Can't Go Back Now (Part Three of Four)
Title: Can't Go Back Now
Part: Three of Four
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairings: Jack/Liz, Floyd/Liz
Rating (this part): NC-17
Word Count (this part): 2,102
Summary: She's something he can't quite get over. (Follows " One and Only" and the previous parts of this fic.)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
*
Jack wakes up the next morning with Liz's arm draped over him. He kisses her forehead, and she starts to open her eyes.
"Good morning," he says.
She curls up closer. "Good morning."
He wraps an arm around her, implicitly asking her not to get out of bed right away. She stays.
*
They take turns using the shower. Liz first, and later, when he's getting dressed, he wonders if she'll still be in his apartment when he exits the bedroom. He finds her in the kitchen and is not surprised by her choice of room. He is surprised to see Liz staring at her phone thoughtfully instead of quizzically; he supposes she's considering calling Floyd. Maybe he's already called her. Maybe she's already called him.
After a few seconds, Liz's gaze shifts from the phone to him. "Hey."
He gestures at the doorway. "Do you want me to give you some privacy?"
She shakes her head. "No, I was just... No." She shoves the phone back into her bag, which is set on the counter. "Do you mind if I have some cereal?"
"Have I ever?"
"You're almost out," she says, "so I thought I should check. If someone ate the last of my cereal, I'd want to punch them in the face."
"I'm not nearly as prone to food-related violence as you are. Not prone at all, in fact."
"That is because no one's ever stolen your food."
"You've stolen my food."
"I always ask first," she scoffs. "If you wanted to say 'no,' you should've been quicker about it."
"I'll keep that in mind."
She grabs a box of cornflakes from the cabinet. As she's pouring the contents into a bowl, he says, "Did you call Floyd?"
She doesn't turn to face him. "Um--"
"Before. When you were staring at your phone--"
"I called him a few days ago. Said that he should have given me time. That we should talk. He hasn't called me back."
"Is that why you came over here? So I could distract you from the fact that he hasn't returned your call?" He tries to keep his tone light. He believes he succeeds.
Liz turns to him. "You're not a bad distraction."
He smiles because she's smiling at him.
He sits across from her and sips his coffee as she eats the end of his cereal. After she's done, Liz says that she should probably get out of his hair and everything. "You've got stuff to do."
"Nothing that can't wait."
"I can wait. Until tomorrow to see you, I mean."
"I suppose you could." And he could say, I love you. He could say, We shouldn't do this anymore. Or Go tell your boyfriend you want to marry him and leave me alone. He says, "But you don't have to leave." Adds, "I'd like for you to stay."
She hesitates. "Okay." Nods. "I'll stay."
*
Jack is on his stomach, head between her parted thighs. He looks up at Liz, at the hardness of her nipples, at her flushed skin, while he runs his tongue over her exposed flesh. She glances down at him as he teases her, looks at the ceiling as he exhales near her clit. He begins licking her in a way more firm, lapping up her arousal as she moans softly.
She arches toward him, her hand moving to the back of his head. "Jack." He lightly sucks on her clit. "Jack."
He cups her ass and holds her in place as he tilts his head down, nose brushing her clit as his tongue continues to stroke her folds. He keeps going, keeps using his nose and tongue until he pauses for a moment, studying the rise and fall of her abdomen before he takes her clit back into his mouth. Sucking harder, longer, moaning around her as she starts to come. She mutters his name again, pushing hard against his mouth. She cries out her orgasm, her body seeming to go limp as her hand stays stationary in his hair, and his cock throbs in response. He aches to be inside her, but he waits, licking her as she continues to moan out her pleasure. Eventually he stops, kissing her pelvis before he returns to his side of the bed to clean himself up.
"I never let Floyd do that to me."
His eyebrows raise both at the contents of her statement and it being something she would admit out loud. "Really?"
"I don't know why I said that. I should tell my therapist that, not you. But I don't talk to my therapist about sex."
"What's the point of having a therapist if you don't discuss anything intimate?"
