Talking About (1/1)
I can’t believe I’m doing a tag for my own fic. How crude. Still, I’m not going to put down inspiration when it hits. I was working on that fatherly!Kakashi fic, and this just came, so I decided to go with it because I always feel more comfortable with humour of the inane variety. There may be really vague hints of KibaIno, because I kind of love that pairing now, alongside more obvious hints of ShinoHinata, because I think they'd be adorable. And then there was a chance to write Sai again. I already have a couple of things for him I want to work on, but something about this Sai really appeals to me. I still can't write Chouji yet, but I'll work on it.
I finished this a little too late for Naruto's birthday, but it's not about Naruto anyway, so it's all good.
***
Characters: Naruto/Sasuke, Shino/Hinata, Ino, Sakura, Kiba, Tenten, Sai, Shikamaru, Lee, Chouji
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3298
Summary: That night at Chouji’s New Year’s Party. Apartment 402 tag.
***
“I’ve never been to a party like this before,” Sai says, taking the empty seat next to Shino.
“Unsurprisingly,” Kiba mutters.
Tenten rolls her eyes. “Ignore him.” She slips into the chair across from Sai, sitting beside Lee. “Wasn’t it nice of Chouji’s parents to let us have the whole place for the night?”
“Half the school more like.” Shikamaru leans against the back of his chair, stretching his arms above his head as he yawns.
“And yet you still came,” Ino points out, snorting as her lips pucker around the pink straw standing in her tall glass of kiwi Chu-Hi.
“It’s only a few of us,” Hinata says, face flushed as she gently places on the table a glass halfway full of ice cubes floating in plum wine.
Tenten sighs, propping her elbow on the table and resting her hand against her face. “How cool would it be to be a part of a family-owned a restaurant like this?”
“So much enthusiasm surrounding the welcoming of a new year...” Lee swallows a mouthful of noodles then downs them with a large gulp of his Yona Yona Ale. “It brings tears to my eyes.”
“I think you put too much wasabi in your noodles.” At the tears streaming down Lee’s cheeks, Tenten glances at the bits of green smothered across the noodles in Lee’s bowl . “Who does that to year-end soba?”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Kiba says with a grin, “but the red fish cake was pretty damn good.” He releases a loud belch and proudly smacks his lips at the equally loud groans that follow. “Although if I had to die right now, I’d die happy knowing it was from stuffing myself with this kind of food.”
Ino scrunches her nose. “You’re such a pig.”
“Better a pig than someone who won’t even eat the food.”
“I’ve already had enough sugar-laced alcohol to last me for the rest of the night. Week. Month.” Ino moans, buries her face on Sakura’s shoulder. “At this rate, I’m at risk of letting myself go too close to the new year. So many calories-you were supposed to prevent this from happening to me.”
Carefully, Sakura places an arm around Ino and pats her on the back. “Ino, you-”
“Why did you let me do this to me?” Ino tugs on Sakura’s sleeve. Lifting her head, she reaches for a broiled prawn on a large plate stretched the width of the two tables pushed together. After putting the prawn in her mouth, she places her head back on Sakura’s shoulder. “How could you let me let this happen?”
With an absent nod, Sakura continues to pat Ino’s back, looking out to the floor crowded with people. “That’s...yeah, that’s nice, Ino-has anyone seen Sasuke or Naruto?” Her mouth flitters into a frown. “It’s almost eleven, and I haven’t seen them since Morning Musume performed. I don’t want them to miss the countdown.”
“Don’t look so worried,” Shikamaru says.
“I’m not worried.” Sakura chews on her bottom lip. “It’s just when it comes to those two and alcohol...”
“This place isn’t that big,” Tenten says. “I’m sure they’ll turn up eventually.”
Hinata offers Sakura a smile. “They couldn’t have gone too far. Naruto wouldn’t want to miss Kohaku.”
“He better not,” Kiba says. “All week Naruto kept going on and on about how Porno Graffiti was going to be on Kohaku Uta Gassen again this year.” He scoffs. “And really, the guy only likes them because they’re from Hiroshima. But just because his mom’s from Hiroshima doesn’t mean Porno’s the best band in Japan.”
Ino sits up and grabs another prawn. “Bitter much?”
“I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt so invigorated.” Lee reaches over the table for another can of beer. “Sai-Sai, you’re the only one without a drink. And that isn’t...” He frowns at the can in his hand, looks at Sai then at the can again. Finally, after a few more moments of staring, he passes the can to Sai. “You should really have this.”
Tenten sends Lee a pointed look. “How much did you have to drink while I was gone?”
“Don’t nag on the guy, Tenten.” Kiba points his bottle of Takayoshi Imperial Stout at the opened can of Fuyu Monogatari in front of Tenten. “It’s New Year’s Eve.”
