Passion and Purity
I love the idea of dating. I love talking about it, reading about it, thinking about it, and most of all (hehe...) practicing it. Before I was a Christian, I dated pretty much the way everyone else does: See someone you like, talk to them, ask them out, and if all is well you just keep going out until perhaps the relationship gets sour or you're fortunate of marry before then.
When I became a Christian, one of the major areas in my life that the Lord completely changed was my dating life. Everything changed, not at once, but over time it was almost a total reformation. The catalyst for the process was a combination of LOTS of books, seminars, pamphlets, Bible study, and conversation with godly men and women whom I respect a great deal.
If you have ever talked with me about dating, you know I have some unconventional views about it, and it is QUITE possible that you think they are wack. I do not often find anyone who seems to agree with me about the topic, much less anyone who practices dating like I do (and Lord knows even I don't put my convictions wholly into practice, though with God's help I may one day).
So I was pretty shocked to read Elisabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity." I believe, and I do not say this lightly (though I often use superlatives all too loosely), that I have not found a book more timely, pertinent, and NEEDED than this one. If our generation would, or perhaps could, heed the advice of a godly woman who has been much futher down the road of Fellowship with the Almighty than most of us could hope to go, we would experience perhaps a joy in purity and satisfaction in relationships that most singles have probably given up on by now.
This book rocked my world for at least three reasons:
1. It confirmed many of my ideas about dating.
This is a rarity (haha...), especially in a country where trust in the Sovereignty of God in relationships seems so waning. Let me give you one example:
The custom of "going steady" is another form that impatience takes.The couple are not ready for marriage, or even the public commitment that engagement ought to entail, but neither are they ready to leave each other in God's hands, in the "sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is answering our prayers in His own time and way."Each clutches at the other, fearful lest he "get away."
Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention? If, when the time has come for a commitment, he is not man enough to ask her to marry him, she should give him no reason to presume that she belongs to him.
I would add, "Nor should she claim any rights over him, 'til both are ready for the only true and lasting commitment, that of Biblical marriage."
2. It gave me some great insight on the mind of a female.
Women are always tempted to be initiators. We like to get things done. We want to talk about situations and feelings, get it all out in the open, deal with it. It appears to us that men often ignore and evade issues, sweep things under the rug, forget about them, get on with projects, business, pleasures, sports, eat a big steak, turn on the television, roll over and go to sleep. Women respond to this tendency by insisting on confrontation, communication, showdown. If we can't dragoon our men into that, we nag, we plead, we get attention by tears, silence, or witholding warmth and intimacy. We have a large bag of tricks.
...Women, especially when it comes to the love life, can hardly stand to do nothing.
...I protest. Women expect too much of men. I can hear the howls of protest from the women. "Men want to play around. They lead us on, try to get what they can out of us, deceive us," and so on. True enough. Which is EXACTLY why I beg women to wait. Wait on God. Keep your mouth shut. Don't expect anything until the declaration is clear and forthright.
And to the men I say be careful with us, please. Be circumspect.
And lest you think that I like this because it rebukes women and puts them in a "bad" light, I do not hesitate to say that simply reading Elisabeth's writings stirred up in me a craving to find and love a godly woman more passionately than I ever have thought possible. Her love for the Lord and patience with Jim Elliot are some of the most attractive things I have ever seen in a woman. Her patience, her devotion, never immasculating Jim by taking charge, but trusting the Lord to work in him and thereby in their relationship have simply made the idea of marrying a godly woman overwhelmingly desireable. Were it not for the third thing, I'm not sure I would have the patience to wait on beginning that journey of passionate, but pure love.
3. As it almost irresistably stirred up my desire to pursue a passionate love affair with the woman of my dreams, it more-so solidified my determination to wait.
Wait. Wait upon the Lord. His timing is perfect. There is no reason to rush. "I charge you, Daughters of Jerusalem. Do not stir up love, nor awaken it until He please."
Elisabeth's writings only affirmed that sneaking suspicion in my heart that I am so loosely devoted to the supreme Lover of my Soul, He who loved me though I despised and rejected Him, that I can not possibly expect to offer any commitment of love to a woman who is a sinner like myself, and who will never be able to love me as Christ has loved me. Until I have found my sufficiency in Christ, and long for Him, and am grounded in His strength, I will expect my poor mate to provide for me things that only the Eternal can supply. How unfair. I would never want to do that to one whom I TRULY loved, yet we do it everyday in our relationships.
We are in such a hurry to find someone to love us, yet we neglect so greatly the One who has already demonstrated His love for us by giving His life for our wretched souls. And we think that, though we do not seek His love with abandon, that we will be able to give ourselves wholly to a less perfect love. I disagree. We must first learn to be loved, then, and only then, can we seek to love.