[picspam] Kris/EVERYONE (PLAGUED BY MEN)
I never thought this day would come, but I think Jensen Ackles has finally fallen from the top place in my fannish heart, felled by perpetual unexpected underdog Kris Allen, the boy which the words HOW IS HE REAL were truly meant for. (Jensen made a valiant attempt at a comeback with those shirtless soccer pics -- it's like he knew -- but it was just too late by then.) Obviously this newfound obsession must be inaugurated with indulgent picspam. :D
There are whole lists of reasons why I like Kris Allen and, believe me, these will all be detailed EXTENSIVELY later on (dear god, I need help), but one of my favorites is how slutty flirty and affectionate and handsy and starry-eyed and all full-bodied HUGS he is with everyone and how everyone understandably wants him, in return. And by everyone, I mostly mean MEN, HE IS PLAGUED BY SO MANY MEN. *cue original Kris Allen lyrics*
you brought me up and you took me out
of that place that I was in that was plagued by men
basically, this is a picspam of KRIS/EVERYONE (male) who Kris has hugged, loved, felt up, crushed on, been crushed on by, eye-fucked and, in my wildest dreams, totally regular fucked, or at least made out with. also, by everyone, I clearly mean only a small fraction, because boy gets AROUND, dang. I KNOW NONE OF YOU CARE, but if you have the time and the speedy internet connection, it's CUTE BOYS BEING SUPER GAY TOGETHER, THERE IS NO BAD HERE. There may or may not be bonus!Efron, too.
first off, the Kris Allen Band
KRALE
aka the original bromance (minus all the many, many ones that came before with his non-famous friends that I'm trying and failing to be non-creepy about. But there are COUNTLESS photos involving snuggling in bed, sharing milkshakes, and Kris being hoisted in the air by a room-full of men. IT IS PRETTY UNBELIEVABLE). also, where my heart lives outside of Kradam...and sometimes Krandrew. :D; Cale Mills is Kris's bestie from pre-Idol and is the guitarist/back up vocalist/keyboardist in his band.
What's a little leg-humping between friends?
Cale makes his feelings for Kris pretty clear.
They love to croon close together with Kris's arm slung intimately over Cale's neck and shoulder.
It's a thing.
DID I MENTION I LOVE THESE TWO?
I'm just going to leave this here. *HEAD EXPLODES*
KRANDREW
(Andrew DeRoberts is the other guitarist in the band and is equally hot/ADORABLE with Kris.)
I love how Kris presents his boyfriends.
and just stares at them, with that *look* in his eyes.
Obviously, the appreciation goes both ways
Context: Kris says he "feels like he's at a wedding right now." AND THEN THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND HOLD HANDS IT IS GLORIOUS.
I LOVE THAT SHIRT. srsly, Kris's seduction technique is totally wearing the pro-gay shirt (the company supports gay rights :')) and some cute accessory and then just BEAMING and being the happiest boy EVER. It works wonders.
KRANALE?
In the great Krale v Krandrew debate, I usually end up firmly on team OT3. :D
KRISISALLENBAND
...or, hell, KRIS/HIS ENTIRE BAND. :DDD (This is a small sample of what I mentioned earlier about the hoisting Kris up in the air thing. He's tiny and irresistable and was TOTALLY MADE FOR IT.)
Moving onto AI, now.
KRATT
Before there was the epicness that is Kradam, there was Kratt. Matt Giraud was another contestant on season 8, a top 10 finalist (and thus on the AI tour last year), and used to be roomies with Kris on the show before he was scorned in favor of Adam or something, IDK. But really, there is love in Kris's heart for ALL.
MATT (about Kris): He's so dreamy. He can't be that dreamy without some concealer.
The amazing thing about Kris is that even though he is NEVER eye-level with ANYONE, ever, and should be looking up, if anything, he is ALWAYS looking down at pecs, crotch, ass, what have you. SRSLY, AMAZING.
god, the LEAN. Poor Matt. Looks like bb Kris exhausted him. Just another night at the Idol house.
the CLUTCHING
the SNUGGLING
the HUGGING
goddamn, the hugging. A LITTLE EXCITED, ARE WE KRISTOPHER?
KRANOOP
(Anoop Desai is another AI8/top 10 finalist)
KRIS: I am the #1 Desai'ple.
ANOOP: And of course I'm a devout Kristian.
