Looking back (chapter 15)
She was a dream. She was a reflection. She was everything that girl could have been.
She was born from grief. Of everything that girl feared. Of every tear that girl had shed.
In her world, everything revolved around that girl who bore the same resemblance as her. She had longed since the beginning to touch her, to be with her, to ease her pains, to make that girl turn her way. But they were separated by this borderline she could not cross. No matter how much she cried, begged, and screamed, the girl on the other side never looked at her. And so time passed and she was forced to watch as that girl suffered.
There was no one else in the world for her except that girl. And every time that girl's heart aches, so does her own. They were connected by something far beyond her comprehension. They share the same pains, same feelings. So she hated anybody who hurt that girl.
And there were so many of them. That girl's father was the first one. He had killed far too many people that girl loved. Next was the blond guy who had lied to her. That girl never really got over that. He had manipulated and made that girl fall in love with him so much even if she always ended up hurt because of it. She hated him the most for that. He did not deserve any amount of love from that girl. Especially when he was always the cause of that girl's miseries.
And then an intruder made that girl go through so much pain and torture before that girl died. She wanted to kill the black haired jerk who allowed it to happen and the blond guy for not being there when that girl screamed for help when he had sworn he would return soon.
She hated them all. Every one who made that girl cry deserved to die. That girl was her goddess, the only person in her world, therefore the most special one to her. They had no right to treat that girl like some trash, to cast her aside when they've finished using her. She'd kill every one of them for daring to hurt what was hers.
For a long time she just watched the events in that girl's life. She loved that girl all the more. Her beautiful face, her kind personality, her pleasant smiles and captivating nature.
Until one day, as she stood as close as she could to the borderline, she saw that girl looking right back at her. Her face was solemn and her face was bloody. There were chains on her wrists and ankles. She noticed that they were in a dark room where the only light came from a crack in the ceiling. She scowled distastefully at the condition that girl was in. Who dared put her in another place like this? It was just like back in the war. She cursed whoever brought that girl there. And then that girl smiled at her.
She flinched, which was quite an unusual reaction for someone who had wanted to be noticed all her life by the person in front of her. So she straightened her self out and tried to get as close as she can to that girl. She loved how that girl could still find contentment in her condition. She knew that girl was hurting so much right now. That girl stared at her with those bloodshot eyes of hers. How long had she wanted for them to also see right through her as it did many other undeserving people? She tried to reach out a hand beyond the borderline, and much to her surprise, her hand did not hit an invisible wall like it did the last thousand times she had tried to go over the limits. She was so happy she cried. Finally! After so much longing, she could finally reach out to her. So she wasted no time in throwing herself into that girl's body and hugging her close.
I'm so happy I could finally touch you!
"I'm sorry." that girl answered. She thinks that girl tried to hug her back if it weren't for the chains on her wrists.
It's okay. Everything will be alright.
"I could not do it." that girl said in a tired voice as her eyes slowly flickers, trying to keep her self awake.
She did not hesitate even for a second for her answer. I'd do anything for you.
When she woke up, the blond guy was hovering over her and she was instantly filled with hatred for the man. For all the pain he had put that girl through. She'd protect that girl from every thing that tarnishes her happiness. From every one that crosses her path. She'd eliminate all of them for the sake of that one promise.
Pilipinas will win.
Vietnam rose in her seat and paced the room again before going back to her seat and repeating the same routine again. Thailand just kept on his never-fading smile and just watched his neighbor burn a hole in his carpet with her pacing. Not that he wanted her to stop or anything. He's very much afraid of what would happen if Vietnam snaps at him. But maybe she could end up showing him what she's been learning at Muay Thai these past few months. But that would certainly be a painful experience so he just kept his mouth shot and waited for Vietnam to break her own ice.
But then again, he's Thailand and he couldn't keep quiet about things that needed to be said, "Why don't you just sit back and relax and enjoy your last war-free days before they're all gone, ana?" he gulped down his already cold tea and dared at the at Vietnam who was staring at him. She was pacing when he said that so she was left standing at the spot in front of him.
"Did you just say 'relax'?" she raised an eyebrow at him, looking like he just said a word that is not in her vocabulary.
