That's All the Words I Know (1/1)
Le sigh. I'm really starting to feel the "morning after regret", days later from finishing Juliette. Is it too late to turn back time? Can I still pretend none of it ever happened?
...ugh, I'm just like totally and utterly ugh rn ( back to hiding in my own little corner), but I swear I'm going to finish the next part of EM after this, or at least sometime soon, which means I am going to hustle like whoa this weekend.
Since I pay too much attention to the little things, Tobio is the guy responsible for pushing Naruto into Sasuke and causing the infamous kissing scene in episode/chapter three, which I still don't understand Kishimoto's reasoning behind, because the whole premise makes no sense, but I wanted to do something similar here. This whole series is starting to feel a little too AUish atm. Technically, it's their second meeting; the first one's almost finished, since yeah, I know the origins of Himiko-bastard need to be explained.
Couldn't help but slip in some manzai elements, including the fan (a seriously bad pun), too. I really like the idea of Kiba and Naruto as a comedy duo, where they take turns being the straight man, which I think is funny simply because neither of them would actually fit that kind of role.
Also, the hinted backstory concerning Sasuke and Suigetsu in Lemonade, this is where that story came from. So here there's a little SuigetsuSasuke going on. Although I wasn't going for it, that's what happened anyway.
Oh, and there's yet another Jurassic Park reference that got through. I haven't seen the movie in a while, but I really need to stop subconsciously incorporating it any which way.
***
Characters: Naruto/Sasuke, Shikamaru, Chouji, Suigetsu, Kiba
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3603
Summary: “Y-you idiot-stop worrying about my eyes and get off me!”
“See-see? It’s just like I told you. I keep seeing him everywhere.”
Shikamaru arches both eyebrows at Naruto staring extremely hard at the two guys sitting five tables down from them. “That guy you ran into last month?”
“Yeah,” Naruto says, offhanded, barely paying any attention to Shikamaru. “Yeah, the crazy guy who was walking around with a freaking shaman stick-Himiko-bastard.”
Shikamaru tries to get a good look at this so-called Himiko-bastard. He can’t see too well from this angle, but he can make out dark hair and dark eyes, which isn’t descriptive in the least, considering it describes the majority of Japan’s population; however, bizarre choice of moniker aside, it’s his first glimpse of the infamous guy Naruto has yet to stop complaining about.
Looks somewhat familiar, though. From one of his classes or something. He may actually have to pay attention during the rest of the week to make sure. The curiosity that’s gradually been building may just be enough to curb his usual indolence.
Sitting next to him, Chouji, one of the more reasonable and sane students he’s been fortunate enough to come across at Tama so far, looks between Naruto and the guy Naruto’s trying to burn holes into by sheer will alone, then turns his attention back to Shikamaru. He opens a large bag of hot and spicy shrimp flavoured chips and pops one into his mouth. “So...”
“Right,” Shikamaru says, not completely forgetful of the manners instilled by his overbearing mother that finally start to kick in. He makes a flippant gesture with his hand and nods towards Naruto. “Chouji, meet my roommate. Naruto, Chouji.”
Chouji waves at Naruto with two fingers. “Yo.”
Still glaring at his purported rival he’s only met once, Naruto grunts. He absently stabs at his neglected ramen with his chopsticks, spilling a little bit of broth over the rim of the small cup and muttering something Shikamaru really doesn’t care to know.
Of course, with his luck, or simply because it’s Naruto, he finds out anyway.
“Everywhere,” Naruto says, voice beginning to rise, “the guy shows up everywhere I don’t want him to be. And by everywhere, I mean everywhere. I’ve even seen him on the train a few times. Like some kind of demonic cicada that still won’t die even after summer’s over. He’s probably a rokurokubi in disguise or something.”
“A long neck spirit?” Chouji silently mouths at Shikamaru.
“I assume it has something to do with his aversion to snakes.”
Chouji blinks twice.
“Naruto tends to overshare a little too much. Learning these kinds of things about him, honestly, I didn’t have a choice.”
“Definitely a rokurokubi pretending to be human,” Naruto says. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Himiko-bastard turned into one because his karma was so low.”
“...Tama’s a pretty small school,” Chouji offers, more than a little cautious with his choice of words. “Maybe it’s a coincidence?”
Naruto’s eyes narrow even further, and his voice actually darkens. “Like hell it is.”
Shikamaru shrugs when Chouji sends a questioning look his way. “Running into the same people, that kind of thing’s not to be unexpected in a dining hall. Just don’t try telling him it’s not some perverse form of serendipity.”
Swallowing the food in his mouth, Chouji gives a slight nod in understanding, glancing back to Naruto. “Ah.”
“You seem thoroughly entertained by this little fiasco,” Shikamaru says, with a somewhat amused gleam in his eyes.
“Well, I can’t say I haven’t seen worse.” Throwing back another chip, leaning closer to Shikamaru, Chouji whispers none too softly, “Still, he’s a little obsessed, isn’t he? Maybe even a little paranoid, too.”
“At this rate, it’s a wonder they haven’t had a class together yet.”
“Yet?”
“Matter of time. I’m sure Naruto’ll be pursuing this vendetta at least until the end of the term. That’s how these kinds of things are supposed to work. Like a really bad comedy. I bet that guy’s going to end up being more trouble than he’s worth.”
