Fascination's End (3/8)
I had to slap myself on the wrist to get this up. Note to self: Stop procrastinating. It's so hard finding places where to cut this, but I declare I'm almost finished. ¬_¬
As much as I love--love--a domestic Sasuke and Naruto, it feels kind of weird slipping it in here. And, despite my attempts not to, I'm officially past the 40k mark. smfh at myself right now. I'm getting so jittery about this fic. I just need to finish it before I decide to scrap it. I'm not too pleased with Sasuke.
***
Characters: Naruto/Sasuke, Kiba, Sakura
Rating: R
Words: 4497
Summary: Even when Sasuke comes home, it's not enough for things to go back to the way they were. Naruto struggles to grasp shifting emotions, the consequences of the choices he doesn't make, and a history with Sasuke that won't let either of them go.
***
Tenten meets Naruto at the entrance of the main gate, spinning a kunai around her finger as she approaches him.
“You’re here early, before me even,” she says. “Though I can’t say I expected to see you at all. All those times you switched with someone else finally caught up to you, huh?”
Naruto gives Tenten a weak glare. “You ratted me out to Tsunade, didn’t you?”
Tenten laughs and follows Naruto up the narrow stairs leading to the top of the gate. “No, but I don’t think anyone needs to. The Hokage knows you well enough by now.”
“Unfortunately.”
“Yes, unfortunately.”
Naruto ignores the mock sympathy in Tenten’s voice. “I don’t see what you have to smile about. These aren’t the best kinds of hours. Too early to be late. Too late to be early.”
“So-so, I’d say.” Tenten puts her kunai in the pouch around her waist. She lifts herself on top of the gate, lets her legs hang over it as she looks down at Naruto. “You rather Konoha be in some kind of peril?”
“…sometimes.”
“Naruto,” Tenten whispers, eyes wide in amusement.
“Kidding-I’m kidding,” Naruto says, but the smile he shares with Tenten is brief. “I wouldn’t want that, but it seems like if I’m not on guard duty, then I’m doing paperwork for Tsunade. I’m spending more time in Konoha than I can remember. I don’t get assigned that many missions anymore. And being out there, I miss it.”
“But that’s what someone who’s Hokage does, isn’t it?” Tenten says. “Stays in Konoha.”
“Yeah, but…”
“And aren’t you learning more by staying here, so you can see what the Hokage does?”
“I am learning a lot from Tsunade,” Naruto says. “Even if that part took some getting used to at first. It’s my dream to be the next Hokage, but now that I’m getting closer to it…”
He should be happy. And despite the new limitations and growing responsibilities, Naruto is happy. That kind of thing comes with the territory of getting older. Yet the years that once seemed to drag on forever now feel like they’re coming almost too quickly for him to keep up. The only difference between this year and last year feels like a matter of days. As much as Naruto doesn’t want to admit, it gets overwhelming.
Playful, Tenten points her finger at Naruto’s chest. “Don’t start doubting yourself now. You’re almost there. It won’t take that much longer.”
Naruto ducks his head, trying to hide a blush. He looks at Tenten with a wide grin. “But shouldn’t that be even more reason for me not to be put on guard duty?”
“Well, everybody has to get assigned guard duty eventually.” Tenten jumps down from the top of the gate, quiet when her feet touch the ground. “Even someone in line to be the future Hokage.”
“It’s grumble work.”
“Grumble work that gets you paid.”
Naruto can’t disagree. The wallet in his pocket keeps getting lighter by the week. “But what did I ever do to deserve so much of it?”
“Um, let’s see.” Tenten holds out her hand, tongue tracing the corner of her mouth as she begins to count with her fingers. “Not completing all of your paperwork. Not turning in said paperwork on time when you do complete it. Using your personality to coerce others into switching their hours for guard duty with you. Actively avoiding the low-ranked missions assigned to you. Expressing a familiarity with the Hokage that borders on disrespect. Calling the Hokage names like grandma or old lady or old maid. In general, aggravating-”
“Okay, okay,” Naruto cuts in before Tenten runs out of fingers, frowning when she fully extends a seventh finger.
“-the Hokage.”