I'm going to cheat and use this which was stolen via tumblr (made by oatmeal_cookie!), because it is BEAUTIFUL. Best of Kranoop right there, n'aww.
KRADAM
(ok, Kradam is WAY TOO EPIC to be contained in this already overflowing post, and primers and assorted fabulousness exist everywhere, and I'll probably have to add my own pathetic one to the bunch later, but for now, A BRIEF SNAPSHOT.)
*MAKES NOISES ONLY DOLPHINS CAN HEAR*
THIS DEFIES EVERYTHING.
In a long beautiful history that includes kisses, death grip hugs, topping mentions, PEEN mentions, cock rings, mutually admitted crushes, AND MORE, this is still the gayest thing EVER to me (and that is saying A LOT):
MAMA ALLEN: Kristopher painted one fingernail -- or, I think actually Adam painted it for him, I can't physically imagine Kristopher painting his own nails -- he did have one fingernail painted, and Adam had one fingernail unpainted. So it was a little of Kristopher with Adam and a little of Adam came to Arkansas with Kristopher.
excuse me while I KEYBOARD SMASH AND PICK MYSELF UP FROM OFF THE FLOOR
moving on! S8 contestants were not the only ones affected...
KRAVID
(David Cook is the S7 winner and another awesome lovematch for Kris, when he's not busy being shipped with David Archuleta, of course. <3)
Pretty much David makes Kris giggle like a little girl. (to be fair, most things do.)
WHAT IS BETTER THAN A KRIS HUG
He just gets so into it. *_____*
KRASTRO
(Jason Castro is another S7 contestant. I AM A FOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE, I KNOW.)
JASON (to Kris): album art is AWESOME! you look hot man. haha
ok, including this, because it's too awesome and ridiculous not to. titled stoner boyfriends gay faces. I think that says it all.
KRIS+DAUGHTRY??
(I can't give Daughtry a Kr- name, sorry. Chris Daughtry's from S5.)
DAUGHTRY: I think Kris Allen is the SHIZNIT-O-BAM!!! (christ, I'm embarrassed just typing that out, but Kris excites people, I get it.)
KREE?
(Lee DeWyze is the S9 winner)
Context: Kris presents Lee with the new car he's won. Proceeds to check out his ass. Pretty self-explanatory, actually.
and then there are the journalist blogger dudes who cover AI...
KREZAK
(Michael Slezak from Entertainment Weekly)
SLEZAK: I never forget Kris Allen...that sounded all kinds of dirty.
You really have to watch all the vids to get an idea of the extent of the hardcore crushing both interviewers do on Kris, but basically Slezak and Jim (below) are in this neverending knock-down, drag-out fight over Kris's affections which plays out over their vids and via twitter (e.g. who Kris hugs first and hardest, I AM NOT JOKING.)
He looks SMITTEN. Not uncommon when you're next to Kris, for sure.
KRIM
(Jim Cantiello from MTV)
JIM: Sorry to harp on this Kris Allen stuff, but I'm kind of obsessed with him.
See what I mean by the smitten thing?
JIM: Nothing kills the heat of passion like your wife taking off your shirt to reveal a homemade sharpie tattoo that reads "Krim." HAHAHA! TMI?
...need I say more? :O
oh wait, YES I DO
JIM: You do strange things to straight men, Kris Allen.
So there's Kris's fellow AI8 contestants, then the ones from other seasons, then the guys who interview people on AI, and THEN there are the famous dudes that Kris got paired off with during the course of the season -- NO ONE IS IMMUNE.
KRAMIE (KROXX?)
(Jamie Foxx was a mentor during the Rat Pack theme week.)
JAMIE: Kris really sort of swooned me. Ya know, I'm a macho man, but he was singing and I was like, oh my goodness.
KREITH
(Kris was paired with Keith Urban during the final 2, post-performance duets. Keith liked him so much, he had Kris open for him during several tour dates over the summer, and there were duet shenanigans then, too.)
BE MORE OBVIOUS, KRIS, I DARE YOU.
KRIS [singing]: I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
remember how you drove me crazy?
KEITH: I do.
MOAR RANDOM PAIRINGS, MOAR
KRAT
(Mat Kearney's a musician who teamed up with Kris on his post-Idol album)
dishing about their man crush ♥
Mat on whether he was aware of Kris before their collaboration: I knew that he was the cute guy who was really nice.
Mat on meeting Kris: He's a totally cool guy, totally enjoyed being with him. I have nothing to say about it other than he was great.
