(no subject)
Life is just temporary. I have to remember this. If I didn't have this assuring fact, I don't know where I would be at the moment. I really miss my brother, and I really miss my mama. I also miss my best friend.
I am constantly reminded of my brother everywhere I turn. I would probably be able to deal with it if I knew that there was some possibility of repairing our relationship. He has turned away from his whole family and every single one of the friends he has ever had. It is just unfathomable to me that someone especially my brother could do that. I miss him more than I could ever have imagined possible. Everytime I think about him it is like my heart is being ripped out over and over again.
I also miss my mama even though I talk to her almost every day. I haven't seen her since Christmas and every time I do see her I have to explain to my dad why I am not with him. It is like a double existence. Seeing or talking to my dad is a reminder of everything he has put us through and I never realized it but I blame him for my relationship with my brother. If he wasn't such a butthole and a terrible person, mama and I wouldn't have had to leave on such short notice and had to live with nathan. I don't like explaining to my dad why I don't want him to come see me or why i don't want to spend spring break with him. He acts as if nothing is wrong but why can't he see how much it hurts me every time I have to explain my reasons for why I hate him or even just why I want to see my mother.
I do miss my best friend. I hate it when we fight. I don't understand the need she feels to hang up on me anytime I say anything that she could even slightly take a negative way. I stand up for myself and she gets offended. I have told her many many times not to hang up on me but she doesn't seem to get it. In the adult world, you can't just walk away when you have a disagreement. If someone has a problem with something, you address it instead of ignoring the other person. I thought I left high school almost a year ago. I was and still am tired of the childish behavior that was exhibited there. I expect someone to talk to me when I offend or disagree with them. Hanging up or walking away is not a way to deal with a problem and the issue still remains and has to be dealt with at some point. Usually, it makes it worse. I will not tolerate someone hanging up on me just as I will not tolerate someone slamming a door in my face. My experience with my brother has showed me a million times over what hanging up will do, and I am tired of dealing with it. I can't stand not talking to the people who mean so much to me. I am tired of life period. Maybe I should use the way that everyone I know seems to be so fond of....
I am constantly reminded of my brother everywhere I turn. I would probably be able to deal with it if I knew that there was some possibility of repairing our relationship. He has turned away from his whole family and every single one of the friends he has ever had. It is just unfathomable to me that someone especially my brother could do that. I miss him more than I could ever have imagined possible. Everytime I think about him it is like my heart is being ripped out over and over again.
I also miss my mama even though I talk to her almost every day. I haven't seen her since Christmas and every time I do see her I have to explain to my dad why I am not with him. It is like a double existence. Seeing or talking to my dad is a reminder of everything he has put us through and I never realized it but I blame him for my relationship with my brother. If he wasn't such a butthole and a terrible person, mama and I wouldn't have had to leave on such short notice and had to live with nathan. I don't like explaining to my dad why I don't want him to come see me or why i don't want to spend spring break with him. He acts as if nothing is wrong but why can't he see how much it hurts me every time I have to explain my reasons for why I hate him or even just why I want to see my mother.
I do miss my best friend. I hate it when we fight. I don't understand the need she feels to hang up on me anytime I say anything that she could even slightly take a negative way. I stand up for myself and she gets offended. I have told her many many times not to hang up on me but she doesn't seem to get it. In the adult world, you can't just walk away when you have a disagreement. If someone has a problem with something, you address it instead of ignoring the other person. I thought I left high school almost a year ago. I was and still am tired of the childish behavior that was exhibited there. I expect someone to talk to me when I offend or disagree with them. Hanging up or walking away is not a way to deal with a problem and the issue still remains and has to be dealt with at some point. Usually, it makes it worse. I will not tolerate someone hanging up on me just as I will not tolerate someone slamming a door in my face. My experience with my brother has showed me a million times over what hanging up will do, and I am tired of dealing with it. I can't stand not talking to the people who mean so much to me. I am tired of life period. Maybe I should use the way that everyone I know seems to be so fond of....