Shoot Me Now (30 Rock, Jack/Liz)
Title: Shoot Me Now
For: ham_napkin
Prompt: laser tag
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Spoilers: Season One, really
Word Count: 2,155
Rating: PG
Notes: This is based off a long ago request from peoplewantducks: Could you please make Jack and his pants go to the ladies' room in that laser tag place on 12th avenue? (Reference to 'Somebody to Love.') Sorry it took so long!
Summary: "So, is this what you do with your corporate buddies? Laser tag?"
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue!
*
This, like a lot of things, was Jack's idea.
This, like a lot of Jack's ideas, was for a greater purpose.
Laser tag, he claimed, would help her staff bond together through the tension of combat and let them release pent-up anger by being allowed to shoot at each other.
"So, is this what you do with your corporate buddies? Laser tag?"
"No. But I don't believe your staff could handle our ultimate release."
"Okay, that sentence was pretty iffy."
Though maybe she was at fault for seeing a gross sexual implication to his words. Because, really, it wasn't as charged as the word 'foursome.' Or the time he vowed to 'relentlessly pound Conrad over and over until he can't help but collapse in exhaustion and give me every inch I want' when he was talking about some business deal. She doesn't know exactly what he was talking about because he was going on and on about acquisitions and market value and she only got three hours sleep the night before, and then suddenly, she was one hundred percent sure that Jack was revealing his secret gay life to her. Which would have been okay before -- as long as he kept the details to himself -- but now, would not be good. She is done with gay guys.
Not in general. She is not a homophobe.
Just as... She doesn't want to date them anymore; one more gay boyfriend and she might develop a complex. No. Sort of boyfriend. Jack's only a sort of boyfriend, but she definitely wants him to be straight.
(Sort of because their relationship is *secret* and because he's never said, "You're my girlfriend" or "I'm your boyfriend." Which isn't something people say, so why would that happen even if they were a couple?)
Anyway.
Laser tag.
This, like a lot of things, was Jack's idea. He insisted he be part of it, and she's still not sure why. Because he loves laser tag? (He does seem to be getting pretty into it.) Because he didn't trust her to give her staff a proper release? (Okay, that sounds gross. Maybe grosser than 'ultimate release.' At least her brain didn't supply 'full release.' Even she knows what 'full release' refers to. Could refer to. Someone has to use that nonsexually.) Because he wanted to bond with her specifically? Because he's, you know, sort of her boyfriend? A now that we've been in the trenches together and stared Lutz in his creepy face, we're going to make it through anything deal. Or maybe he's trying to release his pent-up frustrations about their relationship, like her habit of eating in bed and not sharing said food with him.
While she's wondering about this, one of her targets gets hit. She immediately zeros in on who's responsible, mostly because said person taunts, "Got you, Liz!"
"Lutz--" She wishes she could shoot him, but her gun is disabled. Stupid rules. She'd throw it at his head, but that's probably against the rules, too. "--you moron, we're on the same team!"
Lutz looks properly shamed. She hopes she doesn't find out he's not at his best because another one of his family members died.
"Time!" Jack emerges from behind a fake boulder. "I believe we should take a break."
Her staff starts to likewise emerge. As they mull around, Jack leans forward, placing his gun on her arm instead of his hand.
"I told you to stick by me."
"I don't need you to protect me." In less than a second: "Why did I even say that? This isn't something that could hurt me."
"You'd be surprised at the sorts of injuries that can arise from this game."
"Do most of them happen because someone tripped and fell?"
"You wouldn't be surprised. Fair enough. Even if you don't need my protection, which I never implied you did, you obviously need to learn from me."
"Nothing's obvious," she mutters. "I'm gonna go get some cheese fries."
"I don't believe the phrase 'nothing's obvious' is appropriate when you follow it by announcing your intention to consume one unhealthy food covered in another unhealthy food."
"Cheese can be healthy," she says. "Not is this instance, but... I'm going."
*
After the cheese fries (which are awesome), she goes to the bathroom to freshen herself up. (Some may say she should have wiped the sweat off the back of her neck before she went to get food, but those people can shut their faces.) She runs the tap a little for the water to get good and cold before she splashes some on her face. She rubs her wet hand on the back of her neck and gets some paper towels from the dispenser to blot the droplets away. She tries to figure out a way to make her hair look less messed up, but decides it's a lost cause and leaves the loose bun in place as she tucks some errant strands behind her ears. Is she ready to shoot some people? Yes. Maybe.
