(no subject)
was it last night or this morning? something is telling me that it was this morning that i decided that i do not care about my job. at all. there used to be a tiny shred of caring in me, caring for the customer getting their house and making a new start... at least, that's what i'd hope. caring to do a good job and garner praise and recognition for my efforts.
but i had the thought this morning that i do not care at all and as i sat down at my desk today, readying for what is probably going to be a busy day, i DO NOT CARE. the urgency that is shoved down my throat at every turn is failing to make an impact on me. there are new files to check, conditions to get out, faxes to approve, files to turn in, paperwork to follow up on, wires to send.
but i don't care.
i have been toying with the idea of giving my two weeks notice today, even though i have no real prospects. i mean, each time i call a temp agency i am signed up for more interviews than i can shake a stick at. i just turn them all down- the interviews. they're all out in the suburbs. i HATE the suburbs. suburbs here, suburbs there- i despise them and everything they stand for. i did not make an offer on the dream house last week because it would mean a serious commitment to this job in the suburbs that i despise and do not care about. it would mean we couldn't return to seattle where jobs are conveniently located in downtown, a short bus ride from most artsy neighborhoods. something i cluelessly took for granted while there.
getting a job here in the city proper is like applying for yale. you need connections and pedigree. things i don't have. sure i have experience but what good is that? none apparently. i'm sick of it. i want out. i want to care again- at least a tiny bit. no more jerk-asses holding meetings to yell at us about how work should be our lives (literally) and how if we don't like 50-60 hour work weeks and being brow-beaten at every turn then we're welcome to leave, cos WE CHOOSE TO BE HERE.
no actually, i choose to collect a paycheck. work is a means to an end- not the end, my friends.
but i had the thought this morning that i do not care at all and as i sat down at my desk today, readying for what is probably going to be a busy day, i DO NOT CARE. the urgency that is shoved down my throat at every turn is failing to make an impact on me. there are new files to check, conditions to get out, faxes to approve, files to turn in, paperwork to follow up on, wires to send.
but i don't care.
i have been toying with the idea of giving my two weeks notice today, even though i have no real prospects. i mean, each time i call a temp agency i am signed up for more interviews than i can shake a stick at. i just turn them all down- the interviews. they're all out in the suburbs. i HATE the suburbs. suburbs here, suburbs there- i despise them and everything they stand for. i did not make an offer on the dream house last week because it would mean a serious commitment to this job in the suburbs that i despise and do not care about. it would mean we couldn't return to seattle where jobs are conveniently located in downtown, a short bus ride from most artsy neighborhoods. something i cluelessly took for granted while there.
getting a job here in the city proper is like applying for yale. you need connections and pedigree. things i don't have. sure i have experience but what good is that? none apparently. i'm sick of it. i want out. i want to care again- at least a tiny bit. no more jerk-asses holding meetings to yell at us about how work should be our lives (literally) and how if we don't like 50-60 hour work weeks and being brow-beaten at every turn then we're welcome to leave, cos WE CHOOSE TO BE HERE.
no actually, i choose to collect a paycheck. work is a means to an end- not the end, my friends.