And in that moment, nothing could have suprised him more
Title: What makes a man?
Author:Cello_ve
Rating: PG
Spoilers:Up to the recent "big" spoilers regarding our favorite couple. A lot of speculation.
Pairing: Michael/Jan
Summary: My first fanfic, so please..constructive criticism compliments are welcome! :]. Comments do = love though, in all seriousness
Disclaimer: I don't own the office, or any of it's characters.
"What have I done?"
Michael stared at his computer with blank eyes and an aching heart. Her words kept swimming through his head, a relentless persecution of his self-inflicted pain. His eyelids drooped in regret as he gently massaged his temples and attempted to make some kind of sense of the fact that his entire world just walked (stormed) out of the door.
Michael Scott didn't leave people. Michael Scott got left behind.
His entire life it was him who said "hi" first to the kids on the bus, it was him who sought approval from his classmates; it was him who took the first step and called Jeff "Dad", only to be met with a disapproving glance laced with uncertainty and disbelief. It was almost freeing in a sense that Michael was now the dominant one in the relationship, an experience he always longed for, but never executed. But he did not want to gain that respect and that admiration (fear) this way. He didn't want to feel more like a man because he just left the woman he loved. To Michael, he didn't seem like a man at all. Even though he was one of "them" now; one of the cool kids, one of the guys who seemed completely detached from all sexual relationships he never felt like less of a man. For the first time in his life he understood that what is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular.
Everything else aside, being with Jan was right.
He laid his head gently on his desk and stared blankly at his phone. All that was in him wanted to pick up that reciever and call her, but he knew he shouldn't. The conversation had started innocently enough; in all actuality Michael had never seen her happier. She walked into his office with a certain bounce in her sleek black pumps, a spunk that often gasped for air beneath her icy corporate persona. She had never been like this with him in his office before, never toed that fine line of boss/lover that he knew she clung desperately too. And he ruined it. Ruined it hours ago with a voicemail that had originated in a (vain) attempt to establish some sort of intimacy in their relationship; intimacy that was not suppressed by forceful sex and telling videotape. He wanted to get to know her more, was all, he wanted to know that when he held her he held her, and not the person she thought everyone wanted her to be. Was it wrong for him to ask advice from her "kind" (pam and karen)? Perhaps. And as he sat as his desk, Michael was tormented by his past regrets.
"You have reached the voicemail of Jan Levinson. I'm sorry I can not recieve your call right now, but if you wish to reach me, office hours are from 7-5 monday-friday and 9-3 on Saturday. Thank you and have a nice day."
"Hey Buttercup! It's me. Out right now with the ladies. (pause) You jealous?? Well you shouldn't be. And even if you are, which you really should not be I think I can make it up to you with a present from my lady friend Victoria. Well she really isn't my "lady friend" if thats what your thinking, I just got you something from Victoria's secret. (inaudible murmurings and muffled sound) So I was talking to Karen and Pam and Phyllis today and they brought up some really good points. I'm thinking the video tape situation isn't that good of an idea, well since I really kind of don't like it and maybe you don't either? You know what they say, the camera adds ten pounds, and well women and their weight...not that you have anything to be worried about..that... But yea, maybe we can do it soft tonight, and maybe just cuddle afterwards? I promise it won't be that bad. Don't be mad. Love you Jan"
How could he have been such an idiot?? He had all he had ever wanted and he let it slip away, watched it as it walked out that door. His thoughts were once again broken by his mind's reenactment of the horrible events that had transpired not too long ago.
Michael, surprised at her cheerful arrival rose to greet her, and much to his amusement Jan softly cupped his cheek and pulled him in for a tender kiss. Maybe she heard the message? Was he getting his first taste of gentle Jan? He smiled to himself and reminded himself to tell her that she shouldn't be so sweet all of the time.
Michael loved that about her, he loved the fact that she can look so powerful and be so sweet all at once. Michael loved her. He offered her a bashful smile and brought his hands up to her (perfect) hips as he turned his head and deepened the kiss. Jan pulled back, obviously a little wary of their surroundings and offered him a breathless "Hello Michael". He just smiled and pecked her cheek as he excused himself to go to the bathroom.
As he was crossing the office, somewhere around Ryan's desk he glanced into his office and saw Jan, now seated in his chair listening intently, almost too intently to whatever was coming out of the receiver of her silver cell phone. His stomach dropped as he panicked for a fleeting second that maybe she hadn't listened to his message. That maybe he would have to deal with what he said head on. Maybe now he had to be a man. Obviously aspiring to fulfill societies chauvinist manly expectations had not yielded him the best results. He grasped the cool handle of his door frame and hesitantly faced the anger and resentment in her eyes.