“Hmm, I see what you’re saying.” Chouji continues to stare, interest piquing when Naruto begins to gnaw through the disposable chopsticks trapped between his teeth. “Um...Naruto, you’re kind of eating through your chopsticks, man.”
Unsurprisingly, Naruto seems completely oblivious, still staring at his Himiko-bastard while grinding away at the thin pieces of wood on the verge of snapping.
“...I didn’t realise it was that serious.”
Shikamaru raises a placating hand, shaking his head at Chouji. “Once this guy gets started, it’s best just to let this kind of thing run its course.”
“That’s it!” Yanking the chopsticks out of his mouth, Naruto slams them on the table and abruptly stands. It’s really not that dramatic a statement, especially considering the already noisy atmosphere that drowns out the sound of his chair scraping against the floor.
But he seems more than compelled enough to follow through with his sudden declaration.
“I’m going over there.”
Not that Shikamaru has any intention of trying to stop him anyway. Instead, he looks to Chouji. His gaze then trails back to a visibly determined Naruto treading away from their table. “You’ve seen worse than that, too, I gather.”
“Yep.” Not taking his eyes off Naruto, Chouji holds the bag of shrimp chips towards Shikamaru. “Want some?”
...
Whatever that Chouji guy said, there’s no way how many times he’s seen this bastard could ever be a coincidence. It just can’t be. Everywhere he goes, that bastard’s always somewhere around the corner, and it’s getting old really fast. He’s only been here a month, yet he can’t go two days without almost running into the guy.
So three tables down, only two more away from his destination, he lengthens his stride. The stride of a man who won’t be bested by some rokurokubi, the stride of a man on a mission, it’s the stride of the Great Uzumaki Naruto who’s finally going to confront the Menacing Himiko-bastard once and for all.
Accordingly, his hands hit the table of his destination with a bang, palms flat on the surface and right in front of Himiko-bastard’s tray. He squints at him, doing a double take when the white-haired guy sitting beside Himiko-bastard calmly takes a sip of his kimchi ramune soda.
Naruto’s had octopus ramune before, so really, he can’t exactly talk, but still. Kimchi ramune? He doesn’t personally know anybody who actually drinks the stuff.
Anyway.
“You,” he says, back to narrowing his eyes at Himiko-bastard.
The other guy puts down his soda and points to his nose. “Me?”
“No.” Temporarily distracted, Naruto shakes his head and once more goes back to narrowing his eyes at Himiko-bastard, who, tearing off a small piece of his steamed meat bun to put in his mouth, doesn’t even flinch. “You.”
After a few seconds of Naruto glaring and Himiko-bastard chewing that seem to pass by painfully slow, Himiko-bastard finally looks up, and Naruto’s met with dark eyes.
“What?”
“Don’t you know who I am?”
Himiko-bastard props an elbow on the table, with the side of his face resting against the back of his hand. He gives Naruto this extremely bland expression. “Am I supposed to?”
“Hey-hey, that’s not how it works. I asked you a question first.” Pushing up from the table, Naruto points a volatile finger that nearly hits Himiko-bastard in the nose. “You can’t answer a question with a question.”
“Let me rephrase this in a way that may be easier for you to understand.” One eyebrow arched, Himiko-bastard cocks his head a little to the side. “Do I look like I care?”
Naruto squawks.
“Now that we’ve established how much I don’t, go away.” Himiko-bastard tears off another small piece of his meat bun. “Drawing so much attention like this, you’re making a scene, and I don’t even know you.”
“What do you mean you don’t know me? How can you not know who I am? I’m the one you hit with that damn shaman stick, you cruel and heartless bastard. I couldn’t even run for a week because you made me sprain my ankle.”
Swallowing the food in his mouth, Himiko-bastard gives Naruto a quick onceover, hardly impressed. “I can tell.”
“What’re you trying to-”
“Oh, I see,” the other guy says, elbow on Himiko-bastard’s shoulder and leaning closer to study Naruto. “So Blondie here’s the reason why you were so testy that day. About your shinai. Mm, everything suddenly makes sense now.”
Naruto draws his head back, making a face. “...did you-did you just call me Blondie?”
“I wasn’t the moron with no sense of direction.” Ignoring Naruto’s indignant cry of I’m not a moron, Himiko-bastard gives the other guy a blank look for his efforts, shrugging off the elbow on his shoulder. When his gaze turns back to Naruto, though, he settles on something decidedly closer to irritation. “You’re the one who ran into me.”
“That’s not what-wait a minute, this means you do remember me, don’t you?” Naruto pulls up a chair, turning the back of it against the table and taking a seat. He crosses his arms on top of the table and glowers. “You said you didn’t know me, you liar.”
“I’ve never seen you before that day. I don’t know you.”
“Uzumaki-”
“I didn’t say I wanted to, either.”
“Uzumaki Naruto,” Naruto says, eyes slightly tapered with a cheeky grin. “And you’re going to remember it.”
Himiko-bastard snorts.
“Tch. I’m still waiting for an apology, too. You didn’t even say you were sorry for hitting me.”
“Then you’ll be waiting a long time because I’m not. You shouldn’t have been in the way.”
