[ONE SHOT]Frozen tears
Title:Frozen Tears
Pairings: Akame, Kameda
Genre: angst, fluff
Summary: When his best friend was taken from him, what will he do? The pain that grew inside him , the nightmares he had, will those disappear?
A/N: i know I suck at writing the summary at this fic but if I write an actual summary then I''ll spoil everything. I am not a confident person but I love the way this turned out.
This is for my friend nemesys_hime (Luiza-chan) who is leaving for China tomorrow . Gomen for writing such a sad story when you are actually leaving but I couldn't find any present suitable for you
I hope you will get to go to a KAT-TUN concert cause I know you can!! And take care of yourself!!
FROZEN TEARS
I miss you...I miss you so much until my heart breaks in pieces and my eyes remain without tears.I wish I could have died because without you life doesn't make any sense. I miss the perfume of your skin, your soft hair and your plump lips. I miss your silly faces and your innocent laughter.
It was just another night when I had that nightmare with the
accident. I was driving and you were smiling and then I looked at you for just a few seconds when the truck suddenly appeared in front of me out of nowhere. We crashed against it and I survived... Why did I have to survive? Why was faith so cruel to me and it had to be you? The truck driver didn't have any scratch they even said he was a foreigner who forgot he was in Japan and was driving on the opposite direction.
I woke up panting , sweat was pouring down my back. My girlfriend also woke up worried but I got up from my bed before she could touch me. Suddenly being touched by her made me want to die even more. I knew she was cheating on me ever since I got into that accident but I let her stay with me ...maybe I was feeling lonely?
"Kazu-chan what's wrong? Nightmares again?" she asked getting up and putting a hand on my shoulder but I shove it away and didn't turn around.
"Minami-chan...leave me alone" I said and I heard her get back in bed. "No...this time take your things and leave"
"Kazu-chan..."
"I know you are cheating on me. This will not work. I should apologize for keeping you here"
"You weren't keeping me here I wanted to stay by your side. You looked so lonely I was afraid you would..."
"Please don't pity me! I hate it!"
"Kazu-chan I..."
"Leave!" my voice was rough and firm.
I heard her get down from the bed and open the cupboard. It didn't take too long before she finished packing. She was a modest girl, didn't have too many things but she was beautiful and sincere.
"Kazu-chan you know I loved you!I still love you like a brother! Please don't do anything rash. You are young you can still..."
"Fall in love?" I turned around , tears were already falling down my cheeks.
"Kazu...please don't do this!" she said and her tears were pouring on her cheeks as well."You loved him right? Maybe you'll find someone else"
I was surprised she knew that. But who else could realize it more than the woman that stood by my side for so many years.
"I'm not gay if that's what you are getting at."
But I loved him. A man...
"I didn't say that...but ... you weren't too attracted to me either. There are cases when a man isn't gay but he is attracted to men also. Go out, look for girls, have some fun!"
She wanted to come towards me and caress my face but I stopped her hand before she could touch me.
"You disgust me! Leave!" I shoved her hand and pointed the door. She sighed knowing what I said wasn't the truth because I loved her.
I was staring at her back thinking how the persons I loved were leaving me one by one.
"I'm sorry..." i mumbled after she closed the door. I fell on the bed and finally released the tears I was keeping inside me. I didn't want her to worry about me. "I miss you Jin!! I miss you , you fucking bastard!!" I said and hit the bed though it might sound silly. It hurt because the pain didn't come out, it grew bigger and started feeding of my heart and soul. The cracks inside my heart deepened.
The next thing I remember I fell asleep in a pool of tears with my face against the pillow. His smile hunted me in my dreams ...I wish his smile could make my nightmares disappear but they only sharpen, cutting through my heart like a blade. The doctors took your body and I could see them pumping oxygen and doing a CPR , I saw the doctor that kept pressing your chest until the nurses came and grabbed his arms. But he kept pumping and pressing your chest...he wanted you to live.
"No! WE need to save him! He can still make it! I don't want him to die too."
"Ueda-san! It's useless. His heart stopped since we pulled him out of the car. It's not your fault"
To my surprise the doctor started crying, although he had a mask he seemed young and I could see his tears.
"This can't be!! I can't let him die!" he shoved the nurses hands and started pumping again. I tried getting down from my bed and I crawled towards Jin, taking his hand.
"You can stop now..." I said looking into the doctor's eyes. "He is dead" I pressed my forehead against his hand which was full of blood.
"You stupid idiot! You had to die didn't you! I hate you!! I HATE YOU!!" I could feel the doctor's eyes on me but I couldn't look at him. I wanted to thank him for doing his best but I couldn't even move. I didn't want them to take Jin from me.
"JIIIIIIIIIN!!"
I woke up the next day, shouting his name, but the answer didn't came, just the echo in the empty cold apartment. It was already afternoon. I looked at my watch and realized I was late for work. Another boring day when I had to smile just so that people won't pity me. They knew I had a car accident with my friend but they didn't know the feelings I had towards the person who died and I didn't want them know.
I took a shower and got dressed up. I rushed towards the door, leaving the empty apartment behind.
I stopped at the crosswalk and waited for the light to be green. 30 more seconds...
I stared at the ticking red light...29, 28, 27....
I made one step forward and walked on the crosswalk staring at the ground, cars were trying to avoid me. Ironic isn't it? I stopped in the middle of the crosswalk and smiled towards a shocked driver who didn't have time to avoid me so...
"Wait for me , Jin..." I smiled and then...everything became blank.
The sound of sirens echoed in the city as I could feel someone pumping oxygen inside me, my mind was blurry and I couldn't breath.
Am I dying?
Will I ever see you again?
I miss you Jin...
I could feel a pair of hands pressing my chest. It was useless...I still couldn't breath. A few more seconds and I could meet you again.
"Doctor... this is KAmenashi Kazuya! The one who got into that accident 2 years ago" I could still hear the nurse talking about me. The pair of hands moved faster than before.
"No you won't leave me! I won't let you die!" I could hear him...but it was faded. Wait for me ...Jin.
The last thing I heard was the sound of the machine next to me beeping continuously...I smiled.
"NO!!!DON'T DIE ON ME!!"
**************
A strong light pierced through my eyes and I mumbled and covered them with my hand. Then I noticed the hospital perfusion and sighed.
I looked through the window...it was snowing.
"Nice having you back!" I turned towards the spot I heard the voice coming from and I met such an innocent and bright smile it made me frown in pain." Does it hurt ? I'll get you some pain killers. You had some internal bleeding and I almost lost you..."
"Why?" his smile disappeared and he looked at me waiting for me to continue my question. "Why did you have to save me?"
He looked at me over his glasses then he arranged them, pretending to write something on his notebook.
