(no subject)
This weekend was chaotic to say the least.
Let me just start this out by saying i am very glad i don't have any drama in my life. I am about as uninteresting as possible. I don't have many friends and frankly i don't want many either. I'd much rather have quality over quantity. This weekend has definately proven to be very scary/dramatic/interesting/trecherous/etc.
I wish i had the ability to break rules but i cant. My sister is the master at doing it with such ease. She can ditch a class and not have a worry at all. I on the other hand, can't do it withouht worrying the whole time (which is why i havn't ditched). I am a very high strung person most of the time. I don't deal well with stress, it freaks the fuck out of me. I feel weak for it but at the same time im glad i dodge incidences where i will be forced with such situtions that might infact cause me turmoil, thus inducing stress inside my fragile mind. (that last sentence didnt make sense in the least). I guess one could commend me for being perceptive ansd trying to steer clear of situations like that, but i see it as personal weakness being a teenager with extremely low self assurance. Somewhere in this post i was going to get to a point but unfortunately that point has ran out the door (in other words, completely slipped my mind) so ill have to apologize for this randomm ramble or nonsensicle nothing.
I have huge trust issues with people. I can see through people pretty easily too, which makles it hard for me to find frinds with substance. All my closest friends i have known forever. Take Jen for instance, We have been friends since 3rd grade, and theres linzi too...we have been friends since 5th. Why cant there be more of them? I'm sure the answer to that is pretty blunt, that its ME, not the rest of the world. I just wish i knew why i cant find anyone else. I only have like 4 really good friends in all honesty and i need more (which contradticts what i previously said about 'quality over quantity', but hey let me be contradicting for once). I find it funny how im trying to say so much as once that its all coming out completely butchered and scrambled but im finding it hard to write with the slightest bit of normalcy at the moment.
I miss Dan a lot, damn.
Let me just start this out by saying i am very glad i don't have any drama in my life. I am about as uninteresting as possible. I don't have many friends and frankly i don't want many either. I'd much rather have quality over quantity. This weekend has definately proven to be very scary/dramatic/interesting/trecherous/etc.
I wish i had the ability to break rules but i cant. My sister is the master at doing it with such ease. She can ditch a class and not have a worry at all. I on the other hand, can't do it withouht worrying the whole time (which is why i havn't ditched). I am a very high strung person most of the time. I don't deal well with stress, it freaks the fuck out of me. I feel weak for it but at the same time im glad i dodge incidences where i will be forced with such situtions that might infact cause me turmoil, thus inducing stress inside my fragile mind. (that last sentence didnt make sense in the least). I guess one could commend me for being perceptive ansd trying to steer clear of situations like that, but i see it as personal weakness being a teenager with extremely low self assurance. Somewhere in this post i was going to get to a point but unfortunately that point has ran out the door (in other words, completely slipped my mind) so ill have to apologize for this randomm ramble or nonsensicle nothing.
I have huge trust issues with people. I can see through people pretty easily too, which makles it hard for me to find frinds with substance. All my closest friends i have known forever. Take Jen for instance, We have been friends since 3rd grade, and theres linzi too...we have been friends since 5th. Why cant there be more of them? I'm sure the answer to that is pretty blunt, that its ME, not the rest of the world. I just wish i knew why i cant find anyone else. I only have like 4 really good friends in all honesty and i need more (which contradticts what i previously said about 'quality over quantity', but hey let me be contradicting for once). I find it funny how im trying to say so much as once that its all coming out completely butchered and scrambled but im finding it hard to write with the slightest bit of normalcy at the moment.
I miss Dan a lot, damn.