Naruto makes a sour face. “I think I get it.”
Tenten shrugs, but there’s a glint in her eyes and something really close to a smile on her face as she wriggles all of her fingers at Naruto. “You did ask.”
**
“I heard you ditched me for guard duty with Tenten last week.”
“Only because I got lucky,” Naruto says. “But it’s not like you’ve never ditched me for Ino before.”
“What can I say?” The smile on Kiba’s face is ridiculously cheesy, and Naruto really doesn’t want to know what Ino did to inspire it. “I can’t deny it if it’s true.”
“I think I’m too far gone with this place.” Naruto groans. “I actually missed coming here more than once a week.”
“You mean you missed me.”
“Yeah right.”
“You know you did.” Kiba laughs and elbows Naruto in the side. “And I got to say I missed hearing you complain about your relationship problems.”
“Spare me, Kiba. You only cared on the days I was paying for you. ”
“Maybe a little bit more,” Kiba admits. “But as long as you don’t ditch me for Sasuke, I can get used to Sundays again. How’s that going anyway? It’s been what-almost two months now?”
“A month and a half of cleaning and fixing things.”
“So you’re turning into a handyman now? What’s so great about that?”
“It’s not…bad.”
“Yeah, but it can’t be that good, either, Mr. Limp-like-a-stick’s-been-shoved-up-his-”
“Would you stop that already?” Naruto grimaces. “If it wasn’t funny then, it’s not funny now.”
“Seeing you take the walk of shame? Yeah, it was,” Kiba says. “It still is.”
“Don’t even joke about that.” Naruto scrunches his face, dips a piece of fried tofu into a small container of mayonnaise. “That’s just…”
“I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I know, but…”
“The way this is going, I’m starting to think you really do want to get into Sasuke’s pants.”
“No-what? No. We’re just catching up. Stop trying to make it sound so perverted. Me and Sasuke-we’re not like that. I don’t even like guys that way. And Sasuke-”
“Right. Not like that guy can like anybody anyway.”
Naruto narrows his eyes. “Don’t talk about Sasuke like that.”
“Calm down, Naruto.” Kiba holds his hands out in front of him, mouth slanted in some sort of half frown. “You never acted this way about Sasuke before.”
Naruto swallows the remainder of the fried tofu in his mouth. “Sorry, I…”
“I’m not taking it personally.” Kiba lets his arms fall to the side and shrugs. “I just want to know. This thing between you and Sasuke, it seems kind of sudden, don’t you think?”
“Sasuke’s my friend, too, Kiba. We might not be-we’re not the same like we used to be, but he’s still my friend. I wouldn’t let anyone else talk about you that way, either.”
Kiba chuckles. “Oh, but it’s okay for you talk about me that way, is it?”
“Yeah.” Naruto’s grin is wide, grows wider when Kiba returns it with one of his own. “Every time you’re being an ass.”
**
It’s amazing how the entirety of five years can be breached by the span of a couple of hours, how easy it is to pretend Sasuke never made that stupid decision to leave. The gap between then and now seems to close in one day, and some part of Naruto wants to think that maybe this is what life would have been like if things didn’t happen the way they did.
The episode of discovering Sasuke scrubbing at the floor of that too cold house fades into distant memory, along with other the kinds of conversations they silently agree to not bring up, and he and Sasuke make the seamless slip back into a relationship that’s supposed to promise no complications.
It’s supposed to be as simple as watching the sky, like they’re doing now and like Naruto said while trying to explain to Sakura the importance of something so seemingly trivial. He meant what he told Sasuke. Sakura just hadn’t been able to get it.
She didn’t take him seriously at first, seeing watching the sky as something more along the lines of Shikamaru’s train of thought, but it wasn’t Shikamaru Naruto wanted to share it with. When he told Sakura that Sasuke watched the sky, too, she didn’t believe him then, either. Sakura told Naruto it was silly, convinced Sasuke wouldn’t waste his time doing something when he could be training.
Naruto can laugh at the irony now, but it’s the irony that takes away from any kind of humour.
