(no subject)
i read kate's entry from today and it made me feel so nice...i feel like a piece of light sitting in this chair.
and whenever i look up on a bright day and see the streaks of smoke left from the jets, it's like looking at a shooting star
or like in 28 days later when jim is frantically escaping execution by the soldiers, but he glances up by chance and sees the jet, sees that there is someone else out there.
Like we aren't alone......
I miss Stephanie so much today. and dad.
it makes me want to cry whenever i think about it.
my mom thinks that it will eventually go away and that i'll get used to living in this place that i hate, with these people that i hate.
Plastic smile glued onto my fucking face.
My mom's friends took us out to dinner tonight, to an asian restaraunt where the man cooks right in front of you,
and he asked me who my daddy was
and i absently pointed my finger around the table, at don then at douglas where it stopped....
and that man at that restaraunt will forever think that douglas is my daddy, but he's not!
He won't ever be; i'll never ever be comfortable with him because i already have a daddy
and i must have been absently pointing around the table, searching for him, but he wasn't there.
i couldn't have really called douglas my daddy, i would have to hurt myself if i did.
i don't want this new life that my mom forced me into
i want my blood sister and my blood daddy.
i want things to go back to the way they were.
and whenever i look up on a bright day and see the streaks of smoke left from the jets, it's like looking at a shooting star
or like in 28 days later when jim is frantically escaping execution by the soldiers, but he glances up by chance and sees the jet, sees that there is someone else out there.
Like we aren't alone......
I miss Stephanie so much today. and dad.
it makes me want to cry whenever i think about it.
my mom thinks that it will eventually go away and that i'll get used to living in this place that i hate, with these people that i hate.
Plastic smile glued onto my fucking face.
My mom's friends took us out to dinner tonight, to an asian restaraunt where the man cooks right in front of you,
and he asked me who my daddy was
and i absently pointed my finger around the table, at don then at douglas where it stopped....
and that man at that restaraunt will forever think that douglas is my daddy, but he's not!
He won't ever be; i'll never ever be comfortable with him because i already have a daddy
and i must have been absently pointing around the table, searching for him, but he wasn't there.
i couldn't have really called douglas my daddy, i would have to hurt myself if i did.
i don't want this new life that my mom forced me into
i want my blood sister and my blood daddy.
i want things to go back to the way they were.