(no subject)
Last night i got to talk on the phone with Daniel. It was the first tme i had talked to him in months and he even said my voice had changed (which can give you an idea of how long its been since we've talked).
He sounds so good. Hes really grown as a person, mentally and physcially. He has had to endure countless hikes randging from 5 to 9 miles a day. He has built fire by himself. But most importantly, he has learned his faults. He has learned how to better improve his behavior, and he has gained a lot of confidence.
He said to me "I know you are going through a hard time right now and im really sorry i can't be there for you."
When he said that i felt lke crying. I almost did too but i didn't want to frighten him or show him how pathetic i was. I guess in a way i didnt want to show him my weakness. I wish i could see him now, i know i will see him on the 18th but it is way too long. Theres the saying you never know how much you love someone until you loose them, and i have found that to be harshly true.
Ok this really makes me sound like i am attracted to my brother, sorry about that.
Yesterday i told lexie (my sister) about how i was playing this typing program. She was like "O cool! how do you get to it?" and i didnt know how to explain it because its sort of complicating...so i was like "i dunno exactly sorry"
SO the next day (today) we were in the computer lab and im all "O lex! ill show you how to get to the typing program" and then she replies out loud "O maria, your such a dork!!" I dont care that she called me a dork but i know she only said it to look cool. The truth is SHE wanted to know where it was and i was just trying to help her so she could play it and what did i get in return? her fucking me over and calling me a dork so she can get self gratification. fuck that. I know shell most likely read this and i didnt mean it to be bitchy it just hurt me and i neede to get it off my chest. I needed to make a point hat i hate when people do things like that. I apologize lexie making it sounds like i am mad at you in this post but i really didnt mean to direct it towards you..it was just a perfect example though.
I have so much more to say but i got side tracked and forgot it all..i guess theres alway tomorrow
He sounds so good. Hes really grown as a person, mentally and physcially. He has had to endure countless hikes randging from 5 to 9 miles a day. He has built fire by himself. But most importantly, he has learned his faults. He has learned how to better improve his behavior, and he has gained a lot of confidence.
He said to me "I know you are going through a hard time right now and im really sorry i can't be there for you."
When he said that i felt lke crying. I almost did too but i didn't want to frighten him or show him how pathetic i was. I guess in a way i didnt want to show him my weakness. I wish i could see him now, i know i will see him on the 18th but it is way too long. Theres the saying you never know how much you love someone until you loose them, and i have found that to be harshly true.
Ok this really makes me sound like i am attracted to my brother, sorry about that.
Yesterday i told lexie (my sister) about how i was playing this typing program. She was like "O cool! how do you get to it?" and i didnt know how to explain it because its sort of complicating...so i was like "i dunno exactly sorry"
SO the next day (today) we were in the computer lab and im all "O lex! ill show you how to get to the typing program" and then she replies out loud "O maria, your such a dork!!" I dont care that she called me a dork but i know she only said it to look cool. The truth is SHE wanted to know where it was and i was just trying to help her so she could play it and what did i get in return? her fucking me over and calling me a dork so she can get self gratification. fuck that. I know shell most likely read this and i didnt mean it to be bitchy it just hurt me and i neede to get it off my chest. I needed to make a point hat i hate when people do things like that. I apologize lexie making it sounds like i am mad at you in this post but i really didnt mean to direct it towards you..it was just a perfect example though.
I have so much more to say but i got side tracked and forgot it all..i guess theres alway tomorrow