i guess this is growing up

[mickeymouseywee]

i dont get to see daisy or neil for two more weeks. im a little dead with out them. its not so much that im atatched to them inparticular but ive been feeling really needy and pathetic and psycotic latley. examples? i wont sleep on my bed, i will not go to bed before midnight, i always wake up at least to sit and make plans of what would happen if i could be less of a coward and talk to those i miss (realllly pathetic eh?) its no ones fault but id be really quick to put the blame on some certain someones if you asked. (which i have). writting about how im never going to open up to anyone again makes me want to vomit but its keeping me from doing things by not talking to anyone. im really confused right now and a lot of things are happening real fast.

on another note my brothers last day living here is today (im still spending the next two weeks off and on with him). but because of his leaving i get a bb gun, fancy man shoes, sunglasses, a sewing machine, a bag, various teenage hippie type junk thingaroos. ya. and i guess freedom to use his room as a please. pretty sweet. (not from him) i also received my schedule and in that said schedule i dont have a 2nd period. is this a good thing or bad? is it worth risking killing that spare time by going in to get a schedule change? it doenst seem a particularly good time to have free does it? if i went home (would i be allowed to?) via bus i wouldnt realy have any time to stay home so that would be pointless. i dunno. well before i rant anylonger
good bye