Simple Equation (1/1)
Quick, silly kind of dialogue preslash? Don't know where this goes exactly (dumped it in the domestic series like everything else) but I've been busy busy, so I'm squeezing something in while I clean up a few more fics. Plus, I'm having even more than usual conflicted feelings about lj lately. I miss my userpics. :/
And why do my tags keep getting clipped?
lj, y u no work no more?
***
Characters: Naruto, Sasuke, Chouji
Rating: PG-15
Words: 1400
Summary: “Because ramenfan1023 is the password you use for everything.”
“Are you using my computer again?”
“Does it look like I’m using your computer again?”
“...”
“...”
“Here’s where I’d normally offer to ignore that and be nice to you for once. Except you’re the one who’s always mean to me first.”
“Yes, Naruto. I’m using your computer again.”
“Why are you using my computer again?”
“...”
“Hey, don’t look at me like that. Wondering why you like to use my laptop so much when you have your own, that’s a serious question.”
“Because ramenfan1023 is the password you use for everything.”
“...”
“...”
“That’s not the point.”
“Of course it’s not.”
“Tch. Making yourself comfortable with my stuff, in my place, and then having the nerve to treat me like I’m the one who did something wrong.”
“Mm-hm.”
“What’s taking you so long, anyway? It didn’t take me that long to change, did it?”
“No, but I need to finish up a few emails and send a message to Kakashi by one. I’m still stuck in that advertising class.”
“I don’t even know why they scheduled you for that. It’s already been a week.”
“Registrar office said it was a computer glitch, from trying to fill up empty seats. Kakashi said they’ll get to it eventually, but I’m not waiting until the end of the term to drop a class. He actually responded this time, though, so I want to get back to him before he tries to leave his office. Then he can’t try to justify-why are you sitting so close to me?”
“Because it’s my comfy chair you’re sitting in, and you said I could take you out to lunch, but obviously you’re only using that as an excuse to use my computer, so I’m just going to bother you until we actually leave, because I really want to go to that new curry place. Oh, and I want to try the octopus balls at Mashiro’s, too. Everybody keeps saying how good it is.”
“As interesting as that doesn’t sound, get away from me.”
“Actually, I think I’m pretty comfortable right here.”
“Go. Away.”
“But you’re in my chair. Hogging my computer. And I’m hungry. Breakfast was three hours ago. My stomach is now in pain.”
“Then quit whining to me about it and go get something to eat.”
“Your left eye’s doing that funny little twitchy thing again. Is that-haha, seriously? That’s what Kakashi calls you? No wonder why you’re always so cranky when it comes to that guy.”
“Naruto, stop-”
“How come you never let me get away with calling you that?”
“Don’t be so childish. You are not calling me-move your-stop trying to read my mail.”
“It’s my computer.”
“You shouldn’t have left it on your desk where I could see it.”
“...it was in my bag.”
“Off me. Now.”
“Just let me read the rest of it real quick.”
“No.”
“Why won’t you-”
“It’s none of your business.”
“But it’s my computer. And why’s he talking about me in your email? Is he trying to spread more rumours about me again? Ever since I started taking his class, I swear that guy’s been out to get me.”
“It’s just-give it back. What do you think you’re-”
“Take it easy, all right. It’s just a joke. Not like I’m actually going to send-”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...um, what’d I touch?”
“...Naruto.”
“Hehe...oops?”
“You have three seconds before I kill you.”
“Sasuke, I-”
“One.”
“It was an accident, Sasuke-an accident. I didn’t mean it. Kakashi probably won’t take it seriously, anyway. Just because I told him he’s being selfish interfering with all your time that’s supposed to be spent with-”
“Three.”
“What the-you can’t just skip over numbers like that. You didn’t even give me a-”
“You overgrown manchild!”
“What are you-”
“What the hell possessed you to send something so inappropriate? Now Kakashi’s going to think I-”
“He’s not going to-why are you shaking me so hard?”
“Apparently I’m not doing it hard enough if you’re still talking.”
“Are you trying to kill me on purpose?”
“Does it look like I’m trying to killing you on purpose?”
“Watch out for my-that was my head, you asshole.”
“Your head’s going to be the last thing you’ll have to worry about by the time I’m finished with you.”
“What part of it was an accident do you not get?”
“The part where you still sent that email to Kakashi.”
“Sheesh, I’m sorry, all right-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“This is the last time you’re going to-”
“It isn’t like I-damn it, Sasuke, you-stop, just stop, okay.”
“Don’t make me hurt you.”
“I think there’s a really good chance you probably already broke my shoulder. Like ninety-four percent or something.”
“...let go of me, Naruto.”
“Hell no. Not when you’re trying to kill me.”
“I’m going to do a lot more than kill you once I get my foot up your-”
“Oi, Shikamaru, you in here? Kenji said Nakamura wanted to meet up at the...”
“...”
“...”
“At the...um...”
“H-hey, Ch-Chouji. Chouji, it’s you. Chouji...hi.”
“...Naruto, I...as much as I appreciate how often you and Shikamaru like to leave your door unlocked, uh, is this a bad time?”
