fuck
I don't even know what to do anymore.
I've decided that I have officially made one of the worst, if not the worst, decisions of my life. Joining the military. I basically am not me anymore, because I am not allowed to be me. They've taken away many of my freedoms, my personality, and even a girl I thought I loved. Ya know, I thought I could push through and make it, but a couple of nights ago, things went to hell, and I don't know what to do. I don't want any of it. I've never actually felt this hurt. Right now I'm in Ypsi, which seems like my real home to me, seeing the friends that really care. Too bad the one that I thought cared the most doesn't really.
I just don't understand what happened. That's what was so amazing about her. I thought that no one in the world cared more about me and my feelings than her, and she ruins them. I don't even know if she cares that she did. So now, if the one person that cared about me the most can't handle the distance issue, then no one can, which means I'll be alone for 6 years. For what? To serve my country? Bullshit, I don't even do much. For the money? I'd rather be living on the streets and just have my life back. I just don't know what to do. I don't even have any options.
Just so everyone knows, when I'm acting all happy and fun, I'm not. I don't know why I'm telling people that. I guess just so you know I'm being fake.
Thought I had something special.
I really loved her...
I've decided that I have officially made one of the worst, if not the worst, decisions of my life. Joining the military. I basically am not me anymore, because I am not allowed to be me. They've taken away many of my freedoms, my personality, and even a girl I thought I loved. Ya know, I thought I could push through and make it, but a couple of nights ago, things went to hell, and I don't know what to do. I don't want any of it. I've never actually felt this hurt. Right now I'm in Ypsi, which seems like my real home to me, seeing the friends that really care. Too bad the one that I thought cared the most doesn't really.
I just don't understand what happened. That's what was so amazing about her. I thought that no one in the world cared more about me and my feelings than her, and she ruins them. I don't even know if she cares that she did. So now, if the one person that cared about me the most can't handle the distance issue, then no one can, which means I'll be alone for 6 years. For what? To serve my country? Bullshit, I don't even do much. For the money? I'd rather be living on the streets and just have my life back. I just don't know what to do. I don't even have any options.
Just so everyone knows, when I'm acting all happy and fun, I'm not. I don't know why I'm telling people that. I guess just so you know I'm being fake.
Thought I had something special.
I really loved her...