All those talks he’d had with Sakura, Naruto really did want her to understand. And not just because of his feelings for her. When Sakura did make an attempt, though, it became even more frustrating simply because Naruto couldn’t get through to her.
“What’s so special about it?” Sakura said one night, when they were heading back from a mission in Suna. “Looking at the sky.”
“It’s universal,” Naruto said. “It makes everyone the same.”
“But people can’t stay the same. People have to grow up.” Sakura frowned. “That’s what life is, a series of changes you can’t avoid.”
“Yeah, but even if the people around you become different, the sky stays the same. That means you can do this anywhere you want, wherever you go-in life or death,” Naruto said, closing his eyes. “And that way you’ll always know that you’re not really alone. That you never can be.”
Sakura nodded, pretended she understood even though Naruto knew she didn’t.
And really, that’s why he couldn’t bring her, why Naruto still calls this hill his and Sasuke’s.
“The sky really doesn’t change, does it?” Naruto says, glancing at the figure lying beside him. “And look, we’re back here again.”
Sasuke grunts and pretends he isn’t listening, but Naruto knows he is.
Because Sasuke did the same thing then, and it’s only now that Naruto realises how much he missed these kinds of moments. He’d taken the ease of it for granted, maybe because it was something he hadn’t done lately-more so because he hadn’t been coming here with Sasuke again until recently.
As a kid, Naruto used to do it a lot. He’d come across this hill by accident, running toward somewhere he didn’t know, anywhere, a place where he didn’t have to feel so alone. Watching the sky from this hill was one of the few things that helped him cope, kept him whole, something he continues to hold onto even after growing up. And during the time he and Sasuke were apart, sometimes, when he looked at the sky by himself, Naruto would wonder if Sasuke was looking at it, too.
Making a muted noise, Sasuke shifts on his side when he catches Naruto watching him. “What?”
Naruto shakes his head, sitting up and resting his weight on his elbows. “Nothing,” he says softly.
“Nothing?”
“Yeah, nothing.” Naruto lets his back meet the ground. He extends his arm towards the sky, closes his left eye. Fingers outstretched, he uses his right hand to cover the star above the space in between him and Sasuke. “Want to see something really cool?”
“No.”
“Come on.”
“Naruto…”
Left eye still closed, Naruto turns his head to squint at Sasuke. “Please.”
Sasuke sighs but moves to face Naruto.
“See that star right there?” Naruto says. “Watch this.” His right hand curls into a fist, making the star disappear from view. He opens his left eye. “Now close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“I’m not doing something just because you said so.”
“Just close them, okay?”
Grudgingly, Sasuke closes his eyes. “Now what?”
“Hold out your hand.” When Sasuke doesn’t move, Naruto groans. “Work with me, all right.”
“I’m not holding your-”
Impatient, Naruto grabs Sasuke’s left hand and pries his fingers apart. “I’m not asking you to hold my hand, just…” Naruto’s movements become slow, hesitant. He swallows, unfurls the fingers of his right hand and places it over Sasuke’s palm. “Here.”
The corners of Sasuke’s mouth turn down, and his eyes open then narrow. He stares at his hand.
Naruto watches and waits, bites his lip and whispers, “…it’s a star.”
A flicker of something Naruto can’t name passes through Sasuke’s eyes, gone when Sasuke snorts. He closes his eyes and rolls away from Naruto. Lying on his back, Sasuke folds his arms beneath his head, but the fingers on his left hand curl up, keep the star Naruto caught tucked safely inside of his palm.
And Naruto just breathes, breathes and sighs, and looks back to the sky.
**
Those two words are inevitable, Naruto thinks. It’s almost been three months since he started really seeing Sasuke again, so the confrontation really should have happened a long time ago. It’s been in the back of Naruto’s mind for a while, but it’s Sasuke who finally brings it out in the open.
“Fight me.”
The muscle between Naruto’s thumb and finger twitches. He didn’t even know Sasuke was ready to do this kind of thing with him again. “What about the-”
“We’re taking a break,” Sasuke says. “We’ll go to the store for paint tomorrow. Go change and meet me at the eighth training ground in fifteen minutes.”