She's not great at laser tag.
Jack comes out of a stall behind her. She immediately looks to both sides of her to make sure there aren't any urinals.
"I'm in the ladies' room," she says. Her voice sounds too proud, too so there! and she frowns at the idea that some part of her is surprised she can do simple things like remember her gender (she could imagine Jack making a joke about this, or at least he would have before they started sleeping together; he probably doesn't want to think of himself as a guy who sleeps with ladies who fall into a gray area of, well, ladyness) or is smug about having her wits about her enough to check what's on the door before she enters a public bathroom. "Why are you in the ladies' room?"
He starts to wash his hands. "I knew this bathroom would be less congested, as the ratio of men to women is heavily favored towards men. Jenna and Sue have already used the facilities, which meant if I encountered anyone, it would be you, a woman who can't be offended by my presence--"
"Honestly? I do find it kind of off-putting."
"And I am much more put off by the idea of Lutz standing next to me while I'm relieving myself." He inhales more sharply than he exhales. "He seems like the sort to peek, which would make the experience even worse."
"You could have used a stall in the men's room, too."
"Which leads me to my final point: in establishments such as this the women's bathrooms are generally cleaner." He pauses, grabbing a couple of paper towels to dry his hands. "Why do you find my presence off-putting?"
"Because I came here to wipe sweat off me, which isn't a spectator thing. It shouldn't be, anyway."
"You look like you've freshened yourself up to your standards."
"I have, but." She looks at his reflection. "Dude, was that a slam? Well, you're the one boffing some lady with low standards, so ha!"
"It wasn't a so-called slam, Lemon; it was a statement of fact. For what it's worth, your current appearance doesn't upset me now that I have something positive with which to associate the sight of you disheveled and overheated."
(And she's reminded of earlier, when she and Jenna were crouching next to Jack after they'd shaken Sue and Toofer and were laying in wait to laser them. Well, Jack was laying in wait. Liz was getting tired of crouching and sat down, while Jenna put her gun down and leaned over Liz.
"I can't believe how cool you're keeping," Jenna said. "You're the best at doing whatever we're doing."
And Liz realized Jenna's reason for being there: trying to hit on Jack.
"Laser tag," Liz snapped. "We're playing laser tag."
Jack hit Sue, then Toofer. "I only truly sweat during moments of intense pleasure, and I don't derive that pleasure from laser tag."
Jenna leaned farther forward, her vest pressing against Liz's bent knee as she laughed flirtatiously. "What do you get that pleasure from?" Frank shot her; she didn't notice.
Jack shot Frank. "I'm certain you can guess."
"Gross," Liz mumbled; it was what she was expected to say as a woman who wasn't interested in having sex with Jack. She rolled her eyes for her own reasons, feeling annoyed in a way that almost seemed like jealousy but wasn't. Because she *wasn't* jealous. Because Jack said that in a matter-of-fact way. He wasn't flirting, nor was he even taking a moment to glance at Jenna. But, still, part of her wanted to tell Jenna that sometimes he gets *too* sweaty during intense pleasure.
Good thing she didn't give in, though, because then Jenna would have known Liz was having sex with her boss. Their boss. And the threat of sweaty sex wouldn't deter Jenna. Liz doesn't mind it, after all, and Jenna is okay with more disturbing stuff than Liz ever could be.
Point is, she's not mad. But she doesn't like Jenna's trying to hit on her boyfriend. Of sorts. He's not the opposite of her boyfriend.)
"In fact, sleeping with you," Jack continues, "has truly made me appreciate you not always taking the time out to fully put yourself together." This is Jack flirting, Jack trying to bring sex with him to the forefront of her mind. Okay. "And when you're in a state like this, it also makes me consider how much easier it would be to seduce you without other people thinking something is amiss when you return to a common area."
Not okay.
She scrunches up her face. "I'm not going to do you in a bathroom at a laser tag place while everyone I work with is outside."
"I was speaking generally, Lemon. This isn't the time or place for seduction."
"Man, who knew you could say words like that?"
"My libido has its limits." He turns to her. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Not really."
"I thought you'd appreciate using a laser gun."
