The biggest emo post you'll ever read from me (tl;dr)
Or at least, I hope so.
Ok so last weekend I got submitted to university. I should be so fucking happy. I really should.
Right now, I can only think of stupid things. Like how I miss singing and liking it. I hate that because of all the trashing I went through concerning that, I don't even like my voice anymore. It sucks really, when you have one small talent and you doubt it because of other people.
Thruth is no matter how I wanna ignore all that, I can't. Because I'm a fucking insecure bitch with no fucking self-esteem.
Wanna know what made me lose that self-esteem? You would, wouldn't you? So you could laugh in my face and say 'OMFG you're such a drama-queen.'
Well, what if I am.
Shit happens, yes. We all have our dramas, yes. You need to fucking move on, I KNOW. So why can't I? Why can't I just make friends easily. Why can't I feel happy about ANYTHING about me. It doesn't seem like it, really, but I fucking hate myself! And I pretend I don't. But really, how much pretending can a person do before it all comes around to kick our asses.
Plus, I hate how I feel about my best friend. Really, I love her but our relationship is not okay and I feel like it's about to reach a breaking point. Either we're strong enough to make it or we'll just end up falling appart. I feel like she doesn't even like to hang out with me. Whatever.
The other day, it got me thinking. It's been years since I've fell in love. Hell, that happened once and it hurt really bad. And when I thought it could happen again and actually gave up on my ice walls, I was so trashed around that I ended up even worse. So I feel like I'm never gonna be able to just let go completely and be happy.
So what if I'm fucking anti-social and I hate it. So what if I'm an anime geek and hate it when people look at me like I'm weird for liking it. So what if I like to dress differently and feel bad anyway. So what if I never feel fucking comfortable. So what. So what if music does not make me happy like it used to. So what if I don't even have confidence in my writing anymore. So what if I feel like a faillure. So what.
But now I'm going to university. I should be so fucking happy. I really should.
Am I? I still can only feel pieces of me scattered around somewhere. I'll always be in this city. I'll always live here. No matter how far I'll run, my past will always be my past and will always be a stain in my perfeclty white sheet. Which is not perfectly white.
Truth is, I'm always gonna be a hurt soul. Who seems to only know how to do things that'll hurt even more. And I'm never gonna be able to get rid of that. No matter how much I hold my tears when they should be running free.
So hey, this was an emo thing. If I were you, I'd ignore everything written in here. Ok now I'm gonna leave. Sorry about it. Just had to happen, since I feel like there's no place else I can say this stuff.
Ok so last weekend I got submitted to university. I should be so fucking happy. I really should.
Right now, I can only think of stupid things. Like how I miss singing and liking it. I hate that because of all the trashing I went through concerning that, I don't even like my voice anymore. It sucks really, when you have one small talent and you doubt it because of other people.
Thruth is no matter how I wanna ignore all that, I can't. Because I'm a fucking insecure bitch with no fucking self-esteem.
Wanna know what made me lose that self-esteem? You would, wouldn't you? So you could laugh in my face and say 'OMFG you're such a drama-queen.'
Well, what if I am.
Shit happens, yes. We all have our dramas, yes. You need to fucking move on, I KNOW. So why can't I? Why can't I just make friends easily. Why can't I feel happy about ANYTHING about me. It doesn't seem like it, really, but I fucking hate myself! And I pretend I don't. But really, how much pretending can a person do before it all comes around to kick our asses.
Plus, I hate how I feel about my best friend. Really, I love her but our relationship is not okay and I feel like it's about to reach a breaking point. Either we're strong enough to make it or we'll just end up falling appart. I feel like she doesn't even like to hang out with me. Whatever.
The other day, it got me thinking. It's been years since I've fell in love. Hell, that happened once and it hurt really bad. And when I thought it could happen again and actually gave up on my ice walls, I was so trashed around that I ended up even worse. So I feel like I'm never gonna be able to just let go completely and be happy.
So what if I'm fucking anti-social and I hate it. So what if I'm an anime geek and hate it when people look at me like I'm weird for liking it. So what if I like to dress differently and feel bad anyway. So what if I never feel fucking comfortable. So what. So what if music does not make me happy like it used to. So what if I don't even have confidence in my writing anymore. So what if I feel like a faillure. So what.
But now I'm going to university. I should be so fucking happy. I really should.
Am I? I still can only feel pieces of me scattered around somewhere. I'll always be in this city. I'll always live here. No matter how far I'll run, my past will always be my past and will always be a stain in my perfeclty white sheet. Which is not perfectly white.
Truth is, I'm always gonna be a hurt soul. Who seems to only know how to do things that'll hurt even more. And I'm never gonna be able to get rid of that. No matter how much I hold my tears when they should be running free.
So hey, this was an emo thing. If I were you, I'd ignore everything written in here. Ok now I'm gonna leave. Sorry about it. Just had to happen, since I feel like there's no place else I can say this stuff.