. I didn’t bring my Palm (Scrabble, Monopoly, Tetris, Dope Wars, Bubbles, No Mess) or my (regular old) iPod because I didn’t want to lose them at the hospital (not thinking that Chris could have just taken them with him). Ah well.
The only Catholic thing I saw was a crucifix on the wall near the door as they wheeled me out of recovery to the post-op waiting room. Unless they were repeating subliminal Catholic messages to me while I was under, I remain unindoctrinated. I will say that it was the friendliest hospital I’ve ever experienced. The guy wheeling me on the gurney didn’t once touch a door, hallway or wall which is not always the case. All of the people working there were very nice. The nurses were inordinately chatty and explained everything that was happening. There were (it seemed like 40) residents in the operating room but everyone was introduced which was kind of nice because my left boob got flashed to the whole room as the anesthesiologist was attaching her sensors to my torso. I might have been a little uncomfortable about that but introductions go a long way, especially in a medical setting.
When I had that cyst removed from my finger, the anesthesiologist at the NYU Hospital of Joint Diseases just put me under without telling me or having me count backwards or anything! Very disorienting. The Catholics tell you every step and I knew when I was going under and even though the anesthesiologist resident was a (kind of cute Chinese) guy and was the closest to my exposed boob, he had walked me from the pre-op waiting room and so it didn’t seem so bad. He was from DC and thought California seemed dusty and dry except for Monterey. I tried to explain NoCal/SoCal but people don’t really seem to understand that California are two different states. And even though he was kind of doing that nervous brief arm touch during conversation that guys do on dates when they’re testing to see if you are receptive to them touching you, it didn’t seem creepy, just kind of cute. That’s the power of Jesus! Ha ha, no he was just a nice guy.
I had to wait 4 hours (4 1/2 because I got their early) because I wasn’t in pain and everyone who was got to go first. I heard all about everyone else’s afflictions. One older woman was there (with her insanely old mother) to have her knee replaced. One Chinese guy with an entourage of (20) five people was sent home when it was revealed he had eaten that morning. (Some woman in the waiting room had been complaining bitterly that she hadn’t eaten since midnight and she was ready to pass out. The problem was that no one being admitted had eaten since midnight and we thus felt zero pity for her.)
A younger guy was there because he was severely constipated and other things I won’t tell you about but the best was that he hadn’t removed his piercings. One was in his tongue, and the other seemed to be in/on his genitals. His anesthiologist was all consternated about this because apparently it was near where they were going to be working and they were going to use a cauterizing tool that had ____ number of volts and this guy’s piercing…well, you get the picture. I think they eventually got a nurse who knew about piercings to come and assist. The weird thing was, the guy said “I have no idea how to remove these.” It’s like, did aliens kidnap you and pierce you against your will? The tongue one unscrews and the genital one (from the sound of it) is a ball ring and you need pliers to spread the ring enough to drop the ball out. That’s what I had in my septim in San Francisco. Stupid ass.
Today:
My face is only slightly puffy so far. All incisions and such were done on the inside of my mouth. I have to wear the ice pack against my cheek for another 8 hours or so. I can’t wait to be done with that.
Medications:
Penicillin
Mobic (anit-inflammatory)
Tramadol Hydrocloride/Acetaminophen (pain killer)
My diet for last night and today:
Tofutti Cuties (in both Vanillla and Chocolate ice cream)
Stoneyfarm Organic Dark Chocolate Frozen Yogurt
Jello Cups in assorted flavors kindly supplied by the hospital
Ice Cubes
Two liters of Smart Water
I’m only supposed to ingest cold things until Saturday. I never had my tonsils out as a kid so this is really the first “I am forced to eat a ton of ice cream” situation I’ve ever been in. It’s great for a few hours and then it’s like, Ok, bring on the lukewarm soup or something because I’m dying for some real food. Kind of reminded me of that scene in “Fallen Angels” when (unbelievably hot looking) He Zhiwu hijacks the ice cream truck and then forces that hairdresser guy and his family to eat copious amounts of ice cream. Too funny.
That’s about all I have to say (which is more than plenty) so I’ll end here. I'm trying not to think too hard about what was actually done because it kind of skeeves me out (the surgeon was very explicit). Though wouldn’t it be hilarious if they’d removed the wrong screws?