"I do. It's like Star Wars. Except--"
"I don't need you to explain the ways in which blasters are more advanced than a 'simple' laser gun."
"I've only done that *twice,* so whatever. Anyway. I don't think this is bringing us closer as a staff, and I don't like people shooting at me. Also, I'm not very good at it."
"I have offered my expertise, but you haven't heeded it."
She turns to him. "I don't want expertise! Why do I have to be great at this?"
"You not being good at it is one of the reasons you're not enjoying yourself--"
"Look--"
"--but you're under no obligation to be excellent at the art of laser tag."
"You're relenting on this pretty quickly." She pauses. "Art?"
"I never said you had to be great, Lemon; I simply thought you'd like to be. I'll say what I said to you the first time I pleasured you: Just relax and let yourself enjoy it."
"I don't want to associate laser tag with oral sex."
"I don't understand why not."
"Because... never mind. Okay. I will relax."
"Good."
"So. Let's get back out there." She puts her hand on Jack's chest, stopping him before he's even moving. "Don't let Jenna hit on you anymore."
She's not sure she should have said that, but. She did, and there it is.
"Acknowledging her attraction to me would only encourage her." He tilts his head; smiles slightly. "Are you jealous?"
"No. Yes. I don't know."
"You should be. If you're becoming territorial, it means that you care for me as much as you should."
She looks up at him expectantly. "Well?"
"Well?"
"If you were to kiss me now, this moment would be sweet. Romantic. It would seem like you're saying, 'I care about you, too' and not, 'Of course you dig me, I'm awesome.'"
"Can't I convey both sentiments simultaneously?"
"If you kiss me, yeah."
And he does.
He's probably her boyfriend.
"This isn't going to turn into sex, by the way," she says.
"As I said; not the time or place."
*
When they get back to the game, Liz decides to relax. She's not really any better at laser tag, but she does have more fun. And, when she hits Lutz, Jack initiates a high five, which makes her weirdly happy.
"We're on the same team," Lutz objects.
She and Jack, at the same time: "Shut up, Lutz."
At that moment, she wants to make out with him. In front of everyone.
Yeah, he's definitely her boyfriend.
She's okay with this.
END
For: ham_napkin
Prompt: laser tag
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Spoilers: Season One, really
Word Count: 2,155
Rating: PG
Notes: This is based off a long ago request from peoplewantducks: Could you please make Jack and his pants go to the ladies' room in that laser tag place on 12th avenue? (Reference to 'Somebody to Love.') Sorry it took so long!
Summary: "So, is this what you do with your corporate buddies? Laser tag?"
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue!
*
This, like a lot of things, was Jack's idea.
This, like a lot of Jack's ideas, was for a greater purpose.
Laser tag, he claimed, would help her staff bond together through the tension of combat and let them release pent-up anger by being allowed to shoot at each other.
"So, is this what you do with your corporate buddies? Laser tag?"
"No. But I don't believe your staff could handle our ultimate release."
"Okay, that sentence was pretty iffy."
Though maybe she was at fault for seeing a gross sexual implication to his words. Because, really, it wasn't as charged as the word 'foursome.' Or the time he vowed to 'relentlessly pound Conrad over and over until he can't help but collapse in exhaustion and give me every inch I want' when he was talking about some business deal. She doesn't know exactly what he was talking about because he was going on and on about acquisitions and market value and she only got three hours sleep the night before, and then suddenly, she was one hundred percent sure that Jack was revealing his secret gay life to her. Which would have been okay before -- as long as he kept the details to himself -- but now, would not be good. She is done with gay guys.
Not in general. She is not a homophobe.
Just as... She doesn't want to date them anymore; one more gay boyfriend and she might develop a complex. No. Sort of boyfriend. Jack's only a sort of boyfriend, but she definitely wants him to be straight.
(Sort of because their relationship is *secret* and because he's never said, "You're my girlfriend" or "I'm your boyfriend." Which isn't something people say, so why would that happen even if they were a couple?)
Anyway.
Laser tag.