"It's my duty even though you might not like it!"
"I didn't ask you to save me!" I shouted making him throb.
"You weren't in any position to complain." he argued then he got up from his seat and came towards me. He put a hand next to my pillow pretending to arrange it and stared into my eyes with a serious expression.
"I hate cowards like you!" he pierced me a few more seconds than he turned his back. "Eat well! Though I wouldn't recommend the chicken breasts here. They make it hard to swallow" he waved a hand and left the room ...and I was still panting from the way he looked into my eyes....those deep, powerful eyes were in contrast with his innocent and girlish looks. He was no more than 27 years old. So young...and yet such a strong will.
"Stubborn..." I mumbled and looked trough the window.But his stubbornness saved me.And I hated it.
I stood in the hospital a few more days and when the time came to sign my release, my hand stopped right before the pen could touch the paper.
"Ueda-san?" I mumbled reading the release paper but the nurse heard me.
"Yes... the doctor who saved you. But he took a leave after he visited you once. He said we should take good care of you"
I blocked.
"No! WE need to save him! He can still make it!"
"Ueda-san! It's useless. His heart stopped since we pulled him out of the car. It's not your fault"
I remembered that day like it was yesterday.
"Excuse me, could you tell me where he lives?" the nurse hesitated but then she guessed I might want to thank him personally.
"He usually goes skiing with his family in the mountains this time of year . I can give you the contact address he gave us in case of emergencies. But please don't tell him I was the one who gave it to you or I might be fired." she smiled a weak smile.
"Is he that powerful?" I asked staring at her as she was writing it down.
"Better said...respected. He is so young but still he has such a strong will to save people.He is like a strong dragon who blows out fire but he is actually a really good person. His stubbornness surprises me most of the times. I haven't seen a person like him before. You are such a lucky person for having this chance to encounter his stubbornness. Do you know you were dead when we brought you to him? But he kept saying he doesn't want you to die. So he continued with the CPR and stubbornly fought for your life. I swear he must be an angel." she sighed and gave me the paper. "You should properly thank him. If it weren't for him you would have been ..." she stopped right before she could say that word so she wouldn't offend me. I smiled and thanked her.
"I would have been with Jin now..." I mumbled pushing the hospital's door . The snow was already thick . "Kimochi..." I took a deep breath but when I realized I was actually breathing I couldn't believe it myself. Was I happy or sad? What was it this feeling?
I am alive...
He went somewhere in a mountain resort I couldn't remember it's name I had to look at the paper from time to time so that I could follow the signs. I was driving though I haven't done this for a long time... When I finally reached the hut I stared at it confused, taking one more look at the address.
"Damn he is rich!" I found myself saying this after I noticed the big hut . The nurse said it was his private hut where he would spend weekends with his family. "His family huh?He doesn't look like a father type"
I knocked at the door and an amazingly beautiful woman answered . She was mesmerizing and my mouth fell open. I must have looked like a retarded person.
She giggled at the sight.
"Are you looking for someone?" she finally asked with a bright smile. That smile...it was somehow familiar.
"Aw yes! Ueda-san?"
"Yes?" she asked as if she had the same family name. She must be his wife.
"I am looking for ...."I looked at my paper. "Doctor Ueda Tatsu...ya"
She smiled hearing the name and nodded.
"Yes he is on the mountain with the children. He will come back soon. Do you want to come in?"
"Oh I don't want to bother you. I just wanted to thank him that's all..."
"You are the young man he recently saved, right?"
"Young man? How old is she anyway?" I asked myself and somehow smiled inside me. "Great tastes you have in women, Ueda-san" the thought lingered in my head but I shoved it away when she grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.
"Come in don't stand there in the freezing cold. Want me to prepare something? Some wine with cinnamon maybe?"
I looked around the house like a dumb person. A doctor must earn a lot of money if he was that rich.
"That would be nice, thank you! I have been driving in this freezing hell for a few hours and I almost got lost..." I stopped in front of a painting that made me choke with my own breath. The woman in the painting was very beautiful and somehow sad.
"Aw...that..." she said with sad eyes when she came back from the kitchen with the wine. It smelled delicious.
"Who is she?"
She hesitated looking at her.
"His ex-girlfriend." she continued but she turned around with sad eyes. What sick person would keep a huge painting with his ex girlfriend while he is married? I shook my head."Unbelievable!" I mumbled somehow pissed off.
"She is beautiful isn't she?" she asked while she waited for me to sit on some beautiful western style couch. Everything seemed french style and decorated with good taste. "She is half Japanese half French. She chose everything that you see in here. An amazing person...she was"
"Un..."I mumbled still shocked that his wife would talk so nicely about his ex-girlfriend.
"I heard a sound coming from the door and a pack...cause any other word wasn't enough... of ten children came inside invading the house and still throwing snow at each other.
"Now children...behave! Don't make onee-chan get angry at you for making a disaster..."
He stopped in front of us staring at me then at her with a surprised face, then he turned around and threw his gloves on the couch farther away from us.
"What are you doing here?"
"He came to thank you for saving him!" his wife answered in my place.
"No he didn't!He came to complain because I let him live!" he said not turning around but rather lying on the couch moving his legs up and down the edge of the couch like a small child. He seemed even younger than he looked when he was wearing the hospital clothes.
"Tatsuya!! How can you say that!!" she got up and slapped his head which made me throb and my mouth fell wide open.
"Itai, onee-chan!!" he pouted rubbing his head. I could see a small blush escaping on his cheeks. It wasn't long enough when I realized she was actually his sister not his wife. "Their smiles...are identical" I mumbled as I was staring at them still fighting each other.
"Get up and apologize for being rude" she ordered slapping him again.
"Itai! I wasn't rude it is the truth! His friend died 2 years ago and now he wants to die too! Isn't he a coward?" his sister blocked and I chocked with my own breath when I heard those words coming from him. They were true like the sun is to the Earth."He died in my hands I should be the one mourning not him!! "
He was clearly pissed off because he got up and threw his jacket away . He wanted to climb the stairs but his sister stopped him.
"Where do you think you are going?"
"Take a shower?" he said it with a mock voice. "The children sucked my energy." he shoved her hand and went upstairs .
I still had a shocked expression on my face.
"I am so sorry. I don't know what got into him. He is such a stubborn boy I can't understand him at all."
"I know..." I mumbled, pissed off that I came here for nothing.
"Do you know why we still keep her on the wall?"
"Ehh?"I asked looking towards the painting.
"She died two years ago...cancer. Right before she died she told Tatsuya she fell in love with someone who was sick as well. She said he might understand her more than Tatsuya did. Actually he did understand her and let that person visit her once in a while. That person had less than 6 months to live so he promised her he would visit often. But then...right after she died he got into an accident..."
