NAOMILY:
Bing bing bing bing bong...
EMILY:
Naomi, you have cheated on me in the most convuluted fashion! I am so annoyed, I could just... I could... I could walk out into the very centre of a football field and stand there for no discernable reason!
NAOMI:
Mmm. Yeah. Nice framing for the shot, though, don't you think? God, I've just seen my new hair, it's horrible. I look middle-aged.
EMILY:
I have a key! Remember how I have a key? I have a key!
NAOMI:
That's something to do with Cadets.
EMILY:
Yes, I thought so. I bet it has something to do with a cadet training camp. To the Fitchmobile! That's what my Dad would call it, because he's the worst character ever.
NAOMI:
Oh! Look! A locker full of pictures of me! And a... garibaldi... biscuit wrapper, what?
EMILY:
I don't understand any of this either. Wonder how the audience is holding up? What could we do that would keep their attention? OH! SEX TO THE SOUNDS OF A BRASS BAND, ANYONE?
NAOMI:
Brass bands make me horny.
EMILY:
HA! I just got that.
KATIE:
Remember me, and how I'm your sister? I have another comedy boyfriend who is short, and our brother now cross dresses. I missed the first five minutes, so there might be a good explanation for that, but I must admit it does not make a lot of sense to me. Wait, Emily, where are you going?
EMILY:
Our rubbish Dad has lost his job and our rubbish Mum is kicking me out, remember?
KATIE:
Oh, right. Yes! And also, she works with H from Steps!
EMILY:
Can we just do twinspeak and get it over with?
KATIE:
Oh, okay. Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.
EMILY:
That's what I thought. Like your new hair, by the way. NOW I AM STORMING OUT!
SOPHIA'S BROTHER:
Sophie was a cadet and she totally stalked you and Naomi. Even when we reveal that Naomi had a bit of a fling with her - which you will find out by seeing a picture in a prospectus which you picked up because, what, it had a little heart drawn on it? It was in a roomful of zoetropes and drawings of your girlfriend with her tits out, why would you do that? Sherlock Fitch! - it will not make all that much sense. Did you have a box for me?
EMILY:
What? Oh! Yes! I forgot about my box inbetween all that dressing up as a Mexican and Naomi being on fire. Also, I picked up the prospectus for LONDON GOLDMITHS because they're paying us, right?
SOPHIA'S BROTHER:
Oh. Okay. Wait! This box has a diary and... shit, I can hear my sister's voice in my head. She killed herself because of Blondie?
EMILY:
How sad. But, wait, isn't this about ME?! I COULD KILL MYSELF YOU KNOW!
SOPHIA'S BROTHER:
You won't, I've seen the trailers for the rest of the series.
EMILY:
I could come back as a ghost.
SOPHIA'S BROTHER:
That would probably make this series better, actually.
NAOMI:
Guys. Bored.
EMILY:
You know how your creepy stalker girlfriend whatever draws pictures all the time? And also how you want me back? Well, it would be totally appropriate for you to draw pictures also, stick them on your door, and then I... would... come back.
NAOMI:
Should I stand in the window for a bit longer than is necessary? We're under running.
EMILY:
I THINK THAT WOULD BE WISE.
Bing bing bing bing bong.
The fact that next episode is 'Cook' does not fill me with hope.
(For the record, I love Skins. I want this show to be good. To be brilliant. But this series has been... angst and rubbish and a pathetic non-plot mystery element about some girl who draws who I do not care about - it's what would have happened if they'd made Sketch the main focus of series two - and... it's... just... making me sad.)
Cheerio, Michael. xxx
EMILY:
Naomi, you have cheated on me in the most convuluted fashion! I am so annoyed, I could just... I could... I could walk out into the very centre of a football field and stand there for no discernable reason!
NAOMI:
Mmm. Yeah. Nice framing for the shot, though, don't you think? God, I've just seen my new hair, it's horrible. I look middle-aged.
EMILY:
I have a key! Remember how I have a key? I have a key!
NAOMI:
That's something to do with Cadets.
EMILY:
Yes, I thought so. I bet it has something to do with a cadet training camp. To the Fitchmobile! That's what my Dad would call it, because he's the worst character ever.
NAOMI:
Oh! Look! A locker full of pictures of me! And a... garibaldi... biscuit wrapper, what?
EMILY:
I don't understand any of this either. Wonder how the audience is holding up? What could we do that would keep their attention? OH! SEX TO THE SOUNDS OF A BRASS BAND, ANYONE?
NAOMI:
Brass bands make me horny.
EMILY:
HA! I just got that.
KATIE:
Remember me, and how I'm your sister? I have another comedy boyfriend who is short, and our brother now cross dresses. I missed the first five minutes, so there might be a good explanation for that, but I must admit it does not make a lot of sense to me. Wait, Emily, where are you going?
EMILY:
Our rubbish Dad has lost his job and our rubbish Mum is kicking me out, remember?
KATIE:
Oh, right. Yes! And also, she works with H from Steps!
EMILY:
Can we just do twinspeak and get it over with?
KATIE:
Oh, okay. Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.
EMILY:
That's what I thought. Like your new hair, by the way. NOW I AM STORMING OUT!
SOPHIA'S BROTHER:
Sophie was a cadet and she totally stalked you and Naomi. Even when we reveal that Naomi had a bit of a fling with her - which you will find out by seeing a picture in a prospectus which you picked up because, what, it had a little heart drawn on it? It was in a roomful of zoetropes and drawings of your girlfriend with her tits out, why would you do that? Sherlock Fitch! - it will not make all that much sense. Did you have a box for me?
EMILY:
What? Oh! Yes! I forgot about my box inbetween all that dressing up as a Mexican and Naomi being on fire. Also, I picked up the prospectus for LONDON GOLDMITHS because they're paying us, right?
SOPHIA'S BROTHER:
Oh. Okay. Wait! This box has a diary and... shit, I can hear my sister's voice in my head. She killed herself because of Blondie?
EMILY:
How sad. But, wait, isn't this about ME?! I COULD KILL MYSELF YOU KNOW!
SOPHIA'S BROTHER:
You won't, I've seen the trailers for the rest of the series.
EMILY:
I could come back as a ghost.
SOPHIA'S BROTHER:
That would probably make this series better, actually.
NAOMI:
Guys. Bored.
EMILY:
You know how your creepy stalker girlfriend whatever draws pictures all the time? And also how you want me back? Well, it would be totally appropriate for you to draw pictures also, stick them on your door, and then I... would... come back.
NAOMI:
Should I stand in the window for a bit longer than is necessary? We're under running.
EMILY:
I THINK THAT WOULD BE WISE.
Bing bing bing bing bong.
The fact that next episode is 'Cook' does not fill me with hope.
(For the record, I love Skins. I want this show to be good. To be brilliant. But this series has been... angst and rubbish and a pathetic non-plot mystery element about some girl who draws who I do not care about - it's what would have happened if they'd made Sketch the main focus of series two - and... it's... just... making me sad.)
Cheerio, Michael. xxx