This, like a lot of things, was Jack's idea. He insisted he be part of it, and she's still not sure why. Because he loves laser tag? (He does seem to be getting pretty into it.) Because he didn't trust her to give her staff a proper release? (Okay, that sounds gross. Maybe grosser than 'ultimate release.' At least her brain didn't supply 'full release.' Even she knows what 'full release' refers to. Could refer to. Someone has to use that nonsexually.) Because he wanted to bond with her specifically? Because he's, you know, sort of her boyfriend? A now that we've been in the trenches together and stared Lutz in his creepy face, we're going to make it through anything deal. Or maybe he's trying to release his pent-up frustrations about their relationship, like her habit of eating in bed and not sharing said food with him.
While she's wondering about this, one of her targets gets hit. She immediately zeros in on who's responsible, mostly because said person taunts, "Got you, Liz!"
"Lutz--" She wishes she could shoot him, but her gun is disabled. Stupid rules. She'd throw it at his head, but that's probably against the rules, too. "--you moron, we're on the same team!"
Lutz looks properly shamed. She hopes she doesn't find out he's not at his best because another one of his family members died.
"Time!" Jack emerges from behind a fake boulder. "I believe we should take a break."
Her staff starts to likewise emerge. As they mull around, Jack leans forward, placing his gun on her arm instead of his hand.
"I told you to stick by me."
"I don't need you to protect me." In less than a second: "Why did I even say that? This isn't something that could hurt me."
"You'd be surprised at the sorts of injuries that can arise from this game."
"Do most of them happen because someone tripped and fell?"
"You wouldn't be surprised. Fair enough. Even if you don't need my protection, which I never implied you did, you obviously need to learn from me."
"Nothing's obvious," she mutters. "I'm gonna go get some cheese fries."
"I don't believe the phrase 'nothing's obvious' is appropriate when you follow it by announcing your intention to consume one unhealthy food covered in another unhealthy food."
"Cheese can be healthy," she says. "Not is this instance, but... I'm going."
*
After the cheese fries (which are awesome), she goes to the bathroom to freshen herself up. (Some may say she should have wiped the sweat off the back of her neck before she went to get food, but those people can shut their faces.) She runs the tap a little for the water to get good and cold before she splashes some on her face. She rubs her wet hand on the back of her neck and gets some paper towels from the dispenser to blot the droplets away. She tries to figure out a way to make her hair look less messed up, but decides it's a lost cause and leaves the loose bun in place as she tucks some errant strands behind her ears. Is she ready to shoot some people? Yes. Maybe.
She's not great at laser tag.
Jack comes out of a stall behind her. She immediately looks to both sides of her to make sure there aren't any urinals.
"I'm in the ladies' room," she says. Her voice sounds too proud, too so there! and she frowns at the idea that some part of her is surprised she can do simple things like remember her gender (she could imagine Jack making a joke about this, or at least he would have before they started sleeping together; he probably doesn't want to think of himself as a guy who sleeps with ladies who fall into a gray area of, well, ladyness) or is smug about having her wits about her enough to check what's on the door before she enters a public bathroom. "Why are you in the ladies' room?"
He starts to wash his hands. "I knew this bathroom would be less congested, as the ratio of men to women is heavily favored towards men. Jenna and Sue have already used the facilities, which meant if I encountered anyone, it would be you, a woman who can't be offended by my presence--"
"Honestly? I do find it kind of off-putting."
"And I am much more put off by the idea of Lutz standing next to me while I'm relieving myself." He inhales more sharply than he exhales. "He seems like the sort to peek, which would make the experience even worse."
"You could have used a stall in the men's room, too."
"Which leads me to my final point: in establishments such as this the women's bathrooms are generally cleaner." He pauses, grabbing a couple of paper towels to dry his hands. "Why do you find my presence off-putting?"
"Because I came here to wipe sweat off me, which isn't a spectator thing. It shouldn't be, anyway."
"You look like you've freshened yourself up to your standards."
"I have, but." She looks at his reflection. "Dude, was that a slam? Well, you're the one boffing some lady with low standards, so ha!"
"It wasn't a so-called slam, Lemon; it was a statement of fact. For what it's worth, your current appearance doesn't upset me now that I have something positive with which to associate the sight of you disheveled and overheated."
(And she's reminded of earlier, when she and Jenna were crouching next to Jack after they'd shaken Sue and Toofer and were laying in wait to laser them. Well, Jack was laying in wait. Liz was getting tired of crouching and sat down, while Jenna put her gun down and leaned over Liz.