"Onee-chan stop telling sad stories. I don't think he needs them now!"
Ueda came back, wiping his wet hair. Somehow the sight was mesmerizing. He had a white T-shirt and his hair was covering his eyes. He had beautifully shaped muscles and a manly aura, in contrast with his childish smile.
"It's already late.You can sleep here if you want. But before that we should eat. The children are hungry.
"Ano...I don't know..."
"Don't worry! We have enough rooms for everybody. And the children would be happy to have someone new to play with. I know I am happy...to take a break from their hitting and laughing and..."
His sister slapped him again.
"How can you talk like this now? You decided to take them in for the weekend. Don't tell me you regret it!"
"Mou onee-chan...you keep slapping me and this guy might think I'm a pussy. " he smiled his bright smile and my heart started racing. I looked towards another direction trying to take my breath.
"Well you asked for it!! "
"Ano..."I suddenly interrupted them. I somehow felt I was invisible."I think I'll be leaving. Thank you for the wine"
I rushed towards the door but a hand grabbed me and turned me around.
"You'll upset my sister if you don;t stay for dinner. I don't want you to get into an accident AGAIN..And how do you think you can drive after drinking the wine.I don't have the necessary means to save you" he said pressing my arm.I forgot I was driving and drank the wine.Silly me...
"Yes you have..."I mumbled and wanted to release myself.
"If you stay I might tell you a secret that you don't know about. Then you might reconsider living your life "
I looked into his eyes but he didn't seem to lie.I sighed and walked towards the living room.
"Childreeeeeeen we have a guest!!" he shouted and the children came downstairs one by one jumping on the couch next to me."His name is Kamenashi Kazuya and he is here to play with us!"
I was surprised he knew my name. Then the children jumped on me and started to laugh and grab my cheeks.
"Cute onii-chan play with us!!" a little girl was touching my face. I looked towards Tatsuya so that he would save me but he shrugged and left the living room.
"Hey where are you going?"
"To help my sister with the dinner. Have fun with the children!!"
"Oh no..." I mumbled while one girl started to play with my hair.
"STOP!!"
The children stopped , looked at me and started crying. Tatsuya came back running towards us.
"What happened?"
"I just said "stop" and they all started crying.I didn't do anything!"
"Yes you did! You shouted at them and it's normal for them to get scared. Didn't you ever play with children?"
"No?" I said shrugging.
"Figures..." he mumbled somehow pissed off."Ok children let the bad monster alone. Who wants to ride me? Mika-chan do you want?"
He went towards the little girl who played with my hair before and knelt in front of her. Then he sat on the floor on his hands and knees. The girl stopped crying and got up on Ueda who started walking around the room with her on his back.
I looked at him with a stupid face, he did it in such a natural way that it almost made me believe he wasn't human...but an angel.
"What are you staring at? Do the same! Children love this!"
"Eh?" but then 3 children pushed me on the floor and got up on my back hitting my stomach with their feet so that I would move.
"Now children don't hit him that hard. He just got out of the hospital!!" he said but a grin escaped his lips and I almost wanted to strangle him.As we were playing I started laughing because the 3 children started tickling me while I still had to walk with them on my back.
"See? Aren't you having fun?"
"Childreeeen! Dinner is ready!"
"Yeeeey!" the children shouted and they let us alone. I sighed relieved. I wanted to ask him something but before I could even open my mouth he looked into my eyes and smiled.
"I am a volunteer at the orphanage. I sometimes bring the children here so that they can feel the warmth of a family. She is my sister, Hikaru-chan. We are orphans as well , but our parents died when we were old enough to take care of ourselves."
"Ano..."
"Yes?" he got up and went towards the kitchen.
"What secret did you say you want to tell me?" I asked following him.
"Aw...that...you will have to wait until after the dinner. I don;t want to spoil it for you?"
"Is it that bad? "
"It depends from what point of view. You will see. "
Ueda smiled at me and pointed me towards the kitchen. I followed him and sat at the table next to him. The food his sister prepared didn't seem Japanese at all but it was delicious and I was hungry. Somehow any food except that from the hospital was good enough for me.
"So Kamenashi-kun, what job do you have?" Ueda asked playing with his food but he didn't look at me.
"Eh? Aw... just some part time job. Still waiting for them to accept me."
"Maybe you didn't do your job well"
His sister hit his head.
"Itai! Onee-chan!" he scowled at her.
"Actually they said they would give me full time after a month. It has already been 3 weeks so it's almost time."
"And what did you do before that?"
"Another part time job, and before that it was university."
"Which one?"
"Tatsuya! You ask too many questions!"his sister scolded him again.
"What? I'm just curious!"he retorted with innocent eyes.
"Tokyo University."
He chocked in his food and stared at me like he just realized I was a nerd.
"You...finished...Tokyo University?" he grinned shaking his head. "Which major?"
"English."
He kept staring at me dumbfounded.
"Me too...Medicine of course.How old are you again? I forgot..."
"25"
"I'm 27. going 28 this October."
"And you are already saving people...I feel useless"
"Well...we all have our place in the world don't we?I believe if you were meant to die you would have been dead now."
"Yes but if it weren't for you then I would have been dead."
"Just doing my job"Ueda shrugged like it was the most normal thing in the world.
"He is modest. In fact he saves people because of his stubbornness. That's why they assigned him for this kind of emergencies. They needed someone with their head on their shoulder and firm.If only they knew how I sometimes beat the crap out of him!" Hikaru said but instead of slapping him again she caressed his face.
It really felt like a family: the relationship between the two of them, the noisy but happy children. I looked at them and felt guilty for wanting to die. They didn't have a family but they were still happy and laughing. I suddenly met eyes with Ueda who smiled at me and I bowed as a sign of respect. He giggled and shook his head as if he read my mind.
Life must be wonderful for him. But what about when people die?
It must be horrible then. The feeling of guilt grew inside me as I realized I almost put this burden on him. Almost...lucky he had a stubborn character.I sighed and continued eating. I am sorry Jin, you still have to wait for me. The time for me to die has not come...yet.
The dinner was very delicious then we talked at a cup of wine. Ueda started telling us stories about the people he met in the hospital.
"Once I had a metro sexual. He was a guy with issues I must tell you , although he looked very manly he was dressed up in a woman's clothes, wearing lipstick and eyeliner. He kept asking me for a mirror. Then he started hitting on me saying I had a pretty face and it's a pitty I'm not a girl and he is "not" a boy. I laughed at the thought cause he really saw himself as a woman. Actually I kinda admire them for having the courage to be different. Even though it might be repulsive for others"
I swallowed thinking about the feelings I had for Jin and emerged myself into deep thoughts.
