Thursday update
Yesterday I met a person that I had "met" on Craigslist "casual encounters" for lunch. She is a nice person and we had a good time together; unfortunately she's not exactly what I was hoping for physically. Mind you; I don't think of myself as a shallow person, and I am aware that I am getting older and it seems like every time I look in the mirror I find some new flaw. All that having been said; I am not sure what to do in this case- we got along well, it was an enjoyable time, she even offered a kiss on parting that I found nice.
Also this week I finally was able to talk to "Susan #5" on the phone- it was a good conversation and she seems like an interesting albeit a bit self centered individual. I promised to call her early next week to make plans to do something together.
Jackie still hasn't found the time to as much as have a cup of coffee with me- but at the same time on an average day we spend at least an hour with IMs and perhaps an hour on the phone. I sincerely believe that there is a reason why she hasn't made time for us to get together; "way back" when we first met each other (and she was still married), she had to have her thyroid removed. She has mentioned a couple times in e-mail that she is upset that she has gained weight after losing her thryoid. I have tried to gently impress on her that I prefer women with some curves rather than the petitie emaciated females that seem to be in fashion these days.
Of course nothing has changed between us; and it hit me over the head like a frying pan the other day... Jackie has no motivation for change. She lives with her mother and stepfather in a nice, cozy, stable and rent free environment. Her daughter comes home occasionally to visit and they are in some ways more like sisters than mother and daughter. She has a job that she finds satisfying and apparently pays well. Although Jackie talks the talk about wanting us to get together, I don't feel that she has a motivation to do so.
On the other hand- I live alone, have personal and social time to share with someone, and few responsibilities; I don't feel "needy" per se but I do have availability, and motivation that Jackie doesn't seem to have.
Jackie has said "things will be better" after she is back from her training in LA (which I still have no idea when she will be gone or for how long). Although I would like to believe her, I have no reason to expect that things really will be better or that she will make time for us to do things together.
Yesterday I didn't sign into google talk (my IM software) and didn't call Jackie at night- I feel that over the upcoming holiday I want to think about the situation and decide what fits for me. I know that some people have suggested that I over think relationships but in many ways I can't avoid covertly processing little details of what goes on in real or potential relationships.
Overall I feel depressed about how things are going and that there seems to be so few bright spots in my love life and relationships.
Also this week I finally was able to talk to "Susan #5" on the phone- it was a good conversation and she seems like an interesting albeit a bit self centered individual. I promised to call her early next week to make plans to do something together.
Jackie still hasn't found the time to as much as have a cup of coffee with me- but at the same time on an average day we spend at least an hour with IMs and perhaps an hour on the phone. I sincerely believe that there is a reason why she hasn't made time for us to get together; "way back" when we first met each other (and she was still married), she had to have her thyroid removed. She has mentioned a couple times in e-mail that she is upset that she has gained weight after losing her thryoid. I have tried to gently impress on her that I prefer women with some curves rather than the petitie emaciated females that seem to be in fashion these days.
Of course nothing has changed between us; and it hit me over the head like a frying pan the other day... Jackie has no motivation for change. She lives with her mother and stepfather in a nice, cozy, stable and rent free environment. Her daughter comes home occasionally to visit and they are in some ways more like sisters than mother and daughter. She has a job that she finds satisfying and apparently pays well. Although Jackie talks the talk about wanting us to get together, I don't feel that she has a motivation to do so.
On the other hand- I live alone, have personal and social time to share with someone, and few responsibilities; I don't feel "needy" per se but I do have availability, and motivation that Jackie doesn't seem to have.
Jackie has said "things will be better" after she is back from her training in LA (which I still have no idea when she will be gone or for how long). Although I would like to believe her, I have no reason to expect that things really will be better or that she will make time for us to do things together.
Yesterday I didn't sign into google talk (my IM software) and didn't call Jackie at night- I feel that over the upcoming holiday I want to think about the situation and decide what fits for me. I know that some people have suggested that I over think relationships but in many ways I can't avoid covertly processing little details of what goes on in real or potential relationships.
Overall I feel depressed about how things are going and that there seems to be so few bright spots in my love life and relationships.