Thailand pushed his tea cup further into the table, "Yes. I want you to relax and stop pacing a hole in my carpet, ana~," he tried to cover up with a cheerful tone so she won't sense his welling up feeling of dread. From the looks of it, Vietnam was close to exploding with pent-up stress.
She sighed in exasperation, "Sorry about that, Thai. I'm just trying to figure out Philippines' next actions and where she's planning to go with all the mess she's creating." Vietnam said, plopping back on her seat next to Thailand.
Thailand put his hands around hers and sat closer to her, "You see, we haven't openly declared war against her and yet you're already bothering yourself with all that stuff. Cool off a little, this may not escalate into an all out war. The United Nations did not sanction Philippines' attack on Malaysia, ana."
Vietnam looked at his carefree expression. She had no idea when they started being this comfortable with each other but what the heck, being with him mellows her down when she's frazzled up with world affairs and everything that comes with being a nation. "I'm worried about what she's doing to Malaysia. His soldiers had said that they saw her shoot and drag him away. His president told me they hadn't seen him since then. Public moral was on all time low in his place ever since Malaysia was captured."
Thailand's smile fell and he frowned, "I still cannot believe that she'd purposely hurt her brother. She's changed a lot, that kid." His hold on Vietnam's hand tightened. I won't let her get a chance to take anyone close to me, not this time.
"I know, right? She's changed a lot. And I just remembered something weird when we visited her in the hospital. I helped one of the nurses change her bandages once and I saw her wounds. There were so many." she related to him.
Thailand knotted his eyebrows in confusion, "Well, it's a sad thing that she really did have so many, but what could possibly make them weirder than their unwanted presence on her, ana?"
Vietnam stood up and started pacing again, "We are not humans. Superficial injuries like cuts, bruises and scrapes heal within a maximum of a week for us, bone injuries about two weeks. If my memory serves me right, I helped that nurse at least two weeks after she was found."
Thailand cocked his head to the side, "And so, ana?"
Vietnam sat back next to him, "The wounds were still fresh, they barely even dried or scabbed or anything. They were still raw! Even human wounds would dry into scabs by that time. She's healing even slower than a human! And her wounds were mostly shallow cuts and scrapes, they should have been gone by the time we even visited her because she spent three days in a hospital in Palawan before they recognized her and transferred her to Manila."
"Where are you going with this?"
"I'm just saying…no, more like wondering…do we lose our status as personifications of nations?"
"I don't know. Why don't you ask that boisterous albino guy, ana?"
"No…not the status as a nation, I mean, as the personification of a nation…do we get changed from time to time?"
Thailand shrugged, "I don't really know, Vie." he took a sip of his tea. "Why don't you ask her directly, she's very bold these past few days anyway, ana,"
Vietnam shook her head, "No. I'd probably lose my patience with her again." she narrowed her eyes at Thailand, "And even she knows we're against her, what makes you think she'd be even fit for conversation? That girl is planning to invade us right this very moment! We must be vigilant!"
Thailand smiled at her and patted her comfortingly in the shoulder, "Don't worry. I'm-" he was cut off by the door to his office being thrown open and in came a livid Brunei.
Both were a bit surprised at her sudden appearance since both were aware that the girl had barricaded herself in her room for the past few days while her nation was panicking about the proximity of Philippines' attack on Malaysia. Nevertheless, Vietnam hurried over to Brunei and ushered her inside. Thailand handed her a cup of hot tea when she had situated herself and made herself comfortable between Thailand and Vietnam, "I just learned about the attack on Malaysia and I rushed over here as soon as I heard you were allying yourselves with him." she said weakly. If anyone were to look at the three of them now with Thailand and Vietnam huddled over the younger girl like that, you'd think they are a distressed family trying to comfort each other.
Vietnam looked over Brunei's appearance. The normally well-dressed girl was wearing her clothes like she just wore them for the sake of not going out indecent, hair in tangles, skin pale and she seriously look like she's lacking some nutrients right now. "Have you been eating your meals at all?"