Hinata covers a small laugh with a hand over her mouth.
Kiba winks at her. “That’s the spirit.”
Sai picks up the can of Yona Yona Ale offered by Lee. He pops the tab and takes a cautious sip.
“It’s great, isn’t it?” Lee regards Sai with a succession of quick nods. “Great.”
“It’s great.” Sai tilts his head to the side a little, smiles a weird little grin that has Kiba edging away and turning towards the TV mounted above the bar.
A slight commotion, loud enough despite the already noisy and crowded atmosphere, takes Kiba’s attention away from Matsushita Nao on the screen. His eyes light up when he spots the back of a familiar head of blond hair and the person with dark hair seemingly attached to Naruto’s face as they stumble into the empty booth right across from the bar. “Hey-I think I found Naruto.”
“Looks like somebody’s having a good time,” Shikamaru drawls.
Sakura scowls a little under her breath. “I can’t believe he’s that drunk already. The nerve of him overdoing it this early. It’s not even midnight.” She empties her glass of Style Free Happoshu and nearly slams it back on the table . “At least wait for the rest of us to catch up.”
Tenten follows Sakura’s gaze, to Naruto and the person he’s currently pressing against the edge of the booth. “Is that...is that Ayame with him? Hirai Ayame?”
“The same Ayame from our Modern History class?” Kiba cracks a wide grin that quickly grows into a leer. “Go, Naruto!”
“Don’t cheer him on like that,” Ino hisses.
Hinata shakes her head when Naruto’s thrown on top of the table. “I don’t think that’s...”
Shino raises both eyebrows at the person climbing on top of Naruto.
Sakura’s eyes go wide. “Oh. My-”
“That’s not Ayame,” Ino says.
“Which explains so much more than I ever cared to know,” Shikamaru mumbles.
Kiba points a shaky finger at Naruto. “That’s Sa-Sasuke.”
“And this is surprising to you?” Sai says, already halfway through his beer. “I’d always thought-”
“Thought what?” Kiba almost shrieks. “What have you always thought?”
Lee blinks owlishly at the sight of Naruto and Sasuke making out on the table. “Well, I suppose it’s good that Naruto and Sasuke can be so energetic about their lives. Although maybe...”
“That’s it-they broke Lee.”
Sakura clenches her fist beneath the table. “What the hell do those two think they’re doing?”
“Why do you even want to know?” Kiba says.
“The same reason you’re still looking.”
“How the hell am I not supposed to look?” Frantic, Kiba glances around the table. “Quick-somebody cover them with a sheet o-or a tablecloth and kick them in a corner or something before Chouji sees and kicks us out.”
“Seeing as Naruto and Sasuke aren’t the only ones in that state,” Shino says, gesturing to the obviously drunk couple making out in the corner by the bar, “I find it hard to believe anyone else is paying attention to their desecration of the furniture.”
“What if they can’t breathe?” Shikamaru says, the corner of his mouth slightly upturned at Kiba’s obvious distress.
“Who cares if they can’t breathe? I don’t need to see this. No one in their right mind needs to see this.”
“I saw a situation not too dissimilar during my European film studies class,” Sai says, “in a French independent film submitted to the Cannes Film Festival in 1976. Overall, the film’s themes were in tandem with the sexual revolution taking place in America at the time; however, Western sensibilities concerning sexuality differ greatly from Eastern sensibilities, Japanese society in particular with-”
“Who brought this guy over here again?” Kiba stares at Tenten with a thumb pointed at Sai.
“I can’t believe those two. Of all the-” Sakura covers her face with both hands when Naruto rolls Sasuke on his back, miraculously without either of them falling off the table. “I can’t look.”
“It was bound to happen sooner or later,” Tenten says, opening her can of beer. “Those two-they’ve never been shy about their closeness before.”
“I know,” Ino says, head tilted to the side with a finger resting against her cheek. “Still, I feel like such a voyeur, though.”
“Then don’t look,” Shikamaru says.
“There’s a part of me that can’t stop staring, I’ll admit. It’s like watching a car accident. Or a train wreck. Or when the train stations have that rare delay and you can’t move because you’re stuck in this enormous crowd, so you can only stand there watching what’s in front of you because you don’t want to close your eyes in case the guy behind you tries to do something questionable, but you know he’s going to try anyway.
“I just had this feeling they’d end up together, so I honestly can’t say I didn’t see it coming.”
“Whatever sense that was supposed to make,” Shikamaru says, “you’re being a little too honest for my tastes.”
Sakura peeks through her fingers.
“Um...” Hands finding their way into her lap, Hinata averts her gaze to her drink. “Is Naruto really...”