"Kamenashi-kun did you have this kind of encounters?" he asked startling me.
"What do you feel about the people who don't have this kind of problems, they are rather normal but they still end up loving someone of the same sex?" I asked somehow embarrassed.
Ueda processed my question then he stared at me with deep meaningful eyes.
"I don't think love should stop only among opposite sex partners. For homosexuals it can be a different line-up of the genes, for others is the fear of being touched by the opposite sex, mostly because of childhood abuse or bad experiences,or there are people who want to experience the touch of a person of the same sex or maybe they are just curious. There are many reasons for this and as long as the other person accepts I don't see any reason for the society to oppose. Even like that there are still people who can't accept this just because they are different and in some concepts it is forbidden." he had an intelligent smile on his face and my heart starting racing as he was explaining. He had this amazing aura I even wanted him to continue talking about anything...it didn't matter.
The discussion continued late at night and I realized Ueda was an open minded person.
"Come , I'll show you to your room."
We went upstairs, walking through a long corridor then we stopped at the end of it. He took a key out of his pocket and opened the door.
"We never let guests sleep in here but you are a special guest. This was Maya-chan's room. My ex girlfriend. I think my sister already told you about the woman in the painting."
"Ano...why..."?"
"Maybe you will find out the answers in here."
He pushed me inside and closed the door. I looked around mesmerized by the amazing feeling the room gave. It had the warm touch of a woman. It felt like Ueda didn't even move an inch in that room, everything was in it's place as if the person was still alive, as if the room was still breathing.
I sat on the bed looking around, it somehow made me feel peaceful. Then something cut my eye. A photo on the nightstand next to the bed. I recognized his ex girlfriend on the hospital's bed and then...
"Jin!!" the photo fell from my hands and the frame broke in pieces. "He knew her? " I wondered and took back the photo. I stared at him, my heart aching, tears pouring down my cheeks. I touched his face. "I miss you..."
Then I noticed a piece of paper on the floor I took it and unwrapped it.
"Dear Kazu,
If you are reading this it means I am already far away from you. I am sorry you had to find out like this. I think you already met Ueda-san. He is such an amazing person you'll grow really fond of him.
First of all, I need to apologize, I haven't been truly sincere with you. Although I love you, you are my best friend , I could never find the power to tell you that...I had cancer, terminal stage. I found out in December that I had only 6 months to live. Then I met Maya -chan who was sick as well but she had this smiling face and a kind expression as if she already embraced her faith.Day by day while I told you I was going to work I was actually having a treatment in the hospital.
I know you love me , Kazu-chan. Your sweet , warm kiss told me everything. And maybe if I weren't dying I could have answered your love. But I didn't want you to believe we could be together while I was in that state. Maya-chan confessed to me and I decided to stay by her side until the end. My feelings for her grew bigger as I realized how she was looking forward to a new life, as if she wasn't dying. That kind of feeling made me happy, and I don't regret spending the days with her. Maya-chan told Ueda-san that she was in love with me, and he accepted us with a kind smile. I believe deep down his heart, he was hurting more than both of us.
I hope someday you'll forgive me for being such a coward and please don't cry for me. I am not worth it.
I am happy to have met you Kazu-chan, really...
Maybe will have another faith in another life .
I love you,
Akanishi Jin"
I kept reading it once, twice, thrice, replaying the scenes inside my head. The smile he had before the acccident was it sincere?
"Oh so you managed to find the letter. I was worried you wouldn't find it. I kept it there..it felt more..."
Ueda stared at me with a shocked expression as I was holding the letter , my eyes were red full of tears.
"It might come as a shock for you, but she died in the same day both of you had the accident. How did you two meet?"
"We... we met at the shopping mall, he said he wanted to buy something for my birth...day" I looked at Ueda and processed the information.
"He met with you after he returned from the hospital with the news." Ueda added the information that was missing.
The smile Jin had on his face was a fake smile. He was actually hurting inside and I wasn't there to comfort him.
"Why did he have to hide it from me? I was his best friend! Why?"
Ueda knelt next to me and took the photo from my hands.
"He was an amazing person wasn't he? I am a doctor and doctors don't have too much time in their hands. When she told me she fell in love with him, I was hurt but in the same time relieved that she was happy. I wanted her to be happy so I accepted them. Even when I see this photo I smile because I know they loved each other very much. I know the feelings you had for him weren't just as a best friend , he told me everything , he trusted me like a brother. He said he loved you but he couldn't answer your love in the state that he was. "
I was staring at the floor with a blank expression, tears pouring down my cheeks like a waterfall.
"That's why you were crying when you tried to save him." I mumbled and I thought he didn't hear me.
He nodded.
"Un...I couldn't believe the faith those two had. I mean even though he still had a few months to live , he died in an accident in the same day she died. I really think they were connected to each other. And you survived the second time too, although you were on the verge of death. God took both of them from me but He gave you to me, twice. I want to believe we were meant to meet." he looked at me and wiped the tears from my face. I looked into his eyes confused, but I felt at peace.
"What are you saying?"I asked hiccuping. I must have looked childish because he giggled .
Then he suddenly hugged me, my eyes widened from surprise, but it felt good, warm.
"It's time for us to move on. We both lost someone, but now it's time to let the past behind."
I nodded...it was weak but he felt it and hugged me even tighter. It was the first time in my life I felt like someone understood my pain. We were connected by the death of our beloved ones.
We both fell asleep in the same bed and I woke up early in the morning and drove towards the city.
Jin...don't wait for me.
Because I will not come back to soon.
***************************
One year passed since then.
I was waiting for him on the bridge, staring at the wild river, leaning against the edge. A hand suddenly grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back.
"I hope you don't have those kind of thoughts again" he smiled his bright smile and the effect he had on me was the same as we first met.
"Osashiburi, Ueda-san!"
"Osashiburi, Kamenashi-kun"
"Lucky I came before you would do something reckless. I know I am a stubborn doctor but I can't swim. " he smiled at me then he stared at the river.
"Oh...that...I promise I will not do it anymore. I am not a cat and I feel like the third time won't be so lucky for me"
He laughed and I laughed too remembering the past. The accident, then my attempt to suicide and how he stubbornly saved me.If not for him I wouldn't be here standing on the bridge.
As we were staring at the flowing river, we both turned to face each other with bright smiles.
"I missed you!!" we both said it in the same time. Then we shyly stared back at the river.
"Ano...do cats really have nine lives?"
I stared at him with expectant eyes when he suddenly grabbed my chin, raising it towards his face. He put a shy kiss on my lips and whispered.
"Do humans live just one life?"
The tears that poured down my cheeks were tears of happiness. They froze embraced by our love, so that no other kind of tears would take their place.