“Really?” A goofy smile nearly splits Naruto’s face. He doesn’t need much to get excited about fighting, he’ll admit. He loves it. He loves being challenged, loves being pushed to his limits. And since he hasn’t sparred with Sasuke in a long time, the opportunity to do so brings a certain kind of anticipation Naruto can’t wait to fulfil.
“I want you to fight me.” Sasuke smirks. “Without holding back.”
Naruto makes a show of cracking the knuckles on both of his hands, more for curbing the itch between his fingers than the need to connect a fist with something solid. “And here I thought we were supposed to be getting along.”
**
Leaning over, Naruto rolls up his pant leg, doubling the hem over his knee. He stands up and wipes the sweat off his forehead, vaguely noting that Sasuke’s red bandana would have actually been useful right about now.
It’s ridiculously warm for the middle of August. It may have been cool enough to wear a jacket this morning, but after a few hours of going at it with Sasuke, the temperature feels like it’s approaching somewhere in the low thirties.
He took his jacket off less than twenty minutes after Sasuke made the first strike. While dodging the kick Sasuke was aiming at his chest, Naruto pulled the jacket from over his head and haphazardly threw it on the branch of the first tree in sight. Sasuke didn’t bring a jacket, more than content with a loose t-shirt instead of his usual sleeveless one. However, Naruto also noticed Sasuke didn’t bring his gloves, either.
In the end, Sasuke probably didn’t need them, whatever it is that he uses the gloves for anyway. The fight itself was pretty tame compared to their usual standards. Although Sasuke told Naruto not to hold back, they’d agreed to limit using chakra beforehand. They stuck with kata, simple attacks and counters to get a feel for each other’s abilities. And when they called it quits, the sweat down Naruto’s back and soaking through his shirt was more from the heat than any real exertion from their warm-up.
Still, warming up like that felt good. Better than training with Lee and Neji or Tenten and Konohamaru even. Naruto doesn’t feel like he’s going to pass out anytime soon, but falling back into the same song and dance with Sasuke they’d honed together so long ago, it was exhilarating. Yet knowing that he’d forcibly withheld from doing anything too strenuous during their spar, Naruto has to wonder exactly how much Sasuke was holding back, too.
Taking three steps forward, Naruto ruffles his hair. He plops himself on the ground, at the edge of the stream. He puts his feet inside of the water. It reaches above his ankles, up to his calves. The splash Naruto makes creates small ripples that expand towards the middle of the stream, where Sasuke’s standing.
“It’s hot,” Naruto says, sneaking a glance at Sasuke. “Really hot.”
Sasuke grunts and bends down. He dunks his head in the deeper part of the stream leading into a wider channel. After a couple of seconds, he raises his head, taking a deep breath and pushing his hair out of his face with both hands. He closes his eyes, the hands pressed against his forehead moving to slick his hair further back.
Naruto licks his lips and turns his gaze away from the darkening spots on Sasuke’s white shirt. “You’re not hot?”
“It’s warm.”
Sasuke cocks his head, letting his wet hair hang over one side. With both hands, he squeezes out fat droplets of water. Some of the water falls back into the stream. Some of it slides down Sasuke’s face, down his chin, collects in a shallow pool in the dip between his neck and shoulder.
Sasuke opens his eyes, peers at Naruto with a frown. “What are you staring at?”
Naruto’s eyes flutter. He looks away from Sasuke and lowers his head. “Nothing,” he says quickly, turning his attention back to his feet. He stares at the smooth rocks at the bottom of the stream. The water feels cool against his skin, soothing despite the light current tickling the hairs on his legs. “Nothing at all.”
Sasuke ignores Naruto and heads towards the bank where Naruto’s sitting. He steps out of the stream, dripping water in his wake, one hand still in his hair. He walks past Naruto without a glance.
Cautious, Naruto lets his eyes wander back to Sasuke, to the tree where a grey and orange jacket is draped over a branch. He doesn’t say anything when Sasuke takes his jacket and uses it to dry his face. Normally he would. Sasuke should have brought his own jacket if he was going to treat Naruto’s like a towel, but it’s useless for Naruto to say anything about it now.
It’s too hot to be wearing a jacket anyway.
