On Vox: I don't know if I'm strong enough.
A friend of mine brought this out of me today, she asked me to share my deepest darkest secret, so here goes:
I'm in the military and I deal with a lot of crises everyday. I don't know what I will be like when I get out. I have become numb so I can deal with things as I go through them. I turn off my emotions so I can do my job.
Last time we were deployed, I had a close friend die in Iraq. The first time I was back in the States and got drunk I cried and cried about it. They had to hold me down and stroke my head to get me to stop crying. I cried for him, for his family, and for everyone who has been hurt by this whole situation. I've had a few outbursts like that.
I don't know if I'm strong enough, mentally, to be ok after all this. I don't know what will happen after all this. I guess that is my biggest fear- these things affecting me mentally when I get out. My close friend had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He used to have a lot of emotions built up inside he had trouble letting out. I know that I have certain people who really help me with this, people that I can vent to, but I just don't know myself well enough.
Originally posted on cristinaelizabet.vox.com