hope?
it changes ... life is a bizarre place that keeps up and downs ... i find that i am on a down ... i have lost my energy... walking home i found myself dragging ... i am burdened by more than anyone will ever know ... i feel like a failure in so many avenues of my life ...
lately it seems as if so many people in my life are so busy ... i dont mind being by myslef but most the pople i know are so consumed with thier own good things that they dont even ask me how i am or even follow through on their commitments ... i am losing faith in the poeple around and me ... and a lot of others i am finding have more negative energy or wanna party all the time ... i feel it is time to move forward to a new space in my time ...
i feel like i have nothing leftto give ... i dont know honestlyt what has happened to me ... i have thought a lot about options for what to do with life here on out ... i guess i feel i have so little left to give and i am not sure what happended to my desire and zest for life... i read how someone that hurt me a lot has moved on and is making a lot of money and things are going good for him ... and it seems good things are going for so many around me .. you know i just want a chance to have some happiness that lasts ..
i seriously think i am meant to be an old man with my dog ... i think that is what getting HIV was for ... the reality that i am meantto nowt have anyone ... at least anyone that is lasting ... my desires are to drink and get as drunk as possible ...or other things i dare not mention... so instead i stay here in my room and try to not think ... i sleep a lot more these days ...
i think the past few monthes i have lost something ... that is hope .. it slipped somewhere along the path ... and i feel that i am losing more and more each day ...
I have so much to figure out... and so much to let go of... not sure where it all leads ....
lately it seems as if so many people in my life are so busy ... i dont mind being by myslef but most the pople i know are so consumed with thier own good things that they dont even ask me how i am or even follow through on their commitments ... i am losing faith in the poeple around and me ... and a lot of others i am finding have more negative energy or wanna party all the time ... i feel it is time to move forward to a new space in my time ...
i feel like i have nothing leftto give ... i dont know honestlyt what has happened to me ... i have thought a lot about options for what to do with life here on out ... i guess i feel i have so little left to give and i am not sure what happended to my desire and zest for life... i read how someone that hurt me a lot has moved on and is making a lot of money and things are going good for him ... and it seems good things are going for so many around me .. you know i just want a chance to have some happiness that lasts ..
i seriously think i am meant to be an old man with my dog ... i think that is what getting HIV was for ... the reality that i am meantto nowt have anyone ... at least anyone that is lasting ... my desires are to drink and get as drunk as possible ...or other things i dare not mention... so instead i stay here in my room and try to not think ... i sleep a lot more these days ...
i think the past few monthes i have lost something ... that is hope .. it slipped somewhere along the path ... and i feel that i am losing more and more each day ...
I have so much to figure out... and so much to let go of... not sure where it all leads ....