We Can't Win All of Them

Nov 27, 2009 10:18

So I've been in Christopher Creek, AZ with my grandparents since Wednesday. My cousin Issac and his wife Destiny were here until Thursday morning but left too soon. I seriously love Issac- he reminds me so much of my brother. Just totally good to talk to and very honest and real. I was so sad when they left.

Now, my grandparents on the other hand. I never remember feeling like this. I'm having the hardest time with them. Well, my Grandma more than anything. She's really hyper. She's a healthy food nut and a born again christian. Not only that but she takes up every moment of the day with chatter. I seriously don't know how my Grandpa does it.

She's upset that I don't want to read bible verses with her. She believes that marraige should be between a man and a woman only and everything she cooks has no flavor. She completely misunderstands my Mom and my aunt (her step daughters) and never really loved them the way she loves her sons.

Basically what happened was about a year ago my aunt and my Mom confronted my Grandpa about how he basically replaced them with a new family when they were little girls and my Grandma literally freaked out and had a panic attack. I had a really hard time with it because I think that taking responsibility for your mistakes can bring you a lot closer to the person you wronged. Like keeping all of that under the rug is just that: under the rug. It never really goes away.

My Mom came to me a couple of years ago and basically took responsibility for treating me like shit when I was a kid, for only bringing unstable men into my life and for not understand A.D.D. I mean- EVERYTHING. It was weird because I didn't even realize some of the things. The resentment was there but I lost track of everything. Anyways, I'm not sure if I'm explaining correctly. But her taking responsibility for all of that wasn't so demeaning to her it was a huge lift off of both of us.

People are so afraid to admit that they were wrong. Anyways, my grandpa is one of those people. My Mom's mother left her and her sister when they were only 8 and 10 years old. Alone in an apartment all they had was a note, "I'm going to go live my life now". They went to live with their aunt Emma because by then their Dad (my grandpa) had already re-married and had a new family. Abandoned by your mother and rejected by your father.

They grew up, got pregnant at 16 and we all wonder why. Hmm... I couldn't guess. So they grow up- struggle a lot with emotional and psychological damage and never have a moment to get better between kids and ex husbands. My Mom's perspective changed completely and eventually she wanted to establish a real relationship with her father. They confront him with these things and guess what? My Grandma and Grandpa think they need to grow up and be adults and stop blaming them.

This makes me terribly angry. They completely missed the point- and they have no idea how to just say I screwed up. Three little words that can change everything. I mean, he owes it to her right? I think I take this a little personally because I feel the same way with my Dad. Anyways, I'm having a really hard time. There life out here is really slow- she's super excitable- and even though her intentions are good. I don't think I'm going to the fiery pits of hell because Jesus and I don't kick it.

*sigh* I could seriously rant all day. next time I think we'll just rent a cabin out in big bear or something. Our Christmas shopping is officially done. Thank you anthropologie! I'm going to go shower and try to cover myself in lotion. The elevation is ridiculous out here- I'm dry and sore and breathing so heavily.

Oh, and happy thanksgiving friends!
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