“Bad time? What are you-oh, me and Sasuke, you mean. That, what this is, it’s not what it looks like. Definitely not what it looks like. Then again, who said me and Sasuke look like we’re in a compromising position, anyway?”
“Um, no one did.”
“...and just what’re you trying to insinuate, Naruto?”
“Ah, well, uh, you see, Sasuke, the thing is-with me sitting on you like this, and, uh...your legs being where they are out...um, there-even though you were trying to break my rib cage and squeeze me to death just a few seconds ago, I guess if anybody walked in on this situation, us being in the position we’re in, not that that’s what us being in this position is what it means, and not that I think that what this position we’re in looks like what it doesn’t mean, but if I’m just being honest, it really does kind of look like we were in the middle of getting ready to have-”
“Die.”
“Wait a min-wait a minute, Sasu-”
“Hold still.”
“Why shouldn’t I keep moving when I don’t want to get hurt?”
“You idiot, my foot going up your ass is supposed to hurt.”
“I’m not ready to see my life flash before my eyes. I’m too good looking to die. I’m too-what have I ever done to you in a past life?”
“Shut up and stop struggling so I can kill you.”
“What the hell kind of encouragement is that?!”
“I know I told you to stop struggling.”
“Friends don’t let friends kill each other, remember? Especially best friends. Best friends like you and-why are you always trying to kill me on a regular basis?!”
“Because stupid shit always comes out of your mouth whenever you’re breathing!”
“I don’t know why you’re acting so embarrassed. It’s not like we were actually having sex or-ohmygod-why are you stabbing my back with your knee? Stop pulling my-you’re going to break my-you bastard, my arms do not bend that way.”
“Stop whining and accept your death like a man.”
“...C-Chouji...sav-ve...me.”
“Not that I enjoy watching Sasuke beat you up, but aren’t you the one who claimed you can handle these very pitiful kinds of situations on your own?”
“Never mind this idiot, Chouji. He’s already a lost cause.”
“What kind of-”
“Besides, Naruto, Shikamaru told me it’s best not to interfere and let this apparent thing you have run its course. A year later, but still...it’s something I’d prefer to stay out of.”
“What’d you mean Shikamaru told-you’re just going to stand there and watch me die?”
“Mm, actually, I’m just going to go, so...”
“H-hey, Chouji, don’t-Chouji, stop being so inconsiderate and help me out here. This violent bastard’s trying to kill me and you aren’t even-”
“Haven’t you learned to stop talking yet?”
“...p-pain...I am in so much...pain.”
“Um, yeah, so, I’m just...I’m just going to leave quietly. Leave you to...that-whatever it is you’re doing. Next time I’ll make sure to call ahead.”
And why do my tags keep getting clipped?
lj, y u no work no more?
***
Characters: Naruto, Sasuke, Chouji
Rating: PG-15
Words: 1400
Summary: “Because ramenfan1023 is the password you use for everything.”
“Are you using my computer again?”
“Does it look like I’m using your computer again?”
“...”
“...”
“Here’s where I’d normally offer to ignore that and be nice to you for once. Except you’re the one who’s always mean to me first.”
“Yes, Naruto. I’m using your computer again.”
“Why are you using my computer again?”
“...”
“Hey, don’t look at me like that. Wondering why you like to use my laptop so much when you have your own, that’s a serious question.”
“Because ramenfan1023 is the password you use for everything.”
“...”
“...”
“That’s not the point.”
“Of course it’s not.”
“Tch. Making yourself comfortable with my stuff, in my place, and then having the nerve to treat me like I’m the one who did something wrong.”
“Mm-hm.”
“What’s taking you so long, anyway? It didn’t take me that long to change, did it?”
“No, but I need to finish up a few emails and send a message to Kakashi by one. I’m still stuck in that advertising class.”
“I don’t even know why they scheduled you for that. It’s already been a week.”
“Registrar office said it was a computer glitch, from trying to fill up empty seats. Kakashi said they’ll get to it eventually, but I’m not waiting until the end of the term to drop a class. He actually responded this time, though, so I want to get back to him before he tries to leave his office. Then he can’t try to justify-why are you sitting so close to me?”
“Because it’s my comfy chair you’re sitting in, and you said I could take you out to lunch, but obviously you’re only using that as an excuse to use my computer, so I’m just going to bother you until we actually leave, because I really want to go to that new curry place. Oh, and I want to try the octopus balls at Mashiro’s, too. Everybody keeps saying how good it is.”
“As interesting as that doesn’t sound, get away from me.”
“Actually, I think I’m pretty comfortable right here.”
“Go. Away.”
“But you’re in my chair. Hogging my computer. And I’m hungry. Breakfast was three hours ago. My stomach is now in pain.”
“Then quit whining to me about it and go get something to eat.”
“Your left eye’s doing that funny little twitchy thing again. Is that-haha, seriously? That’s what Kakashi calls you? No wonder why you’re always so cranky when it comes to that guy.”
“Naruto, stop-”
“How come you never let me get away with calling you that?”
