The Secret

[michaelapaige]

I went on a journey last week, not really a journey where one would venture off into a well painted sunset, but more of a mental one. Which is one reason why I did not post anything on this subject before, since God knows I was basically going insane last week. You see, I've had a little secret (little to me, apparently ginormous to him) ever since I've been a little girl, and I finally told someone and that someone was him, and I cant say that I dont feel lighter but I feel bad for making him worry over me. You have no idea how I feel so bad about making him know something like that, I should have taken that thing with me to the grave, but I had the urge for him yto know everything about me. And God is that a bad thing? If it isn't, then why do I feel like I shouldn't have even worried him at all? I know it was all in the past and the past wasn't always kind to me but it sure as hell wasn't that bad, ya know'. But I fear that he's taken what I said as something painful, and instead the way I meant to say it was that I was giving him a mere warning about what it was like inside my brain. And I figured that something like that was bad to keep from him.

I wanted him to know me. The real me. The one who gets periodically scared of the dark, the one that flinches when someone touches her, the one who thinks she's not worth a second thought, the one whose hands shake hard and heart beats fast whenever she speaks out in public. The one with weird mannerisms and weird interests. The one who finds tradegies beautiful and romances so cliche.