(no subject)
I've been thinking about things.
I don't feel comfortable online anymore. My father warned my sister and I about the dangers you can encounter on the internet, and when i was young i didn't take him seriously. At my father's urging i used an assumed last name, and thought that he was over protective until people started telling me they had tried my name on Google and Yellow Pages-type websites, asking me if i was any of the people that the search engines found. I told myself i would never share photos, but changed my mind when i felt i could trust people. They promised not to share them, and later i found out that new friends had based their interest in me on pictures that other friends had promised not to share. I was vauge about the city i lived in, except for in two cases with close friends. The first one looked up the city's website and began calculating round trip tickets. The second, within minutes, told me that he was looking at satalite images of the city, wondering where i was.
Now i'm being told that i need to prove who i am by calling people. i'm sorry if this offends people, but i'm not willing to give up another level of privacy. I realize that i am judging others, but in this case i would rather be wrong and be a bitch than be right about this and suffer the proof.
Some of you know me, if you're willing to admit it or not. Knowing what you know, i hope you will be understanding when i say that given the current atmoshphere, i need to withdraw. I've never been comfortable with strangers, and it's hard for me to make friends. I have used the internet as a subsitute for social interaction for years now, and for the most part i have felt safe. But i think that current events prove that no matter how close you think you are on the net, it does not match the closeness of offline life. I'll probably never get married or have a family, but i have a nephew that gets bigger every time i see him, and sometimes i worry that he won't recognize me. I had ambitions once, and put them aside, content to find something similar to happiness in the embrace of the net. I never really made it to the beach last year, and this summer has begun and i don't know if i even have friends to go to the beach with now.
i need to go.
i need to unplug and get some fresh air.
As unsure as i feel about everything, i do hope that i still have some friends here. I'm going to miss you a lot. i don't know if i'll be back. Life might sweep me away. I might become a crazy cat lady in ten years, or even get a boyfriend and get married. I might completely fail in my attempt to get outside and get a tan, and end up back online, crawling back for attention in a couple weeks. But for now i need to go.
Thank you, everyone who was my friend. You were the ground beneath my feet for years, and while i need to go now to walk on natural ground, i won't forget what has held me up in some of my darkest times.
Again, thank you. It pains me to leave, but i realize that i cannot exist as a ghost any longer, and if i am going to surface somewhere it needs to be in the real world, to deal with the people that i have been avoiding and loving for the past few years.
Take care,
Mia.
I don't feel comfortable online anymore. My father warned my sister and I about the dangers you can encounter on the internet, and when i was young i didn't take him seriously. At my father's urging i used an assumed last name, and thought that he was over protective until people started telling me they had tried my name on Google and Yellow Pages-type websites, asking me if i was any of the people that the search engines found. I told myself i would never share photos, but changed my mind when i felt i could trust people. They promised not to share them, and later i found out that new friends had based their interest in me on pictures that other friends had promised not to share. I was vauge about the city i lived in, except for in two cases with close friends. The first one looked up the city's website and began calculating round trip tickets. The second, within minutes, told me that he was looking at satalite images of the city, wondering where i was.
Now i'm being told that i need to prove who i am by calling people. i'm sorry if this offends people, but i'm not willing to give up another level of privacy. I realize that i am judging others, but in this case i would rather be wrong and be a bitch than be right about this and suffer the proof.
Some of you know me, if you're willing to admit it or not. Knowing what you know, i hope you will be understanding when i say that given the current atmoshphere, i need to withdraw. I've never been comfortable with strangers, and it's hard for me to make friends. I have used the internet as a subsitute for social interaction for years now, and for the most part i have felt safe. But i think that current events prove that no matter how close you think you are on the net, it does not match the closeness of offline life. I'll probably never get married or have a family, but i have a nephew that gets bigger every time i see him, and sometimes i worry that he won't recognize me. I had ambitions once, and put them aside, content to find something similar to happiness in the embrace of the net. I never really made it to the beach last year, and this summer has begun and i don't know if i even have friends to go to the beach with now.
i need to go.
i need to unplug and get some fresh air.
As unsure as i feel about everything, i do hope that i still have some friends here. I'm going to miss you a lot. i don't know if i'll be back. Life might sweep me away. I might become a crazy cat lady in ten years, or even get a boyfriend and get married. I might completely fail in my attempt to get outside and get a tan, and end up back online, crawling back for attention in a couple weeks. But for now i need to go.
Thank you, everyone who was my friend. You were the ground beneath my feet for years, and while i need to go now to walk on natural ground, i won't forget what has held me up in some of my darkest times.
Again, thank you. It pains me to leave, but i realize that i cannot exist as a ghost any longer, and if i am going to surface somewhere it needs to be in the real world, to deal with the people that i have been avoiding and loving for the past few years.
Take care,
Mia.