At a loss, Naruto just blinks. “What sort of faulty reasoning is that supposed to be?”
“Don’t mind him,” the other guy says to Naruto with an excessively cheerful smile. He steals a meat bun from Himiko-bastard’s tray, receiving a far from amused look in return, but he just leans closer to Himiko-bastard’s face. “And here I thought you weren’t a people person when we first met. You just like to hold grudges, don’t you?”
“Suigetsu...”
“He’s not always like this,” the other guy-Suigetsu-says, drawing back and taking a bite out of his stolen meat bun. “Really, he’s a nice guy once you get to know him. Ridiculously polite, too. Or at least once you get past the constant threats he never follows through with and these really neurotic tendencies he has. Like when he does laundry, he has to use the-”
“Don’t you have a class you’re going to be late for?”
“And leave you here alone? With all the strange kind of attention you tend to attract, I wouldn’t want to miss out on anything interesting like this. Art Theory doesn’t start for another hour anyway,” Suigetsu says, glancing at his watch. “Besides, I actually sort of like you, remember.”
“I don’t see how,” Naruto mutters, feeling a little left out of the conversation he’s immediately pulled back into when Himiko-bastard gives him this look, this so over the top condescending look that makes him feel like his intelligence is somehow being insulted by a glare alone.
Which, considering the kind of person Himiko-bastard is, it probably is.
“You’re still here?”
“Listen, you evil shaman stick-wielding demonic rokurokubi-”
Snorting into his ramune soda, Suigetsu snickers.
“-the only reason I came over here is because I can’t stop seeing you all the time. Ever since that day, you keep showing up everywhere I don’t want you to be, so whatever you think you’re doing following me around like that,” Naruto says, standing a finger upright on the table, “it needs to stop now.”
Making this little hmph noise, Himiko-bastard returns back to his food, using a pair of chopsticks to pick up a plain looking rice ball.
“Hey-you can’t do that. You’re not supposed to ignore people when they’re talking to you.”
Without even looking up, Himiko-bastard says, “Watch me.”
“Come on, bangjjak” Suigetsu says, bearing a toothy grin at an exasperated looking Himiko-bastard he again leans close to. “No need to be so mean to the guy. You should try being more friendly. It’s already been a month, right?”
Himiko-bastard rolls his eyes.
“Is that your name?” Naruto blurts out, trying to repeat what Suigetsu said. It feels foreign and unfamiliar on his tongue, doesn’t sound anything close to Japanese, but he tries to pronounce it again anyway, earning a chuckle from Suigetsu.
“You’re funny, Blondie. Really funny,” he says. “Like your name.”
“What the-”
“So not only are you dense, but apparently you’re hard of hearing, too.” Himiko-bastard gives Naruto another one of those extremely bland looks, unscrewing the cap to his bottle of jasmine tea. “Fascinating.”
“That doesn’t even-why would you even-gah, you’re such a-” Groaning, Naruto pulls at his hair, turning around in his chair to face Himiko-bastard. “What kind of person are you? Flaunting that kind of off-putting personality, who actually goes around willingly saying those kinds of mean-”
Suigetsu interrupts Naruto’s outburst with a snap of his fingers. “That’s where I know you from. You’re that guy who transferred to Professor Umino’s class at the last minute last week then almost got kicked out for being so loud, yeah?”
Sitting up, Naruto grins, more than a little sheepish. It wasn’t one of his prouder moments, getting into an argument so early in his first term with that Tobio guy for something he can’t even remember now, but it was all a simple misunderstanding.
Really.
“An idiot like you,” Himiko-bastard says, taking a sip of his tea, “figures.”
But back to the more important matter at hand.
“At least I’m not the one haunting poor innocent people with plans to drain their blood at night.”
“Why would I drain anyone’s-what is your problem? We both happen to be attending the same school. How could that kind of coincidence possibly be my fault? You actually think I’d go out of my way to follow a dumbass like you?”
“And the hell’s that supposed to mean, huh?” Naruto nearly throws himself the short distance between them. Placed only a few centimetres away, he squints. “You got something against me, Himiko-bastard?”
“Don’t.” Himiko-bastard’s left eye starts to twitch. Violently, his grip tightens on the plastic bottle of tea he sets on the table. He glowers at Naruto. “Call me that.”
“Himiko-bastard?” Suigetsu outright cackles, taking a loud sip of his drink through the straw in his mouth. “This guy must really have it out for you.”
Himiko-bastard levels a glare at him, too.
“What’s your name then, bastard?”
“Like I should feel any obligation to answer such a presumptuous guy.” Himiko-bastard purses his lips. “You’re the idiot who came over here making completely senseless claims to people you don’t even know with the intention of starting some kind of confrontation. For the last time. Go. Away.”
“Not until you tell me your name.” Not in the least discouraged, Naruto inches closer and closer towards Himiko-bastard’s face, placing himself only a few centimetres away.
“It’s none of your business,” Himiko-bastard hisses. “Now leave.”
A slight upturn of Naruto’s lips quickly edges into a smirk. “Unless you want me to keep calling you Himiko-bastard?”