"Sex isn't the only super personal thing somebody can talk about. It's hardly any of the stuff I need to talk about." Liz pauses. "That's messed up, though, right? That I didn't let my boyfriend do stuff to me that I let you do. That's... it's wrong. I could never really... I don't know, relax."
If he were to take the view of a therapist -- not necessarily hers; he has no idea what her therapist is like -- he supposes he might agree with Liz that withholding complete sexual intimacy from the man she loves, while withholding love from the man to whom she gives complete sexual intimacy, is a symptom of a deeper emotional problem. But he wants this to mean something else, wants this to indicate she feels a deeper connection to him. It's silly, perhaps, for Jack to adopt a view that sex equals love when he's spent so much of his life fucking women he's now embarrassed to admit he ever knew, even some time fucking women he was embarrassed to admit he knew at the time, equally silly to believe Liz places particular importance on sex when she's most frequently seen it as an obligation. Silly, but he wants it to be true. He wants her to realize it's true.
"Don't answer that," she says. "I shouldn't have brought it up. I shouldn't be talking about Floyd."
And that's when he lets himself focus on: She's talking about Floyd now. She's thinking about Floyd now.
He licks his lips with the tongue that tastes of her. Says evenly, "You're right; you shouldn't." Lets the implication of his tone be I'm saying this as your friend who wants you to get over him.
He kisses Liz, her mouth gradually opening to him the way it usually does after he's pleasured her. Eventually, she slides her tongue into his mouth. Her hands travel his body, moving lower and lower until she's touching his groin. She wraps her fingers around his cock and starts to stroke him.
"Okay," she says. "What do you want?"
He closes his eyes.
*
Jack has her kneel by the pillows and gets behind her, spreading his legs around hers. He kisses her neck as his hands travel over her body, feeling her relax further as he caresses her skin.
She tilts her hips back, her palms flat on the headboard. "Please."
The need in her voice makes him not want to wait a second longer, so he doesn't. He slides a hand down her ass until his fingers meet the swollen lips of her sex, spreading her open as he guides his cock to her entrance. She exhales as he starts to slowly push inside her, is almost whimpering when he's halfway in. She's so tight around him, tighter than usual, and it feels so good that he can't help but push deeper, burying himself completely.
"Oh God," she groans.
He stops suddenly. "Is this okay?"
She nods. "It's just... intense."
He spreads his fingers out on her stomach. "I know."
She puts her hand over his. "Keep going."
The movement of his hips is unhurried but powerful, and she seems to enjoy every second of him sliding in and out of her. He tries to stay as quiet as possible so he can hear every gasp, every moan, every utterance of his name, which spills from her parted lips. Her fingers slide through his and dig into his palm, grasping his hand as he starts to thrust a little harder. Her first orgasm happens quickly, quicker than he thought it would, and the further contracting of her muscles around him makes it impossible for Jack to keep silent. He presses his mouth against the back of her head, muffling his moans with her hair, so she can still be the one making most of the noise. She doesn't stop, gasping and moaning so loudly Jack worries he won't be able to keep himself from coming in response to her intense climax. But he manages to hold on as he keeps himself buried inside her.
Her fingers loosen their grip but still stay between his. "Holy crap."
Jack smirks, placing kisses in her hair as he wraps his arm tighter around her. He brings his other hand to her chin, turning her head so he can kiss her lips. She reaches back, rubbing his neck as he nuzzles her cheek.
"Should I keep going?"
"Yeah," she says.
She leans forward, both hands returning to the headboard as he cups her breast. He kisses his way over his shoulder while he kneads her flesh, kisses behind her ear as he slips his hand between her legs. He brushes a finger over her clit as he starts to pull out, presses two on either side of it as he starts to push back in. He uses the same slow, exact rhythm as he did before while he moves his fingers in circles. He licks sweat off the back of her neck and feels her shudder.
"Does this still feel okay?"
"Yeah," she says between shaky exhalations. "It... yes."