Mat on Kris's wooing technique: He bought an amazing trout for everyone. We ate trout! Keeping it Southern.
[*TRIES TO DECIPHER THIS TROUT CODE*]
KRASTON
(Justin Gaston is from, um, If I Can Dream? Whatever that is. Some MTV-related thing, I think, that Kris was a guest on. may be web-only, I'm not sure. He's also Miley Cyrus's ex. THAT'S ALL I GOT.)
It's been ~firmly established by now that Kris has a type -- that being tall brunets with emo hair and musical ability, although I do believe hotness will override the latter, as is the case with Justin, who he apparently spent most of the time flirting with. :x
They took turns serenading each other
and had a dance off. DAL;KJDFL;KFJ WHAT EVEN IS THIS
other tidbits: apparently, Justin asked Kris to stay in the house. also drove him home. ALSO Justin did some leaning thing and Kris stared and then fanned himself? IDK IDK
oh, here's Kris being gay with totally random dudes
just, you know, checking them out...
feeling them up...
hands all mutually clutching like crazy...
and pretty much just cutting his straight off at the knees, hobbling that motherfucker for LIFE :x
and for fun and comparison's sake, Kris being straight with women!
ok ok, I kid. I actually think she's super cute (this pic is supremely unflattering) and that they make a good couple, but this pic is too hilarious not to use. SPOT THE SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING
OH, KRISTOPHER. :')
HOW ARE YOU SO PRESH
YOU HONESTLY CANNOT BE REAL (OR STRAIGHT)
AND BONUS KREFRON (I had to for a certain SOMEONE.)
Much like the utter mystery that is Jensen/Zac Efron, I find these two much better suited as besties than anything. Sharing the same closet, looking for their man, living the dream~
credit: pics amassed from ohnotheydidnt, ontd_ai, google images, and tumblr. If you recognize pics that should be more appropriately credited, my bad, just let me know.
disclaimer: according to Adam, Kris is 100% straight.
ok, fuck, back to hiatus/SPN FIC I'VE BEEN NEGLECTING. Kris Allen is just a DISTRACTING LIFE-RUINER, THAT IS ALL.
eta: LOL, I love how everyone's responding to the LONE Jensen mention at the top. Why you gotta hurt me like that, flist? although yeah, those photos WERE PRETTY ENTICING, I did kind of notice. :p and like Kris Allen, there is room in my heart for everyone!, well, two.
There are whole lists of reasons why I like Kris Allen and, believe me, these will all be detailed EXTENSIVELY later on (dear god, I need help), but one of my favorites is how slutty flirty and affectionate and handsy and starry-eyed and all full-bodied HUGS he is with everyone and how everyone understandably wants him, in return. And by everyone, I mostly mean MEN, HE IS PLAGUED BY SO MANY MEN. *cue original Kris Allen lyrics*
you brought me up and you took me out
of that place that I was in that was plagued by men
basically, this is a picspam of KRIS/EVERYONE (male) who Kris has hugged, loved, felt up, crushed on, been crushed on by, eye-fucked and, in my wildest dreams, totally regular fucked, or at least made out with. also, by everyone, I clearly mean only a small fraction, because boy gets AROUND, dang. I KNOW NONE OF YOU CARE, but if you have the time and the speedy internet connection, it's CUTE BOYS BEING SUPER GAY TOGETHER, THERE IS NO BAD HERE. There may or may not be bonus!Efron, too.
first off, the Kris Allen Band
KRALE
aka the original bromance (minus all the many, many ones that came before with his non-famous friends that I'm trying and failing to be non-creepy about. But there are COUNTLESS photos involving snuggling in bed, sharing milkshakes, and Kris being hoisted in the air by a room-full of men. IT IS PRETTY UNBELIEVABLE). also, where my heart lives outside of Kradam...and sometimes Krandrew. :D; Cale Mills is Kris's bestie from pre-Idol and is the guitarist/back up vocalist/keyboardist in his band.
What's a little leg-humping between friends?
Cale makes his feelings for Kris pretty clear.
They love to croon close together with Kris's arm slung intimately over Cale's neck and shoulder.
It's a thing.
DID I MENTION I LOVE THESE TWO?
I'm just going to leave this here. *HEAD EXPLODES*
KRANDREW
(Andrew DeRoberts is the other guitarist in the band and is equally hot/ADORABLE with Kris.)
