Been thinking
You know, I don't quite understand certain things. I know what I've been told and I know what I've felt but I'm still left wondering why things are the way they are. Take for instance, love. This is supposed to be the most wonderful thing. You told from childhood that love is the greatest thing of all, that love can make weak men strong, fallen men rise again and continue on. So tell me, if love is so great, how come its the most destructive force out there? Love can make fallen men rise but it usually that love that made them fall in the first place. I have had my great loves. Loves that knew no bounds in my heart. Loves that filled me with such joy that simply talking with them filled me with such overwhelming emotion that simple words can not express. And I have also killed those loves. I have felt them wither and die like fruit left too long on the vine. I have felt the vast nothingness left inside when one of these loves dies. I have stood on the brink of the abyss that only the human heart can create and stared so long into that I still feel as though a piece of me will never return from that black void. Yet I have picked up, gathered together the pieces of me and pulled them to close the gap and tried to continue. Maybe I'll find out what love is one day. Is it truely this wonderful thing I've heard so much about or is it just a frail cover we put on a human's selfish desire to not die alone. We are alone. Maybe I'll never know great love, companionship and caring. Maybe I am doomed to live a life of utter aloneness. We are just candles. Tiny stars in the vast blackness of time that seek to burn a bit longer, a bit brighter by joining our light with another's. I drift in this endless sea, my light shadowed by the vary darkness I seek escape from.
My name is Michael. I am alone.
My name is Michael. I am alone.