He sucks in a breath. "Did it ever feel this way with him?" He's surprised to hear himself ask the question, and even more surprised that he continues his interrogation. "Did he ever make you come that hard?" He wants the 'no,' he waits for it, while his skin slickens with sweat and his hips keep up the steady pace. It won't change anything, but he wants to lay claim to some part of her; to own her desire if not her heart. "When you were in bed with him, did you ever wish I was the one fucking you?"
She rests her forehead against the headboard. In an uneven voice, she says, "Stop talking."
He continues thrusting, but remains quiet for only a couple of minutes. Because there are words that can change something. Change what she believes to be going on his head. Maybe it will change what she allows herself to think about him. Either way, he needs this to change. He needs to make it impossible for them to turn back. "Did it ever occur to you there's a reason why it feels better with me? Why you're more comfortable with me making love to you?"
"I can't... Please stop talking."
His heart pounds as he listens to her words turn back into the loud moans she keeps emitting. He moves his hand faster. "Do you really not know how much I love you? Or do you not care?"
She whimpers, either in response to his words or his index finger pushing down on her clit. "Jack."
Now that she's no longer asking him to stop talking, he finally does, allowing only moans to escape his lips as he continues the motions of his hips and fingers. He kisses her neck, his teeth grazing her skin as he sucks on her flesh. She doesn't utter anything more, not even his name, before she reaches another climax that grips his cock even tighter.
This time he can't stop himself from coming. The spasms of her inner walls make the contractions of his cock seem all the more intense, and he completely loses himself in the sensations as he moans out his orgasm. Eventually, he quiets himself enough to simply listen to her again. He's never heard her sound this way, like she's never going to catch her breath. He kisses her back as he reluctantly slips his hand between their bodies to pull himself out of her. After he tosses the condom into the wastebasket he leans forward, resting his hands on the outsides of hers. He ducks his head down to look at Liz, but finds her hair concealing her face from his eyes.
"Do you honestly feel nothing for me?" he whispers.
She keeps gasping.
End Part 3/4
Part: Three of Four
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairings: Jack/Liz, Floyd/Liz
Rating (this part): NC-17
Word Count (this part): 2,102
Summary: She's something he can't quite get over. (Follows " One and Only" and the previous parts of this fic.)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
*
Jack wakes up the next morning with Liz's arm draped over him. He kisses her forehead, and she starts to open her eyes.
"Good morning," he says.
She curls up closer. "Good morning."
He wraps an arm around her, implicitly asking her not to get out of bed right away. She stays.
*
They take turns using the shower. Liz first, and later, when he's getting dressed, he wonders if she'll still be in his apartment when he exits the bedroom. He finds her in the kitchen and is not surprised by her choice of room. He is surprised to see Liz staring at her phone thoughtfully instead of quizzically; he supposes she's considering calling Floyd. Maybe he's already called her. Maybe she's already called him.
After a few seconds, Liz's gaze shifts from the phone to him. "Hey."
He gestures at the doorway. "Do you want me to give you some privacy?"
She shakes her head. "No, I was just... No." She shoves the phone back into her bag, which is set on the counter. "Do you mind if I have some cereal?"
"Have I ever?"
"You're almost out," she says, "so I thought I should check. If someone ate the last of my cereal, I'd want to punch them in the face."
"I'm not nearly as prone to food-related violence as you are. Not prone at all, in fact."
"That is because no one's ever stolen your food."
"You've stolen my food."
"I always ask first," she scoffs. "If you wanted to say 'no,' you should've been quicker about it."
"I'll keep that in mind."
She grabs a box of cornflakes from the cabinet. As she's pouring the contents into a bowl, he says, "Did you call Floyd?"
She doesn't turn to face him. "Um--"
"Before. When you were staring at your phone--"
"I called him a few days ago. Said that he should have given me time. That we should talk. He hasn't called me back."
"Is that why you came over here? So I could distract you from the fact that he hasn't returned your call?" He tries to keep his tone light. He believes he succeeds.
