I'm so sad.
Something like this really puts your life into perspective. Drama at school, drama on the computer, show choir, community theatre, college, jobs, prom, boyfriends, friends....none of it even matters. And the only way to make it better is to stop thinking about it and try to forget it but you can't because the thought of one forgetting something like this is atrocious and cruel but eventually you HAVE to or else you cry all the time. And then you are surrounded with this teen bullshit where all these psuedo intellectuals walk around with their noses stuck up in the air talking about "skanks" and "not skanks" and "drugs" and "not drugs" and all the right movies to watch and all the right music to listen to and the meaning of life and the clearity of death and they talk about suicide like it something to be taken lightly. Now I know how it feels to be on the other side of it...I am now confronted with this primal death and it is NOT chic and it is NOT classy and I wish you all could just realize that. This is real, not just one of your oh so deep half-experimental/half-corporate films.
And then there is no one to talk to. I could talk to my mom but when I do, I realize that I really don't want to be talking about it. I want to talk to Derek but he's probably at the Java Joint getting high. I don't want to talk to his friends about it because they are more sad than I am. I don't want to talk to someone who knows nothing about what I'm talking about. There is no one to talk to.
I hear that in times like this you should remember the good times. Here were the good times:
-The Proctorville fair when we made out on top of the fun house thing.
-White water rafting with my family.
-The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
-Visiting him at Billy Bob's, just because.
-The first time we went, we both thought that we looked fimiliar.
-The day that I came over when his parents and sister were out of town.
-My senior homecoming.
-The Proctorville flea market.
-The time we were walking down the street and saw a porn movie box lying on the ground.
-Watching me sing karaoke with Blake.
-Hanging out with Blake in general.
-Going bowling at Strike Zone.
-The last time I saw him....it was a few weeks ago when Derek and I went to Billy Bob's...he was there and we talked. I should have hugged him and told him that he was still my good friend and that I never meant any of the crappy stuff that I said to him. I think he knows though. I hope he does.
There's no one else I want to talk to right now more than Blake.
2.23.05
And then there is no one to talk to. I could talk to my mom but when I do, I realize that I really don't want to be talking about it. I want to talk to Derek but he's probably at the Java Joint getting high. I don't want to talk to his friends about it because they are more sad than I am. I don't want to talk to someone who knows nothing about what I'm talking about. There is no one to talk to.
I hear that in times like this you should remember the good times. Here were the good times:
-The Proctorville fair when we made out on top of the fun house thing.
-White water rafting with my family.
-The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
-Visiting him at Billy Bob's, just because.
-The first time we went, we both thought that we looked fimiliar.
-The day that I came over when his parents and sister were out of town.
-My senior homecoming.
-The Proctorville flea market.
-The time we were walking down the street and saw a porn movie box lying on the ground.
-Watching me sing karaoke with Blake.
-Hanging out with Blake in general.
-Going bowling at Strike Zone.
-The last time I saw him....it was a few weeks ago when Derek and I went to Billy Bob's...he was there and we talked. I should have hugged him and told him that he was still my good friend and that I never meant any of the crappy stuff that I said to him. I think he knows though. I hope he does.
There's no one else I want to talk to right now more than Blake.
2.23.05