Invisible...
The first time I was invisible to my ex-husband, because of another woman... I was just married for about a year. I had been very suspicious of his behavior. I never was that jealous type that expected the man that I was with not to have female friends. I especially couldn't judge when most of my friends were men.
I will just call her "Red". The first time I really came to realize who Red was... My Ex and I were heading to our garden tub to take a bath together and be .... well you know. The phone rang and he answered it. He started a conversation with the person on the phone. I whispered to him that I would get the tub started and would be waiting on him there. One warm bath turning cold and shriveled toes later, I get out of the tub only to find him still on the phone. I immediately knew this had to be a woman. Of course, I confronted him about Red. I couldn't believe that he stayed on the phone with this person while I waited. I knew if he preferred to talk to her over having sex with me... This was going to be so much trouble.
My next encounter with Red.... I go to my Ex place of work. I came up to him while he was talking to this Red headed woman. You could tell I interrupted some discussion that wasn't meant for other ears. I could feel the uncomfortable in the air. The Ex introduces me to Red as his friend. I was being polite, because I was at his work. The conversations they had been having was so inappropriate she couldn't even look me in the face at introduction. It was so obvious that she was looking down that I asked if she liked my shoes that much. She looked up at me finally and said, "excuse me?" Well, you have been looking at my feet for a very long time. I can only assume you like my shoes. She turns around and walks off. Ex gives me a look of anger and does the same. Of course, when he got home we had the whole Red talk and if things continued... His whole defense was she is just a friend. Nothing has happen. I wanted to say, "yet"!
My third encounter about Red was when I found a notebook where my Ex had been writing poems. I had never seen the notebook before, so I opened it to see what it was. I found these beautiful poems he had written about other women. He even named the women on the page that he was writing about. Most were about Red. A few were about an actual female friend who was having many troubles. I think she was only a friend, because she kept it at that level... now that I look back. Tears immediately fell from my eyes. You know the kind of tears where you don't even make a funny face when you cry. Every word on the pages were so precious and carefully thought out. They were kind, tender and loving. All the poems were so beautiful. Everyone word were like tiny daggers stabbing me in the heart. By this time I had been with my husband as a girlfriend and a wife for five years. I just recently had a wedding anniversary that he forgot. My very first one and he forgot it. During those five years... he never wrote me anything that tender and precious. I did get a drawing of a rose when he missed my wedding anniversary as a sorry present. I was just devastated.
My Ex was a very tender man. He was good to me. He did have a way of making you think he cared so much for you. Other people would talk about how sweet he was to me when we would hang around them. They would always go on how jealous they were of me and how much my Ex adored me. He was very good at. He had a way of coming across as devoted... when deep down, he was not. If you were sick, he was very good to you. His bad treatment was very passive aggressive victim. I was a sucker for it.
After much arguing after the "peoms"... The Ex swears he will stay away from Red. He would have nothing else to do with her, but still maintaining that they were just friends and it was all me. I of course didn't believe him.
My fourth encounter with Red. I lied. Yes, I lied. I told my Ex that I had to work that day. I was a manager and worked ungodly hours. It was easy to convince him that I had to work even though I had it off previously. It happen all the time. I even blamed myself for this situation occurring, because I wasn't around enough.
I go to my Ex's work with the pretense of wanting to take him to lunch. He wasn't there. She wasn't there. We had a mutual friend that worked with my Ex. He asked me to come outside while he headed to lunch himself. He said, I can't tell you anything, but I am sure if you check the restaurants near here you might find him. I don't think either one of them drove today. I drove to the first restaurant across the parking lot that was in walking distance. I drove around the building like I was going to drive-thru and there they sat. Having lunch and laughing. They were so engrossed with each other that they didn't realize I was stopped outside the glass looking in at them. A car even beeped for me to move along.
