Life and everything else.
Hey everyone. I was in the mood to type a normal entry for some reason. If any of you out there still keep up with me then this may be a treat. For those of you who do you are probably shocked that I didn't post the usually necessary I hate my birthday and I miss my grandfather entry. Well I didn't want to beat a dead horse. It's strange I suppose. The closer I got to my birthday the more unstable I was becoming. For the first time since he passed away eleven years ago I was actually angry at him. What kind of fool would be angry at the dead? My reason was that everything in my house hold and my mothers side of the family seemed like it was falling apart and I selfishly felt his death was responsible. I actually wanted to go cut myself on his grave but I got snowed in on my birthday. Has anyone else ever felt that way though? I love my grandfather but I felt that way. Anyway on my birthday it was just a boring and kind of depressing day but my anger and sorrow subsided. Maybe because of the snow. Maybe because I had an entire weekend to steer clear of anyone I could have yelled at for various reasons. In any event I'm surprised that I could think such thoughts after so long. I guess it's human nature.
Speaking of human nature is it natural for people in a group that should have a common goal and interest to stab each other in a back? I joined my theatre group to not only become a better actor but to become a better person. Up until that point I was very sheltered and thought I could be myself in a large group of other individuals. Lately I've only been hiding my true self with perversion and an empty smile. I don't think I am alone in feeling this way. Every semester has it's off stage drama and I try not to get involved but either somethings in the air this semester or everyone has gone insane. Wanting for yourself is fine as long as it improves your being and can potentially be good for those around you but I think everyone is on their own wavelengths of want, desire, lust and overall cruelty. This week has probably been the strangest rollercoaster ride I've experienced in the club. I won't go into details but we all either have to let go of certain things otherwise deep shit is going to happen. I'm afraid and curious to see what the next week brings.
As for work, I HATE IT A LITTLE MORE EACH DAY! Nuff said!
School itself is going well though I need to get a little more focused. I am more than likely graduating with my 2yr degree in may if nothing else gets in my way. I'm not sure if I want to stay at farmingdale even though I have the option of getting a 4yr degree by next may. I have the familiarity of the past four years there but I also think a new place would do good for my spirit. I might stick with my original game plan of transfering to Old Westbury in the fall and still be involved with theatre at farmingdale. After I get my four year degree I think I will completely focus on being a teacher though I don't want to be in school any longer.
I guess that's all I have to say. I hope everyone out there is doing well. Later!
Speaking of human nature is it natural for people in a group that should have a common goal and interest to stab each other in a back? I joined my theatre group to not only become a better actor but to become a better person. Up until that point I was very sheltered and thought I could be myself in a large group of other individuals. Lately I've only been hiding my true self with perversion and an empty smile. I don't think I am alone in feeling this way. Every semester has it's off stage drama and I try not to get involved but either somethings in the air this semester or everyone has gone insane. Wanting for yourself is fine as long as it improves your being and can potentially be good for those around you but I think everyone is on their own wavelengths of want, desire, lust and overall cruelty. This week has probably been the strangest rollercoaster ride I've experienced in the club. I won't go into details but we all either have to let go of certain things otherwise deep shit is going to happen. I'm afraid and curious to see what the next week brings.
As for work, I HATE IT A LITTLE MORE EACH DAY! Nuff said!
School itself is going well though I need to get a little more focused. I am more than likely graduating with my 2yr degree in may if nothing else gets in my way. I'm not sure if I want to stay at farmingdale even though I have the option of getting a 4yr degree by next may. I have the familiarity of the past four years there but I also think a new place would do good for my spirit. I might stick with my original game plan of transfering to Old Westbury in the fall and still be involved with theatre at farmingdale. After I get my four year degree I think I will completely focus on being a teacher though I don't want to be in school any longer.
I guess that's all I have to say. I hope everyone out there is doing well. Later!