Brunei shook her head, "I lose my appetite every time I think about…about that wretched meeting!" and she proceeded to sob, "I can't take it!" she put down her cup, curled into a ball and leaned towards Vietnam who felt compelled to put her arms around the younger nation, "I can't forget the look on her face when I touched her. What did I do wrong?! I was just worried!"
Vietnam patted her head reassuringly and glared at Thailand when he just sipped his tea and smiled apologetically, "You're not expecting me to hug her too, are you, ana?" he said in a low voice.
"Then say something! Comfort was never really my forte! And that's saying something because I'm a woman and France used to be all over my place!" Vietnam mouthed back.
Thailand twitched irritably at the mention of France and it was a good thing Vietnam did not see, "Well, I'm a man! Oh wait, I got an idea!" Thailand hurriedly put down his tea cup, cleared his throat, and said in his softest voice, "Don't cry, sayang. Philippines must just be having a phase. It would pass soon, don't dwell on it too much, ana." He hoped he didn't stress his Malay accent much. It was a different language after all.
Brunei stopped sobbing and regressed to quiet sniffles. "But what about what she did to Malaysia? He's always been a jerk to me but I don't want him to die...yet!"
"About that, we're working on getting him home safely. In a few days you could see him again, I promise." Vietnam said.
Brunei looked down at the floor, "You're both not on really good terms with Malaysia and yet you're helping him. You too, your governments aren't really the best of friends but you're all helping each other and cooperating now. Even Laos who is politically in bad terms with Thailand is siding with you. What's happening to us?"
"We've…found ourselves threatened by a common enemy, sayang. So we decided to put aside our own differences and unite. It is rather unfortunate that it had to be against one of our own, but we'll have to do whatever we can to secure peace for our people so we have to defend each other." Thailand smiled at her warmly. Brunei nodded her head. She understood that. They were just doing their duties as countries. She suddenly wondered if her best friend was doing this as a country and not personally.
"I understand. If I could be of any help, just inform me. My sultan forced me out of my room this morning so I could tell you that. My apologies for being such a damn wreck about this stuff, I guess I was just shocked that Philippines suddenly does not like me anymore."
"It's okay, sayang. We'd do our best so you won't have to join the war. We'd stop Clara...at all cost." Thailand reassured her with a pat on the head.
Brunei nodded again and sat properly on the couch, "Just don't hurt Clara too much…after all, she's my best friend. I'm sure she has her reasons for doing this. I just wish she told me first."
"Russia! Russia! Ivan! IVAN!!!!!!!" Philippines yelled. She can't be lost. No, there is no house that could be that big! She's always been good with directions, so why in the hell was she walking in circles, calling for Ivan in the middle of a dark hallway?
Okay, she went out of her room to get herself some water which was in the kitchen on the ground floor. Her room was in the third floor of Ivan's huge mansion which seems like he built the house to consume as much space as it could on his vast empty land.
She stomped down another dark hallway calling for China and Ivan when a door opened a few feet from her. She stopped and waited for the occupant to show himself. As far as she knew, there were only three of them in the house right now. Or she could be wrong, who knows what the Russian was keeping in his house.
A woman with long silver hair in a blue dress with a white apron came out with a creepy expression on her face. "Why are you looking for my brother, you bitch?" and suddenly there was a knife in front of her and she was advancing slowly towards Philippines.
Philippines stared, 'I didn't know Ivan has a sister. She's pretty. And I didn't know his sister's staying here.'
So she smiled and held out her hand for the other girl, "Hi! My name is Philippines! I'm your brother's…ahm…" what exactly are they? Allies? No, Philippines has some other plans for him. Friends? Like allies, she has some plans about him that weren't exactly friendly in nature. Acquaintances? No, far closer than that. Then maybe playmates? The two of them certainly plays the same game. "Playmates! We're playmates! Well, what's your-ah! Watch it!," she stepped back a bit when the silver-haired girl suddenly swung the knife in front of her, ripping the knot at the front of her robe but not quite slashing her flesh. "Hey! What's your prob-gah!," she stepped back again when another swing narrowly missed her.