I am just sick that I park under a shade tree to think what I should do next. It took some time for me to pull myself together. I see my Ex entering his work alone. I must have missed her going in first. I decide to go in and play it cool like I was just coming to say, Hi. As I walk in the door he is talking with an employee and friend. He turns and looks at me right in the face and walks off without even a word. As if he looked right through me like I was invisible. Didn't even speak one word. He was still so angry that I had forbid him to talk to Red anymore. His friend says, oh wow Michelle. Why did he act like that? I said, I don't know, but I am going to find out. I walk a few isle down in the store and heard his voice. I decided to pause before he was in sight, so that I could hear the conversation. I heard him warning her that I was in the store and he couldn't help her in her department now. I stepped around the corner, so they could see me and I then left.
I acted really calm when I picked him up for work. I even asked what he did for lunch. I gave him four chances to tell me the truth about his lunch He lied straight to my face and said, I ate alone. I went through the drive-thru.
I took him to lunch the next day. I gave him his final chance to tell me the truth. I even told him I knew the truth and he still lied to me. He said, I don't care what people are saying... I don't know who told you that, but I ate alone. As I pulled in front of the store to drop him off from lunch... He gets out. As he is closing the door I tell him, "no one told me" I saw you at Wendy's together myself. I drive away. Leaving him standing in the parking lot.
This was the first time I left my husband. I should have never gone back no matter how much he swore he loved me. I do believe that their affair never made it to sex. I do believe that he was having an emotional affair. I think that was what he liked. The lightness. The carefree of something new. I think when you added sex to it... it becomes too heavy. He liked to play the hero to women. He liked being that man there for them when all other men failed and were dicks. He liked being the good guy.
I am now with someone that stares at me from across the room and smiles at me just because. I am never invisible to him. Who writes me beautiful words of affection and love. How I wished I realized earlier on that I was worthy of this kind of love.
This is the first poem my new love wrote for me when we were unable to talk, because I was camping in a place with no signal:
"I've met you in my dreams each night
And felt your arms holding me tight
Though touch of dreams is less than real
It is not worry that I feel
For distance stalls and time away
Is nothing but a short delay
And details that now keep us apart
Have lost their hold upon my heart
This time apart has made it clear
That I am cold without you near
And if I am to warm again
I need to show you I'm your man
So do not worry or despair
Or lose out hope that I'll be there
I'll do my part, without fight or fuss
And start the life that's meant for us
But while you're gone, all I can do
Is close my eyes and dream of you
I love you so much, Michelle. I've missed you like you wouldn't believe."
~Daniel
I will just call her "Red". The first time I really came to realize who Red was... My Ex and I were heading to our garden tub to take a bath together and be .... well you know. The phone rang and he answered it. He started a conversation with the person on the phone. I whispered to him that I would get the tub started and would be waiting on him there. One warm bath turning cold and shriveled toes later, I get out of the tub only to find him still on the phone. I immediately knew this had to be a woman. Of course, I confronted him about Red. I couldn't believe that he stayed on the phone with this person while I waited. I knew if he preferred to talk to her over having sex with me... This was going to be so much trouble.
My next encounter with Red.... I go to my Ex place of work. I came up to him while he was talking to this Red headed woman. You could tell I interrupted some discussion that wasn't meant for other ears. I could feel the uncomfortable in the air. The Ex introduces me to Red as his friend. I was being polite, because I was at his work. The conversations they had been having was so inappropriate she couldn't even look me in the face at introduction. It was so obvious that she was looking down that I asked if she liked my shoes that much. She looked up at me finally and said, "excuse me?" Well, you have been looking at my feet for a very long time. I can only assume you like my shoes. She turns around and walks off. Ex gives me a look of anger and does the same. Of course, when he got home we had the whole Red talk and if things continued... His whole defense was she is just a friend. Nothing has happen. I wanted to say, "yet"!
My third encounter about Red was when I found a notebook where my Ex had been writing poems. I had never seen the notebook before, so I opened it to see what it was. I found these beautiful poems he had written about other women. He even named the women on the page that he was writing about. Most were about Red. A few were about an actual female friend who was having many troubles. I think she was only a friend, because she kept it at that level... now that I look back. Tears immediately fell from my eyes. You know the kind of tears where you don't even make a funny face when you cry. Every word on the pages were so precious and carefully thought out. They were kind, tender and loving. All the poems were so beautiful. Everyone word were like tiny daggers stabbing me in the heart. By this time I had been with my husband as a girlfriend and a wife for five years. I just recently had a wedding anniversary that he forgot. My very first one and he forgot it. During those five years... he never wrote me anything that tender and precious. I did get a drawing of a rose when he missed my wedding anniversary as a sorry present. I was just devastated.