He receives a scowl in return, paired with the kind of glare he’s pretty sure is meant to bore holes into his skull. Vaguely, though, somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers someone calling out the name Tobio, which definitely must be a coincidence this time, unlike Himiko-bastard’s apparent ability to be everywhere Naruto doesn’t want him to be, but that train of thought is quickly lost when a nudge to his back shoves him face forward.
Straight into Himiko-bastard’s lap.
His first instinct is to keep from falling, so it makes perfectly good sense that his hands reach for Himiko-bastard’s legs, keep him steady when they slide to down to rest on Himiko-bastard’s knees, and slowly, slowly, he raises his head.
Himiko-bastard’s whole body just freezes, then his face starts to get red. Really red. Like seriously, really red. Almost as red as his mom’s hair, Naruto absently thinks, pushing himself up a little closer to stare into wide, impossibly dark eyes.
“Your eyes are really dark, you know that,” he says, “I mean really, really-”
“Y-you idiot-stop worrying about my eyes and get off me!”
It takes another moment for the delayed reaction to finally bring reality crashing back in, one or two seconds to remind Naruto exactly what kind of position he’s in that are instantaneously sped up by the hands sort of digging into his cheek and pressing up against his nose trying to shove him away, except his own hands are still kind of holding on to Himiko-bastard’s knees for dear life so he won’t fall down on the floor.
He holds a breath at the not so small circle of silence from the good number of people around them. Maybe not the entire dining hall, but with those kinds of intent looks, all the not so go kind of attention he’s drawn, it feels like everyone within eyesight is staring at them-everyone-which is when Naruto again remembers where he is but this time realises how close his face was to practically being in Himiko-bastard’s crotch.
Horrified, his eyes grow large. Completely mortified, his mouth opens wide with a shriek that stays silent because he can’t get any sound to come out.
And it really doesn’t help make him feel any better when Suigetsu decides to break the surrounding silence by laughing. The guy just starts laughing and can’t seem to exercise enough self-control to actually stop.
“I-uh...um,” Naruto can’t help his stutter and his shaky hands that still haven’t let go of Himiko-bastard’s knees, because really, if he wasn’t caught in such an embarrassing situation, especially with the palm trying to rearrange his face and the finger that almost pokes his eye out, he definitely would have moved by now, “I didn’t-I swear I wasn’t trying to-”
“I don’t care, you moron, just get off me-get the hell off me!”
His saviour is an unexpected hand seizing him from behind by his grey jacket, and he jumps, finally letting go of Himiko-bastard when he recognises Kiba’s voice as the strong grip pulls him up from Himiko-bastard’s lap.
“You got to be kidding me, Naruto. I haven’t even known you that long, but leave you alone for ten minutes and this is what I come back to?” Annoyed, Kiba sucks his teeth. He draws out an incredibly long and dramatic sigh, grabbing the back of Naruto’s collar to lead him back to their table. “As much as I like you, I didn’t sign up to be your babysitter, you know.”
Naruto lets himself be dragged away from an absolutely scandalised looking Himiko-bastard who breaks their gaze and picks up his tray to leave with a still loudly laughing Suigetsu. Somewhat numb, he’s not really in a state to put up a struggle, too busy trying to wipe out the image of his face that close to being in Himiko-bastard’s crotch that’s already been burned into his mind.
“Seriously, I mean, if this were a stand-up comedy,” Kiba says, “this is the point where I should be hitting you with a fan. And I’d hit you really hard, too. But why do you always have to make me the straight man in our relationship? What if I want to be the funny man every once in a while, huh? Did you ever stop to think about that?”
Bottom lip trembling, Naruto finally recovers his voice, letting out this really shrill sort of squeak. “But I-and then there was Himiko-bastard’s-my face-”
The longwinded stream of complaints continues to go on as Kiba parts a way for them through the crowd that hasn’t stopped staring, but Naruto’s just kind of shaking, still feeling a little numb, maybe even a little scarred for life at this point.
“So I don’t appreciate that you keep putting me in this position of assumed responsibility, all right,” Kiba says. “I’m only eighteen, but you’re making me feel old, man. Very, very old.”
He pushes down on the shoulders of a compliant Naruto and sits him across from Shikamaru and Chouji.
“I was right there,” Naruto murmurs, staring at his cup ramen that’s probably cold by now and the chewed up ends of the chopsticks lying on top of each other on the table, “my face was almost this close to being right on top of Himiko-bastard’s-”
“Yeah, yeah, Naruto.” Dropping his head, again, Kiba sighs. He raises pleading eyes to look at Shikamaru and Chouji, pointing a thumb at Naruto. “Why do I get the sinking feeling this kind of thing is going to become routine with him?”
“Let it run its course, huh?” Chouji says with a glance to Shikamaru, raising both eyebrows at Naruto muttering about a trying-to-be-innocent tomato-faced Himiko-bastard, evil undying cicadas that won’t stay dead, and rokurokubi in disguise attempting to lure him into their demonic crotches so they can drain his blood at night. “...yeah, I’m just going to say your roommate’s a lot weirder than you first told me to expect.”
Shaking his head, Shikamaru snorts, reaching for a handful of hot and spicy shrimp flavoured chips from the large bag placed between his tray and Chouji’s. “Still not the worst you’ve seen, though, right?”
