His Heart ♥ (Chapter 28)
Title: His Heart ♥
Cast: Yoosu, YunJaeMin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Comedy
Quotes:
"When have you ever seen a happily-ever-after between two individuals who don’t even breathe the same air? Hell! I don’t even breathe! I’m dead!"
♥
"Who has your heart?"
"I do."
A/N: I'm deeply, deeply sorry about the long, long wait! Thank you to everyone who continued to send me messages to encourage me (you know who you lovelies are). Here's the end of it and I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed (and cliche). I have another project coming up and I knew that if I didn't finish this now, I don't know when I'll be able to.
If you guys are still reading after so long, then please accept my apologies! Thank you so much! Hope everyone is healthy and doing great! Keep smiling, keep laughing! Take care! ^___^
♥♥
Junsu stopped walking when he saw the couple standing in front of him. They were in the middle of a sidewalk with faceless people passing. The couple walked closer to him and soon they were face to face.
"Hi, how have you been? We haven't seen you in two weeks."
Junsu looked down at their connected hands before raising his head back up to look at their sincere smiles. He replied, "I've been doing well. I've been busy these two weeks because I'm shadowing my parents."
"Training yourself to inherit the family business?"
"Maybe not," Junsu shrugged. "I don't think I'm cut out to do business like them, but I'm working on a proposal to start a non-profit organization, sort of a branch for the company. I think it's what I want to do the most."
"That's very sweet of you," Jaejoong smiled and Junsu realized how much he missed it.
The truth was, he avoided six specific people these past two weeks because they reminded him too much of Yoochun. But then, everything reminded him of Yoochun.
It wasn't as if he could go to any of them and tell them, 'I miss Yoochun.' They wouldn't be able to see the reason for Junsu's tears.
"How have you guys been?" Junsu inquired, taking another quick glance at their connected hands.
"Good," Jaejoong answered.
"Really good," Changmin corrected.
"Does...Yunho know?" Junsu had to ask.
"Yes, and he congratulated us," Jaejoong smiled lovingly at Changmin, his hand tightening the hold on the taller man's hand.
"Really? That's good," Junsu smiled because he was happy for them.
"Thank you," Changmin placed an appreciating hand on Junsu's shoulder.
"I didn't do anything," Junsu blinked.
"You pushed us to the edge and we ended up confessing to each other," Jaejoong grinned. "You're our matchmaker."
Junsu wanted to laugh at the irony. Funny, he was supposed to be Jaejoong and Yunho's matchmaker. But what good is a matchmaker with a broken heart?
Or could a broken heart be the best teacher of love?
"Where are you heading? Want to join us for a meal? My treat," Changmin invited.
"That's okay. I actually need to meet my parents for lunch," Junsu lied. "You two enjoy."
"Okay, but let us treat you another time," Jaejoong pleaded. Junsu saw the sincere appreciation in his eyes. Junsu wondered if it was really his unexpected plans to force these two to talk, to release their feelings in words that had brought them together.
Junsu wanted to ask the Heavens, 'why can't I be happy like them?' There was still that selfishness in him that wanted to be happy.
"Okay, how about tomorrow?" Junsu suggested. It's about time he started to get his life back on track and face the pain.
"Great! Tomorrow then!" Jaejoong looked so happy and because he looked so happy, Changmin looked even happier.
"You pick the restaurant," Changmin offered.
"'Timeless'."
"Okay, how about for dinner at seven then?"
"Okay, see you guys tomorrow at seven."
“See you tomorrow, Junsu.”
They bid their farewells and went separate way. Instead of going to meet up with his parents like he had said, Junsu continued to wander the streets. He just...wandered, because there wasn't anything else he wanted to do.
What can you really do when you're like this? The most delicious food was tasteless. The happiest smile wasn't contagious. The most genuine laughter didn't sound like music. Even seeing other people in love left a bitter taste in the heart.
How much longer before these days fade? How much longer before he can forget?
Junsu certainly wasn't allowed to ask, 'How much longer before I can be with Yoochun again?'
It was impossible to be with Yoochun. It was impossible to forget that he loves Yoochun. Junsu had to pick between two 'impossibles' and he could only pick to ask 'How much longer before I can forget?' Perhaps on the day he dies.
Will he be able to meet Yoochun again? In another lifetime, perhaps? If they're meant for each other, they'll be together in their next life, wouldn't they? Wouldn't they?
Junsu found an isolated bench in the park and decided to settle there. His shoulders slumped and his breath came out as a sigh. No one else was around so Junsu raised his head to look up at the sky, just like Yoochun always did when he sat on the balcony.
"Yoochun-ah," Junsu murmured softly. "How are you? I'm doing well. I've been working really hard to learn business stuff from my parents. I'm trying to make them proud. I made them a meal last night and this time, it turned out decent."
Junsu paused for a moment. He decided not to 'tell Yoochun' that he didn't cook ddok bok ki because it reminded him too much of lost love.