My Ex was a very tender man. He was good to me. He did have a way of making you think he cared so much for you. Other people would talk about how sweet he was to me when we would hang around them. They would always go on how jealous they were of me and how much my Ex adored me. He was very good at. He had a way of coming across as devoted... when deep down, he was not. If you were sick, he was very good to you. His bad treatment was very passive aggressive victim. I was a sucker for it.
After much arguing after the "peoms"... The Ex swears he will stay away from Red. He would have nothing else to do with her, but still maintaining that they were just friends and it was all me. I of course didn't believe him.
My fourth encounter with Red. I lied. Yes, I lied. I told my Ex that I had to work that day. I was a manager and worked ungodly hours. It was easy to convince him that I had to work even though I had it off previously. It happen all the time. I even blamed myself for this situation occurring, because I wasn't around enough.
I go to my Ex's work with the pretense of wanting to take him to lunch. He wasn't there. She wasn't there. We had a mutual friend that worked with my Ex. He asked me to come outside while he headed to lunch himself. He said, I can't tell you anything, but I am sure if you check the restaurants near here you might find him. I don't think either one of them drove today. I drove to the first restaurant across the parking lot that was in walking distance. I drove around the building like I was going to drive-thru and there they sat. Having lunch and laughing. They were so engrossed with each other that they didn't realize I was stopped outside the glass looking in at them. A car even beeped for me to move along.
I am just sick that I park under a shade tree to think what I should do next. It took some time for me to pull myself together. I see my Ex entering his work alone. I must have missed her going in first. I decide to go in and play it cool like I was just coming to say, Hi. As I walk in the door he is talking with an employee and friend. He turns and looks at me right in the face and walks off without even a word. As if he looked right through me like I was invisible. Didn't even speak one word. He was still so angry that I had forbid him to talk to Red anymore. His friend says, oh wow Michelle. Why did he act like that? I said, I don't know, but I am going to find out. I walk a few isle down in the store and heard his voice. I decided to pause before he was in sight, so that I could hear the conversation. I heard him warning her that I was in the store and he couldn't help her in her department now. I stepped around the corner, so they could see me and I then left.
I acted really calm when I picked him up for work. I even asked what he did for lunch. I gave him four chances to tell me the truth about his lunch He lied straight to my face and said, I ate alone. I went through the drive-thru.
I took him to lunch the next day. I gave him his final chance to tell me the truth. I even told him I knew the truth and he still lied to me. He said, I don't care what people are saying... I don't know who told you that, but I ate alone. As I pulled in front of the store to drop him off from lunch... He gets out. As he is closing the door I tell him, "no one told me" I saw you at Wendy's together myself. I drive away. Leaving him standing in the parking lot.
This was the first time I left my husband. I should have never gone back no matter how much he swore he loved me. I do believe that their affair never made it to sex. I do believe that he was having an emotional affair. I think that was what he liked. The lightness. The carefree of something new. I think when you added sex to it... it becomes too heavy. He liked to play the hero to women. He liked being that man there for them when all other men failed and were dicks. He liked being the good guy.
I am now with someone that stares at me from across the room and smiles at me just because. I am never invisible to him. Who writes me beautiful words of affection and love. How I wished I realized earlier on that I was worthy of this kind of love.
This is the first poem my new love wrote for me when we were unable to talk, because I was camping in a place with no signal:
"I've met you in my dreams each night
And felt your arms holding me tight
Though touch of dreams is less than real
It is not worry that I feel
For distance stalls and time away
Is nothing but a short delay
And details that now keep us apart
Have lost their hold upon my heart
This time apart has made it clear
That I am cold without you near
And if I am to warm again
I need to show you I'm your man
So do not worry or despair
Or lose out hope that I'll be there
I'll do my part, without fight or fuss
And start the life that's meant for us
But while you're gone, all I can do
Is close my eyes and dream of you
I love you so much, Michelle. I've missed you like you wouldn't believe."
~Daniel