“Nope.” Chouji picks up the bag still half full and offers it to Kiba. “Want some?”
...ugh, I'm just like totally and utterly ugh rn ( back to hiding in my own little corner), but I swear I'm going to finish the next part of EM after this, or at least sometime soon, which means I am going to hustle like whoa this weekend.
Since I pay too much attention to the little things, Tobio is the guy responsible for pushing Naruto into Sasuke and causing the infamous kissing scene in episode/chapter three, which I still don't understand Kishimoto's reasoning behind, because the whole premise makes no sense, but I wanted to do something similar here. This whole series is starting to feel a little too AUish atm. Technically, it's their second meeting; the first one's almost finished, since yeah, I know the origins of Himiko-bastard need to be explained.
Couldn't help but slip in some manzai elements, including the fan (a seriously bad pun), too. I really like the idea of Kiba and Naruto as a comedy duo, where they take turns being the straight man, which I think is funny simply because neither of them would actually fit that kind of role.
Also, the hinted backstory concerning Sasuke and Suigetsu in Lemonade, this is where that story came from. So here there's a little SuigetsuSasuke going on. Although I wasn't going for it, that's what happened anyway.
Oh, and there's yet another Jurassic Park reference that got through. I haven't seen the movie in a while, but I really need to stop subconsciously incorporating it any which way.
***
Characters: Naruto/Sasuke, Shikamaru, Chouji, Suigetsu, Kiba
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3603
Summary: “Y-you idiot-stop worrying about my eyes and get off me!”
“See-see? It’s just like I told you. I keep seeing him everywhere.”
Shikamaru arches both eyebrows at Naruto staring extremely hard at the two guys sitting five tables down from them. “That guy you ran into last month?”
“Yeah,” Naruto says, offhanded, barely paying any attention to Shikamaru. “Yeah, the crazy guy who was walking around with a freaking shaman stick-Himiko-bastard.”
Shikamaru tries to get a good look at this so-called Himiko-bastard. He can’t see too well from this angle, but he can make out dark hair and dark eyes, which isn’t descriptive in the least, considering it describes the majority of Japan’s population; however, bizarre choice of moniker aside, it’s his first glimpse of the infamous guy Naruto has yet to stop complaining about.
Looks somewhat familiar, though. From one of his classes or something. He may actually have to pay attention during the rest of the week to make sure. The curiosity that’s gradually been building may just be enough to curb his usual indolence.
Sitting next to him, Chouji, one of the more reasonable and sane students he’s been fortunate enough to come across at Tama so far, looks between Naruto and the guy Naruto’s trying to burn holes into by sheer will alone, then turns his attention back to Shikamaru. He opens a large bag of hot and spicy shrimp flavoured chips and pops one into his mouth. “So...”
“Right,” Shikamaru says, not completely forgetful of the manners instilled by his overbearing mother that finally start to kick in. He makes a flippant gesture with his hand and nods towards Naruto. “Chouji, meet my roommate. Naruto, Chouji.”
Chouji waves at Naruto with two fingers. “Yo.”
Still glaring at his purported rival he’s only met once, Naruto grunts. He absently stabs at his neglected ramen with his chopsticks, spilling a little bit of broth over the rim of the small cup and muttering something Shikamaru really doesn’t care to know.
Of course, with his luck, or simply because it’s Naruto, he finds out anyway.
“Everywhere,” Naruto says, voice beginning to rise, “the guy shows up everywhere I don’t want him to be. And by everywhere, I mean everywhere. I’ve even seen him on the train a few times. Like some kind of demonic cicada that still won’t die even after summer’s over. He’s probably a rokurokubi in disguise or something.”
“A long neck spirit?” Chouji silently mouths at Shikamaru.
“I assume it has something to do with his aversion to snakes.”
Chouji blinks twice.
“Naruto tends to overshare a little too much. Learning these kinds of things about him, honestly, I didn’t have a choice.”
“Definitely a rokurokubi pretending to be human,” Naruto says. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Himiko-bastard turned into one because his karma was so low.”
“...Tama’s a pretty small school,” Chouji offers, more than a little cautious with his choice of words. “Maybe it’s a coincidence?”
Naruto’s eyes narrow even further, and his voice actually darkens. “Like hell it is.”
Shikamaru shrugs when Chouji sends a questioning look his way. “Running into the same people, that kind of thing’s not to be unexpected in a dining hall. Just don’t try telling him it’s not some perverse form of serendipity.”
Swallowing the food in his mouth, Chouji gives a slight nod in understanding, glancing back to Naruto. “Ah.”
“You seem thoroughly entertained by this little fiasco,” Shikamaru says, with a somewhat amused gleam in his eyes.
“Well, I can’t say I haven’t seen worse.” Throwing back another chip, leaning closer to Shikamaru, Chouji whispers none too softly, “Still, he’s a little obsessed, isn’t he? Maybe even a little paranoid, too.”
“At this rate, it’s a wonder they haven’t had a class together yet.”
“Yet?”
“Matter of time. I’m sure Naruto’ll be pursuing this vendetta at least until the end of the term. That’s how these kinds of things are supposed to work. Like a really bad comedy. I bet that guy’s going to end up being more trouble than he’s worth.”
