nothing to look forward to
So ya recently I have fallen into a state of semi depression. I do all the things I do when I am sad like zoning out constantly and just never having fun. I really don’t know why I am feeling like this. So I feel bad when anybody ... (Joey or Maddie) asks me what’s wrong and I lie to them saying that I am fine or give them some BS problem that I am "mad" about. Well anyways tonight was not a great night. It started out with me going and eating dinner, and having Maddie question me on what’s wrong. Then I went to gondolier’s rehearsal, which I really didn’t want to go to. I think this was because earlier that day Joey had told amber and me that he wasn’t going to be able to do it anymore. I understood this clearly because he has tennis which runs Into our practice times and then Mr. Kelly’s homework on top of that. So the musical just added more stress to his life. I was really disappointed when he told us this. I just felt...like dumped... I mean I shouldn’t have but it was like the one thing that I had to look forward to. I really loved the thought of all of us in the musical. To me our friendship is like the three musketeers and doing the musical together meant more time we could spend with each other. For those who don’t know me I live for my friends and being able to spend time with them means a lot to me. Well now that Joey can’t do the musical I almost feel like Incomplete. I have amber with me thank goodness I don’t know what I would do without her. But the rehearsals take place when we all could be hanging out and now we wont be. I don’t know why I am making this a big deal when it really isn’t. It just frightens me because I don’t want to lose joeys friendship. I know you are thinking wow she is pathetic but I have lost to many friends by being separated. For example... my best and only friend in the 5th grade Sanne. Well anyways when I had to go to fay I tried my hardest to stay friends with her, but she was always busy. One time when I went to her house she told me that all the times I had tried to get together with her she wasn’t busy she just didn’t want to see me. When she said this it just really hurt me. And it made the whole thing worse to know I had zero friends at fay. So now whenever I become distant with friends I freak and think I am going to lose their friendships. So Ya I think that’s what really got me going today. Anyways besides that I seem to be the scapegoat to Brielle’s and mikes downhill relationship, well at least that is what mike believes. It Is so annoying because they both come and asks me for advice and then he blames me for giving Brielle my Ideas when she asked for my opinion and by chance agrees with It. and then what’s worse Is him telling me to be on his side and tell Brielle she doesn’t want to break up with him. So basically he is asking me to lie to Brielle. So ya mike is really ticking me off! Anyways ya so he came up to me today when I was in a botchy mood. I swear my bad moods are like a magnet to him! He always comes at the absolute worst time. And then he complains that I am always in a bad mood when I am not its just he always comes at bad times. grrr. Ya so I am going to bed, hopefully Ill have a better day tomorrow.
Bye~me
Bye~me