"How dare you play with my brother, you whore! I'm going to rip your guts out!" Belarus lunged at Philippines again. How dare this girl seduce her innocent brother! Who does she think she is taking her brother's love from her! Oh..this girl is really going to get it.
"Wait! What are we talking about here?!?" Philippines cried as she ran for her life back to where she had been minutes ago. Shit, it's a good thing the mansion was huge so she had so many places to run into.
"You seduced my brother, you freak! Brother is going to marry me!" Belarus ran after Philippines.
"I so did not do that! I swear! So stop-ahhhhhhh!!," Belarus swung her knife again and this time it caught the back of Philippines' robe. She abruptly turned a corner and slipped on the marble. The remnants of the robe fell off her shoulder and she was left sitting on the floor. Damn, it was so cold. She can't wait for her flight back to the tropics tomorrow.
Belarus found her sprawled on the floor and without a second thought, lunged her knife at the downed girl. Philippines slid backwards on the floor and avoided the swings until she could finally scramble back to her feet and run. The girl was as insane as her brother.
"I'll make you wish you've never been born, you brother-stealer!" Belarus hissed.
Philippines stopped running and turned around to see Belarus running towards her with the knife poised to attack again.
"Did you just say that?" she asked in a rather calm voice for someone who's been running for her life seconds ago.
"I'm going to kill--," in the blink of an eye, Belarus was thrown to the ground with Philippines on top of her trying to pin down her arms. There was an insane look in her eyes and the girl was smiling. Belarus felt her wrist break and she let go of the knife. Philippines snatched it away immediately and held it at Belarus' neck, pushing it until it left a red mark.
Belarus stopped struggling and threw a murderous glare at the girl hovering above her. Philippines looked mental. "When I tell little girls to stop, they should stop. Now, about making me wish I wasn't born, if you try that again, I assure you," Philippines put enough pressure to make Belarus bleed. "Your head will roll. Don't force me to destroy this pretty little face of yours." She then traced Belarus' smooth face with the tip of the knife, "I'm sure brother Ivan would not want to marry a grotesque." She whispered close to Belarus' ear. "You have no idea what you're dealing with, little girl."
Never had Belarus hated another person. The nerve of this girl to touch her. She'd murder this girl in her sleep! "Keep away from my brother, he's mine!" she spat.
"Still not stopping, eh?" Philippines was about to say something when she heard voices nearing their spot. She recognized the voices as her fellow allied nations.
Philippines giggled and got off the girl who then rolled on her side and stood up. With the knife still in her grasp, Philippines held it away from anyone's view. Belarus glared hard at her but did not say anything when she saw her brother.
"Ah! Bela! Ahm…what are you doing here?" Ivan tried his best to inch away from the girl and hide his body behind China's smaller one which was not really providing any help.
"As soon as I heard your plans, I rushed over here to become one with you, brother. Let's get married while you have plenty of time, brother." Belarus said in her normal voice.
This time, Russia and China felt shivers run up their spines at the prospect of marriage with Belarus. China inched away from Ivan and went over to Philippines who was standing a few feet behind Belarus with a mischievous smile on her face. China looked over the younger girl's thin clothes which barely covered half of her thighs. He sighed and put his own robe over the cold girl. He's used to the cold so he could do with only his bedclothes.
"Thanks, Uncle China. I was just thinking of going to your room."
"What were you doing with Belarus, aru?"
"Belarus, huh? We're just exchanging pleasantries, I just wish I made a nice first impression." The two walked away from the scene, leaving Ivan at the hands of his loving sister who totally forgot everyone else at the presence of her brother.
"YAO!!!" Ivan screamed for help.
China sighed. Ivan was a big guy. Why can't he learn to handle his sister on his own? So he ignored Ivan's pleas for help and proceeded towards his room with Philippines.
China pushed his door open and let the girl inside before giving one last look towards Ivan's direction and seeing that the man is yet to get out of his predicament and seemed like he's losing more and more marbles by the second, China sighed and nodded towards Ivan's direction at Philippines. The girl smiled and just sat comfortably on his bed. China closed the door after him.