“Hmm, I see what you’re saying.” Chouji continues to stare, interest piquing when Naruto begins to gnaw through the disposable chopsticks trapped between his teeth. “Um...Naruto, you’re kind of eating through your chopsticks, man.”
Unsurprisingly, Naruto seems completely oblivious, still staring at his Himiko-bastard while grinding away at the thin pieces of wood on the verge of snapping.
“...I didn’t realise it was that serious.”
Shikamaru raises a placating hand, shaking his head at Chouji. “Once this guy gets started, it’s best just to let this kind of thing run its course.”
“That’s it!” Yanking the chopsticks out of his mouth, Naruto slams them on the table and abruptly stands. It’s really not that dramatic a statement, especially considering the already noisy atmosphere that drowns out the sound of his chair scraping against the floor.
But he seems more than compelled enough to follow through with his sudden declaration.
“I’m going over there.”
Not that Shikamaru has any intention of trying to stop him anyway. Instead, he looks to Chouji. His gaze then trails back to a visibly determined Naruto treading away from their table. “You’ve seen worse than that, too, I gather.”
“Yep.” Not taking his eyes off Naruto, Chouji holds the bag of shrimp chips towards Shikamaru. “Want some?”
...
Whatever that Chouji guy said, there’s no way how many times he’s seen this bastard could ever be a coincidence. It just can’t be. Everywhere he goes, that bastard’s always somewhere around the corner, and it’s getting old really fast. He’s only been here a month, yet he can’t go two days without almost running into the guy.
So three tables down, only two more away from his destination, he lengthens his stride. The stride of a man who won’t be bested by some rokurokubi, the stride of a man on a mission, it’s the stride of the Great Uzumaki Naruto who’s finally going to confront the Menacing Himiko-bastard once and for all.
Accordingly, his hands hit the table of his destination with a bang, palms flat on the surface and right in front of Himiko-bastard’s tray. He squints at him, doing a double take when the white-haired guy sitting beside Himiko-bastard calmly takes a sip of his kimchi ramune soda.
Naruto’s had octopus ramune before, so really, he can’t exactly talk, but still. Kimchi ramune? He doesn’t personally know anybody who actually drinks the stuff.
Anyway.
“You,” he says, back to narrowing his eyes at Himiko-bastard.
The other guy puts down his soda and points to his nose. “Me?”
“No.” Temporarily distracted, Naruto shakes his head and once more goes back to narrowing his eyes at Himiko-bastard, who, tearing off a small piece of his steamed meat bun to put in his mouth, doesn’t even flinch. “You.”
After a few seconds of Naruto glaring and Himiko-bastard chewing that seem to pass by painfully slow, Himiko-bastard finally looks up, and Naruto’s met with dark eyes.
“What?”
“Don’t you know who I am?”
Himiko-bastard props an elbow on the table, with the side of his face resting against the back of his hand. He gives Naruto this extremely bland expression. “Am I supposed to?”
“Hey-hey, that’s not how it works. I asked you a question first.” Pushing up from the table, Naruto points a volatile finger that nearly hits Himiko-bastard in the nose. “You can’t answer a question with a question.”
“Let me rephrase this in a way that may be easier for you to understand.” One eyebrow arched, Himiko-bastard cocks his head a little to the side. “Do I look like I care?”
Naruto squawks.
“Now that we’ve established how much I don’t, go away.” Himiko-bastard tears off another small piece of his meat bun. “Drawing so much attention like this, you’re making a scene, and I don’t even know you.”
“What do you mean you don’t know me? How can you not know who I am? I’m the one you hit with that damn shaman stick, you cruel and heartless bastard. I couldn’t even run for a week because you made me sprain my ankle.”
Swallowing the food in his mouth, Himiko-bastard gives Naruto a quick onceover, hardly impressed. “I can tell.”
“What’re you trying to-”
“Oh, I see,” the other guy says, elbow on Himiko-bastard’s shoulder and leaning closer to study Naruto. “So Blondie here’s the reason why you were so testy that day. About your shinai. Mm, everything suddenly makes sense now.”
Naruto draws his head back, making a face. “...did you-did you just call me Blondie?”
“I wasn’t the moron with no sense of direction.” Ignoring Naruto’s indignant cry of I’m not a moron, Himiko-bastard gives the other guy a blank look for his efforts, shrugging off the elbow on his shoulder. When his gaze turns back to Naruto, though, he settles on something decidedly closer to irritation. “You’re the one who ran into me.”
“That’s not what-wait a minute, this means you do remember me, don’t you?” Naruto pulls up a chair, turning the back of it against the table and taking a seat. He crosses his arms on top of the table and glowers. “You said you didn’t know me, you liar.”
“I’ve never seen you before that day. I don’t know you.”
“Uzumaki-”
“I didn’t say I wanted to, either.”
“Uzumaki Naruto,” Naruto says, eyes slightly tapered with a cheeky grin. “And you’re going to remember it.”
Himiko-bastard snorts.
“Tch. I’m still waiting for an apology, too. You didn’t even say you were sorry for hitting me.”
“Then you’ll be waiting a long time because I’m not. You shouldn’t have been in the way.”
At a loss, Naruto just blinks. “What sort of faulty reasoning is that supposed to be?”
