copied from my other journal. because im lazy. rant rant rant.
So i talked with Masako (speaks english) japanese native. daughter of rotary person. grew up in Fukuchiyama. lived in america I think for at least 10 yrs... really nice. explained problems/issues/things that were bothering me.
Turns out my "counseler" is not doing his job. Im suppose to be in regular contact with him.. so said Masako.. and I was just like.. "What?contact? ...eh?you mean talking to him?" hell as if i remember meeting him or his name. I emailed him a total of ONCE..WHEN I WAS STILL IN AMERICA. and that was it. I was suppose to be telling all my problems and crap to him.
Masako said they should of put me as an 一人正(i have no idea if that kanji is right. i just kinda... guessed.) it says"ichinensei" aka. 1st year student. While everyone may be younger than I am , the students wouldn`T be so focus on studies. Though her father said they put me as a 2nd year because there is a really big school trip for them.... so.hmm.
To further complicate my situation, Masako said she thinks there are 2 different cirriculums(sp? going on at my school. The the regular university path.. and a different one. with a specialized few in it. She said she thinks im in the "special classes" which is why the students are alot more focused on studing and passing classes. And they were talking about maybe me switching classes..either soon or maybe in 2 months/next year. I mean I would love to get more exposure to more people..but having to start all over again with the friend-making thing... is a maybe, im not sure about. But then again im more "aqquaintences" than friends with the people I talk with/eat lunch with/ in my homeroom. Im not close friends with anybody, I`ve been trying...but I don`t think these kids get out much..I was hoping maybe someone would invite me to something .. you know so I can try something out they like..but nothing. :/
Which brings me to something else I complained about to Masako.Hey i know im in a different country with people who more than likely have different interests than I do. That`s a given. But I am just having a terrible time relating to anyone at school/being close friends with. It really kills you inside when you have nobody to blab to, or tell your problems to, or your achievements. And that person will not be bored listening to you talk about this... they would (if your lucky) be interested and/or ask questions, comment.
Masako`s mother said that she could tell by the way I acted and talked((how she figured this out since she only speaks japanese is beyond me.)) that I was alot more mature than probably most of the students at school. Masako said "yeah. alot of people in this town are sorta... 'sheltered'". As in hey, it`s a semi small town and people here aren`T as liberal. exposed to new things..etc. They said it would be better maybe If I made friends with older people. I would probably have a better time talking with them. I mean honestly, I like hanging out with my host mom and her friends more than I do with the girls at school. I thought it was some sort of taboo in rotary to be friends with older people. ("you should make friends with kids at school/your own age.") but Masako and her mom seem to think it was a good idea.
Im also trying to join more clubs. ((well i have been trying to get into the art club and no one ever got back to me about it! I MISS ART!) I thought maybe if I join more clubs I can find some interesting people to talk too. Currently I am looking into 1.art club! 2. flower arranging 3. maybe tea cermony..if I don`t find it boring.
I want to be as busy as I can. I don`t like just going home after school and sitting around the house, spending hours on the computer. Or going to the arcade/AVIX center by myself only to browse UFO machines and maybe play a game or two. I want to be speaking more/practiacing my japanese. Basically the only time I talk (if any) is at lunch. only time i can talk. maybe a little between classes, if I have something to say.
I told Masako about how the school wouldn`t let me sit in the library (toshokan? 図書館? 投書館?) with a teacher to help teach me japanese. "Oh you can sit in the classroom like everybody else and teach yourself!" WELL, If I could teach myself and actually UNDERSTAND I`d be alot better at japanese now wouldn`t I? I could of studied loads by myself, before I even left america If I could comprehend it. My sentence/grammer structure is terrible, I never know what im saying it right... I want some educational background! I`m hoping they can do something to fix that.
They also looked up some local classes going on. ouside of school. There is a jazz dance thing going on. Apparently also since my host dad is a city hall counsel memeber or something, he is supposed to know about these things and should of told me about them to get me more included. stupid..host dad. he`s ok at times.. but i never really liked him. :x
Masako also said something about visiting an all girls school since they have a special 'expertise'? would you said? if sewing and cooking and I might learn some new skills/meet interesting people. She said they wouldn`t go as far as to transfer me to a different school, but perhaps visiting after school or something might work.
I change families Sunday. yay for the change but Im sad to leave as well. I told Masako the whole "they want me to teach them english and I feel used". and she was shocked they asked that. She said I should at least get some sort of compensation. either money or if they can take time from their lives to sit down and help me with my japanese. As much as I would love option 1, I probably need option 2 more. japanese learning is my primarily focus. second is going to a Gackt conert. XD. ha. im so funny.
Im so ranty. Im suprised I made actual paragraphs. Im really going to miss my first host mom. she is awesome. I always feel like when Im going to these houses with only host brothers... I feel like I`m the daughter they`ve always wanted, but never had....
I will also have very strong thighs at the end of the year from riding my bike everywhere. says Masako....