"They're doing well. They're happy and seeing them happy makes me happy too. They went to dinner with your family two days ago. I...I was supposed to go too, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I'm sorry," Junsu heard his own voice crack so he stopped talking.
Junsu blinked fiercely so that the tears would stop forming. He'd promised himself (and Yoochun) that he wouldn't cry. Not anymore. Not after the first three days without Yoochun.
"I'm sorry, Yoochun, I'm sorry," Junsu sobbed as the tears finally fell. "I'm so stupid. I can't believe this. We were together for less than six months. How could I have fallen so deep? It's ridiculous. I expected it to be temporary, maybe I just thought I was in love with you because it would be fun, interesting. I wanted to be like those characters in movies. But it's still here, Yoochun. It's still here...but you're not."
He buried his tear-stained face in his hands, wishing he could touch Yoochun's hands, just...be able to touch his hands.
"Easy come, easy go. It was supposed to be easy come, easy go. It hit me quick and hard and it was supposed to leave just as fast. Is it the connection we had that allowed me to see you? Does having your heart give me the connection, to make me love you this much? I don't know. I can't understand. I can't."
He had Yoochun's heart, figuratively and literally. Other people just had their other half's heart, figuratively, but Junsu had both. And that was why he was miserable. The irony of this made him laugh, bitterly.
When the tears ended and the only signs of the crying session were Junsu's red eyes, he was able to stand up again. He stood back up on his feet and started to walk (to move on).
Junsu would move on...just until he took another break and stopped to remember...and then he would stand up to move on again.
Junsu stood on the sidewalk and waited for the light to turn red. His head was raised and he smiled politely at any passerby who smiled at him. He didn't look up at the sky though; afraid he'd think of...
The silver SUV stopped in front of him, along with several other cars (because the street light was now red). The symbol of a walking figure flashed on the other end of the street, telling Junsu to walk. It was saying, 'Walk, Junsu, keep walking.'
But Junsu didn't walk, didn't cross the streets with all of the other pedestrians. He saw the person in the silver SUV, calling to him. So he walked to the silver SUV.
The window rolled down and the driver invited, "Junsu, climb in."
"Hi, Yunho," Junsu smiled politely as he got into the car. He fastened his seatbelt before turning to look at Yunho. The older man looked normal, as handsome as the first time Junsu met him at the hospital.
"Haven't seen you in weeks," Yunho pointed out as he started to drive (the light was green again and the chance for pedestrians to cross the streets was over).
"Yeah, I've been busy. How are you doing?"
"Good, I just came back from the pharmacy," Yunho replied, eyes on the road. "Jaejoong called in for a refill for me and I had to go pick it up."
"How much longer do you need to take that medication?"
"I don't know," he shrugged casually as he turned the wheel. "It's a heredity disease. I don't...I can't control it. I don't like not being able to control my life. It feels good to be in control, because you get to decide, to make decisions."
Junsu watched the wheel in Yunho's hands, the way he drove with ease, in complete control of the vehicle. Something bothered Junsu, but he couldn't figure out what.
"Yunho, how are you doing?" Junsu heard himself ask again.
"What do you want to hear? That I'm really hurting? That I wish Jaejoong loved me instead of Changmin?" Yunho spoke in a soft, casual voice, as if he was talking about a movie (not reality).
"Yunho, I'm sorry..." Junsu murmured, his head lowering.
"You should be. You were the one who brought Jaejoong and Changmin together."
Junsu raised his head in shock, staring at Yunho and wondering if those words had really come out of the other man's mouth. Yunho still had his eyes on the road, looking ever so casual and calm.
"Yunho..."
"What should I be feeling, Junsu? Hurt? I've lost the one I love. Should I be feeling hurt? It hurt when I found out that Jaejoong loves Changmin, but it hurt even more when I found out that Jaejoong had finally confessed and was happily together with Changmin."
"I'm sorry..."
"It hurt so much. Do you wonder if I considered killing myself?" Yunho murmured in that same, casual tone. Junsu glanced at the small bag with the Pharmacy logo on it, sitting under the armrest between them with the receipt still attached to it. Then his eyes suddenly caught sight of an orange bottle in the backseat, filled with pills. The name of the medicine on the receipt (dated today) was the same as the name of the medicine on the orange bottle...the filled orange bottle.
Was Yunho not taking the medicine?
Yunho's voice drew Junsu's attention away from the medication. "Wouldn't it be nice? To just kill yourself to avoid the pain? Is it worth it, to kill yourself for love?"
"No, Yunho, no," Junsu immediately answered, too concerned about Yunho's words to continue wondering about the bottle of medication.
"No? Would you, Junsu? Would you kill yourself for love?"
Junsu knew he'd thought about it (too often). He knew he'd be a hypocrite if he denied Yunho the same thought.
But a thought and an action are two completely different things.
"No..." Junsu replied in a weak voice.
"Don't be a hypocrite, Junsu."
Chapter 29 // “You found out the donor's name and his name is Park Yoochun.”