**
Sasuke’s hand travels along the panels of the mahogany fence. Dull eyes trace the invisible path deft fingers leave behind, taking on a distant look Naruto can remember seeing from Sakura not too long ago.
“It hasn’t changed that much,” Sasuke says.
Naruto doesn’t agree but decides not to say anything, tightening his hold on the bag he’s carrying, heavy with small cans of paint.
“Everything almost looks the same.”
Naruto fidgets, uncomfortable at the absent quality in Sasuke’s voice. “When did you really start coming here? I mean, after you came back.”
“Earlier this year. The second Monday in February.” Sasuke takes his hand away from the fence, and Naruto sighs, partially relieved for reasons he’s not sure he understands.
“When I first came back,” Sasuke says, “I wasn’t allowed to come here. I hadn’t seen this place in four years, yet…” A sneer is directed straight ahead, and Sasuke starts to walk a little faster. “They-those people-threatened to raze this place to the ground if I didn’t cooperate. I couldn’t just…”
Picking up his pace, Naruto nods. The memory of that time is still clear in his mind, the handful of villagers protesting Sasuke’s return, their threats and the vandalism in the Uchiha district the Council refused to do anything about.
In the end, nothing happened, fortunately. Maybe because Tsunade had assigned Kakashi to be Sasuke’s guardian. Kakashi never said anything, but Naruto still has a suspicion Kakashi ultimately had something to do with the sudden lack of threats and the locks that prevented even Sasuke from entering the Uchiha district.
“Did you use to come here before you left?”
“…sometimes.” Sasuke stops in front of a telephone pole. The abrupt stop almost causes Naruto to bump into him, but Naruto stills when he sees Sasuke look up.
Sasuke closes his eyes, inhales, lets the tension leave his body. For a moment, Naruto thinks Sasuke’s going to fall, but Sasuke’s eyes snap open, red seeping into black, boring into Naruto. Then Sasuke blinks. The red in his eyes disappears.
Naruto takes a tentative step back but doesn’t distance himself from Sasuke. “What are we doing after we finish painting?”
“Probably work on the garden or something,” Sasuke says. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t-” Naruto’s lips form a thin line. “I can’t help but feel like you’re just yanking me around. I thought we came up with a plan, but this doesn’t make any sense-working inside and outside and inside again. Going back and forth, there’s no systematic approach to this. You’re pulling on my chain just for the hell of it.”
“Maybe.”
“And then-hey!” With his free hand, Naruto points his finger at Sasuke, almost bops Sasuke in the nose. “You’re not supposed to agree with me.”
Calmly, Sasuke pushes Naruto’s hand down. He starts walking again, leaving Naruto to follow. “If you don’t want to help me, don’t.”
“I’m not saying that. I already told you. It’s too late for me to not help you now. What I’m saying is, it feels like you’re just picking something to do at random.”
“That a problem?”
Resigned, Naruto sighs and stretches his arms above his head. “There’s no way to win with you, is there?”
“I’m cleaning up as I go along. You do know what that means, don’t you?”
“Of course I do,” Naruto says. “I’m not as messy as people make me out to be.”
“No,” Sasuke says. “You’re not.”
The lack of hesitation surprises Naruto, enough to make him stop him in the middle of the street. At the very least, he was expecting some kind of snide remark, but Sasuke doesn’t even look back. He continues to walk, and Naruto bridges the short distance to catch up with him.
“Okay, um…good.” Naruto fakes a cough, falling back in step alongside Sasuke. “That’s-yeah, glad that’s straightened out.”
They make the rest of the walk in silence, towards the house Naruto still maybe kind of dreads going to. At least it’s not as cold as it was last time.
“So,” Naruto begins, “I guess we’re doing this room first. Is this your-?”
“It was Itachi’s.”
“…oh.” Carefully, Naruto places the bag he’s holding on the floor, trying not to make too much noise. “I thought-”
“I’m not changing the colour.” Sasuke kneels down beside the bag and takes out a folded sheet of plastic. “That’s why I bought the small can of blue paint. The walls are only chipped in a few places. It just…it just needs another coat.”