“Don’t be so childish. You are not calling me-move your-stop trying to read my mail.”
“It’s my computer.”
“You shouldn’t have left it on your desk where I could see it.”
“...it was in my bag.”
“Off me. Now.”
“Just let me read the rest of it real quick.”
“No.”
“Why won’t you-”
“It’s none of your business.”
“But it’s my computer. And why’s he talking about me in your email? Is he trying to spread more rumours about me again? Ever since I started taking his class, I swear that guy’s been out to get me.”
“It’s just-give it back. What do you think you’re-”
“Take it easy, all right. It’s just a joke. Not like I’m actually going to send-”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...um, what’d I touch?”
“...Naruto.”
“Hehe...oops?”
“You have three seconds before I kill you.”
“Sasuke, I-”
“One.”
“It was an accident, Sasuke-an accident. I didn’t mean it. Kakashi probably won’t take it seriously, anyway. Just because I told him he’s being selfish interfering with all your time that’s supposed to be spent with-”
“Three.”
“What the-you can’t just skip over numbers like that. You didn’t even give me a-”
“You overgrown manchild!”
“What are you-”
“What the hell possessed you to send something so inappropriate? Now Kakashi’s going to think I-”
“He’s not going to-why are you shaking me so hard?”
“Apparently I’m not doing it hard enough if you’re still talking.”
“Are you trying to kill me on purpose?”
“Does it look like I’m trying to killing you on purpose?”
“Watch out for my-that was my head, you asshole.”
“Your head’s going to be the last thing you’ll have to worry about by the time I’m finished with you.”
“What part of it was an accident do you not get?”
“The part where you still sent that email to Kakashi.”
“Sheesh, I’m sorry, all right-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“This is the last time you’re going to-”
“It isn’t like I-damn it, Sasuke, you-stop, just stop, okay.”
“Don’t make me hurt you.”
“I think there’s a really good chance you probably already broke my shoulder. Like ninety-four percent or something.”
“...let go of me, Naruto.”
“Hell no. Not when you’re trying to kill me.”
“I’m going to do a lot more than kill you once I get my foot up your-”
“Oi, Shikamaru, you in here? Kenji said Nakamura wanted to meet up at the...”
“...”
“...”
“At the...um...”
“H-hey, Ch-Chouji. Chouji, it’s you. Chouji...hi.”
“...Naruto, I...as much as I appreciate how often you and Shikamaru like to leave your door unlocked, uh, is this a bad time?”
“Bad time? What are you-oh, me and Sasuke, you mean. That, what this is, it’s not what it looks like. Definitely not what it looks like. Then again, who said me and Sasuke look like we’re in a compromising position, anyway?”
“Um, no one did.”
“...and just what’re you trying to insinuate, Naruto?”
“Ah, well, uh, you see, Sasuke, the thing is-with me sitting on you like this, and, uh...your legs being where they are out...um, there-even though you were trying to break my rib cage and squeeze me to death just a few seconds ago, I guess if anybody walked in on this situation, us being in the position we’re in, not that that’s what us being in this position is what it means, and not that I think that what this position we’re in looks like what it doesn’t mean, but if I’m just being honest, it really does kind of look like we were in the middle of getting ready to have-”
“Die.”
“Wait a min-wait a minute, Sasu-”
“Hold still.”
“Why shouldn’t I keep moving when I don’t want to get hurt?”
“You idiot, my foot going up your ass is supposed to hurt.”
“I’m not ready to see my life flash before my eyes. I’m too good looking to die. I’m too-what have I ever done to you in a past life?”
“Shut up and stop struggling so I can kill you.”
“What the hell kind of encouragement is that?!”
“I know I told you to stop struggling.”
“Friends don’t let friends kill each other, remember? Especially best friends. Best friends like you and-why are you always trying to kill me on a regular basis?!”
“Because stupid shit always comes out of your mouth whenever you’re breathing!”
“I don’t know why you’re acting so embarrassed. It’s not like we were actually having sex or-ohmygod-why are you stabbing my back with your knee? Stop pulling my-you’re going to break my-you bastard, my arms do not bend that way.”
“Stop whining and accept your death like a man.”
“...C-Chouji...sav-ve...me.”
“Not that I enjoy watching Sasuke beat you up, but aren’t you the one who claimed you can handle these very pitiful kinds of situations on your own?”
“Never mind this idiot, Chouji. He’s already a lost cause.”
“What kind of-”
“Besides, Naruto, Shikamaru told me it’s best not to interfere and let this apparent thing you have run its course. A year later, but still...it’s something I’d prefer to stay out of.”
“What’d you mean Shikamaru told-you’re just going to stand there and watch me die?”
“Mm, actually, I’m just going to go, so...”
“H-hey, Chouji, don’t-Chouji, stop being so inconsiderate and help me out here. This violent bastard’s trying to kill me and you aren’t even-”
“Haven’t you learned to stop talking yet?”
“...p-pain...I am in so much...pain.”
“Um, yeah, so, I’m just...I’m just going to leave quietly. Leave you to...that-whatever it is you’re doing. Next time I’ll make sure to call ahead.”