“The art of dry humping has been ruined for me,” Kiba murmurs. “Scarred-like I’m seriously being scarred by this.”
Sakura lowers her arms and glares at Naruto. “Did his hand go where I think it just-Naruto, get your hand out of Sasuke’s pants!”
“Somebody go over there and poke them to see if they’ll stop,” Ino says.
“You couldn’t pay me to go over there,” Kiba says. “...not without a stick.”
Shikamaru snorts.
There’s a loud gasp, and Sasuke leans his head back, exposing his neck to Naruto’s mouth.
“I believe this is crossing the line into public indecency,” Sai says.
“I think they crossed that line a long time ago,” Tenten says.
“During these kinds of situations, the best thing to do is not get involved.” Shikamaru opens another can of Yebisu.
“You look flustered, Hinata,” Shino says. “I’ll walk you home if you’re not feeling well.”
“It’s still a little early,” Hinata says, ducking her head to hide the pink dusted across her cheeks when Shino places his hand on top of hers. “We still have time before the countdown-that is, if you don’t mind staying a while longer.”
“Or we can simply move to another table. On the other side of the restaurant,” Shino says. “If you prefer.”
“You’re leaving us with them?” Kiba splutters. “You can’t just leave us with those two. You can’t go. It’s not even midnight yet.”
“Oh, it’s not a problem,” Hinata says. “Naruto and Sasuke aren’t-”
“No, I insist.” Shino turns his gaze to Naruto and Sasuke then back to Hinata. “Really.”
“Amazing,” Lee whispers. His eyes grow large and his lips start to quiver. “More than two minutes have gone by, yet their vigour seems to increase with each passing second. And Naruto...such a wonderful display of stamina. I am in awe.”
“Surprising at is it, I have to agree,” Sai says. “Yet for someone with that level of sheer persistence, it only makes sense Naruto would need to make up with stamina for what he lacks in the size of his-”
“That kind of thing,” Kiba balks, “how would you even-why do you even-you know what, I don’t even want to know.”
Standing on unsteady legs, Lee holds his hands over both sides of his mouth. “Do your best, Naruto!”
Tenten grabs Lee’s shirt and pulls him back down. “Sit down, Lee!”
“Okay,” Ino says, “now I’m starting to feel uncomfortable.”
Sakura flushes. “Sasuke, stop trying to take off Naruto’s shirt!”
“Although sex isn’t limited to actual penetration,” Sai says, “I’ve been told the act itself can be painful without proper lubrication, especially considering Naruto and Sasuke are both men. Many lotions and oils are often considered suitable substitutes for standard lube, easing the initial discomfort sometimes associated with anal penetration, as opposed to vaginal-”
“I’m not listening.” Covering his ears, Kiba shakes his head. “La-la-la-I can’t hear you.”
“Even I’m not drunk enough for this.” Shikamaru downs the rest of his beer.
Shino follows suit, finishing the rest of his own Chocolate Brewery Bitter and encouraging Hinata to do the same with her drink.
“I didn’t even know Sasuke’s voice could go that high,” Tenten muses aloud. “Or Naruto’s that low.”
“I always had my suspicions, you know,” Sakura says softly, two fingers fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “I just wasn’t expecting to find out like this. I thought they’d tell me. Because we’re friends. The type of friends who always tell each other these kinds of things.”
Ino pulls Sakura close and rubs her shoulder. “It’ll be okay. Everything’s going to be just fine. Drink a little more to make it all go away.”
With a slight nod, Sakura sniffs and reaches for her beer.
“Considering what little Sasuke knows about sex, it’s favourable Naruto’s more than willing to teach him the pleasurable intricacies of foreplay,” Sai says. “It reminds me of a film I saw this past summer, an American one called National Lampoon’s Joy of Sex.”
There’s a chorus of groans around the combined table.
“It was a critical flop that claimed to be based on the still highly controversial illustrated sex manual,” Sai continues. “Naruto and Sasuke’s current positioning closely resembles one of the starter positions I remember being featured in film, one of the more prominent-”
“Damn you, Sai,” Kiba hisses, “shut up.”
“Naruto, by placing himself at an angle between Sasuke’s legs, is allowing for as much friction as possible while they’re both still wearing clothes, and just the right amount judging by Sasuke’s responsive moans, which, I can ascertain, clearly display how much he enjoys Naruto’s hand over his-”
“What is making you think providing commentary on this is okay?!”
“Still, bearing in the mind the sentiments usually surrounding someone’s first sexual experiences, I wouldn’t have expected Sasuke to approve of having his outside of a private venue. But inebriation many times can play a heavy role in these kinds of hasty decisions, which, naturally, is a common element in many romantic comedy films depicting the development of a relationship between -”
“The hell is wrong with you, man?!”
