life sucks
I have had the week from hell and likely me it is finals week. I really hope that I pass. I have been so totally stressed out. I had court twice last week and then again on Tuesday this week. I have a bench trial that I have to do next Friday and then I have a custody trial on the 3rd of August. I totally blanked on my stats final on the last page and I had not included that part in my noted that I had made up to help me on the test. I was so frustrated that I had done that. I had an A going in and the final is only 20% of my grade so there is no way that I got below a C but I am going to be really pissed if I blew my A because of not being prepared on that last part. I think that I did well on the Business final. I have my Law final in about 7 hours. I am not that worried about it but I am going to review a little bit for it in a little bit. I have an appointment with Scott in a little under an hour so I have to get showered and dressed shortly. After Scott leaves I will get some review done for my exam tonight and I would like to get some problems done if I have time for my Accounting final on Friday. I know that I have my work cut out for me on that one and I need to review for it. I just did the calulations and to get a 70 average in that class since I have a 79 going into it as 75% of my grade I only need a 43%. Now I feel that I can relax a little bit. I still want to practice these problems because i really want to get at least a B if I can. It is really important to me to get a good grade in Accounting for obvious reasons. I really want to get good grades across the board too because doing well in school is so imortant to me and I want to have a good GPA right from the get go at Brockport. We shall see. The grades are due by 4 on MOnday so I am hoping that I will know all of them by Tuesday.
I have been having a real down week in some ways for reasons that I am not sure about.
Kurt and I have been fighting a lot. I know that a big part of what is going on is me and feelings that I am having. I really do not see this as being a long term thing. He really does not do anything for me in a sense of love or anything like that. I feel in some ways like I am using him. That has gotten worse in the last week or so because last week I said that I wanted a CD so he rushed out and bought it for me, then on Saturday I wanted to go this WWEthing so I talked him into buying me the tickets. It is nice in some ways to have someone that wants to do things for me but at the same time I feel guilty since I do not feel as much for him as he does for me. I do not like the fact that he is always asking me what to do. He is like 35, but it seems like he can not do anything with out me telling him. We had a huge fight the other day where I told him that I was not going to tell him what to do other than to tell him when he could and could not see me. He still seems to be acting that way though. I have been thinking a lot about Bill too. I can not seem to stop that. It just seems that I can not give up on the idea of him. The fact that he is always there when I really need him and that I trust him so much is something that is hard for other men to understand and I do not know that I can explain it. It is jsut a wonderful relationship that I can not ever see me giving up on. I have to call him in a little while because he called me this morning since I had left a message with his brother and he gave me his work number and told me to call him there. I will call him when I get done with my appointment. It is really hard somethimes for me that he is the one that I still think of when I am really in crisis. He is so far away now and I am pretty sure that there is not ever going to be anything romantic but yet the mixed signals that I get from him and the fact that he is always the one that I think of and run to (in the metaphoric sense) when there is a crisis is going to make it hard if not impossible for me to be in a romantic relationship with anyone else. I love him so much. If it were not for Tessa and school I would probably pack up now and go down there especially after the conversations that we had about it a couple of weeks ago. I have to go. Thinking about all of this is making me start to cry and it is 12;30 so I only have about 1/2 hour until I have to meet with Scott and I still have to shower and dress. I will probably update soon now that I have my computer up and with things going so rough.
I have been having a real down week in some ways for reasons that I am not sure about.
Kurt and I have been fighting a lot. I know that a big part of what is going on is me and feelings that I am having. I really do not see this as being a long term thing. He really does not do anything for me in a sense of love or anything like that. I feel in some ways like I am using him. That has gotten worse in the last week or so because last week I said that I wanted a CD so he rushed out and bought it for me, then on Saturday I wanted to go this WWEthing so I talked him into buying me the tickets. It is nice in some ways to have someone that wants to do things for me but at the same time I feel guilty since I do not feel as much for him as he does for me. I do not like the fact that he is always asking me what to do. He is like 35, but it seems like he can not do anything with out me telling him. We had a huge fight the other day where I told him that I was not going to tell him what to do other than to tell him when he could and could not see me. He still seems to be acting that way though. I have been thinking a lot about Bill too. I can not seem to stop that. It just seems that I can not give up on the idea of him. The fact that he is always there when I really need him and that I trust him so much is something that is hard for other men to understand and I do not know that I can explain it. It is jsut a wonderful relationship that I can not ever see me giving up on. I have to call him in a little while because he called me this morning since I had left a message with his brother and he gave me his work number and told me to call him there. I will call him when I get done with my appointment. It is really hard somethimes for me that he is the one that I still think of when I am really in crisis. He is so far away now and I am pretty sure that there is not ever going to be anything romantic but yet the mixed signals that I get from him and the fact that he is always the one that I think of and run to (in the metaphoric sense) when there is a crisis is going to make it hard if not impossible for me to be in a romantic relationship with anyone else. I love him so much. If it were not for Tessa and school I would probably pack up now and go down there especially after the conversations that we had about it a couple of weeks ago. I have to go. Thinking about all of this is making me start to cry and it is 12;30 so I only have about 1/2 hour until I have to meet with Scott and I still have to shower and dress. I will probably update soon now that I have my computer up and with things going so rough.