Liz turns to him. "You're not a bad distraction."
He smiles because she's smiling at him.
He sits across from her and sips his coffee as she eats the end of his cereal. After she's done, Liz says that she should probably get out of his hair and everything. "You've got stuff to do."
"Nothing that can't wait."
"I can wait. Until tomorrow to see you, I mean."
"I suppose you could." And he could say, I love you. He could say, We shouldn't do this anymore. Or Go tell your boyfriend you want to marry him and leave me alone. He says, "But you don't have to leave." Adds, "I'd like for you to stay."
She hesitates. "Okay." Nods. "I'll stay."
*
Jack is on his stomach, head between her parted thighs. He looks up at Liz, at the hardness of her nipples, at her flushed skin, while he runs his tongue over her exposed flesh. She glances down at him as he teases her, looks at the ceiling as he exhales near her clit. He begins licking her in a way more firm, lapping up her arousal as she moans softly.
She arches toward him, her hand moving to the back of his head. "Jack." He lightly sucks on her clit. "Jack."
He cups her ass and holds her in place as he tilts his head down, nose brushing her clit as his tongue continues to stroke her folds. He keeps going, keeps using his nose and tongue until he pauses for a moment, studying the rise and fall of her abdomen before he takes her clit back into his mouth. Sucking harder, longer, moaning around her as she starts to come. She mutters his name again, pushing hard against his mouth. She cries out her orgasm, her body seeming to go limp as her hand stays stationary in his hair, and his cock throbs in response. He aches to be inside her, but he waits, licking her as she continues to moan out her pleasure. Eventually he stops, kissing her pelvis before he returns to his side of the bed to clean himself up.
"I never let Floyd do that to me."
His eyebrows raise both at the contents of her statement and it being something she would admit out loud. "Really?"
"I don't know why I said that. I should tell my therapist that, not you. But I don't talk to my therapist about sex."
"What's the point of having a therapist if you don't discuss anything intimate?"
"Sex isn't the only super personal thing somebody can talk about. It's hardly any of the stuff I need to talk about." Liz pauses. "That's messed up, though, right? That I didn't let my boyfriend do stuff to me that I let you do. That's... it's wrong. I could never really... I don't know, relax."
If he were to take the view of a therapist -- not necessarily hers; he has no idea what her therapist is like -- he supposes he might agree with Liz that withholding complete sexual intimacy from the man she loves, while withholding love from the man to whom she gives complete sexual intimacy, is a symptom of a deeper emotional problem. But he wants this to mean something else, wants this to indicate she feels a deeper connection to him. It's silly, perhaps, for Jack to adopt a view that sex equals love when he's spent so much of his life fucking women he's now embarrassed to admit he ever knew, even some time fucking women he was embarrassed to admit he knew at the time, equally silly to believe Liz places particular importance on sex when she's most frequently seen it as an obligation. Silly, but he wants it to be true. He wants her to realize it's true.
"Don't answer that," she says. "I shouldn't have brought it up. I shouldn't be talking about Floyd."
And that's when he lets himself focus on: She's talking about Floyd now. She's thinking about Floyd now.
He licks his lips with the tongue that tastes of her. Says evenly, "You're right; you shouldn't." Lets the implication of his tone be I'm saying this as your friend who wants you to get over him.
He kisses Liz, her mouth gradually opening to him the way it usually does after he's pleasured her. Eventually, she slides her tongue into his mouth. Her hands travel his body, moving lower and lower until she's touching his groin. She wraps her fingers around his cock and starts to stroke him.
"Okay," she says. "What do you want?"
He closes his eyes.
*
Jack has her kneel by the pillows and gets behind her, spreading his legs around hers. He kisses her neck as his hands travel over her body, feeling her relax further as he caresses her skin.
She tilts her hips back, her palms flat on the headboard. "Please."