“However, while I have to admit The Joy of Gay Sex is probably more appropriate for this situation, it hasn’t made the leap into film, so I can’t say that particular manual appealed to me. I’ll be sure to suggest the read when Naruto and Sasuke are sober. Sasuke knows enough English to translate for Naruto. I remember passing over a copy in the university library when I was doing research for a film project about-”
“Stop it-just stop it,” Ino scowls, her grip on Kiba’s shirt preventing him from lunging across the table for Sai.” And you-” She points at Sai with her free hand. “No more out of you-addictive gossip blog or not, nobody needs to be subjected to such things, so shut up!”
“Were they too afraid to tell me?” Sakura murmurs. “Even if they were, though, I don’t understand why they’d be afraid to tell me about something like this. I shouldn’t have to find out this way.”
“I wish I never found out at all,” Shikamaru says.
“It’s Naruto and Sasuke, Sakura,” Ino says. “For as long as you’ve known them, you have to realise you’re setting your expectations abnormally high.”
Shino gently nudges a faint-looking Hinata. “Hinata...”
“Oh, look,” Hinata says with a strained smile directed towards the TV, “the countdown’s about to start soon.”
Sai glances at his watch, frowns a little. “There’s still another forty-five minutes left.”
“Yeah, you’re right, Ino.” Sakura straightens in her chair and nods at Ino. She puts down her drink. “It’s Naruto and Sasuke-those two idiots. But I’m not mad. Not really mad. Not too mad. I’ll even show them how mad I’m not by beating Naruto into the ground in the morning.”
Lee holds his fifth can of beer close to his chest, sending a wary look at Sakura. “Sakura, perhaps that isn’t the most...”
Sakura cracks her knuckles above the table, narrowing her eyes at Naruto and Sasuke.
Tenten scoots her chair closer to Lee, out of Sakura’s line of vision.
“Yeah, I’ll do that. Beat Naruto into the ground. Just like old times. I can’t believe those two. After all we’ve been through, and I had to find out like this?”
“For future reference, in case anybody asks about their dead bodies,” Kiba says, “I didn’t see a thing.”
“No need to see anything,” Shikamaru says. “They already beat you to the punch, Sakura.”
Shino gives Shikamaru a questioning look.
Shikamaru shrugs. “No pun intended.”
“Oh.” Ino blinks twice at Naruto and Sasuke. “Looks like they passed out."
“Normally, I’d want to ask why you sound so disappointed,” Kiba says, “but I’d rather keep my mouth shut for this sort of occasion. Because I’m more than happy not to continue with this conversation. And never bring it up again.”
“Well, somebody has to wake them up.”
“I think we’d all be better off just leaving them there.”
“But they’re going to miss the countdown if we leave them like that,” Sakura says.
“Exactly,” Kiba says. “So why are we still talking about this again?”
“Because it’s tradition. We always watch the countdown together.”
“I think I may have to agree with Kiba on this one,” Tenten says.
“See-see? Tenten agrees with me. We should just put this whole mess behind us and concentrate on the real reason we came here.”
“To celebrate these far too fleeting times of our youth?” Lee says.
“No,” Kiba says. “We should be busy getting drunk.”
“Hey guys,” Chouji says, placing a large bowl of udon on the table. He takes his seat next to Ino. “Sorry I took so long. Had to help my dad with a few more things in the back. I didn’t miss anything, did I?”
Waving her hand in front of her, Tenten shakes her head, giving a nervous laugh. “No, no, you didn’t miss anything at all.”
Hinata looks down at her lap, face a bright red while Shino and Shikamaru retreat to their drinks.
“Actually,” Sai begins, “there was a really interesting-”
“Not. Another. Word.” Kiba glowers at Sai.
“Have you tried this beer, Chouji?” Lee says, brandishing his drink at Chouji. “You should really try this beer, Chouji.”
“I guess I should find some comfort in the fact I’m not the last one to find out, “Sakura says. “Not that it helps, but it’s the thought that’s there. I can be grateful for that at least.”
“It would appear, Chouji,” Sai says at Chouji’s raised eyebrow, “that Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship has progressed to one beyond friendship and apparently now includes the benefit of sex, alongside-”
“Here we go again.” Kiba flails with his hands in the air.
“You’ve lost a subscriber in me, Sai,” Ino hisses. “For the rest of the year, consider me one less hit count on your blog.”
“Meaning you’ll unsubscribe now and then subscribe again after the next half hour?”
“Shut up, Shikamaru!”
“So...” Chouji glances behind him, blushing at the sight of Naruto and Sasuke sprawled over each other on the table. He turns back around and coughs. “Never mind.”