"I can't believe how cool you're keeping," Jenna said. "You're the best at doing whatever we're doing."
And Liz realized Jenna's reason for being there: trying to hit on Jack.
"Laser tag," Liz snapped. "We're playing laser tag."
Jack hit Sue, then Toofer. "I only truly sweat during moments of intense pleasure, and I don't derive that pleasure from laser tag."
Jenna leaned farther forward, her vest pressing against Liz's bent knee as she laughed flirtatiously. "What do you get that pleasure from?" Frank shot her; she didn't notice.
Jack shot Frank. "I'm certain you can guess."
"Gross," Liz mumbled; it was what she was expected to say as a woman who wasn't interested in having sex with Jack. She rolled her eyes for her own reasons, feeling annoyed in a way that almost seemed like jealousy but wasn't. Because she *wasn't* jealous. Because Jack said that in a matter-of-fact way. He wasn't flirting, nor was he even taking a moment to glance at Jenna. But, still, part of her wanted to tell Jenna that sometimes he gets *too* sweaty during intense pleasure.
Good thing she didn't give in, though, because then Jenna would have known Liz was having sex with her boss. Their boss. And the threat of sweaty sex wouldn't deter Jenna. Liz doesn't mind it, after all, and Jenna is okay with more disturbing stuff than Liz ever could be.
Point is, she's not mad. But she doesn't like Jenna's trying to hit on her boyfriend. Of sorts. He's not the opposite of her boyfriend.)
"In fact, sleeping with you," Jack continues, "has truly made me appreciate you not always taking the time out to fully put yourself together." This is Jack flirting, Jack trying to bring sex with him to the forefront of her mind. Okay. "And when you're in a state like this, it also makes me consider how much easier it would be to seduce you without other people thinking something is amiss when you return to a common area."
Not okay.
She scrunches up her face. "I'm not going to do you in a bathroom at a laser tag place while everyone I work with is outside."
"I was speaking generally, Lemon. This isn't the time or place for seduction."
"Man, who knew you could say words like that?"
"My libido has its limits." He turns to her. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Not really."
"I thought you'd appreciate using a laser gun."
"I do. It's like Star Wars. Except--"
"I don't need you to explain the ways in which blasters are more advanced than a 'simple' laser gun."
"I've only done that *twice,* so whatever. Anyway. I don't think this is bringing us closer as a staff, and I don't like people shooting at me. Also, I'm not very good at it."
"I have offered my expertise, but you haven't heeded it."
She turns to him. "I don't want expertise! Why do I have to be great at this?"
"You not being good at it is one of the reasons you're not enjoying yourself--"
"Look--"
"--but you're under no obligation to be excellent at the art of laser tag."
"You're relenting on this pretty quickly." She pauses. "Art?"
"I never said you had to be great, Lemon; I simply thought you'd like to be. I'll say what I said to you the first time I pleasured you: Just relax and let yourself enjoy it."
"I don't want to associate laser tag with oral sex."
"I don't understand why not."
"Because... never mind. Okay. I will relax."
"Good."
"So. Let's get back out there." She puts her hand on Jack's chest, stopping him before he's even moving. "Don't let Jenna hit on you anymore."
She's not sure she should have said that, but. She did, and there it is.
"Acknowledging her attraction to me would only encourage her." He tilts his head; smiles slightly. "Are you jealous?"
"No. Yes. I don't know."
"You should be. If you're becoming territorial, it means that you care for me as much as you should."
She looks up at him expectantly. "Well?"
"Well?"
"If you were to kiss me now, this moment would be sweet. Romantic. It would seem like you're saying, 'I care about you, too' and not, 'Of course you dig me, I'm awesome.'"
"Can't I convey both sentiments simultaneously?"
"If you kiss me, yeah."
And he does.
He's probably her boyfriend.
"This isn't going to turn into sex, by the way," she says.
"As I said; not the time or place."
*
When they get back to the game, Liz decides to relax. She's not really any better at laser tag, but she does have more fun. And, when she hits Lutz, Jack initiates a high five, which makes her weirdly happy.
"We're on the same team," Lutz objects.
She and Jack, at the same time: "Shut up, Lutz."
At that moment, she wants to make out with him. In front of everyone.
Yeah, he's definitely her boyfriend.
She's okay with this.
END