I love how Kris presents his boyfriends.
and just stares at them, with that *look* in his eyes.
Obviously, the appreciation goes both ways
Context: Kris says he "feels like he's at a wedding right now." AND THEN THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND HOLD HANDS IT IS GLORIOUS.
I LOVE THAT SHIRT. srsly, Kris's seduction technique is totally wearing the pro-gay shirt (the company supports gay rights :')) and some cute accessory and then just BEAMING and being the happiest boy EVER. It works wonders.
KRANALE?
In the great Krale v Krandrew debate, I usually end up firmly on team OT3. :D
KRISISALLENBAND
...or, hell, KRIS/HIS ENTIRE BAND. :DDD (This is a small sample of what I mentioned earlier about the hoisting Kris up in the air thing. He's tiny and irresistable and was TOTALLY MADE FOR IT.)
Moving onto AI, now.
KRATT
Before there was the epicness that is Kradam, there was Kratt. Matt Giraud was another contestant on season 8, a top 10 finalist (and thus on the AI tour last year), and used to be roomies with Kris on the show before he was scorned in favor of Adam or something, IDK. But really, there is love in Kris's heart for ALL.
MATT (about Kris): He's so dreamy. He can't be that dreamy without some concealer.
The amazing thing about Kris is that even though he is NEVER eye-level with ANYONE, ever, and should be looking up, if anything, he is ALWAYS looking down at pecs, crotch, ass, what have you. SRSLY, AMAZING.
god, the LEAN. Poor Matt. Looks like bb Kris exhausted him. Just another night at the Idol house.
the CLUTCHING
the SNUGGLING
the HUGGING
goddamn, the hugging. A LITTLE EXCITED, ARE WE KRISTOPHER?
KRANOOP
(Anoop Desai is another AI8/top 10 finalist)
KRIS: I am the #1 Desai'ple.
ANOOP: And of course I'm a devout Kristian.
I'm going to cheat and use this which was stolen via tumblr (made by oatmeal_cookie!), because it is BEAUTIFUL. Best of Kranoop right there, n'aww.
KRADAM
(ok, Kradam is WAY TOO EPIC to be contained in this already overflowing post, and primers and assorted fabulousness exist everywhere, and I'll probably have to add my own pathetic one to the bunch later, but for now, A BRIEF SNAPSHOT.)
*MAKES NOISES ONLY DOLPHINS CAN HEAR*
THIS DEFIES EVERYTHING.
In a long beautiful history that includes kisses, death grip hugs, topping mentions, PEEN mentions, cock rings, mutually admitted crushes, AND MORE, this is still the gayest thing EVER to me (and that is saying A LOT):
MAMA ALLEN: Kristopher painted one fingernail -- or, I think actually Adam painted it for him, I can't physically imagine Kristopher painting his own nails -- he did have one fingernail painted, and Adam had one fingernail unpainted. So it was a little of Kristopher with Adam and a little of Adam came to Arkansas with Kristopher.
excuse me while I KEYBOARD SMASH AND PICK MYSELF UP FROM OFF THE FLOOR
moving on! S8 contestants were not the only ones affected...
KRAVID
(David Cook is the S7 winner and another awesome lovematch for Kris, when he's not busy being shipped with David Archuleta, of course. <3)
Pretty much David makes Kris giggle like a little girl. (to be fair, most things do.)
WHAT IS BETTER THAN A KRIS HUG
He just gets so into it. *_____*
KRASTRO
(Jason Castro is another S7 contestant. I AM A FOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE, I KNOW.)
JASON (to Kris): album art is AWESOME! you look hot man. haha
ok, including this, because it's too awesome and ridiculous not to. titled stoner boyfriends gay faces. I think that says it all.
KRIS+DAUGHTRY??
(I can't give Daughtry a Kr- name, sorry. Chris Daughtry's from S5.)
DAUGHTRY: I think Kris Allen is the SHIZNIT-O-BAM!!! (christ, I'm embarrassed just typing that out, but Kris excites people, I get it.)
KREE?
(Lee DeWyze is the S9 winner)
Context: Kris presents Lee with the new car he's won. Proceeds to check out his ass. Pretty self-explanatory, actually.
and then there are the journalist blogger dudes who cover AI...
KREZAK
(Michael Slezak from Entertainment Weekly)
SLEZAK: I never forget Kris Allen...that sounded all kinds of dirty.
