drama(zzz) and llamazzz
First day was pretty awesome actually until it came to a rocky rocky end. For starters, I do happen to like my schedule a lot. It's going to get much busier second semester, which sucks a little bit, but I'll just take it one day at a time. It's so weird that I'm like the big woman on campus, and I'm not even 5 feet tall, but I definitely do enjoy the priveleges and the whole senior aura. I also like going off campus (legally) A LOT. So that's the happy, exciting stuff, and now for our uummm feature presentation...
Twas a shame that Doyle had to rain aaallll over my parade. I decided to get it out in the open that I wasn't doing the drama, and ended up hearing all the wrong things. Some of the statements were hurtful in the sense that they were a reality check because I've been somewhat in denial, and others were angering because well let's face it...if she really wanted to keep me around that badly, then she should have trusted me with some responsibilities, and rewarded me for being around for these past few years. And about outgrowing BTC...I have mixed feelings, but I'm sure I do want to be there, and at least IF they give me this scholarship, they are showing that they do appreciate me being alive. (Can't say so much for Mrs. Doyle). Plus the fact is it does work better with my work schedule. And you know what, the extra $60 a week is crucial to me, because my parents honestly are not in a position to do anything but feed me, buy me ESSENTIAL things (which doesn't always include clothing) and send me to college. So yes I do need the money, or I won't have a social life....PERIOD. Then she reminded me about how a lot of my social life lies within drama club, which it does, but I have no problem maintaining those relationships (the ones I want to) outside of school, and my social life is pretty widespread, whether or not Mrs. Doyle realizes this or not. And of course she had to continually emphasize that it was my senior year, and I of course aam horrible about "lasts" and change so that hit hard. Then she also brought up the fact that community theater is not the be all and end all (which it certainly isn't), and that colleges might like it more if I consistently participated in the school shows, which is funny because if we're gonna get on that topic, colleges probably would have also liked to see that I had some sort of formal title in the drama club senior year. I'm not complaining about that though, and I'm not even abandoning the drama club, so personally I think she should be much more supportive, which she claims she is. Actually she claimed that she was just playing devil's advocate, but all she really did was make me feel A) bad about getting a decent job B) as though BTC is infantile and I'm too good for it C) like I'm making the worst possible decision. So basically now I'm just unnecessarily confused, sad, and stressed. I am trying SO hard to let my winner first day of senior year override these feelings though. SIGGGHHHHH