Philippines sat on the bed and looked around China's room. Like her room, there were many empty spaces due to the few but elegant and rich furniture. She got to her feet on the velvet carpeted floor and examined the paintings and about every thing she could set her eyes on until she came upon a huge rectangular mirror hanging on the wall. Belarus did not harm me, right? She passed in front of the mirror with just a glance at her reflection. And for that one second, she had never feared anything greater.
She stopped and stared in horror at her reflection. It was and wasn't hers at the same time. She screamed.
No! You can't be! I've just started! Don't look at me like that! I'm doing my best for you! You're supposed to be dead!
In a blind fit of rage, she struck the handle of the knife she was holding against the mirror which instantly broke and fell to the floor when she repeatedly hit it. Afterwards, she sank down on the floor in a fit of sobs.
I only did it because I loved you. You said you need me. You gave me no choice.
The door of the room opened and in came a slightly bruised China and a harassed but relieved Russia. China's eyes instantly fell on Philippines and he rushed over to get her out of the broken mess. She was bleeding.
"Ma'i, what happened?!? Here, let's get you to the couch aru," he said before carrying the sobbing girl into the nearby couch where Ivan had situated himself, the smile on his face back with a vengeance.
China went to the bathroom to get the first aid kit.
Ivan scooted closer to the sobbing who seemed to be unaware that her knees down to her feet were bleeding with some pieces of glass still stuck to it.
"My, my, Philippines…what do you think you've been doing without me?" he forced her hands away from her eyes and made her face him. "What were you doing with Belarus' knife, da?"
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Philippines whimpered.
Ivan's smile fell. She wasn't saying that at him. Philippines was not looking at him.
He was going to heckle her further when Yao came back into the room and asked him to help him clean Philippines' other leg. He'll teach her to look at him again some other day.
Two days after Philippines came back to her country, everything was in chaos. An earthquake with a magnitude of 7.0 struck central Luzon, bringing larger damages to crops and loss of about 3, 000 lives. The earthquake was the first of the last 5 major earthquakes that hit the country in the next 5 years.
Since 2010, the country had moved up from a third-world country to a fully-industrialized one. Since the start of the new president's term, corruption dropped at an increasing rate until the rate equaled Singapore's. The country rose from poverty to its former grandeur. Since investors started trusting the country's government more, more money poured into the nation, generating millions of jobs and alleviating the condition of its populace. Less and less professionals needed to work abroad, therefore, health care, domestic works, and education boomed in the country. Less than a fifth of the population is still living in extreme poverty. Since Philippines had gone up in the world, crime rates had decreased due to less people going into hunger and resorting to crimes. Since the government was finally just and respectable, politics ceased to be called 'dirty'. Citizens trusted in the government, improved their lives and helped themselves. Discipline was widely implemented and accepted. The year now is 2015.
Philippines looked over the summary report of the earthquake. Damage exceeded a hundred million in pesos. Relief was being provided for by the government and concerned citizens. She breezed through the content again and put it on top of her paper work before going up to the window of the office she was in at the Congress. She's scheduled to listen to her President's State of the Nation address before going Clark Air Base herself. It would be boring to just sit there and listen to him justify their war against Malaysia so that protesters would shut up. Not everyone was supporting the war. Legislation was divided as well as other parts of the government. But they'll have to join, they've already attacked, retaliation was inevitable.
Because there were already many pressing issues inside the country, what's the point of creating conflict outside too? Indeed, natural calamities were made more frequent since 2009. Storms, Hurricanes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Volcanism…everything seemed to be happening all at the same time that the government finds it hard where to focus first or whom to save first.
Philippines stared at the grasslands surrounding the congress, the plants were slowly dying. Was it really supposed to be this hot in the country? Summer has barely started and they were already frying up.
Out of the blue, her cellphone started ringing. She read the text twice before grabbing her things and making her way out of the building. Once in the lobby, she was met by her personal guards and escorted to her waiting car. "I'm going home. Tell the president I won't be meeting him until tomorrow. Reschedule my flight to Clark until…say two days from now." she said to her aide before driving out.
She needed to be by his side. Malaysia is finally awake.
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Wonder if everything's still okay...sorry if they're not warring yet..they're so slow aren't they?