Pairings: Akame, Kameda
Genre: angst, fluff
Summary: When his best friend was taken from him, what will he do? The pain that grew inside him , the nightmares he had, will those disappear?
A/N: i know I suck at writing the summary at this fic but if I write an actual summary then I''ll spoil everything. I am not a confident person but I love the way this turned out.
This is for my friend nemesys_hime (Luiza-chan) who is leaving for China tomorrow . Gomen for writing such a sad story when you are actually leaving but I couldn't find any present suitable for you
I hope you will get to go to a KAT-TUN concert cause I know you can!! And take care of yourself!!
FROZEN TEARS
I miss you...I miss you so much until my heart breaks in pieces and my eyes remain without tears.I wish I could have died because without you life doesn't make any sense. I miss the perfume of your skin, your soft hair and your plump lips. I miss your silly faces and your innocent laughter.
It was just another night when I had that nightmare with the
accident. I was driving and you were smiling and then I looked at you for just a few seconds when the truck suddenly appeared in front of me out of nowhere. We crashed against it and I survived... Why did I have to survive? Why was faith so cruel to me and it had to be you? The truck driver didn't have any scratch they even said he was a foreigner who forgot he was in Japan and was driving on the opposite direction.
I woke up panting , sweat was pouring down my back. My girlfriend also woke up worried but I got up from my bed before she could touch me. Suddenly being touched by her made me want to die even more. I knew she was cheating on me ever since I got into that accident but I let her stay with me ...maybe I was feeling lonely?
"Kazu-chan what's wrong? Nightmares again?" she asked getting up and putting a hand on my shoulder but I shove it away and didn't turn around.
"Minami-chan...leave me alone" I said and I heard her get back in bed. "No...this time take your things and leave"
"Kazu-chan..."
"I know you are cheating on me. This will not work. I should apologize for keeping you here"
"You weren't keeping me here I wanted to stay by your side. You looked so lonely I was afraid you would..."
"Please don't pity me! I hate it!"
"Kazu-chan I..."
"Leave!" my voice was rough and firm.
I heard her get down from the bed and open the cupboard. It didn't take too long before she finished packing. She was a modest girl, didn't have too many things but she was beautiful and sincere.
"Kazu-chan you know I loved you!I still love you like a brother! Please don't do anything rash. You are young you can still..."
"Fall in love?" I turned around , tears were already falling down my cheeks.
"Kazu...please don't do this!" she said and her tears were pouring on her cheeks as well."You loved him right? Maybe you'll find someone else"
I was surprised she knew that. But who else could realize it more than the woman that stood by my side for so many years.
"I'm not gay if that's what you are getting at."
But I loved him. A man...
"I didn't say that...but ... you weren't too attracted to me either. There are cases when a man isn't gay but he is attracted to men also. Go out, look for girls, have some fun!"
She wanted to come towards me and caress my face but I stopped her hand before she could touch me.
"You disgust me! Leave!" I shoved her hand and pointed the door. She sighed knowing what I said wasn't the truth because I loved her.
I was staring at her back thinking how the persons I loved were leaving me one by one.
"I'm sorry..." i mumbled after she closed the door. I fell on the bed and finally released the tears I was keeping inside me. I didn't want her to worry about me. "I miss you Jin!! I miss you , you fucking bastard!!" I said and hit the bed though it might sound silly. It hurt because the pain didn't come out, it grew bigger and started feeding of my heart and soul. The cracks inside my heart deepened.
The next thing I remember I fell asleep in a pool of tears with my face against the pillow. His smile hunted me in my dreams ...I wish his smile could make my nightmares disappear but they only sharpen, cutting through my heart like a blade. The doctors took your body and I could see them pumping oxygen and doing a CPR , I saw the doctor that kept pressing your chest until the nurses came and grabbed his arms. But he kept pumping and pressing your chest...he wanted you to live.
"No! WE need to save him! He can still make it! I don't want him to die too."
"Ueda-san! It's useless. His heart stopped since we pulled him out of the car. It's not your fault"
To my surprise the doctor started crying, although he had a mask he seemed young and I could see his tears.
"This can't be!! I can't let him die!" he shoved the nurses hands and started pumping again. I tried getting down from my bed and I crawled towards Jin, taking his hand.
"You can stop now..." I said looking into the doctor's eyes. "He is dead" I pressed my forehead against his hand which was full of blood.
"You stupid idiot! You had to die didn't you! I hate you!! I HATE YOU!!" I could feel the doctor's eyes on me but I couldn't look at him. I wanted to thank him for doing his best but I couldn't even move. I didn't want them to take Jin from me.
"JIIIIIIIIIN!!"
I woke up the next day, shouting his name, but the answer didn't came, just the echo in the empty cold apartment. It was already afternoon. I looked at my watch and realized I was late for work. Another boring day when I had to smile just so that people won't pity me. They knew I had a car accident with my friend but they didn't know the feelings I had towards the person who died and I didn't want them know.
I took a shower and got dressed up. I rushed towards the door, leaving the empty apartment behind.
I stopped at the crosswalk and waited for the light to be green. 30 more seconds...
I stared at the ticking red light...29, 28, 27....
I made one step forward and walked on the crosswalk staring at the ground, cars were trying to avoid me. Ironic isn't it? I stopped in the middle of the crosswalk and smiled towards a shocked driver who didn't have time to avoid me so...
"Wait for me , Jin..." I smiled and then...everything became blank.
The sound of sirens echoed in the city as I could feel someone pumping oxygen inside me, my mind was blurry and I couldn't breath.
Am I dying?
Will I ever see you again?
I miss you Jin...
I could feel a pair of hands pressing my chest. It was useless...I still couldn't breath. A few more seconds and I could meet you again.
"Doctor... this is KAmenashi Kazuya! The one who got into that accident 2 years ago" I could still hear the nurse talking about me. The pair of hands moved faster than before.
"No you won't leave me! I won't let you die!" I could hear him...but it was faded. Wait for me ...Jin.
The last thing I heard was the sound of the machine next to me beeping continuously...I smiled.
"NO!!!DON'T DIE ON ME!!"
**************
A strong light pierced through my eyes and I mumbled and covered them with my hand. Then I noticed the hospital perfusion and sighed.
I looked through the window...it was snowing.
"Nice having you back!" I turned towards the spot I heard the voice coming from and I met such an innocent and bright smile it made me frown in pain." Does it hurt ? I'll get you some pain killers. You had some internal bleeding and I almost lost you..."
"Why?" his smile disappeared and he looked at me waiting for me to continue my question. "Why did you have to save me?"
He looked at me over his glasses then he arranged them, pretending to write something on his notebook.
