bye
so over the past few days i have thought and thought and thought.
and i remember how i used to be. i remember how nothing mattered to me except for staying close to those who really loved me and my art.
i miss those days when i had millions of ideas flowing through my head. i wanted to draw. i wanted to paint. i wanted to write.
i remember in elementary school when all of my teachers were freaking out because of my writing skills. also in junior high... i made terrible grades but all i heard was "where did this writing come from?!"
and i know exactly what happened to all of that.
it wasnt important anymore.
all i wanted to do was make friends. i wanted to be known. and once i got a taste of that... i kept wanting more and more and more and thriving on the attention. about eight months ago i met a girl. She was absolutely everything to me. i had never felt happier around anyone in the world. i put her before family, friends, and everything else... she was mine. i thought thats all i needed in life was to be loved by her...and her to be loved by me. i thought i was put on this world to marry jessica.
just recently i realized... she was my hobby. All of my artwork and writings,....didnt really matter anymore. now i whine about not being able to draw one decent piece of artwork... but i know why i cant do it... im out of practice. i gave up stuff for a relationship.
also i was so worried about climbing the social scale.... i totally threw away any chance for inspiration.
anyways... i found out what is really important to me.
real friends.... not how many people that know me. my art and writings. and just living.
things will come my way. i dont have to worry. i dont have to want her. i have a future... im not doomed.
anyways. im also quitting livejournal... its just an excuse to cry about something and to fish for compliments and sorrows.... so ill give it another week for some of you to read this ... though i havent gotten many responses lately.
well... wish me luck HAH.
and i remember how i used to be. i remember how nothing mattered to me except for staying close to those who really loved me and my art.
i miss those days when i had millions of ideas flowing through my head. i wanted to draw. i wanted to paint. i wanted to write.
i remember in elementary school when all of my teachers were freaking out because of my writing skills. also in junior high... i made terrible grades but all i heard was "where did this writing come from?!"
and i know exactly what happened to all of that.
it wasnt important anymore.
all i wanted to do was make friends. i wanted to be known. and once i got a taste of that... i kept wanting more and more and more and thriving on the attention. about eight months ago i met a girl. She was absolutely everything to me. i had never felt happier around anyone in the world. i put her before family, friends, and everything else... she was mine. i thought thats all i needed in life was to be loved by her...and her to be loved by me. i thought i was put on this world to marry jessica.
just recently i realized... she was my hobby. All of my artwork and writings,....didnt really matter anymore. now i whine about not being able to draw one decent piece of artwork... but i know why i cant do it... im out of practice. i gave up stuff for a relationship.
also i was so worried about climbing the social scale.... i totally threw away any chance for inspiration.
anyways... i found out what is really important to me.
real friends.... not how many people that know me. my art and writings. and just living.
things will come my way. i dont have to worry. i dont have to want her. i have a future... im not doomed.
anyways. im also quitting livejournal... its just an excuse to cry about something and to fish for compliments and sorrows.... so ill give it another week for some of you to read this ... though i havent gotten many responses lately.
well... wish me luck HAH.