“Don’t mind him,” the other guy says to Naruto with an excessively cheerful smile. He steals a meat bun from Himiko-bastard’s tray, receiving a far from amused look in return, but he just leans closer to Himiko-bastard’s face. “And here I thought you weren’t a people person when we first met. You just like to hold grudges, don’t you?”
“Suigetsu...”
“He’s not always like this,” the other guy-Suigetsu-says, drawing back and taking a bite out of his stolen meat bun. “Really, he’s a nice guy once you get to know him. Ridiculously polite, too. Or at least once you get past the constant threats he never follows through with and these really neurotic tendencies he has. Like when he does laundry, he has to use the-”
“Don’t you have a class you’re going to be late for?”
“And leave you here alone? With all the strange kind of attention you tend to attract, I wouldn’t want to miss out on anything interesting like this. Art Theory doesn’t start for another hour anyway,” Suigetsu says, glancing at his watch. “Besides, I actually sort of like you, remember.”
“I don’t see how,” Naruto mutters, feeling a little left out of the conversation he’s immediately pulled back into when Himiko-bastard gives him this look, this so over the top condescending look that makes him feel like his intelligence is somehow being insulted by a glare alone.
Which, considering the kind of person Himiko-bastard is, it probably is.
“You’re still here?”
“Listen, you evil shaman stick-wielding demonic rokurokubi-”
Snorting into his ramune soda, Suigetsu snickers.
“-the only reason I came over here is because I can’t stop seeing you all the time. Ever since that day, you keep showing up everywhere I don’t want you to be, so whatever you think you’re doing following me around like that,” Naruto says, standing a finger upright on the table, “it needs to stop now.”
Making this little hmph noise, Himiko-bastard returns back to his food, using a pair of chopsticks to pick up a plain looking rice ball.
“Hey-you can’t do that. You’re not supposed to ignore people when they’re talking to you.”
Without even looking up, Himiko-bastard says, “Watch me.”
“Come on, bangjjak” Suigetsu says, bearing a toothy grin at an exasperated looking Himiko-bastard he again leans close to. “No need to be so mean to the guy. You should try being more friendly. It’s already been a month, right?”
Himiko-bastard rolls his eyes.
“Is that your name?” Naruto blurts out, trying to repeat what Suigetsu said. It feels foreign and unfamiliar on his tongue, doesn’t sound anything close to Japanese, but he tries to pronounce it again anyway, earning a chuckle from Suigetsu.
“You’re funny, Blondie. Really funny,” he says. “Like your name.”
“What the-”
“So not only are you dense, but apparently you’re hard of hearing, too.” Himiko-bastard gives Naruto another one of those extremely bland looks, unscrewing the cap to his bottle of jasmine tea. “Fascinating.”
“That doesn’t even-why would you even-gah, you’re such a-” Groaning, Naruto pulls at his hair, turning around in his chair to face Himiko-bastard. “What kind of person are you? Flaunting that kind of off-putting personality, who actually goes around willingly saying those kinds of mean-”
Suigetsu interrupts Naruto’s outburst with a snap of his fingers. “That’s where I know you from. You’re that guy who transferred to Professor Umino’s class at the last minute last week then almost got kicked out for being so loud, yeah?”
Sitting up, Naruto grins, more than a little sheepish. It wasn’t one of his prouder moments, getting into an argument so early in his first term with that Tobio guy for something he can’t even remember now, but it was all a simple misunderstanding.
Really.
“An idiot like you,” Himiko-bastard says, taking a sip of his tea, “figures.”
But back to the more important matter at hand.
“At least I’m not the one haunting poor innocent people with plans to drain their blood at night.”
“Why would I drain anyone’s-what is your problem? We both happen to be attending the same school. How could that kind of coincidence possibly be my fault? You actually think I’d go out of my way to follow a dumbass like you?”
“And the hell’s that supposed to mean, huh?” Naruto nearly throws himself the short distance between them. Placed only a few centimetres away, he squints. “You got something against me, Himiko-bastard?”
“Don’t.” Himiko-bastard’s left eye starts to twitch. Violently, his grip tightens on the plastic bottle of tea he sets on the table. He glowers at Naruto. “Call me that.”
“Himiko-bastard?” Suigetsu outright cackles, taking a loud sip of his drink through the straw in his mouth. “This guy must really have it out for you.”
Himiko-bastard levels a glare at him, too.
“What’s your name then, bastard?”
“Like I should feel any obligation to answer such a presumptuous guy.” Himiko-bastard purses his lips. “You’re the idiot who came over here making completely senseless claims to people you don’t even know with the intention of starting some kind of confrontation. For the last time. Go. Away.”
“Not until you tell me your name.” Not in the least discouraged, Naruto inches closer and closer towards Himiko-bastard’s face, placing himself only a few centimetres away.
“It’s none of your business,” Himiko-bastard hisses. “Now leave.”
A slight upturn of Naruto’s lips quickly edges into a smirk. “Unless you want me to keep calling you Himiko-bastard?”
