английские аники про ливеров :)
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said
he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said,
"They're gone."
"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
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A bartender was washing the glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman then looked towards the end of the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?"
The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if it was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give him a glass of Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a Scouser, who swaggered into the bar and yelled, "Barkeep', gis us a lager dere la! Hey, is dat dat God's Boy down dere?" The barkeeper nodded, so the Scouser told him to give Jesus a lager, too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out of the door. Jesus went up and touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Italian then felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out of the door. Jesus then walked towards the Scouser, but
the Scouser jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't you fucking touch me! I'm not gonna loose my disability benefits!"
he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said,
"They're gone."
"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
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A bartender was washing the glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman then looked towards the end of the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?"
The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if it was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give him a glass of Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a Scouser, who swaggered into the bar and yelled, "Barkeep', gis us a lager dere la! Hey, is dat dat God's Boy down dere?" The barkeeper nodded, so the Scouser told him to give Jesus a lager, too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out of the door. Jesus went up and touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Italian then felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out of the door. Jesus then walked towards the Scouser, but
the Scouser jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't you fucking touch me! I'm not gonna loose my disability benefits!"