Long Time

[michigan_honey]

Well, I just don't know how to feel today. It's one of those days that you just wander around in wondering to yourself...is this ever going to end? Is anything exciting EVER going to happen? What the F**K am I doing here!?!? I feel alone and lost, yet at the same time I just wish that I would disapeer, and no one would know who the hell I was. I feel so comfortable in my life right now, that I almost wish that I had a little bit of chaos. What's really weird about it, is that I have to much chaos to deal with right now, and I'm just shutting it out and ignoring it, because I don't want to deal with it. Damn. I am one confused person. I feel like I am walking a straight line that self contains all kinds of irrelevant twists and turns, that do nothing but slow me down...I have no idea where I am going, and I think that's alot of the problem. I have no point to get to. I have no destination in which I need to reach. I have no idea, where I want to go...that makes it alot harder to get there. Minutes are ticking by like hours. I'm thinking about yet again, changing my major in college. First it was Law, and now it's Information Tech. I'm contemplating going back to Law. I really enjoyed law. My only problem with that is that Law schools' are putting out 4 lawyers to every potential client. That means I'd have to be damn good at what I do. Not that I doubt that...but still. It's not just the passion that drives me in my field of study, it's knowing that I can support my family. I can't support my family on that! God damn. What the fuck am I going to do. I need to find some answers, and get a point in which I can get to, and I need to effing get there, and pick another point. I'm so afraid of letting everyone that I know down. I know what I want to do. But that would involve going to cooking school, and then opening my own restaurant. That just wouldn't happen here in the nasty ass suberbs of MI. I wont raise my son in a city...so I guess I'm in another jam. Grr......

Someone point me in the right direction please....

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