"It's my duty even though you might not like it!"
"I didn't ask you to save me!" I shouted making him throb.
"You weren't in any position to complain." he argued then he got up from his seat and came towards me. He put a hand next to my pillow pretending to arrange it and stared into my eyes with a serious expression.
"I hate cowards like you!" he pierced me a few more seconds than he turned his back. "Eat well! Though I wouldn't recommend the chicken breasts here. They make it hard to swallow" he waved a hand and left the room ...and I was still panting from the way he looked into my eyes....those deep, powerful eyes were in contrast with his innocent and girlish looks. He was no more than 27 years old. So young...and yet such a strong will.
"Stubborn..." I mumbled and looked trough the window.But his stubbornness saved me.And I hated it.
I stood in the hospital a few more days and when the time came to sign my release, my hand stopped right before the pen could touch the paper.
"Ueda-san?" I mumbled reading the release paper but the nurse heard me.
"Yes... the doctor who saved you. But he took a leave after he visited you once. He said we should take good care of you"
I blocked.
"No! WE need to save him! He can still make it!"
"Ueda-san! It's useless. His heart stopped since we pulled him out of the car. It's not your fault"
I remembered that day like it was yesterday.
"Excuse me, could you tell me where he lives?" the nurse hesitated but then she guessed I might want to thank him personally.
"He usually goes skiing with his family in the mountains this time of year . I can give you the contact address he gave us in case of emergencies. But please don't tell him I was the one who gave it to you or I might be fired." she smiled a weak smile.
"Is he that powerful?" I asked staring at her as she was writing it down.
"Better said...respected. He is so young but still he has such a strong will to save people.He is like a strong dragon who blows out fire but he is actually a really good person. His stubbornness surprises me most of the times. I haven't seen a person like him before. You are such a lucky person for having this chance to encounter his stubbornness. Do you know you were dead when we brought you to him? But he kept saying he doesn't want you to die. So he continued with the CPR and stubbornly fought for your life. I swear he must be an angel." she sighed and gave me the paper. "You should properly thank him. If it weren't for him you would have been ..." she stopped right before she could say that word so she wouldn't offend me. I smiled and thanked her.
"I would have been with Jin now..." I mumbled pushing the hospital's door . The snow was already thick . "Kimochi..." I took a deep breath but when I realized I was actually breathing I couldn't believe it myself. Was I happy or sad? What was it this feeling?
I am alive...
He went somewhere in a mountain resort I couldn't remember it's name I had to look at the paper from time to time so that I could follow the signs. I was driving though I haven't done this for a long time... When I finally reached the hut I stared at it confused, taking one more look at the address.
"Damn he is rich!" I found myself saying this after I noticed the big hut . The nurse said it was his private hut where he would spend weekends with his family. "His family huh?He doesn't look like a father type"
I knocked at the door and an amazingly beautiful woman answered . She was mesmerizing and my mouth fell open. I must have looked like a retarded person.
She giggled at the sight.
"Are you looking for someone?" she finally asked with a bright smile. That smile...it was somehow familiar.
"Aw yes! Ueda-san?"
"Yes?" she asked as if she had the same family name. She must be his wife.
"I am looking for ...."I looked at my paper. "Doctor Ueda Tatsu...ya"
She smiled hearing the name and nodded.
"Yes he is on the mountain with the children. He will come back soon. Do you want to come in?"
"Oh I don't want to bother you. I just wanted to thank him that's all..."
"You are the young man he recently saved, right?"
"Young man? How old is she anyway?" I asked myself and somehow smiled inside me. "Great tastes you have in women, Ueda-san" the thought lingered in my head but I shoved it away when she grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.
"Come in don't stand there in the freezing cold. Want me to prepare something? Some wine with cinnamon maybe?"
I looked around the house like a dumb person. A doctor must earn a lot of money if he was that rich.
"That would be nice, thank you! I have been driving in this freezing hell for a few hours and I almost got lost..." I stopped in front of a painting that made me choke with my own breath. The woman in the painting was very beautiful and somehow sad.
"Aw...that..." she said with sad eyes when she came back from the kitchen with the wine. It smelled delicious.
"Who is she?"
She hesitated looking at her.
"His ex-girlfriend." she continued but she turned around with sad eyes. What sick person would keep a huge painting with his ex girlfriend while he is married? I shook my head."Unbelievable!" I mumbled somehow pissed off.
"She is beautiful isn't she?" she asked while she waited for me to sit on some beautiful western style couch. Everything seemed french style and decorated with good taste. "She is half Japanese half French. She chose everything that you see in here. An amazing person...she was"
"Un..."I mumbled still shocked that his wife would talk so nicely about his ex-girlfriend.
"I heard a sound coming from the door and a pack...cause any other word wasn't enough... of ten children came inside invading the house and still throwing snow at each other.
"Now children...behave! Don't make onee-chan get angry at you for making a disaster..."
He stopped in front of us staring at me then at her with a surprised face, then he turned around and threw his gloves on the couch farther away from us.
"What are you doing here?"
"He came to thank you for saving him!" his wife answered in my place.
"No he didn't!He came to complain because I let him live!" he said not turning around but rather lying on the couch moving his legs up and down the edge of the couch like a small child. He seemed even younger than he looked when he was wearing the hospital clothes.
"Tatsuya!! How can you say that!!" she got up and slapped his head which made me throb and my mouth fell wide open.
"Itai, onee-chan!!" he pouted rubbing his head. I could see a small blush escaping on his cheeks. It wasn't long enough when I realized she was actually his sister not his wife. "Their smiles...are identical" I mumbled as I was staring at them still fighting each other.
"Get up and apologize for being rude" she ordered slapping him again.
"Itai! I wasn't rude it is the truth! His friend died 2 years ago and now he wants to die too! Isn't he a coward?" his sister blocked and I chocked with my own breath when I heard those words coming from him. They were true like the sun is to the Earth."He died in my hands I should be the one mourning not him!! "
He was clearly pissed off because he got up and threw his jacket away . He wanted to climb the stairs but his sister stopped him.
"Where do you think you are going?"
"Take a shower?" he said it with a mock voice. "The children sucked my energy." he shoved her hand and went upstairs .
I still had a shocked expression on my face.
"I am so sorry. I don't know what got into him. He is such a stubborn boy I can't understand him at all."
"I know..." I mumbled, pissed off that I came here for nothing.
"Do you know why we still keep her on the wall?"
"Ehh?"I asked looking towards the painting.
"She died two years ago...cancer. Right before she died she told Tatsuya she fell in love with someone who was sick as well. She said he might understand her more than Tatsuya did. Actually he did understand her and let that person visit her once in a while. That person had less than 6 months to live so he promised her he would visit often. But then...right after she died he got into an accident..."