He receives a scowl in return, paired with the kind of glare he’s pretty sure is meant to bore holes into his skull. Vaguely, though, somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers someone calling out the name Tobio, which definitely must be a coincidence this time, unlike Himiko-bastard’s apparent ability to be everywhere Naruto doesn’t want him to be, but that train of thought is quickly lost when a nudge to his back shoves him face forward.
Straight into Himiko-bastard’s lap.
His first instinct is to keep from falling, so it makes perfectly good sense that his hands reach for Himiko-bastard’s legs, keep him steady when they slide to down to rest on Himiko-bastard’s knees, and slowly, slowly, he raises his head.
Himiko-bastard’s whole body just freezes, then his face starts to get red. Really red. Like seriously, really red. Almost as red as his mom’s hair, Naruto absently thinks, pushing himself up a little closer to stare into wide, impossibly dark eyes.
“Your eyes are really dark, you know that,” he says, “I mean really, really-”
“Y-you idiot-stop worrying about my eyes and get off me!”
It takes another moment for the delayed reaction to finally bring reality crashing back in, one or two seconds to remind Naruto exactly what kind of position he’s in that are instantaneously sped up by the hands sort of digging into his cheek and pressing up against his nose trying to shove him away, except his own hands are still kind of holding on to Himiko-bastard’s knees for dear life so he won’t fall down on the floor.
He holds a breath at the not so small circle of silence from the good number of people around them. Maybe not the entire dining hall, but with those kinds of intent looks, all the not so go kind of attention he’s drawn, it feels like everyone within eyesight is staring at them-everyone-which is when Naruto again remembers where he is but this time realises how close his face was to practically being in Himiko-bastard’s crotch.
Horrified, his eyes grow large. Completely mortified, his mouth opens wide with a shriek that stays silent because he can’t get any sound to come out.
And it really doesn’t help make him feel any better when Suigetsu decides to break the surrounding silence by laughing. The guy just starts laughing and can’t seem to exercise enough self-control to actually stop.
“I-uh...um,” Naruto can’t help his stutter and his shaky hands that still haven’t let go of Himiko-bastard’s knees, because really, if he wasn’t caught in such an embarrassing situation, especially with the palm trying to rearrange his face and the finger that almost pokes his eye out, he definitely would have moved by now, “I didn’t-I swear I wasn’t trying to-”
“I don’t care, you moron, just get off me-get the hell off me!”
His saviour is an unexpected hand seizing him from behind by his grey jacket, and he jumps, finally letting go of Himiko-bastard when he recognises Kiba’s voice as the strong grip pulls him up from Himiko-bastard’s lap.
“You got to be kidding me, Naruto. I haven’t even known you that long, but leave you alone for ten minutes and this is what I come back to?” Annoyed, Kiba sucks his teeth. He draws out an incredibly long and dramatic sigh, grabbing the back of Naruto’s collar to lead him back to their table. “As much as I like you, I didn’t sign up to be your babysitter, you know.”
Naruto lets himself be dragged away from an absolutely scandalised looking Himiko-bastard who breaks their gaze and picks up his tray to leave with a still loudly laughing Suigetsu. Somewhat numb, he’s not really in a state to put up a struggle, too busy trying to wipe out the image of his face that close to being in Himiko-bastard’s crotch that’s already been burned into his mind.
“Seriously, I mean, if this were a stand-up comedy,” Kiba says, “this is the point where I should be hitting you with a fan. And I’d hit you really hard, too. But why do you always have to make me the straight man in our relationship? What if I want to be the funny man every once in a while, huh? Did you ever stop to think about that?”
Bottom lip trembling, Naruto finally recovers his voice, letting out this really shrill sort of squeak. “But I-and then there was Himiko-bastard’s-my face-”
The longwinded stream of complaints continues to go on as Kiba parts a way for them through the crowd that hasn’t stopped staring, but Naruto’s just kind of shaking, still feeling a little numb, maybe even a little scarred for life at this point.
“So I don’t appreciate that you keep putting me in this position of assumed responsibility, all right,” Kiba says. “I’m only eighteen, but you’re making me feel old, man. Very, very old.”
He pushes down on the shoulders of a compliant Naruto and sits him across from Shikamaru and Chouji.
“I was right there,” Naruto murmurs, staring at his cup ramen that’s probably cold by now and the chewed up ends of the chopsticks lying on top of each other on the table, “my face was almost this close to being right on top of Himiko-bastard’s-”
“Yeah, yeah, Naruto.” Dropping his head, again, Kiba sighs. He raises pleading eyes to look at Shikamaru and Chouji, pointing a thumb at Naruto. “Why do I get the sinking feeling this kind of thing is going to become routine with him?”
“Let it run its course, huh?” Chouji says with a glance to Shikamaru, raising both eyebrows at Naruto muttering about a trying-to-be-innocent tomato-faced Himiko-bastard, evil undying cicadas that won’t stay dead, and rokurokubi in disguise attempting to lure him into their demonic crotches so they can drain his blood at night. “...yeah, I’m just going to say your roommate’s a lot weirder than you first told me to expect.”
Shaking his head, Shikamaru snorts, reaching for a handful of hot and spicy shrimp flavoured chips from the large bag placed between his tray and Chouji’s. “Still not the worst you’ve seen, though, right?”
“Nope.” Chouji picks up the bag still half full and offers it to Kiba. “Want some?”