Culture shock
In my new job, there are other translators from other countries to help out in Spanish, Chinese, and Korean. They're all really nice, and I mean that in the best way; as in, "kind and helpful," not "boring." They've all been so kind.
A couple days ago I had lunch with the Chinese translator, a 25-year old man from around Shanghai whom I shall call O. The topic turned to religion. When I got across that I could never be Christian which he is) because I disagreed with too many of the rules, he asked which ones. As an example, I said, "I could never obey my husband, were I married."
...To be clear here, O was the polar opposite of rude. Polite and thoughtful, he didn't look angry, but rather confused, as though I'd just told him the moon was made of green cheese and people are born from chicken eggs.
O: But obeying your husband is one of the conditions of marriage.
Me: Many say so, but I could never do that.
O: (even more confused) But obeying your husband is just respect.
Me: Then you obey your wife, too?
O: (laughing) No, but I listen to her opinions.
Me: Absolutely. If I marry, it'll be to someone I respect, so I would always listen to his opinions. But I would not OBEY.
O grew even more confused, and it became clear that he figured I didn't understand; that if he came up with the right way to explain, I would agree, just like I'd have to agree if he told me the sky was blue.
O: But...if both spouses try to lead, there will be a lot of fighting.
Me: No, I don't agree with that. In houses where a man leads, lots of fights can happen too.
O: Sure, if the wife tries to take control.
Me: No, no. If, for example, a wife is annoyed by her husband's habits but says nothing, and just gets more and more annoyed--
O: Then she doesn't respect him.
Me: So because she's the wife she has no right to get angry?
O: (paused like he'd never thought of that) ...No, but two people marry if they're compatable. If they think they same way.
Me: Yes but no two people will think the same way about all things. That's just human.
O: Of course. Letting the man lead when they disagree is what makes a happy home (いい家庭)
When he finally understood that yes, I didnt just misunderstand him, I REALLY MEANT that I'd never obey a man, he looked flabbergasted. Then: "Well maybe your home will be different. But for most people..."
I was really struck by how the idea of all problems not being the wife's fault had just never occured to him, and how respect equalled obedience; any deviation from that was wrong, and to blame. It was particularly interesting to see since pretty much any book you read by a Chinese woman ever is all about how crap the men are to their women.
A couple days ago I had lunch with the Chinese translator, a 25-year old man from around Shanghai whom I shall call O. The topic turned to religion. When I got across that I could never be Christian which he is) because I disagreed with too many of the rules, he asked which ones. As an example, I said, "I could never obey my husband, were I married."
...To be clear here, O was the polar opposite of rude. Polite and thoughtful, he didn't look angry, but rather confused, as though I'd just told him the moon was made of green cheese and people are born from chicken eggs.
O: But obeying your husband is one of the conditions of marriage.
Me: Many say so, but I could never do that.
O: (even more confused) But obeying your husband is just respect.
Me: Then you obey your wife, too?
O: (laughing) No, but I listen to her opinions.
Me: Absolutely. If I marry, it'll be to someone I respect, so I would always listen to his opinions. But I would not OBEY.
O grew even more confused, and it became clear that he figured I didn't understand; that if he came up with the right way to explain, I would agree, just like I'd have to agree if he told me the sky was blue.
O: But...if both spouses try to lead, there will be a lot of fighting.
Me: No, I don't agree with that. In houses where a man leads, lots of fights can happen too.
O: Sure, if the wife tries to take control.
Me: No, no. If, for example, a wife is annoyed by her husband's habits but says nothing, and just gets more and more annoyed--
O: Then she doesn't respect him.
Me: So because she's the wife she has no right to get angry?
O: (paused like he'd never thought of that) ...No, but two people marry if they're compatable. If they think they same way.
Me: Yes but no two people will think the same way about all things. That's just human.
O: Of course. Letting the man lead when they disagree is what makes a happy home (いい家庭)
When he finally understood that yes, I didnt just misunderstand him, I REALLY MEANT that I'd never obey a man, he looked flabbergasted. Then: "Well maybe your home will be different. But for most people..."
I was really struck by how the idea of all problems not being the wife's fault had just never occured to him, and how respect equalled obedience; any deviation from that was wrong, and to blame. It was particularly interesting to see since pretty much any book you read by a Chinese woman ever is all about how crap the men are to their women.