The need in her voice makes him not want to wait a second longer, so he doesn't. He slides a hand down her ass until his fingers meet the swollen lips of her sex, spreading her open as he guides his cock to her entrance. She exhales as he starts to slowly push inside her, is almost whimpering when he's halfway in. She's so tight around him, tighter than usual, and it feels so good that he can't help but push deeper, burying himself completely.
"Oh God," she groans.
He stops suddenly. "Is this okay?"
She nods. "It's just... intense."
He spreads his fingers out on her stomach. "I know."
She puts her hand over his. "Keep going."
The movement of his hips is unhurried but powerful, and she seems to enjoy every second of him sliding in and out of her. He tries to stay as quiet as possible so he can hear every gasp, every moan, every utterance of his name, which spills from her parted lips. Her fingers slide through his and dig into his palm, grasping his hand as he starts to thrust a little harder. Her first orgasm happens quickly, quicker than he thought it would, and the further contracting of her muscles around him makes it impossible for Jack to keep silent. He presses his mouth against the back of her head, muffling his moans with her hair, so she can still be the one making most of the noise. She doesn't stop, gasping and moaning so loudly Jack worries he won't be able to keep himself from coming in response to her intense climax. But he manages to hold on as he keeps himself buried inside her.
Her fingers loosen their grip but still stay between his. "Holy crap."
Jack smirks, placing kisses in her hair as he wraps his arm tighter around her. He brings his other hand to her chin, turning her head so he can kiss her lips. She reaches back, rubbing his neck as he nuzzles her cheek.
"Should I keep going?"
"Yeah," she says.
She leans forward, both hands returning to the headboard as he cups her breast. He kisses his way over his shoulder while he kneads her flesh, kisses behind her ear as he slips his hand between her legs. He brushes a finger over her clit as he starts to pull out, presses two on either side of it as he starts to push back in. He uses the same slow, exact rhythm as he did before while he moves his fingers in circles. He licks sweat off the back of her neck and feels her shudder.
"Does this still feel okay?"
"Yeah," she says between shaky exhalations. "It... yes."
He sucks in a breath. "Did it ever feel this way with him?" He's surprised to hear himself ask the question, and even more surprised that he continues his interrogation. "Did he ever make you come that hard?" He wants the 'no,' he waits for it, while his skin slickens with sweat and his hips keep up the steady pace. It won't change anything, but he wants to lay claim to some part of her; to own her desire if not her heart. "When you were in bed with him, did you ever wish I was the one fucking you?"
She rests her forehead against the headboard. In an uneven voice, she says, "Stop talking."
He continues thrusting, but remains quiet for only a couple of minutes. Because there are words that can change something. Change what she believes to be going on his head. Maybe it will change what she allows herself to think about him. Either way, he needs this to change. He needs to make it impossible for them to turn back. "Did it ever occur to you there's a reason why it feels better with me? Why you're more comfortable with me making love to you?"
"I can't... Please stop talking."
His heart pounds as he listens to her words turn back into the loud moans she keeps emitting. He moves his hand faster. "Do you really not know how much I love you? Or do you not care?"
She whimpers, either in response to his words or his index finger pushing down on her clit. "Jack."
Now that she's no longer asking him to stop talking, he finally does, allowing only moans to escape his lips as he continues the motions of his hips and fingers. He kisses her neck, his teeth grazing her skin as he sucks on her flesh. She doesn't utter anything more, not even his name, before she reaches another climax that grips his cock even tighter.
This time he can't stop himself from coming. The spasms of her inner walls make the contractions of his cock seem all the more intense, and he completely loses himself in the sensations as he moans out his orgasm. Eventually, he quiets himself enough to simply listen to her again. He's never heard her sound this way, like she's never going to catch her breath. He kisses her back as he reluctantly slips his hand between their bodies to pull himself out of her. After he tosses the condom into the wastebasket he leans forward, resting his hands on the outsides of hers. He ducks his head down to look at Liz, but finds her hair concealing her face from his eyes.
"Do you honestly feel nothing for me?" he whispers.
She keeps gasping.
End Part 3/4