"You told them?" Jan hissed through (perfect) clenched teeth.
"I...I...I...just wanted to...know Jan. I've never had to deal with this before, and they're women, and your a woman..and..I...just...don't be mad."
"You've never had to deal with sex before Michael?"
"Of course I have, you should know that Jan." Michael whispered in a hopeful voice, attempting to redirect the mood of the conversation.
"Well then why the hell would you tell your employees what we do in our alone time? Do you not realize that you are their boss? That there is a line that you do not cross as their employer? A line..A line..."
"That you crossed" finished Michael.
Jan's gaze softened and her mouth slightly opened in disbelief. She had crossed that line, and she was now condemning him for the behavior that led to the conversation in the first place.
Michael was the first to break the silence as met her eye line with his bottomless, expressive eyes that were now filled to the brim with fear. "I'm just a line to you Jan. I'm just another obstacle, another deadline that you have to meet, another deal you have to close, another goal you have to accomplish to make you happier. I'm the one who wants to move forward Jan, and as much as I love you, I just realized that I will never get that back. I can't do that Jan. I'm not going to be that person for you again. I'm not that man. That man who is going to wait for you to come around and "maybe" admit your feelings just to have you snatch them away. Not again Jan."
"Michael...."
"Not again"
Jan bit her bottom lip, a habit Michael was now accustomed to, a habit she seemed to do whenever she was deep in thought or nervous. She struggled for the words to speak but nothing seemed to come out..just gasps of air in the place of words. Words that knew no other place to be spoken but against the silence. She gathered her purse and rose from his chair, never making eye contact with him as she angrily walked out the door, almost tripping on the Victoria's Secret bag that lay near the threshold. She kicked it as she slammed the door behind her.
Thus indirectly leaving Michael an emotional train wreck, confined to his desk staring at his belongings and attempting to make sense of the mess he created. Right now lack of tenderness from Jan seemed pretty damn good. Anything having to do with her seemed pretty damn good.
Michael was unsure of a lot of things right now, but there was one thing he could bet all of his money on, even against Toby.
He definitely did not feel more like a man.
Not by losing his woman.
TBC?
A/N: Your response determines whether or not this goes on. Fuel the fanfic fire!
Author:Cello_ve
Rating: PG
Spoilers:Up to the recent "big" spoilers regarding our favorite couple. A lot of speculation.
Pairing: Michael/Jan
Summary: My first fanfic, so please..constructive criticism compliments are welcome! :]. Comments do = love though, in all seriousness
Disclaimer: I don't own the office, or any of it's characters.
"What have I done?"
Michael stared at his computer with blank eyes and an aching heart. Her words kept swimming through his head, a relentless persecution of his self-inflicted pain. His eyelids drooped in regret as he gently massaged his temples and attempted to make some kind of sense of the fact that his entire world just walked (stormed) out of the door.
Michael Scott didn't leave people. Michael Scott got left behind.
His entire life it was him who said "hi" first to the kids on the bus, it was him who sought approval from his classmates; it was him who took the first step and called Jeff "Dad", only to be met with a disapproving glance laced with uncertainty and disbelief. It was almost freeing in a sense that Michael was now the dominant one in the relationship, an experience he always longed for, but never executed. But he did not want to gain that respect and that admiration (fear) this way. He didn't want to feel more like a man because he just left the woman he loved. To Michael, he didn't seem like a man at all. Even though he was one of "them" now; one of the cool kids, one of the guys who seemed completely detached from all sexual relationships he never felt like less of a man. For the first time in his life he understood that what is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular.
Everything else aside, being with Jan was right.
He laid his head gently on his desk and stared blankly at his phone. All that was in him wanted to pick up that reciever and call her, but he knew he shouldn't. The conversation had started innocently enough; in all actuality Michael had never seen her happier. She walked into his office with a certain bounce in her sleek black pumps, a spunk that often gasped for air beneath her icy corporate persona. She had never been like this with him in his office before, never toed that fine line of boss/lover that he knew she clung desperately too. And he ruined it. Ruined it hours ago with a voicemail that had originated in a (vain) attempt to establish some sort of intimacy in their relationship; intimacy that was not suppressed by forceful sex and telling videotape. He wanted to get to know her more, was all, he wanted to know that when he held her he held her, and not the person she thought everyone wanted her to be. Was it wrong for him to ask advice from her "kind" (pam and karen)? Perhaps. And as he sat as his desk, Michael was tormented by his past regrets.