"Onee-chan stop telling sad stories. I don't think he needs them now!"
Ueda came back, wiping his wet hair. Somehow the sight was mesmerizing. He had a white T-shirt and his hair was covering his eyes. He had beautifully shaped muscles and a manly aura, in contrast with his childish smile.
"It's already late.You can sleep here if you want. But before that we should eat. The children are hungry.
"Ano...I don't know..."
"Don't worry! We have enough rooms for everybody. And the children would be happy to have someone new to play with. I know I am happy...to take a break from their hitting and laughing and..."
His sister slapped him again.
"How can you talk like this now? You decided to take them in for the weekend. Don't tell me you regret it!"
"Mou onee-chan...you keep slapping me and this guy might think I'm a pussy. " he smiled his bright smile and my heart started racing. I looked towards another direction trying to take my breath.
"Well you asked for it!! "
"Ano..."I suddenly interrupted them. I somehow felt I was invisible."I think I'll be leaving. Thank you for the wine"
I rushed towards the door but a hand grabbed me and turned me around.
"You'll upset my sister if you don;t stay for dinner. I don't want you to get into an accident AGAIN..And how do you think you can drive after drinking the wine.I don't have the necessary means to save you" he said pressing my arm.I forgot I was driving and drank the wine.Silly me...
"Yes you have..."I mumbled and wanted to release myself.
"If you stay I might tell you a secret that you don't know about. Then you might reconsider living your life "
I looked into his eyes but he didn't seem to lie.I sighed and walked towards the living room.
"Childreeeeeeen we have a guest!!" he shouted and the children came downstairs one by one jumping on the couch next to me."His name is Kamenashi Kazuya and he is here to play with us!"
I was surprised he knew my name. Then the children jumped on me and started to laugh and grab my cheeks.
"Cute onii-chan play with us!!" a little girl was touching my face. I looked towards Tatsuya so that he would save me but he shrugged and left the living room.
"Hey where are you going?"
"To help my sister with the dinner. Have fun with the children!!"
"Oh no..." I mumbled while one girl started to play with my hair.
"STOP!!"
The children stopped , looked at me and started crying. Tatsuya came back running towards us.
"What happened?"
"I just said "stop" and they all started crying.I didn't do anything!"
"Yes you did! You shouted at them and it's normal for them to get scared. Didn't you ever play with children?"
"No?" I said shrugging.
"Figures..." he mumbled somehow pissed off."Ok children let the bad monster alone. Who wants to ride me? Mika-chan do you want?"
He went towards the little girl who played with my hair before and knelt in front of her. Then he sat on the floor on his hands and knees. The girl stopped crying and got up on Ueda who started walking around the room with her on his back.
I looked at him with a stupid face, he did it in such a natural way that it almost made me believe he wasn't human...but an angel.
"What are you staring at? Do the same! Children love this!"
"Eh?" but then 3 children pushed me on the floor and got up on my back hitting my stomach with their feet so that I would move.
"Now children don't hit him that hard. He just got out of the hospital!!" he said but a grin escaped his lips and I almost wanted to strangle him.As we were playing I started laughing because the 3 children started tickling me while I still had to walk with them on my back.
"See? Aren't you having fun?"
"Childreeeen! Dinner is ready!"
"Yeeeey!" the children shouted and they let us alone. I sighed relieved. I wanted to ask him something but before I could even open my mouth he looked into my eyes and smiled.
"I am a volunteer at the orphanage. I sometimes bring the children here so that they can feel the warmth of a family. She is my sister, Hikaru-chan. We are orphans as well , but our parents died when we were old enough to take care of ourselves."
"Ano..."
"Yes?" he got up and went towards the kitchen.
"What secret did you say you want to tell me?" I asked following him.
"Aw...that...you will have to wait until after the dinner. I don;t want to spoil it for you?"
"Is it that bad? "
"It depends from what point of view. You will see. "
Ueda smiled at me and pointed me towards the kitchen. I followed him and sat at the table next to him. The food his sister prepared didn't seem Japanese at all but it was delicious and I was hungry. Somehow any food except that from the hospital was good enough for me.
"So Kamenashi-kun, what job do you have?" Ueda asked playing with his food but he didn't look at me.
"Eh? Aw... just some part time job. Still waiting for them to accept me."
"Maybe you didn't do your job well"
His sister hit his head.
"Itai! Onee-chan!" he scowled at her.
"Actually they said they would give me full time after a month. It has already been 3 weeks so it's almost time."
"And what did you do before that?"
"Another part time job, and before that it was university."
"Which one?"
"Tatsuya! You ask too many questions!"his sister scolded him again.
"What? I'm just curious!"he retorted with innocent eyes.
"Tokyo University."
He chocked in his food and stared at me like he just realized I was a nerd.
"You...finished...Tokyo University?" he grinned shaking his head. "Which major?"
"English."
He kept staring at me dumbfounded.
"Me too...Medicine of course.How old are you again? I forgot..."
"25"
"I'm 27. going 28 this October."
"And you are already saving people...I feel useless"
"Well...we all have our place in the world don't we?I believe if you were meant to die you would have been dead now."
"Yes but if it weren't for you then I would have been dead."
"Just doing my job"Ueda shrugged like it was the most normal thing in the world.
"He is modest. In fact he saves people because of his stubbornness. That's why they assigned him for this kind of emergencies. They needed someone with their head on their shoulder and firm.If only they knew how I sometimes beat the crap out of him!" Hikaru said but instead of slapping him again she caressed his face.
It really felt like a family: the relationship between the two of them, the noisy but happy children. I looked at them and felt guilty for wanting to die. They didn't have a family but they were still happy and laughing. I suddenly met eyes with Ueda who smiled at me and I bowed as a sign of respect. He giggled and shook his head as if he read my mind.
Life must be wonderful for him. But what about when people die?
It must be horrible then. The feeling of guilt grew inside me as I realized I almost put this burden on him. Almost...lucky he had a stubborn character.I sighed and continued eating. I am sorry Jin, you still have to wait for me. The time for me to die has not come...yet.
The dinner was very delicious then we talked at a cup of wine. Ueda started telling us stories about the people he met in the hospital.
"Once I had a metro sexual. He was a guy with issues I must tell you , although he looked very manly he was dressed up in a woman's clothes, wearing lipstick and eyeliner. He kept asking me for a mirror. Then he started hitting on me saying I had a pretty face and it's a pitty I'm not a girl and he is "not" a boy. I laughed at the thought cause he really saw himself as a woman. Actually I kinda admire them for having the courage to be different. Even though it might be repulsive for others"
I swallowed thinking about the feelings I had for Jin and emerged myself into deep thoughts.