You really have to watch all the vids to get an idea of the extent of the hardcore crushing both interviewers do on Kris, but basically Slezak and Jim (below) are in this neverending knock-down, drag-out fight over Kris's affections which plays out over their vids and via twitter (e.g. who Kris hugs first and hardest, I AM NOT JOKING.)
He looks SMITTEN. Not uncommon when you're next to Kris, for sure.
KRIM
(Jim Cantiello from MTV)
JIM: Sorry to harp on this Kris Allen stuff, but I'm kind of obsessed with him.
See what I mean by the smitten thing?
JIM: Nothing kills the heat of passion like your wife taking off your shirt to reveal a homemade sharpie tattoo that reads "Krim." HAHAHA! TMI?
...need I say more? :O
oh wait, YES I DO
JIM: You do strange things to straight men, Kris Allen.
So there's Kris's fellow AI8 contestants, then the ones from other seasons, then the guys who interview people on AI, and THEN there are the famous dudes that Kris got paired off with during the course of the season -- NO ONE IS IMMUNE.
KRAMIE (KROXX?)
(Jamie Foxx was a mentor during the Rat Pack theme week.)
JAMIE: Kris really sort of swooned me. Ya know, I'm a macho man, but he was singing and I was like, oh my goodness.
KREITH
(Kris was paired with Keith Urban during the final 2, post-performance duets. Keith liked him so much, he had Kris open for him during several tour dates over the summer, and there were duet shenanigans then, too.)
BE MORE OBVIOUS, KRIS, I DARE YOU.
KRIS [singing]: I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
remember how you drove me crazy?
KEITH: I do.
MOAR RANDOM PAIRINGS, MOAR
KRAT
(Mat Kearney's a musician who teamed up with Kris on his post-Idol album)
dishing about their man crush ♥
Mat on whether he was aware of Kris before their collaboration: I knew that he was the cute guy who was really nice.
Mat on meeting Kris: He's a totally cool guy, totally enjoyed being with him. I have nothing to say about it other than he was great.
Mat on Kris's wooing technique: He bought an amazing trout for everyone. We ate trout! Keeping it Southern.
[*TRIES TO DECIPHER THIS TROUT CODE*]
KRASTON
(Justin Gaston is from, um, If I Can Dream? Whatever that is. Some MTV-related thing, I think, that Kris was a guest on. may be web-only, I'm not sure. He's also Miley Cyrus's ex. THAT'S ALL I GOT.)
It's been ~firmly established by now that Kris has a type -- that being tall brunets with emo hair and musical ability, although I do believe hotness will override the latter, as is the case with Justin, who he apparently spent most of the time flirting with. :x
They took turns serenading each other
and had a dance off. DAL;KJDFL;KFJ WHAT EVEN IS THIS
other tidbits: apparently, Justin asked Kris to stay in the house. also drove him home. ALSO Justin did some leaning thing and Kris stared and then fanned himself? IDK IDK
oh, here's Kris being gay with totally random dudes
just, you know, checking them out...
feeling them up...
hands all mutually clutching like crazy...
and pretty much just cutting his straight off at the knees, hobbling that motherfucker for LIFE :x
and for fun and comparison's sake, Kris being straight with women!
ok ok, I kid. I actually think she's super cute (this pic is supremely unflattering) and that they make a good couple, but this pic is too hilarious not to use. SPOT THE SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING
OH, KRISTOPHER. :')
HOW ARE YOU SO PRESH
YOU HONESTLY CANNOT BE REAL (OR STRAIGHT)
AND BONUS KREFRON (I had to for a certain SOMEONE.)
Much like the utter mystery that is Jensen/Zac Efron, I find these two much better suited as besties than anything. Sharing the same closet, looking for their man, living the dream~
credit: pics amassed from ohnotheydidnt, ontd_ai, google images, and tumblr. If you recognize pics that should be more appropriately credited, my bad, just let me know.
disclaimer: according to Adam, Kris is 100% straight.
ok, fuck, back to hiatus/SPN FIC I'VE BEEN NEGLECTING. Kris Allen is just a DISTRACTING LIFE-RUINER, THAT IS ALL.
eta: LOL, I love how everyone's responding to the LONE Jensen mention at the top. Why you gotta hurt me like that, flist? although yeah, those photos WERE PRETTY ENTICING, I did kind of notice. :p and like Kris Allen, there is room in my heart for everyone!, well, two.