"You have reached the voicemail of Jan Levinson. I'm sorry I can not recieve your call right now, but if you wish to reach me, office hours are from 7-5 monday-friday and 9-3 on Saturday. Thank you and have a nice day."
"Hey Buttercup! It's me. Out right now with the ladies. (pause) You jealous?? Well you shouldn't be. And even if you are, which you really should not be I think I can make it up to you with a present from my lady friend Victoria. Well she really isn't my "lady friend" if thats what your thinking, I just got you something from Victoria's secret. (inaudible murmurings and muffled sound) So I was talking to Karen and Pam and Phyllis today and they brought up some really good points. I'm thinking the video tape situation isn't that good of an idea, well since I really kind of don't like it and maybe you don't either? You know what they say, the camera adds ten pounds, and well women and their weight...not that you have anything to be worried about..that... But yea, maybe we can do it soft tonight, and maybe just cuddle afterwards? I promise it won't be that bad. Don't be mad. Love you Jan"
How could he have been such an idiot?? He had all he had ever wanted and he let it slip away, watched it as it walked out that door. His thoughts were once again broken by his mind's reenactment of the horrible events that had transpired not too long ago.
Michael, surprised at her cheerful arrival rose to greet her, and much to his amusement Jan softly cupped his cheek and pulled him in for a tender kiss. Maybe she heard the message? Was he getting his first taste of gentle Jan? He smiled to himself and reminded himself to tell her that she shouldn't be so sweet all of the time.
Michael loved that about her, he loved the fact that she can look so powerful and be so sweet all at once. Michael loved her. He offered her a bashful smile and brought his hands up to her (perfect) hips as he turned his head and deepened the kiss. Jan pulled back, obviously a little wary of their surroundings and offered him a breathless "Hello Michael". He just smiled and pecked her cheek as he excused himself to go to the bathroom.
As he was crossing the office, somewhere around Ryan's desk he glanced into his office and saw Jan, now seated in his chair listening intently, almost too intently to whatever was coming out of the receiver of her silver cell phone. His stomach dropped as he panicked for a fleeting second that maybe she hadn't listened to his message. That maybe he would have to deal with what he said head on. Maybe now he had to be a man. Obviously aspiring to fulfill societies chauvinist manly expectations had not yielded him the best results. He grasped the cool handle of his door frame and hesitantly faced the anger and resentment in her eyes.
"You told them?" Jan hissed through (perfect) clenched teeth.
"I...I...I...just wanted to...know Jan. I've never had to deal with this before, and they're women, and your a woman..and..I...just...don't be mad."
"You've never had to deal with sex before Michael?"
"Of course I have, you should know that Jan." Michael whispered in a hopeful voice, attempting to redirect the mood of the conversation.
"Well then why the hell would you tell your employees what we do in our alone time? Do you not realize that you are their boss? That there is a line that you do not cross as their employer? A line..A line..."
"That you crossed" finished Michael.
Jan's gaze softened and her mouth slightly opened in disbelief. She had crossed that line, and she was now condemning him for the behavior that led to the conversation in the first place.
Michael was the first to break the silence as met her eye line with his bottomless, expressive eyes that were now filled to the brim with fear. "I'm just a line to you Jan. I'm just another obstacle, another deadline that you have to meet, another deal you have to close, another goal you have to accomplish to make you happier. I'm the one who wants to move forward Jan, and as much as I love you, I just realized that I will never get that back. I can't do that Jan. I'm not going to be that person for you again. I'm not that man. That man who is going to wait for you to come around and "maybe" admit your feelings just to have you snatch them away. Not again Jan."
"Michael...."
"Not again"
Jan bit her bottom lip, a habit Michael was now accustomed to, a habit she seemed to do whenever she was deep in thought or nervous. She struggled for the words to speak but nothing seemed to come out..just gasps of air in the place of words. Words that knew no other place to be spoken but against the silence. She gathered her purse and rose from his chair, never making eye contact with him as she angrily walked out the door, almost tripping on the Victoria's Secret bag that lay near the threshold. She kicked it as she slammed the door behind her.
Thus indirectly leaving Michael an emotional train wreck, confined to his desk staring at his belongings and attempting to make sense of the mess he created. Right now lack of tenderness from Jan seemed pretty damn good. Anything having to do with her seemed pretty damn good.
Michael was unsure of a lot of things right now, but there was one thing he could bet all of his money on, even against Toby.
He definitely did not feel more like a man.
Not by losing his woman.
TBC?
A/N: Your response determines whether or not this goes on. Fuel the fanfic fire!