Did anything change?
(Warning: funckle related anger spurt)
I thought I'd feel better once he was gone. Safer. Smug. Calmer. More forgiving.
And I sort of thought I'd be instinctively aware of his departure: like the air around me would change, a little less burdened by his darkness.
But I was gleefully, obtusely, fantasizing about his death two days after he'd already passed, without knowing that it was less projection than history. (And that makes me feel kind of sick.)
Maybe some of my more neurotic behaviors have stilled, but I'm no less angry, and no less wary of others.
Really: a lot of my resentment has simply shifted to his complicit offspring. Which isn't unfair. But it makes me think that maybe there is no out: I either let it go, or continue to transfer my anger.
I don't know. All pretty sucky scenarios.
I thought I'd feel better once he was gone. Safer. Smug. Calmer. More forgiving.
And I sort of thought I'd be instinctively aware of his departure: like the air around me would change, a little less burdened by his darkness.
But I was gleefully, obtusely, fantasizing about his death two days after he'd already passed, without knowing that it was less projection than history. (And that makes me feel kind of sick.)
Maybe some of my more neurotic behaviors have stilled, but I'm no less angry, and no less wary of others.
Really: a lot of my resentment has simply shifted to his complicit offspring. Which isn't unfair. But it makes me think that maybe there is no out: I either let it go, or continue to transfer my anger.
I don't know. All pretty sucky scenarios.