"Kamenashi-kun did you have this kind of encounters?" he asked startling me.
"What do you feel about the people who don't have this kind of problems, they are rather normal but they still end up loving someone of the same sex?" I asked somehow embarrassed.
Ueda processed my question then he stared at me with deep meaningful eyes.
"I don't think love should stop only among opposite sex partners. For homosexuals it can be a different line-up of the genes, for others is the fear of being touched by the opposite sex, mostly because of childhood abuse or bad experiences,or there are people who want to experience the touch of a person of the same sex or maybe they are just curious. There are many reasons for this and as long as the other person accepts I don't see any reason for the society to oppose. Even like that there are still people who can't accept this just because they are different and in some concepts it is forbidden." he had an intelligent smile on his face and my heart starting racing as he was explaining. He had this amazing aura I even wanted him to continue talking about anything...it didn't matter.
The discussion continued late at night and I realized Ueda was an open minded person.
"Come , I'll show you to your room."
We went upstairs, walking through a long corridor then we stopped at the end of it. He took a key out of his pocket and opened the door.
"We never let guests sleep in here but you are a special guest. This was Maya-chan's room. My ex girlfriend. I think my sister already told you about the woman in the painting."
"Ano...why..."?"
"Maybe you will find out the answers in here."
He pushed me inside and closed the door. I looked around mesmerized by the amazing feeling the room gave. It had the warm touch of a woman. It felt like Ueda didn't even move an inch in that room, everything was in it's place as if the person was still alive, as if the room was still breathing.
I sat on the bed looking around, it somehow made me feel peaceful. Then something cut my eye. A photo on the nightstand next to the bed. I recognized his ex girlfriend on the hospital's bed and then...
"Jin!!" the photo fell from my hands and the frame broke in pieces. "He knew her? " I wondered and took back the photo. I stared at him, my heart aching, tears pouring down my cheeks. I touched his face. "I miss you..."
Then I noticed a piece of paper on the floor I took it and unwrapped it.
"Dear Kazu,
If you are reading this it means I am already far away from you. I am sorry you had to find out like this. I think you already met Ueda-san. He is such an amazing person you'll grow really fond of him.
First of all, I need to apologize, I haven't been truly sincere with you. Although I love you, you are my best friend , I could never find the power to tell you that...I had cancer, terminal stage. I found out in December that I had only 6 months to live. Then I met Maya -chan who was sick as well but she had this smiling face and a kind expression as if she already embraced her faith.Day by day while I told you I was going to work I was actually having a treatment in the hospital.
I know you love me , Kazu-chan. Your sweet , warm kiss told me everything. And maybe if I weren't dying I could have answered your love. But I didn't want you to believe we could be together while I was in that state. Maya-chan confessed to me and I decided to stay by her side until the end. My feelings for her grew bigger as I realized how she was looking forward to a new life, as if she wasn't dying. That kind of feeling made me happy, and I don't regret spending the days with her. Maya-chan told Ueda-san that she was in love with me, and he accepted us with a kind smile. I believe deep down his heart, he was hurting more than both of us.
I hope someday you'll forgive me for being such a coward and please don't cry for me. I am not worth it.
I am happy to have met you Kazu-chan, really...
Maybe will have another faith in another life .
I love you,
Akanishi Jin"
I kept reading it once, twice, thrice, replaying the scenes inside my head. The smile he had before the acccident was it sincere?
"Oh so you managed to find the letter. I was worried you wouldn't find it. I kept it there..it felt more..."
Ueda stared at me with a shocked expression as I was holding the letter , my eyes were red full of tears.
"It might come as a shock for you, but she died in the same day both of you had the accident. How did you two meet?"
"We... we met at the shopping mall, he said he wanted to buy something for my birth...day" I looked at Ueda and processed the information.
"He met with you after he returned from the hospital with the news." Ueda added the information that was missing.
The smile Jin had on his face was a fake smile. He was actually hurting inside and I wasn't there to comfort him.
"Why did he have to hide it from me? I was his best friend! Why?"
Ueda knelt next to me and took the photo from my hands.
"He was an amazing person wasn't he? I am a doctor and doctors don't have too much time in their hands. When she told me she fell in love with him, I was hurt but in the same time relieved that she was happy. I wanted her to be happy so I accepted them. Even when I see this photo I smile because I know they loved each other very much. I know the feelings you had for him weren't just as a best friend , he told me everything , he trusted me like a brother. He said he loved you but he couldn't answer your love in the state that he was. "
I was staring at the floor with a blank expression, tears pouring down my cheeks like a waterfall.
"That's why you were crying when you tried to save him." I mumbled and I thought he didn't hear me.
He nodded.
"Un...I couldn't believe the faith those two had. I mean even though he still had a few months to live , he died in an accident in the same day she died. I really think they were connected to each other. And you survived the second time too, although you were on the verge of death. God took both of them from me but He gave you to me, twice. I want to believe we were meant to meet." he looked at me and wiped the tears from my face. I looked into his eyes confused, but I felt at peace.
"What are you saying?"I asked hiccuping. I must have looked childish because he giggled .
Then he suddenly hugged me, my eyes widened from surprise, but it felt good, warm.
"It's time for us to move on. We both lost someone, but now it's time to let the past behind."
I nodded...it was weak but he felt it and hugged me even tighter. It was the first time in my life I felt like someone understood my pain. We were connected by the death of our beloved ones.
We both fell asleep in the same bed and I woke up early in the morning and drove towards the city.
Jin...don't wait for me.
Because I will not come back to soon.
***************************
One year passed since then.
I was waiting for him on the bridge, staring at the wild river, leaning against the edge. A hand suddenly grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back.
"I hope you don't have those kind of thoughts again" he smiled his bright smile and the effect he had on me was the same as we first met.
"Osashiburi, Ueda-san!"
"Osashiburi, Kamenashi-kun"
"Lucky I came before you would do something reckless. I know I am a stubborn doctor but I can't swim. " he smiled at me then he stared at the river.
"Oh...that...I promise I will not do it anymore. I am not a cat and I feel like the third time won't be so lucky for me"
He laughed and I laughed too remembering the past. The accident, then my attempt to suicide and how he stubbornly saved me.If not for him I wouldn't be here standing on the bridge.
As we were staring at the flowing river, we both turned to face each other with bright smiles.
"I missed you!!" we both said it in the same time. Then we shyly stared back at the river.
"Ano...do cats really have nine lives?"
I stared at him with expectant eyes when he suddenly grabbed my chin, raising it towards his face. He put a shy kiss on my lips and whispered.
"Do humans live just one life?"
The tears that poured down my cheeks were tears of happiness. They froze embraced by our love, so that no other kind of tears would take their place.