“Then what’d you make me carry all this stuff for?” With a sweep of his arm, Naruto gestures at the bag by his feet. “We spent two hours in that place looking for paint.”
Sasuke begins to unfold the sheet of plastic, spreads it out on the floor. “It was less than thirty minutes.”
“Well, it sure felt like two hours,” Naruto mumbles. He leans down to pick up one corner of the plastic and takes it to the opposite side of the room. “You even asked me for help.”
“You’re the last person I’d ask to help pick out colours.”
Naruto snorts. Obviously, he remembers things differently. Although most of his suggestions were turned down, it’s true that Sasuke did ask him for help.
None too gently, Sasuke pulled Naruto away from the small display of neon paint colours. “I’m not painting the walls in my house bright green.”
“Yellow then,” Naruto said, letting Sasuke lead him to the back of the hardware store. “Yellow’s good, right?”
“Yellow’s too close to orange.”
“What’s wrong with orange?”
“Everything’s wrong with orange.”
“Brown?”
“No.”
“Red,” Naruto said. He snapped his fingers and grabbed a can of dark red paint from the shelf. “It’s really, really easy to see you with red.”
“Anything not black is too close to orange.” Sasuke snatched the can from Naruto’s hands. He put it back on the shelf.
“How about white? You can’t go wrong with white.”
“Too plain.”
“Or off-white. Sakura’s walls are like that.” Naruto paused when he saw Sasuke tense. “At least they look white, I think. She told me it’s supposed be some kind of yellow, but it still looks-”
“Primrose.”
“Huh?”
“That’s the colour Sakura painted her walls,” Sasuke said. “Pale primrose.”
“Really?” A thoughtful look overcame Naruto’s face. “I guess it suits her.”
Body relaxing, Sasuke nodded. “It does.”
“Hey,” Naruto says, pushing his end of the plastic against the corner of the baseboard. “I was wondering, about what you said earlier.”
The plastic crinkles beneath Sasuke’s bare feet. “What?”
“What you said about the colour of Sakura’s walls, how’d you know?”
“I helped her pick it out.”
“You helped her?”
“She asked me to.” Sasuke digs through the bag sitting next to the one Naruto brought. He takes out a rectangular aluminium pan and a roller brush. “If you’re wondering why she didn’t ask you first, you were on a mission.”
Naruto frowns. “I remember I was in Iwa, yeah, but-”
“You expected her to wait for you?”
“No.” Naruto tries to squash the queasy feeling in his stomach. “Sakura doesn’t have to wait for me to do anything. It’s just that I wouldn’t have expected her to ask you for help.”
“Why not?”
Naruto walks towards Sasuke. “Does that mean you and Sakura…?”
Sasuke drops the brush in the pan, stands his full height to meet Naruto. “What about us?”
“So you helped Sakura paint her apartment?”
“Yes.”
“Have you two ever…?”
“What?”
Twice, Naruto motions his head to the side, eyes darting to the small window on his right. “You know.”
“No, I don’t know.”
Naruto makes a circle with his left fingers touching the pad of his thumb. He takes his right finger and puts it inside the makeshift hole created with his left hand. He pulls the finger out, puts it back in, does it three more times until he sees the understanding on Sasuke’s face. “…that.”
Sasuke’s eyes widen just the slightest before his surprise turns into a glare. “You’re still on that? After all this-is that why you’re really here? Is that why you’re helping me? Because you want-?”
“No,” Naruto rushes out. “I was just-”
“The fact that you’re even asking me if-”
“It’s just a question. All I asked is if you and Sakura ever-”
“You don’t have the right to ask me that,” Sasuke snarls, shoving Naruto towards the door. “Get out, Naruto.”
Naruto stumbles over his feet, almost falls, but he quickly regains his footing to shove Sasuke right back. “The hell was that for, you bastard?!”
“Leave.” Sasuke shoves Naruto again, pushes him through the doorway and out of the room. Dark eyes bleed into a red that fades when Sasuke closes his eyes and opens them. He grits his teeth, hands clenching into fists when his body starts to tremble.
“Damn it, Sasuke, I-”
“Get out!”
Part Four